The Flawed Marriage

by Penny Jordan

  ‘I was hoping you would say that,’ he told her ingenuously, adding almost absently, ‘Teri didn’t like chocolate. She said it made you fat, but you aren’t fat, Amber.’

  Mrs Downs called from the kitchen that she had poured him a glass of milk and he ran out before Amber could comment.

  ‘Does he often mention his mother to you?’ Joel wanted to know.

  ‘Occasionally—more recently.’

  ‘You’ve really brought him out of his shell. For weeks after the accident we had difficulty getting him to admit that Teri even existed, never mind talking about her.’

  ‘Has Paul always called his mother by her christian name?’ Amber asked awkwardly.

  ‘Teri didn’t like being referred to as “Mummy”. She said it made her feel drearily domesticated. To discourage Paul from using it she refused to answer him when he did.’

  Amber’s face was too expressive for her to be able to conceal her feelings.

  ‘Exactly,’ Joel said drily. ‘Perhaps now you can understand why I don’t think she should have custody of him.’

  ‘Why does she want to?’ Amber burst out, appalled by the impertinence of the question, but it was too late to recall it.

  ‘Why?’ Joel looked at her consideringly for several minutes. ‘Hasn’t last night taught you anything?’ he asked at length. ‘Emotional relationships between consenting adults are sometimes of necessity extremely convoluted, often to the extent that it’s impossible to really define the whys and wherefores, but in Teri’s case…’ He frowned suddenly. ‘Like I said earlier, she doesn’t like to lose.’

  Was it that, Amber asked herself, or was it that Teri regretted losing Joel and this was her way to getting him back? With feminine insight she knew that Joel would be a hard act for any other man to follow. Joel had remarked angrily the previous evening that women like Teri were cold teases; did that mean that they hadn’t been happy together even before Teri started having affairs with other men? She found it hard to believe that any woman couldn’t be happy with Joel, or fail to respond to the sheer male magnetism of him.

  The contracts Joel had brought back from abroad meant that he was able to work from home for several days, Amber found herself humming under her breath when she went downstairs in the morning, the day brighter for the knowledge that Joel was sharing the same roof.

  He had kept his promise about not touching her again. Amber refused to admit even to herself that she might be disappointed. Her body felt different somehow, more alive and aware, her flesh reacting treacherously merely to Joel’s presence. A look from him, however casual, sent tiny pulsing currents flaming through her body. One morning at breakfast he had reached across her for the paper Paul had brought from the front door, his arms brushing briefly across her breasts, and the sensation had remained with her all day, keeping her awake long into the night while Joel slept unaware at her side.

  Her obsession with her limp had started to recede; she still wanted to be whole again, but not with the same intense desperation she had felt before. Joel had desired her—no matter for what reason—and his desire had made her whole again in a way that no surgery ever could. He might not love her, but however briefly, she had appeared to be a desirable woman to him, and that thought warmed her even though she knew that ultimately their lives must run apart.

  With her hatred of her limp lessening she was able to wear her new clothes with some of her old panache; her landlady had forwarded her clothes, and she had started using make-up again, something she hadn’t bothered with after Rob left her. Her new enjoyment of life showed in the happy sparkle in her eyes and the new confidence to her step. Mrs Downs remarked with twinkling eyes that marriage obviously agreed with her, and so when Joel mentioned one day that they ought to think about doing some entertaining Amber felt confident enough to agree. Her mother was an excellent cook and had taught Amber well. She found she was actually looking forward to the challenge, almost to the point of forgetting why Joel had originally proposed their marriage, until Paul mentioned one afternoon, while they were out walking, that the man sitting fishing by the lake had been there for the last two days.

  ‘And he won’t catch anything,’ he told her earnestly. ‘He’s using the wrong kind of bait. Tom told me.’

  His innocent words reminded Amber that Joel had said that Teri wasn’t above having them watched, and she felt disturbed enough to mention the man to him when they returned to the house.

  ‘So, it’s starting,’ he said grimly. ‘I’m not surprised. I had a letter from my solicitors this morning informing me that Teri does intend to contest the custody ruling on the grounds that as a single parent I can’t afford Paul the secure background provided by herself and her new husband.’ He pulled a wry face. ‘I’ve told him to write back telling her that I’m no longer “single”.’

  ‘And do you think that will be an end to it?’ Amber asked, already guessing what the answer would be.

  Joel shook his head, confirming her thoughts. ‘I doubt it. This is just the opening salvo. Teri is a woman who firmly believes in the power of money. She has married an extremely wealthy man, ergo, she can buy back her son. Not if I can help it!’

  Two days later Joel was able to confirm to Amber that the fisherman was in fact a private detective hired by his ex-wife to watch the house and its occupants.

  ‘She wouldn’t… she wouldn’t do anything silly, would she?’ Amber ventured to ask him. They were sitting in the study. By mutual consent after dinner in the evening they tended to avoid the drawing room Teri had furnished.

  ‘Silly?’ Joel frowned.

  ‘Well… you know. The papers seem to be full of stories about child-snatching, and…’

  ‘Not even Teri would be foolhardy enough to attempt a thing like that,’ Joel assured her. ‘For one thing it’s a criminal offence, and for another, I’m sure Hal wouldn’t let her. He’s not the type. Oh, he’d accept Paul readily enough if it was all above board and legal, but snatching him away illegally…’ He shook his head.

  Amber wished she could feel as confident. From what Joel and Paul had said about Teri, Amber felt far from sure that the other woman would let a little thing like the law stop her from doing what she wanted, but it seemed bitchy to say as much to Joel when he was so convinced that his ex-wife would not seek to circumvent the court’s ruling. Even so, she made up her mind to keep a close watch over Paul. The incident by the lake had unnerved her, and it made her blood run cold to realise that if Paul hadn’t mentioned the fisherman she would never have guessed that he was watching them. If he had wanted to snatch Paul away what conceivable chance would she have had of stopping him? They often spent an hour or more walking—long enough for Paul to be hurried out of the country before anyone knew he was missing, especially if she was not able to raise the alarm.

  An unexpected call from Brussels meant that Joel had to make an unscheduled trip to the Common Market capital. He shouldn’t be away more than a couple of days, he told Amber, as she stood with him next to the car. Paul was watching some birds nesting under the eaves, and Amber didn’t resist when Joel drew her against him with one arm, and with his free hand captured her chin, tilting it upwards.

  ‘Just in case our friend is watching,’ he murmured just before his lips touched gently against the softness of hers.

  Amber fought the longing to cling to him and go on clinging, but no power on earth was great enough to prevent her lips from parting invitingly beneath his, and disappointment shafted sharply through her when after the barest hesitation Joel lifted his head.

  She was about to turn away when his arm tightened and he kissed her again, her breasts crushed against the firm warmth of his chest as her hands slid over his shoulders to fasten behind his neck brushed by the soft thickness of his hair. The languorous exploration of her mouth by his left her dizzy and yearning to prolong the embrace, her pulses racing feverishly as desire flooded through her Beneath her thin silk blouse she could feel the tormented hardening of her nipp
les, sensitised by the hard pressure of Joel’s chest, and she ached with the longing to feel his hands moving over her body.

  ‘What was that for?’ she asked shakily when she was released. ‘Good measure? Just in case he missed the first one?’

  Joel didn’t reply. There was a strained expression round his eyes, and Amber felt overwhelmed with remorse. He must be dreadfully worried about Paul, and more especially because he had to leave him.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she told him, ‘I’ll take good care of Paul for you.’

  He paused, his hand on the car door, his eyes unfathomable as he said quietly, ‘I know you will. What worries me is who will take care of you.’

  He was gone before she could comment, the car disappearing swiftly down the drive. She watched until she could see it no longer, aware that Paul was trying to attract her attention.

  ‘Why are you looking so sad?’ he demanded, abandoning his observation of the birds momentarily. ‘Teri used to like it when Daddy went away.’

  ‘I’m sure she didn’t really,’ Amber lied automatically. ‘What would you like to do this afternoon? Go swimming?’

  It had occurred to her that the swimming baths might be safer than the almost deserted woods, and the exercise would help strengthen Paul’s weak leg muscles.

  Both of them were exhausted by the time they returned to the house; Amber more so than Paul. Her injured leg ached badly, and she was conscious that she hadn’t exercised it as much as she might have done. She glanced down at it as she prepared for bed. Was it her imagination, or did the scars really seem less noticeable? Her doctor had told her that they would fade in time, but she had not really believed him. All she had thought about was the look on Rob’s face when he first saw them; and so they had remained in her mind as vivid and raw as the day she had first seen them. It was a similar delusion to that suffered by anorexics, Amber reflected, although in their case the delusion didn’t merely involve one limb, it extended to their entire body, causing them to believe they were grossly fat when in fact just the opposite was the case. Women were programmed to place a good deal of importance on visual appeal, she decided; something fostered by magazines and advertising, and yet Joel had told her that personality was more important than looks.

  Who was she kidding? she asked herself. Joel wasn’t attracted to her. And having an operation on her leg wouldn’t act like some magical potion suddenly causing him to fall madly in love with her, she acknowledged with a resurgence of the gritty common sense she had possessed before her accident. Neither could Rob have loved her or she him; had they done so neither of them would have reacted as they had. She had ignored reality and blamed her accident for their break-up rather than face the truth, which was simply that their relationship was flawed. But breaking up had hurt; then how much more hurt must Joel have been by the destruction of his marriage?

  She moved restlessly under the warm jets of the shower. She didn’t want to think about his marriage to Teri.

  Some time during the night she woke up with a raging thirst and the beginnings of a gnawing pain in her leg which warned her that she had overdone things at the baths. By the time she had remembered that her pain-killers were downstairs, she was so wide awake that she didn’t think she would be able to get back to sleep. Pulling on the glamorous negligee Joel had bought her, she went downstairs. She found her tablets in her handbag which she had left in the hall. The house felt cold and her teeth started to chatter. A warm milky drink was what she needed, she decided, abandoning the cold hall in favour of the kitchen, which as usual was gleamingly clean and tidy. Mrs Downs kept it so immaculate that at first Amber felt reluctant to dirty a pan, but then common sense reasserted itself, and she found herself a mug and set some milk to boil on the hotplate.

  While the milk was heating she searched for the malt drink she knew Mrs Downs kept in the cupboards. It didn’t take her long to find it, and after pouring the creamy milk over the powder she quickly washed the pan, making sure that the kitchen was as tidy as it had been when she came down, all the time conscious of growing colder and colder, to the point where her bare feet were almost numb. Trying to hurry, she picked up the mug and turned awkwardly, shock widening her eyes as she heard a sound in the hall. The mug slid from nerveless fingers, and crashed on to the floor, disgorging its contents and splintering into fragments. Amber moved clumsily to avoid being scalded by the boiling milk, and cried out in pain as she trod on a sharp shard of pottery, wincing as she lifted her foot and tried gingerly to inspect the damage.

  The kitchen door was thrust open as she was in the act of hobbling towards a chair, and Joel’s lean frame filled the aperture, his ‘What the devil’s going on!’ fading as he saw her standing by the chair, clutching the back for support, her face as white as paper.

  ‘Amber!’ He was at her side in seconds, his expression grave as he saw the pain and shock mirrored in the golden eyes. ‘What happened?’

  She was too shocked by her accident to wonder at his unexpected appearance. Her injured leg was throbbing quite badly, and the shock of the wound to her foot had left her feeling weak and sick.

  Joel summed up the situation at a glance, and bent to lift her off her feet.

  ‘Just relax,’ he told her softly. ‘You mustn’t put any weight on that foot until we get that splinter out. Put your arms round my neck—that’s it. Where the hell does Mrs Downs keep the first aid stuff?’

  ‘There’s some upstairs in our bathroom,’ Amber told him weakly. ‘Oh, and my pills. My leg was aching, that’s why I came down… I heard you in the hall and thought… I thought someone had broken in and that they were going to take Paul.’

  Joel paused on the stairs to push her hair away from her face, as he balanced her weight on one bent knee.

  ‘You’re letting your imagination run away with you,’ he said gently. ‘Paul is quite safe, I promise you. You’re the one who needs looking after.’

  He carried her into the bathroom and made her sit on a stool with her foot raised, while he removed the splinter with a pair of tweezers and then cleaned the wound with antiseptic. It was bleeding quite profusely, and he secured a pad of cottonwool over the wound, telling Amber to sit absolutely still while he went and made her a fresh drink.

  ‘Oh dear, all that mess in the kitchen! What will Mrs Downs say?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he told her. ‘I shall clean it up. Just sit tight while I go and make that drink.’

  He was gone about ten minutes, during which time Amber became aware of the flimsy frailty of the nightdress and robe she was wearing and how good it had felt to be in his arms.

  ‘Here we are.’ She hadn’t heard him come back. ‘Let’s get you into bed,’ he suggested. ‘You’ll be more comfortable there.’

  Amber started to struggle with the tiny buttons on her negligee, her breath freezing in her throat as Joel pushed aside her shaking fingers and completed the task for her with an ease that made her sickeningly aware that she was far from being the only woman in his life.

  He insisted on carrying her across to the bed, even though she protested that she was perfectly able to walk. As he lifted her, the fine silk of her nightgown was drawn tautly against her breasts and his expression seemed to change for a second before he glanced away, carrying her through into the bedroom and tucking her firmly beneath the bedclothes. He stood over her while she drank her malted milk, proffering the two painkillers she asked for.

  ‘Try and get some sleep,’ he advised her gently. ‘I managed to get through in Brussels before I expected, but I’ve still got some paper work to do.’

  What was he trying to tell her? That she was perfectly safe from any unwanted advances? If only he knew! A sob was stifled in her throat, as she watched him walking to the door. If only she had the courage to call him back and beg him to take her in his arms and hold her! Just hold her, that was all she wanted. But for how long? a cynical inner voice asked. Wouldn’t being in his arms fan those very flames she was trying so hard to quench?
>
  ‘Joel?’

  He paused by the door, turning gravely to watch her, and the words she was longing to utter were silenced. How could she embarrass him and herself?

  ‘Thanks,’ she said huskily, not noticing the sudden cynicism in the grey eyes as he drawled coolly,

  ‘Don’t mention it; and don’t ask by what means you can repay me—I might just tell you.’

  He was gone before she could demand an explanation; and then the combination of her painkillers and the milky drink began to have their effect, and drowsiness obliterated everything but the need to let sleep claim her.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  SOMETHING heavy was lying across her body, and she felt deliciously warm. She opened her eyes slowly, stiffening with shock as she realised that the ‘something’ lying across her body was Joel’s arm, golden bars of sunlight from the window striping his tanned flesh.

  Somehow during the night she must have turned towards him, and he had curved her against the warmth of his body. She moved exploratively and he frowned in his sleep, eyelashes as thick and dark as any girl could wish for flicking as she tried to draw away. The sunlight which striped his arm laid a golden bar across his face, revealing the overnight growth of beard along his jaw. Hesitantly Amber lifted her hand and delicately touched the rough stubble, holding her breath and freezing as she realised how easily her instinctive action could have woken him. The arm he had flung over her invoked a pleasurable intimacy, luring her into dazzling daydreams where she had the right to lie next to him like this by virtue of the love they shared. Her lips were on a level with the tanned column of his throat. Her heart-started thudding loudly as she was swept by a longing to touch her mouth to his skin and let her hands discover the male contours of his chest beneath its covering of dark hairs.

  Telling herself that she was insane to contemplate anything so dangerous, she willed herself to move away. But as she did so Joel’s arm tightened in an involuntary reaction, and her tightly held breath exhaled sharply as she was drawn even closer into his embrace. Her lips parted, lingering longingly against the warm male-scented skin, its taste so intoxicating that they grew bolder in their exploration, coming to a quivering standstill as Joel suddenly stirred and muttered unintelligibly.