Blink (The Breathe Series Book 2)

by Lila Kane

  “And yet we found our way back to each other. That’s got to mean something, right? That we’re meant to be together.”

  I wiggled against him, one hand on his chest. “Finn, stop. Let me up. This isn’t—”

  “Charlotte.” He must have heard the panic in my voice because he rolled off the couch, letting me scramble to my feet after him. “We don’t have to talk about this now.”

  “You see what a mess I am, right?” I pointed at my chest. “Inside. I’m…” I drew a calming breath. “I’m pulling it together. I am. I’m getting there but still—you do remember I was engaged before, right?”

  His gaze held mine with frightening intensity. “I’m not Mark.”

  “I know.” I gripped his arm, trying to get him to understand. “God, I swear I know that Finn. You’re everything he’s not. And you’re better than the person I used to know. You’re ambitious and caring and responsible. You—you’re confident about what you want. You would be a great husband and father. It’s me. It’s me who would be terrible at it. Right now, I can’t even get my life together. I can’t keep dragging other people into my mess.” With a sigh that almost came out as a sob, I said, “You’re already in my mess and look what it’s doing to us.”

  Finn stood still like a statue, his eyes the only things moving as they searched my face. “God, Charlotte. Is this why you won’t move in with me? You think you need your life in perfect order first? This is all shit you can’t even control. And after John’s dealt with and Mark’s gone, there’s going to be more shit you can control. That’s life.”

  “I know but—”

  “No, I really don’t think you do. We’d be building a life together, which means building around the good and the bad. You’re there for me and I’m there for you.”

  “Yes, but my bad is…so much worse than anything you should have to deal with. Finn—”

  He pulled away from me, shocking me to silence. “You have no idea, do you? No clue that it’s actually possible for someone to love you despite the situation you’re in. So, you fuck up sometimes, we get in a fight, I don’t fucking tell you about Tracy because I don’t want to ruin your whole week here—but we get over it. Together. And when your life sucks, I help you through it. And when mine turns to shit, you help me, too. That’s the way it works, Charlotte. So, if you’re scared to move in with me or marry me”—I flinched at the words—“because you’re not sure of your feelings, I can handle that. But if you’re afraid because you think it’s just going to be one giant echo of your relationship with Mark or you don’t think I can handle it, then our relationship doesn’t have anything to stand on.”

  His words rocked me all the way to my toes, tearing at my heart. “Finn…”

  “I’m going to bed,” he snapped. He turned off the fireplace and then the light by the couch where I’d been sitting. After another moment, he held out his hand. “Are you coming?”

  I automatically put my hand in his. “Yes.”

  He led us upstairs. I could still feel the tension rolling off him in waves. All his emotions, hurt, fear, vulnerability, hope for our future—he’d laid it all out there. And I’d been too scared to reciprocate.

  We both got ready for bed in silence. When it was dark and we were under the covers, Finn put his arm around me and I laid my cheek on his chest again.

  “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he murmured, lips brushing my hair.

  “It’s okay.”

  And it was. Because I’d just freaked out over his dreams, his plan for our future, and he was still here with me. Here for me. That’s exactly what a true relationship was about.

  And something I’d never had with Mark.

  “Are your feet okay?” he asked. “Do you need more bandages?”

  “I changed them earlier. It’s healing. It’s fine.”

  “Good.”

  And then nothing but his breathing.

  “Finn,” I whispered.

  “Let’s sleep. We’ll feel better tomorrow.”

  I nodded even as emotion tickled my throat. He was right. It didn’t make sense to keep talking about this—especially when my heart was still as confused as my mind.

  “Goodnight,” I said, lifting my mouth to kiss his jaw.

  He touched my cheek and kissed me on the lips. “Goodnight.”

  The alarm was shrill when it woke us early the next morning. I jerked out of a comfortable sleep, my heart lurching into my throat.

  My eyes swung to Finn’s. “What is it?”

  “Security alarm,” he said, already jumping out of bed and dragging on a pair of sweats.

  “Oh, God.”

  He opened the closet doors and pulled out a box while I turned on the lamp next to the bed. He unlatched it to reveal a small silver gun with a black grip. I instinctively scooted back on the bed, my chest heaving.

  “Stay here,” Finn said, lifting the gun so he was holding it at his shoulder, pointed at the ceiling.

  I nodded.

  “I’m serious, Charlotte. Lock the door behind me and keep your phone close.”

  I scrambled to the end table to grab it and clasped it between my hands. “Please be careful.”

  “I will.” He opened the door quietly and whispered, “Lock this behind me.”

  I hurried to the door, switching the latch once he was outside the room. The alarm continued to shriek for another few minutes before it fell silent. I pressed myself to the door, ear to the surface. There was the low murmur of voices but I couldn’t make out more.

  My phone shook in my hand. What if he was hurt? What if something had happened?

  I couldn’t lose Finn like this. I couldn’t lose Finn at all. He was the one for me—always had been.

  “Finn,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Where are you?”

  Only a dim sliver of light made it through the curtains in the room. It was still early—too early for Curtis to be here. That meant…it had to be someone else.

  Clutching my phone to my chest, I set my hand on the doorknob. “Come on, Finn. Come back.”

  I listened again but didn’t hear anything. Turning, I searched for something—anything that might make a weapon. I even wished for a gun at this point. All I could find was a heavy vase on the dresser so I grabbed that.

  I was still in my oversized T-shirt and my feet were bare on the cold floor but at least they were quiet. With a steadying breath, I unlocked the door and rested my hand on the knob. Then, slowly, I twisted. It barely made any noise except for a small creak at the end.

  I froze, waiting to make sure I still didn’t hear anything. And then I pulled the door open and gasped.

  “Finn.”

  He eyed the vase. “What the hell, Charlotte?”

  “Are you okay?” I peered around him to the hallway. “What is it? Is Jake okay? And Paige?”

  “They’re fine.” He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. Taking the vase from me, he said, “I told you to stay in here.”

  “I know.”

  “And you didn’t listen to me because…?” He stowed the gun away in the box and set it on the shelf in the closet again.

  “I thought you might be hurt. What happened?”

  “Fishing,” Finn said, sitting on the edge of the bed. His feet were also bare, hair mussed and eyes sleepy. “Jake’s taking Paige fishing. She forgot about the alarm and opened the front door.”

  “Oh.” My breath released in one long rush. I put a hand to my still rapidly beating heart. “I thought—I’m sorry.”

  “You need to stay in here. If something happens—you just…” He shoved a hand through his hair and then propped his forearms on his knees. “You need to stay in here.”

  I walked to him, stepping between his thighs and forcing him to straighten. I wrapped my arms around his neck and lowered my face to his hair. “Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right.”

  “What was that?”

  A small smile curved my lips. “I said you’re right. Sorry about
the vase.”

  “I was less worried about the vase. I want you safe.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  His arms came around my waist and he swung me around so I landed on the bed, releasing a surprised rush of breath.

  “It’s too early to be wandering around,” he said, leaning over me. “And too cold.”

  I traced my hand down his arm. “Then come in here with me and get warm.”

  “I’m going to make some coffee. I don’t think I can sleep anymore.”

  “Oh. Right.” I smiled. “Sure. I’ll go with you.”

  “No, stay here.”

  Stay here? Was he still mad at me?

  As if hearing my thoughts, he touched my cheek. “Rest a little longer. Your eyes look tired. I’ll bring you up a cup.”

  I forced a smile. I was still tired but that didn’t mean I wanted to lose any time with Finn.

  “Rest,” he said again, standing and finding a shirt. “I’ll be back.”

  I must have dozed because the sun was shining brightly outside the curtains when my eyelids flickered. I rolled over, stretching my arms high over my head. My shirt rode up, exposing my stomach.

  I heard a low sound of approval from the other side of the room. Finn stood in the bathroom doorway, a towel around his waist and his hair damp. He had shaving cream on his jaw and a smile on his face.

  “You look good,” he said.

  I laughed, easing myself up to lean against the pillows. “I thought you were coming back with coffee.”

  “I did.” He grabbed a towel and wiped his chin. He gestured to a mug on the end table. “But you were sleeping so well I didn’t want to wake you.”

  I glanced to the mug and made a face. “Cold coffee. Sorry. You should have woken me up.”

  “Don’t apologize. You needed it.” He grabbed his mug off the counter in the bathroom and brought it to me. “Here, have some of mine. It’s fresh.”

  Grateful, I sipped the coffee and let it warm me. Finn finished wiping his face and returned his towel to the bathroom.

  “Are you still…upset about last night?” I called after him.

  He stuck his head out. “What was that?”

  “I…” I couldn’t say the words again. He looked so happy. So rested. So relaxed. I didn’t want to ruin our day by bringing it all up again. And besides, I still had thinking to do.

  Finn’s words had rocked me to my very core. He’d been absolutely right. If I wasn’t there, on the same page as him, he deserved to know. But the scary part was, I thought I was on the same page. I loved Finn with my whole heart. I’d known he was the one for me even back in school.

  But hearing him say it now, having him be the one who wanted to take such giant steps forward, scared me. The only thing holding me back was my own fear, and that was entirely unfair to him.

  He wasn’t Mark and he wasn’t going to hurt me. And I…even though I wasn’t the same Charlotte I used to be didn’t mean I wasn’t growing into the kind of person I wanted to be. And Finn was helping me. We were growing together.

  “Charlotte?” Finn asked, walking out of the bathroom again. “What’s wrong?”

  I smiled at him and set his coffee aside. “Nothing. Just thinking about what I want to do today.”

  He angled his head, intrigued. “What’s that?”

  “Now, don’t get mad…” I said with a smile, crawling to the end of the bed.

  “Why would I get mad?”

  “Because I want to go out.”

  He walked to me, stopping a few feet away. “Go out where?”

  “Maybe that little bar in town so I have an excuse to get dressed up and spend the evening with you.” I smiled. “And maybe for a hike this afternoon. Get some exercise.”

  He propped his hands on his hips, dropping his chin and staring at the floor for a long moment.

  “I want to spend time with you,” I said, rising up to my knees to look him in the eye. “And I need to be outside. I need…”

  “If we take the gun.”

  My mouth opened in surprise. But I nodded immediately. “Sure. Whatever you think is best.”

  “And if we go out tonight, Jake and Paige come with us. Powell, too.”

  I smiled. “Absolutely.”

  Finn narrowed his eyes on mine. He stepped forward to rest his hands on my hips. “What’s going on with you this morning?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I kissed his jaw, breathing in the scent of aftershave and soap. “You smell good.”

  “Thanks. Charlotte—”

  I slid my tongue across his lips. He groaned, fingers clenching on my hips.

  “This is what we’re here for,” I said. “What you wanted, right? To spend time together. To wind down…”

  I pressed my chest to his, only the thin cotton of my shirt separating us. “Please.”

  “You keep looking at me that way, we’re not going to be able to leave this bedroom,” he said, voice low.

  “No worries. That’s part of the day’s activities, too.” I grinned wickedly. “If you play your cards right.”

  I hopped off the bed, laughing when he snatched at my waist. I evaded and shook my head. “Patience.” I flung open the curtains, able to see the small lake behind the house. “Look at that. A perfect day.”

  Finn captured me from behind, nuzzling my neck. “And we’re here together.”

  It sounded like he was going to say more. Maybe tell me again how this could be our life together. If we moved in with each other. If we got married. But instead, he only kissed my cheek.

  My heart swelled with love for him. For the things he’d already said and the things he wasn’t saying. There was so much I wanted to say to him. But not here, in this room. I wanted to feel the air on my face, Finn’s hand in mine, and the freedom of being outside without fear.

  I turned, placing my hands on his cheeks. “I love you, Finn.”

  “I love you, too.”

  “Will you take me to that place?” I asked with a smile. “The one by the lake, under those trees?”

  His eyes squinted with his smile. “Absolutely.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “I caught a fish,” Paige declared when she walked through the door an hour later.

  Her hair was pulled into a high bun and her cheeks were flushed with either the cold or excitement. She held her hands wide apart. “It was huge. Jake said he hasn’t seen someone catch a fish that big from this lake in years.”

  Jake followed her inside, smiling at her story. “She’s right. Twenty inches at least.”

  Finn grinned. “You let it go or are we having fish for dinner tonight?”

  “Oh, no,” Paige said. “We can’t eat him. He’s in the cooler outside.”

  With a choked laugh, I said, “It’s still alive?”

  “Sure. I named him Chuck.”

  Finn turned his head to hide his smile.

  “Come see,” Paige said, beckoning us.

  Finn followed her out the door, and I smiled at Jake. “She works with kids all day—she’s kind of used to naming things. But it sounds she had a good time.”

  “I did, too. But she won’t listen to me when I tell her we can’t keep Chuck.”

  I grinned, stepping out the door. “Let’s see.”

  Paige leaned over, keeping her body as far from the cooler as she could while still being able to open the lid. “He, uh…is kind of sloshing around in there a lot. I don’t want him to jump out.” She flipped open the lid quickly. “See? See?”

  Chuck splashed in the low water, a beautiful rainbow trout. Paige snapped the lid shut. “Wow, okay,” she said, giving a laughing smile. “He doesn’t like being in there.”

  “Still impressive, though,” Finn said. “What about you?”

  Jake glanced up. “Me?”

  “Yeah, what did you catch?”

  “I was the teacher.”

  “So, nothing then?”

  “No, he caught one,” Paige said.
“But he had to throw it back.”

  Finn laughed. “Too small, huh?”

  Jake socked him on the shoulder. “I didn’t see you out there at the crack of dawn trying to catch us dinner.”

  Paige grimaced. “You were probably tired. I’m so sorry about the alarm. I totally forgot. I was just trying to get the cooler outside, and then it went off and I didn’t know how to stop it—”

  “It’s not your fault,” I assured her. “We got plenty of sleep.”

  Jake sent Finn a sly smile and I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, we were thinking of heading into town to that little bar we used to go to sometimes. Tonight, after dinner maybe?”

  Jake nodded. “Sounds good. Music, dancing.” His glance at Paige was swift and discreet. “A good time.”

  Finn grabbed my hand. “Good. We’re going hiking.” He socked his brother back. “For someone who doesn’t know how to fish, you sure smell bad. Like you walked right into that lake and swam with the fish.”

  “I’ll bet you twenty bucks you can’t fish for two hours tomorrow morning and catch anything that even comes close to Chuck.”

  “I could do that in my sleep,” Finn said.

  Paige grinned at me. “Guess I’ll take a shower while they’re fighting over whose fish is going to be bigger.”

  I laughed and tugged on Finn’s hand. “Come on. It’s getting warm—let’s go.”

  He leaned in the door and grabbed his backpack, hauling it over his shoulder. “All right. We’re off. Powell’s not supposed to be here until later this afternoon but he might be here early. Just a heads-up in case a strange car comes up the drive.”

  Jake nodded and saluted us. “Got it. Have a nice hike.”

  Finn tightened his hand on mine and steered us toward the side of the house to a flagstone path that led to the backyard. We trekked off it to the trees and Finn kept my hand snug in his as we walked what once used to be a trail.

  “I’m glad you remember where you’re going,” I said. “You can barely see the trail anymore.”

  “No one hikes it much now.” He flashed a smile at me though I could see the regret behind it. “Mom wants us to come more often. But Mom wants a lot of things—you know, typical Mom stuff.”