Romance: The Betrayal: Romantic Suspense With A Bizarre Twist

by Hall, Melody

  One of my friends was given a good piece of dating advice that I often share with the picky daters that I know. Try to get a glimpse of how your date interacts in his or her own element. When you see your date involved in his or her work environment, family situations, or out with their own friends, it can put a different spin on how you feel about them.

  You may not have "clicked" with the person while you were out on a date, but if you stick around long enough and give it a chance, you just might see something that you like about the person in the way he or she interacts in other "non-dating" situations. This is why it's sometimes beneficial to meet your future partner in the workplace. There, you have the benefit of seeing the person outside of the dating scene, and out in the real world, making a living and interacting with other people. Also, there's less pressure of a first date, and the whole "getting to know you" time period.

  It seems like as people get older, they become less picky. When people see others in their age group getting married and settling down, they may want to do the same. On the other hand, age may increase pickiness, because as we get older, we become more set in our ways and less likely to compromise on what we're looking for in a mate.

  Becoming less picky in the early stages of the dating game may actually be detrimental to a new relationship. If we settle for someone who does not meet our qualifications for whatever reason, as the relationship progresses, resentment may set in and cause bitter feelings to emerge.

  There does seem to be a fine line between having your own set of standards and simply being too picky. For example, if you are the collegiate type and thrive on intellectual stimulation and deep conversation, it's perfectly fine to cross off those who don't feel the same way from your potential date list.

  Conversely, you may want to take a chance on someone who although being appreciative of all things intellectual, is a little on the quiet side. As you get to know each other, the person is likely to emerge from his or her shell, and provide you with the steady stream of conversational banter that you so desire.

  If you are into looks more than any other characteristic, it's okay. Keep in mind, however, that it is certainly not necessary for your date to be a runway model in order to be attractive. Being unrealistic in what you want in a mate only sets you up for disappointment, and you may be missing out on a lot of quality people if you continue on with the unrealistic traits that you want in a partner.

  Another example of having standards vs. being too picky is when you care too much about your prospective date's career choice. A person who has an acceptable job, and who also takes a lot of pride in what he does for a living should not be crossed off your dating list. This person may want to build a future with you, and may be willing to work hard to do so.

  Being overly picky is wanting a person to have a career or job that comes with bragging rights. If you hold out for someone who is a Nobel laureate, astrophysicist or movie star, you'll be selling yourself short. If you broaden your horizons and scrap the "I want to marry a doctor" mentality, you just may find that special person with whom you fall madly in love with.

  Another valid piece of dating advice is to not put too much emphasis on common interests. While it is important to have things in common with your potential mate, everyone you date does not have to have everything in common with you. You do not need someone who is the mirror-image of yourself because you would surely get bored.

  Introducing your mate to your interests and having your mate introduce you to theirs, is what keeps a relationship fresh and interesting. If you break up with someone simply because he or she doesn't like everything that you do is being too picky!

  My neighbor's daughter got asked out on a date by a guy she met at restaurant. The mutual attraction was instantaneous, and initially, she thought that this might be a case of love at first site. After getting to know the guy a little better on their first date, she found out that he didn't go to college.

  For her, this was a deal breaker, because she had always hoped for a college educated husband. In light of this, my neighbor's daughter decided to decline his invitation to go to a concert the following week. In fact, she told him that she would prefer to just "be friends" with him, as she didn't see the relationship progressing into something permanent. Although the guy felt bad, he didn't pursue it any further, and agreed that being friends would be fine. About a year later, my neighbor told me that the guy got married to a woman he met at work, and now, they own a very popular restaurant.

  The daughter has regretted her decision to end the relationship ever since, and has still not found the man of her dreams. It did, however, teach her a valuable lesson, and she vows that she will no longer judge a potential mate based upon his college status, career choice, or current job.

  Another example of how a career choice got in the way of a love connection happened to my cousin. She was dating a guy who was introduced to her by one of her co-workers. Although she really wasn't attracted to the guy, she decided to give him a chance. She was the picky type, and she knew it. It wasn't something that she hid, and it almost seemed like she was proud of it.

  Going out with a guy that didn't meet all of her expectations gave her the satisfaction that she was trying to mend her picky ways. The one big obstacle in the relationship was the guy's job. She could not stand the fact that he worked in a retail clothing store, and she would even lie about what he did for a living when asked about it by friends and family. In fact, she told everyone that he was a lawyer with a thriving law practice.

  Of course, this was not fair to the guy. I felt so sorry for him, because he was the nicest guy I've ever met. After dating for a couple of months, my cousin broke up with him. To say that he was devastated was an understatement. My cousin didn't reveal the real reason why she broke up with him, which of course, was his job. She told him that she felt the relationship was moving along too fast, and that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship.

  My cousin later found out that her former retail working beau was actually a "trust fund baby," whose family actually owned the entire chain of clothing stores where he worked. He never revealed his familial connections while they were dating because he didn't want my cousin to like him solely based on his family's wealth. Although the guy is still single at this time, he is not interested in resurrecting his relationship with my cousin, although she desperately wants to get back with him.

  Although being overly picky is not necessarily a character flaw, it can seriously put a kink into your future plans, as was the case with one of my co-workers. In fact, she was so affected by her pickiness, she ended up in therapy. She could not stay in a relationship longer than a few weeks, because she always found fault in her dates.

  If it wasn't that she didn't like how he combed his hair, it was because she didn't like his choice of music. She once broke up with a guy because he showed up at her house with a belt that had coins on it. I know it's a little weird to wear a belt with coins on it, but the guy was perfect for her in every other way. It turned out that the belt was left to him by his grandfather, whose birthday it was on the day that he wore the belt to my co-worker's house.

  Anyway, she sought counseling for her inability to forge meaningful relationships, and is finally making progress. The therapist reminded her that nobody is perfect, and to always go into a relationship with an open mind. It was revealed during her therapy sessions that her parents were overly critical of her, and they demanded perfection from she and her siblings.

  Apparently, this character trait was passed down to her, as she pretty much demanded perfection from her dates, which of course, she never got. She realized that just as she was not perfect, she could not expect perfection from her dates. She now overlooks the minor things that used to irritate her, and tries focusing on the redeeming qualities of her dates.

  You can't really pick and choose the qualities you want from a prospective date. If, however, you choose to try the online dating route, you may have a better chance of weedin
g out the qualities you prefer not to be faced with in a mate. Online dating services allow you choose people who are suited to your specifications, however, you must be careful.

  Some people who set up online dating profiles are not always honest. Their profile pictures might be very outdated, and in some cases, the pictures may not even be of that person. Furthermore, they may fudge about their educational and financial backgrounds, and may even be married.

  Of course, this isn't to say that a great number of people who post online dating profiles are not trustworthy and honest. Online dating is extremely popular, and many online dating services even boast about their high marriage rates.

  Your pickiness level should fluctuate depending upon your dating objectives. If, for example, you are just looking to date someone to get yourself out of the house every now and then, you might not be as picky as you would if you were seeking a husband or a wife.

  If you just want someone to go to dinner or a movie with once in a while, overlooking their differences is easy. Conversely, if you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, overlooking differences becomes much more of a challenge.

  When two people love each other, however, they are more willing to make compromises. This is what's so important about trying to stick it out in the early stages of dating. Just because you don't like certain things about a person during the early stages of your relationship doesn't mean that that person won't try to change once you have bonded.

  People who are in love try to accommodate each other and try to change for that special person. This is not to say that you or your partner should change into people that you aren't, but adjusting your behavior, or trying to make other changes to make your beloved happy isn't such a big deal, in most cases.

  The moral of the story here is to be patient. Just because you don't like something about a person in the early stages of your relationship doesn't mean that your disdain will carry on throughout the duration of the relationship. The person may turn out to be the finest person on the planet, which will cancel out any negative connotations you had about the person during the early stages of your relationship.

  My sister-in-law hated the way her husband acted at sporting events while they were dating so much, that she almost broke up with him. He was very obnoxious and loud, and was a distraction to the other fans. It turned out that her husband, who was her boyfriend at the time, hadn't realized that his extreme behavior bothered her. He thought that she enjoyed his enthusiasm and zest for sports.

  After learning that his girlfriend didn't enjoy his overzealous behavior at sporting events, he toned down his outbursts quite a bit once he learned that they embarrassed her. If there's something that you don't like about your potential partner, try talking to him or her about it rather than breaking up with them. Chances are, they haven't even realized the error of their ways, and may be happy to change their behavior for you.

  When my friend joined an online dating service, she assumed all her dating problems would be over. She was a self-proclaimed picky dater, and was certain that she would find someone who was perfectly suited to her high standards. She listed that she only wanted someone who was within 2 years of her own age and who lived only 3 miles from her home.

  Furthermore, her requirements mandated that all her dates have post-graduate degrees and that they all come from certain backgrounds. She wondered why, after six months, she only went on two dates. After adjusting her profile and changing her requirements, her dating situation brightened. She is now dating an older man who lives 20 miles away from her, who treats her like a princess. Had she not adjusted her parameters, she would not have found the true love of her life.

  I am a former picky dater, however, had I not changed my ways, I would have never met my husband. I had preconceived ideas on what I wanted my future husband to be. I didn't want to marry someone who was a sports nut, nor did I want to be married to someone who didn't know how to, or enjoy cooking. I've always envisioned my husband and I cooking gourmet meals together in our kitchen, enjoying interesting recipes that we saw on popular cooking shows. While on our first date, I realized that this person was not the man of my dreams.

  He was a sports fanatic, and to make matters worse, he didn't even know how to boil water. This was the ultimate turn-off, and if I hadn't already committed to going to a wedding with him the following week, I would have called it quits right then and there. The thought of going out on another date with him seemed like a waste of time, and I even toyed with the idea of feigning a cold so that I could get out of going to that wedding with him.

  I knew that faking a cold was not the right thing to do, so I hesitantly accompanied him to the wedding. There, I learned that although my date didn't know how to cook, he always wanted to learn how to. I also learned that the reason he devoted so much of his time to sports was because he didn't have a woman in his life to share other things with. With this knowledge in hand, I decided to hold off on my decision to break up with him, and give him another change.

  As it turned out, it was the best decision of my life. Yes, my husband still enjoys sports, but not to the extent that it crowds out the other activities in our lives. He also enjoys cooking with me, and even suggested that we take a cooking class together. So see? By being patient and trying to understand the reasons behind his actions, I realized that he was the man for me. Had I acted upon my initial pangs of pickiness,

  I might have never found my match. The take home message to my book is this: You should never compromise your values, nor should you ever try to change someone for who they are, simply to accommodate your own picky ways. You should, however, try to give every potential date the benefit of the doubt, and realize that every person you date doesn't have to be exactly the same as you are.

  Differences are good, and it doesn't really matter if your potential mate likes sports, went to college, likes to read, likes to cook or has brown hair. What does matter, is if they have a kind heart, a loving nature and the ability to make you smile. What more could you ask for?

  ***

  Bonus Book

  The Ecstasy And The Agony

  Marisa stared down at the eviction notice, reading it a second time as her eyes skimmed over the letter. “You are hereby ordered to leave the premises in one week,” she read out loud. She could feel the tears stinging the back of her eyes.

  She knew that it was only a matter of time, being two months behind rent and no sign of when she could catch up, she was just thankful that they waited this long. She put the letter in her purse and got out of the car. She could only hope that hours at her waitress job would begin to pick up.

  She entered the restaurant, passing through the dining area to get to the time clock. She nodded to the occasional regular customer, giving them her best smile. She didn’t want to show the outside world just how much she was struggling.

  When she got in the break room, she headed to the table that always held the new schedule. She looked around and saw that her friend, Chad, was there. “Hey, Marisa, the schedule isn’t out yet.”

  “Oh…” her face fell, then went to the hallway where her boss’ door was wide open. “Is Frank in a good mood?” she asked, with a lighthearted laugh.

  Chad shrugged, “Haven’t really had to talk to him.” He stood up from the table and smiled her way. “See ya around.”

  She nodded, “Bye, Chad.”

  She headed down the hallway and peeked inside to find that he was looking down at some papers and she wondered if it was the schedule. She knocked and he looked up briefly, then his head went back down. “Hello,” he mumbled.

  “Hello,” she nervously looked around the office. “May I talk to you for just a minute?”

  He seemed to groan, as he looked back up. “Sure.”

  “Well…I don’t exactly know how to approach the subject.”

  He rolled his eyes, “Just say it.”

  She sat down in the chair that was facing him. His expectant stare was nerve
wracking. “See, I was hoping that maybe next week I could have some extra hours, anything that you can give me.” She was pleading, but she was desperate. She didn’t want to tell him about the eviction notice, so she hoped that it wouldn’t come to that.”

  He looked away from her. She saw a pained expression in his eyes. “Marisa, we need to talk.” She didn’t like the sound of that, but she just nodded. “I was going to tell everyone this in a couple of days, but there really is no reason dragging it on. You have been a valuable employee for the last five years and I owe you that much.”

  Her jaw dropped, it didn’t sound like happy news that he was about to share. “What are you trying to say, Frank?”

  His eyes feel to the stack of papers on his desk. He leaned forward, ruffling through the stack. When his hand landed on a paper, he removed it and handed it to her. She looked down at the pink slip. She skimmed through the notice stating that she was being fired. She looked up at him, but couldn’t find the words. “I’m sorry, Marisa. If I had any other way…I would take it.”

  “You’re firing me?”

  “I’m closing the restaurant,” he slowly spoke. “It hasn’t been good for us. You know the lack of hours and I don’t foresee it getting better.”

  “When?” she asked, hoping that the tears wouldn’t start falling.

  “The buyer wants us out in two weeks.”

  She covered her face. She was at a loss for words. “So, you have already sold it?”

  He nodded, “I didn’t want to spring it on you guys.”

  She stood up from the chair, angry that her world was spinning out of control. She couldn’t fight back the tears much longer. “Spring it on us? Frank, we all have to look for jobs. Did you think of that?”