Writer's Block

by Kluivert Galea

  “Your face.”

  “No, seriously,” he laughed, “What did you paint?”

  “I’m serious. I like painting nice things and your face happens to be downright adorable,” she said, booping his nose with her finger.

  Kraig blushed, took a sip and spoke through his mug, “I’m not adorable.”

  “Yeah, no, you’re pretty adorable, and not just your face. You’re such a cute, little dork, you love figurines and vinyl records and videogames and animals, you’re like this cute little bundle of joy hiding behind an all too tough exterior.”

  Kraig was tapping the mug with his index finger as he held it with both hands, “I… uh, I sort of wrote something down in my notebook, I had some time to think and I realised I need to stop living my life based on the circumstances brought about by other people, which you have just mentioned, so… uhm, so I wrote a sappy, little poem about it.”

  Kate was happy. Finally, he’s finally doing it. She was happy enough to get up from her seat and give him a little kiss on the cheek, then giggled her way back to her seat, as if nothing had happened.

  Chapter 6a

  Think for Yourself

  “I’m just saying dude, olive theory.”

  “Okay, Gary, explain how in the living fuck does the Olive theory hold up when we both like olives?” said Kraig, taking a sip of apple juice, sitting on their usual stairs.

  “My point is, there is olive theory because in the end, Marshall and Lily didn’t give a shit about it and they both liked olives. So the olive theory is in reverse, if you both like olives then it’ll work out.”

  Eric, Ron and Kraig said nothing.

  “So,” Gary continued, “what do you think?”

  “I’m pretty sure Kraig’s going to have one soon,” said Eric, “but you’re in desperate need of a girlfriend right now as well.”

  “Fuck you, Eric,” said Gary.

  “Shut up, Gary. You sound like Kraig.”

  Chapter 7

  I’m Happy Just to Dance with You

  All four friends were at Kraig’s house. They were in his room playing Tekken, with Duke sleeping next to Kraig’s feet. Catherine arrived from work and got them two pepperoni pizzas to share, their favourite. Kraig was on a winning streak, until Ron mucked it up and beat him.

  “So, how was the date?” said Ron, mashing away at the controller and not diverting his gaze from the TV.

  “It wasn’t a date. We were just two friends hanging out,” said Kraig, also glued to the TV, as he was a pixel away from losing the round.

  “Right,” Ron said, not believing him for a second. “Did you at least kiss her?”

  “What?”

  “Did you kiss her or not?”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “He’s too much of a pussy.”

  The voice was Catherine’s, they all snickered at her unexpected comment as she caught them mid-conversation, while bringing up the pizza.

  She left the room.

  “Anyway. No, I didn’t kiss her. Friends don’t just kiss… I think,” he said, rolling his eyes partly at his friends and partly because he lost another round. Ron won the match. Kraig switched seats with Eric.

  “Anna told me you gave her your scarf because she was feeling cold,” Eric said, trying to pick out his character.

  “That’s such a fucking cliché,” said Gary, “but I guess there’s a reason it’s a cliché.”

  “Yes, yes there is,” Kraig said, trying to defend himself.

  “She considered it a date, you know,” Eric said, warning him (even though he knew that Kraig probably already knew), “You can’t sit on the fence on this one, I know you’re just trying to protect yourself and she knows that too but make up your mind before she… or you get hurt.”

  Kraig took a bite of pizza and nodded.

  It was a week after the date, Kraig had a ton of essays to do that day (procrastination), he was sitting at Hot Joe’s, writing down his essays on paper. They were like first drafts, only there to be neatly typed out later, his handwriting was way too messy after all.

  There were red lights around the shop and a little tree in the corner, it would be Christmas soon, just four more days, the thought made Kraig happy, even delighted. He loved Christmas, but watching the days pass only made him think about Gary’s eventual departure. As soon as Kraig was happy with his work, he packed up everything in his bag. He finished his hot chocolate slowly, he was in no rush to go home.

  He put on his beanie, the top of it hung behind his head like a fold and a bit of his fringe was showing. He loved wearing it like that, it was the one time he actually thought he looked good. He grabbed his bag and walked out of the shop.

  He exchanged looks with Ray on his way out, he didn’t say hi and neither did she, she just went in, and for the first time, he was glad she didn’t say anything.

  He kept on walking with his headphones on his ears, the long collar of his jacket helped to insulate his neck along with his scarf. He thought as he walked, about his ‘date’ with Kate. Butterflies fluttered in his chest.

  What are you, a thirteen-year-old ‘Twilight’ fan? Stop it. As if his stomach could take commands. He took a deep breath, the cold air still stung his throat. He stopped the random music playing and instead played Rubber Soul. He walked contently to the sound of the music as he made his way home.

  Someone ran up behind him, and touched his shoulder. He turned around and took off his headphones, and put them around his neck. It was Ray, she was out of breath and breathing heavily.

  “The hell do you want?” he asked, with half a mind to just keep on walking.

  She held up a finger in front of her. “One… second,” she panted. She sat down on a nearby bench to catch her breath. She touched both index fingers together repeatedly, “I needed to talk to you and since you’re here.”

  “Yes, I am indeed here, but the way you say it makes it seem like we just happened to be in the same place, which we were five minutes ago, but then we weren’t, so I’m not here, you ran afte—”

  “I miss you,” she interrupted.

  “Okay, take about seven steps back. What did you just say?”

  She was hopeful, she knew he’d take her back.

  “I miss you, I want you back.”

  “The hell you do,” his voice was cold, stark, bland and emotionless; he moved like a puppet. He began to walk away, she jumped off the bench and grabbed his wrists.

  “Please, just hear me out,” she pleaded. “I miss you, Kraig! John doesn’t treat me like you did, he doesn’t make me feel special like you did. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I was happy, you were happy, and you threw away everything because of one little mistake.”

  Kraig snapped, he clenched his teeth, he jerked back his hand and she let go, he felt like swinging it at himself for putting himself in this situation. .Instead he let it rest by his side, it wasn’t something his mother would approve off so instead, he just yelled.

  “My fault? Are you saying it’s MY FUCKING FAULT? You call that a little mistake? You cheated on me with my best friend, he sent me a text telling me to fuck off because he was fucking you, how in all the seven circles of hell and the empire of heaven is that a small fucking mistake? So miss me all you want because I’ve had enough of you, you manipulative, sad, little bitch. I don’t know what the fuck I ever saw in you. Don’t talk to me ever again, as from today, we’re less than strangers.”

  “Don’t bullshit yourself!” she yelled back, “If you didn’t miss me, you wouldn’t be coming to this coffee shop so fucking often, hoping to see me. Why else would you come here?”

  He smiled, his face lit up, it was a pure smile, not the ones he used to hide behind, “I like their hot chocolate.”

  And with his headphones back on his ears, he walked away. He took a quick glance back and saw her sitting on the bench, she was on the verge of tears, she looked broken and although any decent human being wouldn’t feel good watching someone cry,
a part of him enjoyed it, a lot. (He’s not going to become a psychopath; that’s not where this is going).

  When he got home, he texted Gary, Ron and Eric on their group chat, “Guys, can you all come online? You won’t believe what just happened.”

  It was Christmas Eve. Everyone was gathered at Ronald’s house, including an extra person by the name of Amber, a long-time friend of Gary. All of them had agreed on doing Secret Santa (Amber was invited by Gary to even out the numbers, and also because he finally got the courage to ask her out). They were all sitting on the three sofas in the living room around a table filled with snacks and appetizers. Gary went to town on the garlic bread.

  “These decorations are great, dude,” said Kraig, turning on Ryan’s PS4.

  “It’s a shame there’s no mistletoe,” said Ron, using his eyes to point towards Kate. Luckily, she didn’t notice.

  “Shut up and pass me the garlic bread, Ronald,” said Kraig, as he put in Ron’s copy of Tekken. He held up a crumpled piece of paper and addressed everyone, “Okay, so I randomised the brackets and here they are.”

  And so they had a little tournament. Gary, Eric and the women were all knocked out, leaving Kraig and Ron fighting for first place (and the last piece of garlic bread). Kraig almost won this time too, but he didn’t. Obviously.

  “Close, but no cigar,” said Gary.

  “Good, I hate cigars,” said Kraig, smiling. He had been smiling since he walked in through the door and his smile still hadn’t subsided. He was really looking forward to this, but that wasn’t just it. They all knew why he was so happy, a certain someone was there. It was a cheerful atmosphere with everyone poking fun at each other. Eventually, the time to open gifts came.

  Gary gave Anna the two next volumes she needed from the Tokyo Ghoul manga.

  Eric got Kate some premium level watercolours; she loved to work with that medium.

  Ron got Eric two books, he loved to read.

  Kraig got Ron a collectible pocket-watch from the Fullmetal Alchemist series.

  Anna got Gary an Overwatch shirt.

  Emma gave Amber a Harry Potter figure and Emma received from her a Supernatural figure in return.

  And the last person to present their gift was Kate. She was nervous, she wasn’t sure if Kraig would like her gift and even hearing him say time and time again, that he enjoys every gift no matter what it is, didn’t help to calm her anxiety.

  She gave him the wrapped gift. It was in the shape of a thin square which was bigger than his head. He started tearing the paper from the top and saw cardboard printed in a light shade of blue, like that of a clear, morning sky. He tore a bit more of the paper slowly and trees were revealed on the sides of the square, he was getting excited now. He tore off the last of the paper and that’s when he saw four men crossing the road.

  “Abbey’s Road!” he exclaimed in excitement. “I was thinking of getting this, thank you so much.” He put his arms around her and held her tightly, she stood motionless with her arms locked at her sides no knowing what to do, he held that hug for quite a while.

  The thought of kissing her crossed his mind, he just felt so happy. But she’s not my girlfriend and we’re friends, and besides there’s no mistletoe but there definitely are a couple of plants around the living room. He figured that counted.

  He gave her a kiss on her forehead as she closed her eyes.

  Everyone just sort of stared, not really expecting it to happen.

  “What?” he asked, trying to play it off.

  Who cares if there’s no mistletoe?

  Kraig spent that Christmas with his mother. They went to eat at a fancy restaurant. After when they arrived home, she gave him two gifts. A white, red and blue PlayStation branded shirt and an Overwatch Reaper figurine. He even gave her something in return, he had been saving up all year just so he could buy it for her: A large cat plushie to put in her room.

  They were enjoying some hot chocolate together later in their kitchen, when she asked him about Kate. He told her that he was uncertain of what was happening or what he was doing or what he was going to do.

  “Love is messy, no one really knows what they’re doing. Just try not to hurt her. But do you know what you want from her?”

  “Maybe,” he replied in a hushed voice.

  Chapter 8

  You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away

  Kraig had just come home from walking Duke, it was January and a beautiful Saturday, despite it still being winter. He gave Duke a quick pet on the head and undid his leash. Duke lazily walked to the kitchen and drank some water. It was still eight in the morning, his mother was working overtime and everyone else was pre-occupied, so he thought he’d have the day to himself. He had seen Kate last two weeks ago and a day before New Year’s, he contemplated messaging her.

  She probably doesn’t want to hear from me. He thought about Gary for a moment and how he was too busy preparing to go abroad to hang out, he would leave in just a few more days. He made himself some hot chocolate and set the mug on the table. Duke was now sleeping on the floor next to his bowl, “There’s a bed for you to sleep in, you know.” He ignored him and kept sleeping.

  Kraig pulled out a notebook and a pen from his bag. He laid the notebook out in front of him and stared at the empty pages. He tapped the page with his pen, creating tiny dots in the corner next to each other. He puckered his lips and put his pen in between his lips and nose and fiddled with it. He twirled the pen between his fingers. He took a sip of hot chocolate, he tapped a little tune on the table, took yet another sip. But nothing.

  “My life’s too basic, there’s nothing interesting to write about.” He closed the notebook and finished his hot chocolate.

  He was washing his mug when he had an idea. It’s a start, he thought. He put the mug back in the cupboard and sat back down at the table and wrote a small poem. It was nothing grand or ground-breaking. It was a simple poem written for Gary and Eric. He called it ‘Friend’ and he made two copies. The poem kept him grounded. It served as reassurance that that was the reality he was living in.

  It was 10 AM, Kraig was playing Super Mario 64. He got a call, it was Kate.

  “Hey, are you doing anything today?” she asked.

  “I’m currently saving a pretty princess from an overgrown turtle.”

  “You’re playing Mario?”

  “Sixty four.”

  “So you’re busy?”

  “No, not particularly.”

  “Good, because my mum and I are going to pick you up, we’re going Go-Karting. Just you and me.”

  “Sounds like fun,” he replied. “When will you be here? I need to get ready.”

  “Uhm, we’re sort of already here.”

  “Christ. Give me a minute. I’ll open the door for you, come in.”

  He emerged from the shower fifteen minutes later, fully dressed, while Kate waited in the kitchen. Kraig retreated back into his shell for most of the car ride, he was shy around her mother and to make matters worse, she bombarded him with questions; what he was studying, his future aspirations and many other things. Kraig spoke in a hushed, low, almost-broken voice. He didn’t know how to satisfactorily answer her questions, so Kate had to help finalise his answers. After she dropped them off, Kraig’s anxiety eased. She told them to be safe and drove off.

  They walked up to the counter and Kraig paid for both of them, even though Kate insisted that she should pay since she felt like she basically forced him to come. Kate kept nagging him about how she should have paid and so a compromise was reached. She paid him for her ticket, he felt bad for accepting but she just wouldn’t let up, but when she went to the bathroom, he quickly snuck the money back into her bag which she left with him.

  They got into the go-karts. Kate pushed the pedal as much as she could and let out a shriek of pure joy as she zoomed around the course, swerving left and right. Kraig followed suit and managed to overtake her, he hit the walls a couple of times and so did she, but he ultimately ended up wi
nning, even though it wasn’t really a competition.

  “That was so much fun,” she said, taking off her helmet.

  “It was,” he said, giving his helmet back to the attendant.

  Kraig bought two bottles of blue Fanta and gave her a bottle, then they walked together towards a nearby park Kraig loved (he had a thing for parks, if you haven’t noticed). They sat on a bench and the scene that follows isn’t pretty, maybe he’s scared or maybe he’s an idiot; he messes up.

  He sat a bit away from her, she inched closer, he felt shy and awkward but didn’t want to seem rude and move.

  “Hey,” she said, fidgeting with her fingers.

  “Yeah?”

  “I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

  “Yes?”

  She hesitated, “What… what exactly are we?”

  “What do you mean?” he asked, worried. This was it, this was the moment his mother warned him about, the moment where a heart could be broken.

  “I mean, we’ve been going out alone these past few weeks and you said we’re friends. But it seems like maybe we’re more than that?”

  He was scared, he could tell her how he felt and that would change things. He’d have someone to call his own but that meant putting his heart on the line, so either through cowardice, anxiety or idiocy, his response was:

  “We’re just friends.”

  “Are you serious?” She was sad, visibly sad, but she refused to cry in front of him, but her voice told everything and as she spoke, his heart winced a little.

  “We’ve been going out together and I thought you’d finally drop your façade and realise there’s something more but we’re just friends? That’s it? Then what was all this for? What is wrong with you? Why did you build me up if it was all for nothing?”

  He sunk his head in shame, “I warned you before. I’m sorry.”

  “Why did you do this?” A couple of tears ran down her face but she quickly wiped them away, she couldn’t hold them back. Kraig was sure she was different, that she wouldn’t hurt him, but he was also sure about Ray in the beginning, he could fix this, he could tell her how he felt, if only he had the balls, but she got up and ran out of the park.