Right Package, Wrong Baggage

by Wanda B. Campbell

  Pamela stopped writing long enough to wipe her eyes and blow her nose.

  Thinking back now, the one good thing that came from having known you is Matthew. For giving me him, I say, thank you. He’s a wonderful child who has given me blessings in more ways than I could have imagined. Marlon, he ’s nothing like you, and for that, I’m thankful. Even at his young age, Matthew knew you weren t much of a father. He put your picture away a long time ago. He never asks about you, and I’m glad. I don t know how to tell him his own father didn t want him. It ’s all right because God has sent him a wonderful man who ’s teaching him and giving him all the love of a father.

  This same man has shown me what real love feels like, but I don ’t know how to receive it because of the wounds and scars you left in my heart. For five years, I suppressed how deeply you hurt me. I have subconsciously used those scars to mistrust everyone around me and to run off the man who really loves me. From the grave, I have allowed you to have the same control you had over me when you were alive. I have allowed you to control the way I think and how I see people. I couldn ’t fully trust the man God sent me because of how you treated me. I wasn ’t air to him just like you weren ’t fair to me. I didn ’t accept his unconditional love, just like you wouldn ’t accept mine. I hurt the one who loves me, just like you hurt me.

  Pamela waited for the paper to dry from the tears she cried.

  Marlon, I have come to understand that you were who you were. I’m not making excuses for you, but you did what you did because you wanted to. There is nothing I could have done differently to change you. The truth is, I married you, but you were not my husband. Everyone saw that including me. I thought I could change you, but there was no changing you, then or now.

  Now, I have to change myself. I have to move on with my life. To do that, I have to forgive you and let you go. I have to let go of all the anger, pain, mistrust, humiliation, insecurity, and the rejection. Marlon, I forgive you for everything you did to me and for the things I allowed you to do to me. That ’s right; you don ’t hold the entire blame. I opened the door and allowed you to stay too long, way too long. As of today, I am releasing myself from you. I am letting go of the pain and the memories. I’m moving on so I can be free. I deserve that. I deserve a real husband, and my son deserves a father. You deserve to rest in peace.

  Good-bye, Marlon.

  After rereading the letter and gaining the strength to walk, Pamela went downstairs and threw the letter into the fireplace, and then struck a match and threw it in. The orange flames brought down more tears. Drops that were heaving and hot, but she waited until the tears stopped and the tension in her chest dissipated. When nothing but ashes remained, peace settled in her heart, and a smile rested on her face.

  Pamela then placed the silver urn and the photo from Matthew’s drawer into the special shipping box, sealed it, and addressed it to Marlon’s mother without a return address.

  Chapter 25

  From the moment he stepped inside the purple and white sanctuary, memories flooded Micah’s mind. There were some pleasant memories, like the day he accepted salvation and the day he was baptized. The mothers of the church were always extra nice to him, and most of them tried to convince him to date a daughter or granddaughter.

  Life Changing Ministries hadn’t changed much at all. The purple pews with wooded ends were still stationed across the sanctuary in three rows of ten. The carpet was still purple with tiny gold specks. The ten six-foot windows, five on each side, were still covered with purple drapes that contained the similar gold specks as the carpet. From the vaulted ceiling emerged a tremendous brass chandelier with at least fifty candlestick lightbulbs.

  On the podium sat eight purple chairs, four on each side of what Micah nicknamed “the throne.” Richard’s chair always reminded him of the throne Pharaoh sat on in the movie The Ten Commandments. The top of the chair was two feet higher than the other chairs, and it wasn’t purple; it was gold. Richard always said purple and gold were colors of royalty, and that he was God’s royal servant. Next to Richard’s chair was a brass glass top table adorned with a gold water goblet and a bowl filled with fruit. Just in case the throne didn’t make it clear who the pastor was, there was an almost life-sized picture of him mounted on the front right side of the church. Micah remembered when a picture of Richard and his wife hung there. Now, it was replaced with one of just Richard. Of course, in it, he wore a purple cassock with gold braiding.

  “That’s some shrine,” Pastor Jackson said after he sat next to Micah on the third row for Bible Study.

  “You’re not going to the pulpit?” Micah questioned.

  Pastor Jackson shook his head. “Under no circumstances will I sit on the devil’s platform.”

  Micah sat upright and thought back to his stay at LCM. While members were added to the church on a regular basis, members also left on a regular basis. It appeared Richard had enough charisma to get them in the door, but not enough to keep people longer than two years. After his wife left him, the people still kept coming although most of the strong members left when she did. Richard’s wife never came out and declared the reason she left him. Micah assumed her silence was mainly out of concern for the baby Christians and not to save Richard’s reputation. That’s why he was able to keep his job as pastor and his children were still speaking to him.

  Micah surveyed the sanctuary. Out of the hundred-plus crowd, he only recognized about ten people, and they were probably still there because of their positions as board members.

  Micah really didn’t want to be there, but he wanted to see David. He hadn’t heard from him, but the kid had been on his mind for two days. Actually, David was a good distraction from planning his mother’s funeral. For two days, Micah and his uncle had done everything from shopping for Helen’s clothing to printing her obituary, paying for the cemetery plot, and ordering flowers. Now he needed a break, and he needed to warn David about the predator on the prowl.

  Richard called Micah nonstop for two days and left messages about how much he missed him and wanted to see him. Richard even had the nerve to offer to take him to the Signature Room for dinner followed by dessert at his house in his Jacuzzi. Micah didn’t return any of his calls, but he knew Richard wasn’t going to go away. The chase thrilled Richard more than the catch.

  “Do you see him?” Micah asked, referring to David.

  Pastor Jackson pointed to the left side. “Over there.”

  Micah stood and waved to catch David’s attention. In no time, the youngster was on the third row next to Micah.

  “Hey, Micah.” David shook his hand. “I’m glad you came. I lost your number. It must have fallen out of my pocket the other night.”

  “No problem.” Micah asked his uncle for a pen and issued his number to David again. “What are you doing tomorrow? I’d like to hang out with you if you’re not busy.”

  David seemed pleased with the offer, but hesitated to accept. “I have to check with Pastor Lewis first to make sure he doesn’t need me for anything.”

  “Sure,” Micah responded. He knew Richard would come up with something to prevent David from seeing him. God, show me how to save this kid, Micah prayed inwardly.

  Lula Murphy made it to her front-row seat just before Richard mounted his throne. She waved at both Pastor Jackson and Micah before opening her Bible.

  Micah closed his eyes as Richard began to speak, but Richard’s opening statement made him jolt forward.

  “Tonight, I’m delighted to have one of the sons of this church in our midst. Unfortunately, the circumstance that has brought him back home is a sad one, but I’m happy he’s here, nonetheless,” Richard began. “Our beloved Sister Helen Stevenson’s home going service will be this Friday. Her son, Micah, was a very devoted member here before moving out to California to pursue his career. He worked hard in this church and helped to mentor a lot of young men through the mentoring program. Brother Micah, please stand.”

  Micah looked at his uncle who wa
s just as outdone as he before slowly rising to his feet. Micah wanted to strangle Richard. If he weren’t in the house of the Lord, he would have punched him in the face.

  “Please join me in welcoming Brother Micah back home to his roots. Let’s give him our support during this time of bereavement.” Richard then conveyed an open, but private message to him. “Brother Micah, for whatever you need, I’m here for you along with the rest of the congregation.”

  Micah forced a nod of appreciation to the congregation. Before sitting down, he caught a glimpse of Lula Murphy. From her facial expression, Micah knew they would have a heart-to-heart talk real soon. David looked at Micah strangely also, but he didn’t say anything.

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about,” Micah whispered to David. He still didn’t say anything, just nodded.

  The next sixty minutes were actually quite enjoyable. Richard knew the Bible and how to teach it well. He didn’t practice all of its principles, but he was a profound teacher. No one could take that away from him.

  “He’s truly gifted,” Pastor Jackson said after it was over. “Now I understand why Helen liked it here so much. I also understand how you ended up so confused. It’s hard not to trust a man who can teach like that.”

  Micah was nearing the door when a young man approached him indicating Pastor Lewis wanted to see him in his office.

  “Tell Pastor Lewis that I decline.” Micah turned to leave before the young man could object, but Lula Murphy came from behind and pulled him out the door. Pastor Jackson followed close behind.

  “Micah, what’s going on?” Lula asked after they cleared the steps.

  “Ms. Lula, what exactly are you referring to?” Micah stalled.

  Lula narrowed her eyes, and then Micah understood how she and his mother became so close. He could tell that Lula Murphy was just as feisty as Helen.

  “I’m not playing, Micah.” And she wasn’t. Lula didn’t smile, laugh, or blink. “I thought it was strange the way you interacted with pastor the other night. I assumed it was because you’d just met him and because you are grieving, but there’s more to this story, isn’t it? You didn’t just meet him the other night. And why didn’t he tell your mother you were once a member here? He acted as if he didn’t know you when she showed him those pictures.”

  He was right; Lula Murphy didn’t miss a thing, and she wasn’t going to stop until she got some answers. Micah looked over at his uncle for assistance.

  “How long have you been a member here?” Pastor Jackson asked Lula.

  “About eighteen months, why?” she replied.

  “How much of Pastor Lewis’s history do you know?” Micah asked.

  “Apparently not enough,” she answered sharply.

  Micah didn’t feel comfortable about divulging his personal business to this woman he’d just met two days prior. He folded his arms across his chest and debated what he should share. Then out of the corner of his eye, he saw David getting into Richard’s Town Car.

  “Micah, you’d better tell me what’s going on before I take a belt to you in the name of your dearly departed mother, my friend,” Lula threatened.

  “Lord Jesus!” were the only words that Ms. Lula could articulate after Micah gave her the details of his relationship with Richard.

  Micah didn’t know if he felt worse for putting himself in the position of being ridiculed, or for tarnishing the image Lula had of her pastor. “Ms. Lula, I’m sorry.”

  “Are you telling me the truth?” she asked. Micah could see she hoped he was lying, that it was all a bad practical joke.

  “It’ s the truth, all right,” Pastor Jackson affirmed.

  “If you want, I can let you listen to proof, right now,” Micah offered.

  “Prove it!” she ordered.

  Micah removed his cell phone from the clip on his waist. He had planned to replay the message Richard had left earlier in the day for David, but this was just as good. He had a feeling Ms. Lula wouldn’t turn her head and look the other way. No, Lula Murphy struck him as a woman who liked to get results.

  The phone fell from Lula’s hands. Micah caught it just before it hit the ground. “That dirty devil!” she screamed. “How can that man say those things, then get up and teach Bible Study? I knew something was wrong with him always wanting young boys around him. I felt it in my spirit.” Lula paced back and forth. “He ain’t getting away with this! No way!” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not going to sit by and let him spread that filth throughout God’s house. Ain’t no telling how many others he has violated and they just didn’t say anything.” Lula looked upward into the night sky. “Helen, I’m so glad you ain’t here for this. You’d cut Richard Thomas Lewis to the white meat for sure!”

  Chapter 26

  Friday, Micah arose from bed at 6:00 A.M. He actually hadn’t slept all night. The final viewing at the mortuary the night before had drained him emotionally. Helen looked so peaceful in the pink suit and white gloves he’d selected for her. Today, he was going to bury his mother. The last time he would look at her and the last time he would touch her.

  Since leaving the mortuary he felt alone and desolate. Even with his uncle present, the emptiness he felt overwhelmed him. His circumstances were bleak from his prospective. He didn’t have a mother or father, a sister or brother. There was no one but him. No one to love him and no one for him to love. Pastor Jackson said love was for everyone, but where was his portion? Micah fell to his knees and tried to pray, but he couldn’t. He lay there frozen.

  Pamela’s hands shook as she punched in Micah’s cell number. Chances were he wouldn’t answer her call since he hadn’t returned any of the messages she’d left yesterday. Why should today be any different? But today was different. Micah was burying his mother today and that would be hard on him. That’s the reason she’d set her alarm for 4:00 A.M.; to offer him her support. She wanted him to know that she cared and that he wasn’t alone. That he would always have her and Matthew. But Micah didn’t answer the phone. She sighed and left a voice message.

  “Hello, Micah. I just wanted you to know that I’m praying for you today. I’m here if you want to talk. You may not want to hear this, but I do love you, and I miss you.”

  Pamela hung up the phone and knelt beside her bed and prayed fervently for Micah’s strength.

  Micah felt the dread leave and arose from his knees and fell onto the bed. In no time, he was sound asleep.

  After a brief scan of the chapel, Micah adjusted the black, gray, and pink tie that accompanied his black suit. To both his surprise and delight, the chapel was nearly full. Just about everyone in his old apartment building had come out to pay their last respects to Helen. In attendance were a couple of employees from Jewel Osco’s in their work uniforms. Mother must not have cursed them out, he thought. Including members from church, about one hundred people attended Helen Stevenson’s funeral.

  “Son, are you ready?” Pastor Jackson asked, looking back at him. Micah nodded and slowly followed behind the clergy with Pastor Jackson reading the traditional ceremonial scriptures. Included with clergy were, of course, Richard and two ministers from the church.

  Seated with him on the front row were Lula Murphy and a few relatives Micah hadn’t seen in years, of whom his mother said wasn’t worth a dime in Monopoly money.

  Micah listened attentively and laughed as neighbors shared fond memories of his mother. Most of the memories revolved around Helen telling them off or cursing them out for one reason or another. Not one failed to mention how proud Helen was of her son. Micah would’ve given anything for her to get up out of the casket and tell him herself and give him a hug.

  When Pastor Jackson began the eulogy, Micah donned his sunglasses, mainly to stop Richard from watching his eyes. Pastor Lewis had been attempting telepathic messages the entire service. Every time Micah looked up, Richard was zeroed in on him like he was some sort of specimen under a microscopic lens. When Richard’s eyes traveled down to and lingered on Micah’s mid
section, Micah made up his mind. He was going to see Richard. He had to. This chance may never come again. No matter the outcome, he had to do his part, even if no action was taken.

  Micah couldn’t leave Chicago on his 6:00 A.M. return flight with a clear conscience unless he did everything he possibly could to help David. Just as Micah knew he would, Richard made sure David stayed far away from Micah. Richard had left him no choice.

  At the appointed time, Micah gave his mother one last kiss and words of love. He then quickly left the chapel and waited outside for the trip to the cemetery. Lula Murphy followed behind him to offer comfort.

  “You’re going to be all right,” she started to say, but didn’t complete her thought. Like a vulture, Richard appeared out of nowhere beside Micah.

  “Hang in there.” Richard placed his arm around him. Micah instantly tensed at the familiar touch, then allowed himself to relax enough to hold a conversation.

  “I’ll go get your uncle,” Lula said and took off.

  “Micah,” Richard began. “You don’t have to deal with this by yourself. I’m here for you now, just as I have always been.”

  Micah thought the look on Richard’s face almost looked sincere. He stepped out of the embrace. “I’m leaving in the morning, but I need to see you tonight.”

  The smile that cracked Richard’s face almost made Micah gag. “I knew you would come around. I’ll expect you around eight. Who knows, maybe after some TLC, you’ll decide to postpone your trip permanently.” Richard had the bravado to wink.