Berry Scene

by Dornford Yates

  Jill leaned over my shoulder, to set her cheek against mine.

  “It’s half-past twelve, darling, and you promised to stop at twelve. Come out and get Berry in.”

  An obedient husband, I rose and looked round for my stick.

  “Take my arm,” said Jill.

  We passed downstairs and into the shady courtyard, hung on our heel by the fountain of old, grey stone, and turned to climb the path that led to the pocket meadow where Berry was building his wall.

  Unobserved by the operatives, we stood beneath a mimosa, watching the busy scene.

  “You son of Belial,” said Berry. “You bull-nosed—”

  A roar of delight cut short the apostrophe.

  “Sim, sim, senhor.” Annibal’s eyes were upon a very round stone. “A nossa bola.”

  “I’m glad you concur,” said Berry. “But I see no occasion for mirth. For mortification, perhaps.”

  “Gangrena?”

  “I shouldn’t be surprised,” said Berry. “Mock the sage and meet the wart-hog, you know. And now remove that vile body and put in its place that very beautiful rock. Yes, that one. Esse, you blue-based serpent. What d’you think I’ve fashioned it for? Inutilizar be damned. It’s a work of art.”

  “Muita bem.”

  “I should hope so.”

  In silence one stone was discarded, and another was laid in its place. Berry adjusted this, grunting. Then he stood back.

  “You see?” be said. “Fits like a blasted glove.”

  “Sim, sim, senhor. Muito elegante.”

  “You’ve said it, brother,” said Berry. “The great Benvenuto himself—”

  “Sim, sim. Bem venusto.”

  “You shut your head,” said Berry. “I was talking about a fellow craftsman. A most entertaining wallah, rather before my time. Oh, you know that word, do you? Wonderful how the b-brain’ll work for the b-belly, isn’t it? All right. Get to your flesh-pots, Annibal. Artistico ressumpcao a tres horas. And bring some crags when you come. We’re running short.”

  “Sim, sim, senhor.” Annibal turned, to see us a little way off. “Boas tardes, senhor, senhora.”

  We gave him good day.

  “Well, there we are,” said Berry. “Gorge-like, the wall is rising, a sober monument. I glean a queer satisfaction from shaping and piling these stones. They’re big with sermons, you know, as Shakespeare says. And they need a wall of sorts here, and the one I’m building will last. It isn’t very lovely to look at, but—”

  “I find it lovely,” said Jill. “And the lizards will, too. Years after our time, the lizards will make their homes there and sun themselves on its top.”

  Berry nodded.

  “History repeats itself. ‘They say the Lion and the Lizard keep the Courts where Jamshyd gloried and drank deep.’ Come, my sweet coz. Let us complete the prophecy. A glass and a half of sherry will suit me down to the socks.”

  As we turned to go back to the quinta—

  “I’ll say you’ve earned it,” said I.

  But Berry shook his head.

  “Such increment,” he said, “is unearned. There have been times, in the past, when I have pulled my weight. But this here wall is a vanity.”

  “So is my work,” said I, “for the matter of that.”

  “I don’t understand,” said Jill.

  “Let me put it like this,” said Berry. “Some animals, when aggrieved, put forth an offensive odour. Others, such as the skunk, are still more downright. Reluctant to employ methods so crude, your husband and I turn to labour – in self-defence. Such work is vanity, for it is inspired not by the lust for achievement, but by the urge to avoid vexation of spirit.”

  “I don’t agree,” said Jill, taking his arm. “Good work’s never vanity. Just now you rejected the stone that Annibal chose. I thought it looked all right; but it wouldn’t do for you, because it was not the best. And Boy’s the same. He’ll spend half an hour on one sentence – until he’s satisfied. Well, that’s not vanity.”

  “That’s amour propre,” said Berry. “Once you’re afflicted with that, you can’t shake it off. It used to be common enough. but I’m told the percentage of sufferers is very much lower today. Wonderful thing, progress.”

  “I don’t care,” said Jill. “And amour propre and vanity don’t agree. We can’t compete today – I’ll give you that. And so we’re marking time. If we were standing easy, that would be vanity.”

  Berry took her small hand and put it up to his lips. “You win – as always,” he said. “Omnia vincit amor – and always will.”

  And there was my sister by the fountain, with a basket of grain on her arm and pigeons strutting and fretting about her feet.

  When she heard us, she looked up, smiling.

  Then she addressed her husband.

  “You’re looking tired, darling. You ought to have stopped before.”

  “You’re not – you’re looking lovely. But that’s your way.”

  Daphne’s lips framed a kiss.

  “Will you promise to rest till three?”

  “Till five minutes to. The master must keep the disciple up to the bit.”

  Daphne scattered the last of the grain. Then she took Berry’s arm and turned to the house. And Jill and I followed after.

  “What were you discussing?” said my sister. “I thought I heard Latin used.”

  “We were being very highbrow,” said Berry. “I furnished the feast of reason, and Jill the flow of soul. And then I repeated an adage, the truth of which you two darlings have never failed to shew forth.”

  “Spare me the Latin,” said Daphne, “but what was that?”

  “Women and children first. Ovid puts it better, but—”

  “You wicked liar,” shrieked Jill. “Boy, what was it he quoted?”

  “Virgil,” I said, laughing. “A very pretty saying.”

  “I forbid you,” said Berry, “to repeat it. I will not wear my heart on my seat – sleeve.” Daphne winked at me over his shoulder. “Yes, I saw you, you witch. And while I’m washing my hands—”

  “—we shall do our best,” said Daphne.

  Her husband protruded his tongue.

  Introductory Titles

  (in order of first publication)

  These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels

  1. The Brother of Daphne 1914

  2. The Courts of Idleness 1920

  Bertram ‘Berry’ Pleydell Titles

  (in order of first publication)

  These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels

  1. Berry and Co 1921

  2. Jonah and Co 1922

  3. Adèle and Co 1931

  4. And Berry Came Too 1936

  5. The House that Berry Built 1945

  6. The Berry Scene 1947

  7. As Berry and I were Saying 1952

  8. B-Berry and I Look Back 1958

  Richard Chandos & Colleagues Titles

  (in order of first publication)

  These titles can be read as a series, or randomly as standalone novels

  1. Blind Corner 1927

  2. Perishable Goods 1928

  3. Blood Royal 1929

  4. Fire Below alt: By Royal Command 1930

  5. She Fell Among Thieves 1935

  6. An Eye for a Tooth 1943

  7. Red in the Morning alt: Were Death Denied 1946

  8. Cost Price alt: The Laughing Bacchante 1949

  Other Novels

  (in order of first publication)

  1. She Painted Her Face 1937

  2. Gale Warning 1939

  3. Ne’er-Do-Well 1954

  Synopses of Yates’ Titles

  Published by House of Stratus

  Adèle & Co

  This is the first full-length novel featuring Yates’ finest comic creation, Bertram ‘Berry’ Pleydell. The popular character of Adéle is based on the author’s first wife, Bettine, a highly gregarious American dancer and actress. Written in resp
onse to massive public demand for the Berry stories, this is regarded as one of Yates’ best books. Amongst the madcap escapades of the Pleydell clan as they career about the French countryside you will find ‘crime, criminals, and some of the funniest writing in the English language’.

  And Berry Came Too

  Eight stories in which we encounter ‘the hair-raising adventures and idiotic situations of the Pleydell family’ (Punch). Along with John Buchan and ‘Sapper’, Yates dominated the adventure book market of the inter-war years, and Berry is regarded as one of British comic writing’s finest creations, including Tom Sharpe amongst his fans. Read these and weep (with laughter).

  As Berry & I Were Saying

  Reprinted four times in three months, this semi-autobiographical novel is a humorous account of the author’s hazardous experiences in France, at the end of the World War II. Darker and less frivolous than some of Yates’ earlier books, he describes it as ‘really my own memoir put into the mouths of Berry and Boy’, and at the time of publication it already had a nostalgic feel. A great hit with the public and a ‘scrapbook of the Edwardian age as it was seen by the upper-middle classes’.

  B-Berry & I Look Back

  This is Yates’ final book, a semi-autobiographical novel spanning a lifetime of events from the sinking of the Titanic to the notorious Tichborne murder case. It opens with Berry, one of British comic writing’s finest creations, at his funniest, and is a companion volume to As Berry and I Were Saying. Pure, vintageYates.

  Berry & Co

  This collection of short stories featuring ‘Berry’ Pleydell and his chaotic entourage established Dornford Yates’ reputation as one of the best comic writers in a generation, and made him hugely popular. The German caricatures in the book carried such a sting that when France was invaded in 1939 Yates, who was living near the Pyrenées, was put on the wanted list and had to flee.

  The Berry Scene

  These stories, written by huge popular demand, give us classic Berry Pleydell – Yates’ finest comic character – at the top of his form. The first story sees Berry capturing a German spy at a village cricket match in 1914, and things get more bizarre from then on. A self-consciously nostalgic work harking back to more decorous days, here are tense plotting and high farce of the best kind.

  Blind Corner

  This is Yates’ first thriller: a tautly plotted page-turner featuring the crime-busting adventures of suave Richard Chandos. Chandos is thrown out of Oxford for ‘beating up some Communists’, and on return from vacation in Biarritz he witnesses a murder. Teaming up at his London club with friend Jonathan Mansel, a stratagem is devised to catch the killer. The novel has compelling sequels: Blood Royal, An Eye For a Tooth, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.

  Blood Royal

  At his chivalrous, rakish best in a story of mistaken identity, kidnapping, and old-world romance, Richard Chandos takes us on a romp through Europe in the company of a host of unforgettable characters. This fine thriller can be read alone or as part of a series with Blind Corner, An Eye For a Tooth, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.

  Brother of Daphne

  Daphne is ‘well-born, elegant, beautiful, and not especially bright’. In this, Yates’ earliest collection of stories, we meet the Pleydell clan and encounter their high-spirited comic adventures. It is a world of Edwardian gentility and accomplished farce that brought the author instant fame when the stories appeared in Windsor Magazine.

  Cost Price

  A story from Dornford Yates’ later career, of stolen treasure, set against a backdrop of World War II: adventure, a travelling circus and much more besides. Lots of favourite Yates characters are here, as well as some new ones, like the Portuguese mule in trousers, and a few striking villains. This is the legendary Chandos’ final fictional appearance. A tense, assured plot and vintage comedy from a master of the genre.

  Courts of Idleness

  These comic stories are set during World War I and the period just after, when the genteel world of Edwardian England had changed beyond recognition. One of Yates’ earliest books, it harks back to that more decorous, decadent time, and we encounter the madcap adventures of a group of well-to-do young people as they career across Europe from Madeira to Macedonia fighting heinous villains and solving mysteries.

  Eye for a Tooth

  On the way home from Germany after having captured Axel the Red’s treasure, dapper Jonathan Mansel happens upon a corpse in the road, that of an Englishman. There ensues a gripping tale of adventure and vengeance of a rather gentlemanly kind. On publication this novel was such a hit that it was reprinted six times in its first year, and assured Yates’ huge popularity. A classic Richard Chandos thriller, which can be read alone or as part of a series including Blind Corner, Blood Royal, Fire Below and Perishable Goods.

  Fire Below

  Richard Chandos makes a welcome return in this classic adventure story. Suave and decadent, he leads his friends into forbidden territory to rescue a kidnapped (and very attractive) young widow. Yates gives us a highly dramatic, almost operatic, plot and unforgettably vivid characters. A tale in the traditional mould, and a companion novel to Blind Corner, Blood Royal Perishable Goods and An Eye For A Tooth.

  Gale Warning

  Jonathan Mansel, one of Dornford Yates’ most popular characters, heads a small private organisation dedicated to the detection of serious crime ‘by methods sadly unavailable to the regular police’. An aristocratic member of his team is murdered and the avengers set out in pursuit of the killer, in a tale of ‘violence and a measure of sublimated sex’. Caricatured villains, a page-turning plot and some good jokes – in short, classic Yates.

  House That Berry Built

  A comic romp featuring the famous ‘Berry’ Pleydell and based on Yates’ own experience of building a house for himself in the Pyrenées – sumptuous, expensive and idyllically located. The house was seized by the Germans during World War II, and this tale, written soon afterwards, gives a hilarious account of its construction and early life. Yates at the peak of his form.

  Jonah & Co

  These are some of Yates’ early short stories featuring the comic Pleydell clan, and on publication proved just a successful and popular as Berry and Co had been. They describe the chaotic journey of the young, well-to-do heroes as they cavort across France, and helped to establish Yates’ reputation as a master of humorous fiction.

  Ne’er Do Well

  This is Dornford Yates’ only ‘straight’ detective novel – it is an uncommon murder story set in a convent, and reveals Yates’ supreme talent for tension, strong characters and a page-turning plot. For traditional tale-telling at its finest, look no further.

  Perishable Goods

  Classic Yates, this novel featuring the suave Richard Chandos was reprinted three times within the first month of publication, was warmly received by the critics and served hugely to expand the author’s already large readership. Typically deft, pacey and amusing, it ‘contains every crime in the calendar and a heart-rending finale’ (A J Smithers). A companion novel to Blind Corner, Blood Royal, An Eye For A Tooth and Fire Below. Gripping stuff.

  Red In The Morning

  Set in France after the war amongst the beautiful landscapes of Biarritz, Pau and the Pyrenées, Yates’ favourite thriller hero Richard Chandos returns with Jonathan Mansel in a story of temptation, subterfuge, adventure and revenge. Regarded by many as Yates at the top of his form.

  She Fell Among Thieves

  A vintage thriller featuring the welcome return of Richard Chandos, dashing hero extraordinaire, who seeks to rescue a young girl who has been kidnapped and drugged by a sinister old woman in the mountains of the Pyrenées. A gripping read originally published in serial form, She Fell Among Thieves was a huge hit when it first appeared.

  She Painted Her Face

  A tautly written and exciting yarn published when Yates was at the height of his powers, this is a real potboiler of the very best kind – tension, cliffhangers, wit an
d pace. Both a thriller and a humorous romance, the book draws heavily on the author’s own (somewhat bitter) experiences. It gives an insight into Yates’ rather scabrous views – and is a great read.

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