by Lisa N. Paul
A knot formed in Danny’s gut and tightened as she spoke. It wasn’t what the girl was saying, but how she said it that had red flags shooting up around her.
“So, I need to get crackin’. After all, I can’t miss out on my eighteenth birthday celebration. Even if this little guy makes it so I can’t celebrate the way most of my friends do.”
“Oh, your birthday!” Julie bounced on her toes. “We’ll wait for you in the waiting room. We have a gift for you.”
“You didn’t have to, Julie,” Ivy whispered.
Danny noticed the pale blush spread over the girl’s cheeks. What the hell? Another bright flag sprang up in his mind. Something felt wrong.
***
“HEY, BABY, YOU got time for a quick lunch?”
“Danny! Of course, sweetie. Let me just tell Sheila and Chris that I’m heading out,” she said.
Julie loved when her husband surprised her with lunch dates. It used to happen more frequently when he worked at the Red Bar because his shifts started later in the day and ran until the wee hours of the morning, but a couple of years prior, the hours and scenes of club life had become too much to handle. They decided together that he’d enjoy the intimacy of a pub or bar like Chester’s or O’Brian’s.
That said, neither Danny nor Julie thought it would be smart for them to work and live together, so he found a job managing a bar that was a cross between the two places. While it wasn’t perfect by his standards, learning the business from the inside out was priceless. However, his hours mimicked Julie’s, so lunch dates became scarce as dinner dates became more common.
After popping her head into the back office to announce her lunch break, and after grabbing her purse and coat from the locker, Julie practically floated through the bar to where Danny waited. She rose onto the balls of her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck. The familiar scents of pear and driftwood, a combination that had become more of an aphrodisiac than the freshest oysters and finest chocolate, hit her nose, making her insides quiver. Hunger for more than food whipped through her body as she pulled her husband close, pressing their lips together. When his strong hand wove through her hair, cupping the back of her head, she practically purred in delight, giving Danny the perfect opportunity to claim her mouth.
“Ahem, this is a public place,” Chris teased from behind the bar, whipping Julie from her lust-induced haze.
“First of all”—Julie touched her kiss-swollen lips—“this is a bar. I’ve witnessed a whole lot more than kissing go on between these four walls. Second”—Julie glanced at the ceiling—“unless I’m mistaken, that, my friend, is mistletoe. You and Sheila are practically begging people to kiss. So as I see it, you should be thanking me for following orders…boss.”
Danny’s body shook with laughter as his arms wrapped around her torso. “Looks like she got you there, Chris.”
“I’d have to agree.” Sheila smiled as she joined her husband behind the bar. “You two go have lunch. I have to continue training my man here on management.” Sheila gazed lovingly at Chris. “It’s hard to go from being a silent partner to a hands-on manager, but I think he’s doing just fine.”
“It’s all the positive reinforcement you give me.” Chris winked, and Sheila blushed.
“Okay, umm, we’re out of here. Stay away from the mistletoe,” Julie teased before grabbing Danny’s hand and leaving the bar.
Sitting in a cozy booth at their favorite café, they chatted about a new employee at Danny’s job and Julie’s early morning conversation with Chester.
“Oh, I meant to tell you!” Julie’s insides bubbled with excitement. “I had to go to Home Depot yesterday for Sheila, and while I was there, I found the sweetest shade of pale blue paint for the baby’s room. I was thinking we could go back together and check it out.” Julie bit her upper lip, memories of the empty pink nursery gripping her heart. “We can buy it and wait to paint until a little closer to the due date.” Julie caught the frown that marred Danny’s lush lips before he had time to cover them with his palm. “Danny? What’s wrong?”
His chest rose with an audible heave of air, air that he seemed to hold for longer than Julie thought possible. She watched as his chest constricted slowly, silently.
“Honey, you spoken with Ivy?”
Danny’s question didn’t feel like a question at all. It felt like the beginning of something unpleasant. Like the lid of a box she’d rather keep closed. But Danny’s loving eyes implored her to open it. Her trust in him told her he’d be there no matter what was inside.
“Umm, kind of. Well, not really, but…” Julie replayed the past two weeks in her head. “She called the night of the ultrasound to thank us for the watch.” Julie had found the waterproof watch a few weeks earlier, after Ivy had talked about going to a beach for the summer to clear her mind once the baby was born. The card attached read, Have the Time of your Life.
“How ‘bout since?” Danny’s rigid posture had her on guard.
“She’s returned my calls, but I haven’t spoken with her. She’s busy studying for finals, and when she does call, it seems to be when I’m working. Why are you asking? What do you know?”
Danny frowned. “Is she calling you at home? Or on your cellular?”
“At home. Danny, what do you know?” Julie snapped, not noticing or caring about the prying eyes of other diners.
With brows pulled tight, Danny rubbed his hand through his hair. “Honey, I don’t know anything. But at the ultrasound appointment, I got a strange vibe after the technician announced that Ivy was carrying a boy. Something changed, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I’m just scared, Jules. I’m worried that—”
“No,” Julie interrupted. “Don’t go there, babe. Please, don’t go there. That’s our baby, our son. Ivy is a young girl who has no plan, no support, and no clue. She’ll do what’s right for the baby.”
Danny nodded. His Adam’s apple bobbed as Julie forced air into her lungs.
“You’re right,” he finally said. However, there was no conviction in his face or his voice.
###
FOR FIVE DAYS and nights, Julie attempted to contact Ivy. She left messages on the young woman’s answering machine, and when no calls were returned, Julie contacted the adoption agency.
“What’s up, beautiful?”
Just the tone of Danny’s gravelly voice through the phone settled the nerves that had been churning in Julie’s stomach for the past ten minutes. “I just spoke with Ilene at the agency.” Julie barely recognized her own brittle tone.
“Go on.”
“She, umm, she’s got several appointments today but will be back in her office at five and would like to speak with us. Says we can either go see her there or talk with her over the phone.” Bile rose up Julie’s esophagus, threatening to escape, but she swallowed it back, refusing to make a scene at work.
“Julie, listen to me,” Danny spoke in a low voice. She knew he did that so she’d have no choice but to calm down and listen to what he was going to say. “I’ll be with you for that five o’clock call. I’ll come get you and bring you home. I do not want you driving, you understand? If you’re too upset, frustrated, angry, or just don’t want to be at work for any reason, call me and I’ll come get you. I can think of at least ten different ways we can spend our afternoon that will leave us exhausted but have nothing to do with work.”
Some flirtation was added to the command, but it wasn’t the playfulness she was used to. It felt forced, contrived, and she knew her husband was as scared as she was.
“Okay, sweetie.” I can fake flirty for his sake too. “I’ll tell Ilene to call us at home at five. And Danny, only ten things? Really?” She tsked. “I’m disappointed.”
His chuckle warmed what had been cold inside her since her talk with the agency worker. “I’m yours, Julie.”
“I love you, Danny.”
“Thank God for that.” The call ended, and Julie sighed. It was bound to be a long day.
Ever
since it was decided that Julie’s position at O’Brian’s would be filled by Chris and moving the head waitress, Renee, up to floor manager, her work had become even more entertaining. For years, Julie had known Sheila and Chris as a strong couple, supportive of each other, and fun to be around. But with Chris working as an accountant and a volunteer firefighter, something he and Danny bonded over from the get-go, he’d never spent much time at the bar. Julie had feared how spending large quantities of time together would affect him and Sheila, but it only seemed to bring them closer together. Sheila was more relaxed, less tired, and when Chris walked into the room, her smile reached her eyes before it ever touched her lips.
“Hey, lady,” Chris called from the hall that led to the office. “It’s time for your break. Let Renee handle the front, and you come eat with Sheila and me.”
Suspicious, Julie asked, “Did Danny call you? Maybe ask you to keep an eye on me?”
Chris’s brows shot to his hairline. “I’m appalled. You act as if we never eat together, Julie.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, Julie continued to stare at him.
“Okay, fine, he may have called and requested some extra eyes on you. But you know damn well that Sheel and I love you like a sister. So get your ass back here and eat with us.”
Even with her gut wrapped in knots, Chris’s quirky invitation was too sweet to turn down. Julie giggled. “Okay, since you asked so sweetly.”
Over burgers and fries Julie opened up to her friends about what had been going on with Ivy. She explained that she hadn’t shared her worries sooner because discussing it even with her closest friend made everything feel too real. She’d been avoiding the topic as much as she could while trying her best to get in touch with Ivy.
As best friends did, Sheila and Chris came up with multiple reasons why everything would be “just fine.” They were so convincing that by the time Danny came to pick her up at four o’clock, Julie was certain that their worry was for naught. She spent the ride from work to their home relaying all of Sheila and Chris’s perfectly rational excuses. The problem was, they didn’t sound nearly as logical coming from her. Shit. What the hell was going to happen at five o’clock?
***
HAD IT NOT been so pathetic, it may have been comical the way Danny and Julie sat—huddled close, bodies touching, breaths mingling—yet not the slightest ripple of sexual current flowed between them. Two cordless phones lie inches away on the coffee table. Thank goodness neither of them could shoot laser beams from their eyes, or the phones would have disintegrated fifteen minutes earlier.
“She said she’d call at five.” Julie huffed, looking once again at her watch.
Danny cracked his knuckles as the sofa cushion shook beneath him. Julie’s knee had been bouncing as if she were a kid on a pogo stick since the moment they sat down, and with each passing minute, the spring increased. He rested his hand on her knee. “Honey, she’s gonna call. And when she does, I don’t wanna be seasick. Can you please settle?”
“Sorry, I’m just…” She shrugged, and worry etched her creamy skin. “You know.”
“I do. I—” His thoughts were cut off when the phones rang loudly, sending them each scrambling for a headset.
The conversation wasn’t long. In fact, it was barely a conversation at all. For the most part, Ilene spoke and Danny and Julie listened. The agency worker explained that Ivy had decided to keep her baby and wouldn’t give him up no matter what. She and her parents had worked out an agreement, and they would help her once the baby arrived.
“But”—Danny’s heart cracked as his wife whispered—“he’s our baby.”
“I’m so sorry, Julie. I really am. I know how long you both have waited for this. I can put you back on the list,” Ilene offered.
Danny’s gut clenched at the mere thought of that goddamn list. He squeezed his eyes closed and cupped his hand over his wife’s, but he stayed quiet. If she needed to continue on this journey, he’d stand by her side, but he…he was wiped out. He opened his eyes when she squeezed his hand. Through her tear-filled eyes, he saw something he hadn’t seen before. Before he could determine what it was, she spoke.
“No,” she croaked. “Don’t put us back on the list, Ilene.”
He nodded his approval, grateful that she felt the same way and heartbroken that they would never have the family they so desired.
“We’re done,” she said.
The agency worker rambled on a few minutes longer, but Danny had stopped listening, his attention focused solely on the woman next him. Her eyes were stormy gray with tears already falling across her downturned features. Danny slid from the sofa to the carpeted floor and crawled between his wife’s legs. The minute Julie bid farewell to Ilene, he took the phone from her grip and, without clicking it off, pushed it aside. On his knees, Danny was only a few inches taller than her, but when he opened his arms and she leapt into his embrace, those inches felt like feet.
“He was ours.” Her thin voice vibrated into his chest. “I already loved him, you know?”
God, he knew. He absolutely fucking knew. “Yeah, honey, I loved him too.”
“I meant what I said to Ilene. I can’t do this anymore.”
Danny’s heart pounded. He felt her pain on a visceral level, as if they were connected by more than just love and last name.
His gut shredded when she said, “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a family. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, Jules.” Pulling her tight to his chest, he inhaled deeply. Gardenias and Julie filled his senses as he kissed her soft forehead. “Woman, you are my family. When are you going to learn? I love you, honey. I’m yours.”
“And I’m yours.”
Chapter Eighteen
Then I Got A Friend
“SON.” ALLAN PULLED Danny into an embrace.
Something about his father’s hugs, no matter how old Danny got, was comforting. That hug was no exception. Danny and Julie had just arrived at Allan and Anita’s new place, a house on a golf course they had moved into the year before. Even though they weren’t celebrating Christmas in his childhood home, being with Julie and his dad in North Carolina still felt like coming home. After the devastation of the past week, he and Julie needed to be home.
Danny cleared his throat. “Place looks great, Dad.”
Allan had already wrapped his arms around Julie before he acknowledged Danny’s compliment. “Yeah, Anita and I are really happy here. Place feels fresh, yet still has the things that make it home.” He angled his head toward the hallway. “You know, if you go look in the family room, you’ll see the bookcases you, Neal, and I built long ago.”
“Those things got trashed when…after… Neal died.” The memory of seeing those bookcases cracked on the floor was branded in his brain.
Allan’s eyes sparkled as he glanced between Danny and Julie. “They’re a bit banged up, but they suit us fine. Just because something isn’t how you want it doesn’t mean it isn’t perfect.”
“Dad,” Julie sighed, no doubt attempting to steer the conversation away from the subject of children.
But Allan continued on his path. “Loss comes in many shapes and sizes, but thank God, so does gain. You two hold on to each other and, I promise, you’ll find your slice of perfection.”
Julie nodded wordlessly.
“Oh, oh, you’re here!” Anita exclaimed, rushing in through the side door. “I was just outside picking this from the herb garden.” Her basket of fresh mint fragranced the air. “I’ve never had so much fun with rosemary, basil, and mint. I could just kiss the previous owners for leaving such awesomeness behind.”
Allan roped his arm around his wife. “How about you just save your kisses for me?”
“Well, maybe she could spare just one for me?” a familiar voice teased as he came through the open front door.
“Chester!” Danny and Julie whipped around to face their friend. Peace like he hadn’t felt in weeks settled through Danny as he watched his wife embrace h
is closest friend. “What the hell are you doing here, man?”
Chester ignored Danny’s extended hand and pulled him in for a hug-back-slap. “It’s fuckin’ Christmas, that’s why I’m here. And while technically I wasn’t supposed to come up this year on account of the Keys dripping with gorgeous women during the season—Thanksgivin’ may be our together time from now on—I’m here because you are my family.” He looked between Julie and Danny. “And I needed to see that you were okay. ‘Cause goddamn, you two can’t catch a fuckin’ break.”
“Oh my God, Ches, you’re a dog!” Julie laughed. “But I love you.”
“Glad you’re here, buddy.” Danny slapped Chester’s arm. “Glad we’re all here.”
***
FOUR DAYS PASSED in a flash as Julie and Anita baked cookies and the men bought the Christmas tree and strung the lights. The five of them hung ornaments, ate massive meals, and opened presents while drinking various cocktails, all holiday themed.
“One would think with three professional bartenders in the house, the drinks wouldn’t be this horrible,” Allan quipped after choking on a peppermint-flavored blend Danny had concocted.
Anita pouted. “Allan, they aren’t all terrible. The one Julie made with the tiny marshmallows was pretty delicious. What was it called?”
“Santa’s Balls,” Julie deadpanned.
Anita hiccupped. “Potent little drink.”
“Woman, I think it’s time for bed.” Allan winked at Chester.
Danny groaned and Julie laughed.
“Okay,” Anita agreed, hiccupping again. As she stood on wobbly legs, Allan scooped his wife over his shoulder and carried her off to their first-floor bedroom.
“Don’t forget you have guests,” Chester called. “So keep it quiet.”
Allan’s profanity was muffled by Anita’s gasp. Danny, Chester, and Julie howled with laughter from the sofa, by the opened gifts and the lit tree. Watching Danny maneuver behind the small bar to pour scotch for him and Chester and club soda with lime for her—she’d had enough to drink for one night—there was no mistaking the tranquility that had eased into his body since their arrival. The fact was, while neither of them had forgotten the loss they’d suffered just a few days before they left, being away from it made breathing easier.
