by Toni Mari
“You see my problem.”
Megan regarded me silently. “You haven’t stopped loving Cory, have you?”
I dropped my head again. “No, of course not. But, I don’t know. He is so far away. And Shawn is . . .” I looked up with a sheepish smile. “Shawn is something else.”
Megan’s gaze was thoughtful. “You have to do what your heart tells you, of course. But be careful, Jane. Don’t let a pretty face turn your head.”
Breath hissed through my nose like air out of a slashed tire. “I don’t even know where my head is these days. Everything is so messed up,” I admitted.
“Only time will tell,” Megan said sagely. “But in the meantime, see how tomorrow night goes.”
I nodded, noisily sipping my lukewarm cappuccino.
I was nervous. It had been a long time since I was nervous about seeing Cory. He was picking me up at school, and we were stopping by the barn first so that he could say hi to everyone, and then we’d head out on a date. I stopped in the girls’ room, pulled my make-up bag out of my backpack, and settled it on to the ledge of the sink. I stared at my hazel eyes as I pulled my hair band out and redid my ponytail.
Megan stepped in and stood next to me. She watched me silently as I pulled mascara out and opened it with shaky fingers. She put her hand over mine, stopping me. “You don’t need that with Cory. You guys are past that,” she said softly.
I looked at my plain skin and simple ponytail. Nothing. I could see nothing that would keep a guy interested, let alone two. I looked down. “What if this is the last time I go out with Cory? What if it’s gone? I’m not so sure of it, anymore,” I whispered, my eyes stinging.
“Honey, I think you are jumping the gun.” Megan turned me toward her.
“Last time he was away, it all fell apart. It’s happening again.”
“You don’t know that.” She wiped a tear from the corner of my eye with her thumb. “Calm down and go see. If it is supposed to last, it will.” She pulled me in for a hug, pushed my make-up bag back into my backpack, and handed the pack to me. “Have fun!” She grinned.
I bit my lip, shook my head, and took the bag. I slowly walked to the parking lot, looking around for Cory’s old truck. I didn’t see the truck but spotted a cowboy hat. Cory was leaning on the back fender of a shiny new blue rig. As if he could feel my presence, he lifted his head, pushed the hat back, and looked right at me. A delighted grin spread across his face.
Heat sizzled through my body as if his electrifying blue eyes were actually touching me. I ran. I ran right to him, dropped my bag, and leapt on him. He caught me and held me tight, burying his nose in my neck.
“Hello, darling,” he drawled. I drew back and searched his eyes. I saw only joy, and it was contagious. What was I thinking? Shawn was something else? No one was quite like Cory. “You keep looking at me like that, I might get a little crazy right here in the parking lot.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “We better get someplace a little more private then.” I tossed my bag in the truck and hopped in after it. “Nice rig.”
“They gave it to me. Can you believe that? I think my old truck embarrassed them.”
“That’s awesome.” I fiddled with the radio, pressing buttons until some good music came on.
“How’s Elton?” Cory took my hand as he steered out of the parking lot.
“His appointment with the cardiologist is tomorrow. Let’s hope he can keep on kicking butt and taking names.” I put my other hand over his and shook it. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Cory chuckled. “So, you didn’t get to ride with Erica. That’s too bad. I know how much you were looking forward to it. You just gotta hope the heart tests don’t show anything serious.”
“I know. Erica said she was going to call me about giving me a lesson privately, but it all hinges on tomorrow. Cory, it might be over. Windsong might be done.”
“Just wait until all the facts are in. Don’t write old Elton off yet.” He squeezed my fingers.
I held on tight and soaked up his confidence and support.
#
Chapter Twenty-One
I watched Cory pull on his socks, the muscles in his bare back rippling like Windsong’s neck in the moonlight. He pulled on his t-shirt and settled his hat over his curls.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave right now.”
It was almost midnight, and he had six hours of driving to get back in time for the morning feed.
I rolled onto my back and almost purred like a kitten. “Me too. What if I refuse to get up? I protest, I’m not moving.”
Cory stood over me, holding out his hand. “C’mon, darling, don’t make this harder.”
I sat up and put my hand in his. Then, I grabbed his arm with my other hand and threw myself backward and, giggling, pulled him down on me.
“You don’t play fair.” He kissed me soft and slow. Maybe it would never end. I could just wrap my arms around him and never let go. I tightened my embrace. He tickled my underarms with both index fingers and, when I shrieked and pushed him off, he hopped up to his feet. He held out his hand, a smirky grin challenging me to try that move again. I wasn’t that stupid. I stood and slipped into my sandals. I looked out the window over the farm rolling gently away from the top of the hill, clearly lit by the moon and stars. The two barns looked like children’s building blocks and the horses in the field, like tiny plastic toys.
“Really, if we never drove back down the hill and we stayed here, would that be such a bad thing?”
“Depends. Bad if you’re one of the horses waiting for me to feed you and turn you out in the morning. Excellent if you’re an idiot cowboy alone on the hill with a beautiful princess.”
Sighing, I climbed into the truck. Beautiful princess, really? “I want tomorrow to never come. I’d rather stay in this moment forever.”
Cory hesitated before turning the key in the ignition. “Maybe we have better moments to look forward to. Isn’t that the point? To make things better.”
I knitted my eyebrows. “Tomorrow isn’t looking better to me. No you, maybe no Windsong. It’s looking pretty bad to me.”
Cory shifted in the seat, pulling me into his arms. “You don’t know anything yet. I’ll be with you in spirit, you can call me while you’re in the hospital. Babe, things are going to work out.” He kissed me tenderly, hugging me tightly to his body.
My pocket vibrated violently, making me jump and bump my teeth on his lip. “Oof!” Cory released me, rubbing his mouth and rolling his eyes.
Why did I put the stupid thing on vibrate when it made me jump every time? “Sorry.” Straightening in the seat, I slid the phone out of my pocket and keyed it on. My eyes flew open, and I dropped the phone on the floor of the truck like it was a hot potato. It was a text from Shawn.
Cory eyed the phone on the floor. “Bad news?”
I realized I was just staring at the device instead of picking it up. “Not important.” I left it there and turned to Cory. “When can I see you again?”
“I don’t know. I am horse showing almost every weekend. Definitely for your graduation, though. I already blocked that out.”
“That’s a month and a half away!”
Cory stared out the window without saying anything, but his jaw tightened.
A month and a half. Alone. I slumped in my seat.
Cory stopped his truck in front of my house. He slid out, and I waited for him to come around and open my door. He pulled me off the seat and into his arms as he buried his face in my neck.
“I don’t like leaving. I don’t. But it’s a great job—look at this truck!—a really great job.” He lifted his head and kissed me. “I gotta go.” He kissed me again.
I stood on the lawn and watched until the taillights turned the corner. I trudged into the house. I was reaching for the door knob when I realized I had forgotten my phone on the floor of Cory’s truck. My phone that had all those messages from Shawn. I sank to my butt. This was bad.
<
br /> Maybe he wouldn’t turn it on. Maybe he wouldn’t see them. I would call him before he got too far. I jumped up and ran into the house, through the living room, and into the kitchen. The house phone, it wasn’t on its base. Where was it? I tore back through the living room, tossing pillows on the floor, shoving my hands between the cushions, searching under magazines and newspapers. Scurrying down the hall to my dad’s study, I skidded to a stop when there was a soft knock on the front door. Silently, I hurried back to the living room and flung the door open. Cory tipped his head up, lifting the brim of his hat. His eyes were icy. He held up my phone.
“Oh, great, thanks. I just realized I forgot it,” I said, as I reached for it.
“It rang. I answered it because I thought it was you telling me you forgot it.” His eyes narrowed. “It was that guy Shawn.”
My heart dropped to my feet. I swallowed.
When I didn’t say anything, Cory said, “You better return the call.” He put the phone in my hand, turned, and walked to his truck.
#
Chapter Twenty-Two
After closing the tailgate behind Windsong, I climbed into the truck next to Kate. When we were on the road to the equine clinic, I tried Cory one more time. I had called, left messages, and sent about thirty texts, but he wasn’t responding. What a surprise, no answer again. At the sound of the tone, I mumbled, “Okay. I get it, you’re mad. Please, just call me.”
I sat with the phone in my lap, staring out the window. Guilt turned into anger. Why did I feel guilty? Was it my fault that someone liked me? I didn’t tell Shawn to call, or to text, or to kiss me. And for Cory, of all people—former male playboy—to look at me funny because a guy called me was ridiculous. Shawn was my teammate and could have been calling for team business. (Yeah, right; calling at midnight to talk about the team.) Cory was the one who cheated on me. I sat up straighter. You know what? I made myself sick. Please call me. Groveling like I had something to be sorry for. I would leave him another message. How dare he imply that I was a cheat?
My phone vibrated precisely as I picked it up. Lifting my lip and drawing in a breath to blast him, I swiped the answer button. “I’ve got something to say, and you better listen.”
“Hello, Jane. I’m listening.” Erica’s puzzled voice drifted into my brain.
I threw the phone down. “Oh, no! I just yelled at Erica.”
Kate pointed at the phone. “What is wrong with you? Answer it.”
We could hear Erica saying, “Jane! Jane, hello?”
I swallowed. “I am so sorry, Erica. I thought you were . . .” I put a hand on my head. “I thought you were Cory. What can I help you with?”
“Glad I’m not Cory! I was actually calling to apologize for not calling you sooner.”
“Oh, my God, you do not have to apologize to me. No problem.”
“Listen, I got all tied up this week, so I couldn’t schedule a lesson with you. But I can fit you in Saturday morning at the showcase. Unless you think that is too much for Windsong. He’s been okay, right?”
Words caught in my throat, and I looked at Kate.
“Jane? What do you think?”
“I’m driving, just a second,” I stalled, and then hit the end button when I meant to hit mute. OMG! “That was Erica,” I said, realizing my mistake. “She’s asking about Windsong and if I want a lesson at the showcase this weekend. What do I do?” I spoke quickly, before the phone rang again.
Kate’s jaw worked while she scrambled for an answer. “Umm, tell her yes. Just tell her yes, he’s fine, and if he’s not it won’t matter anyway.”
The phone buzzed. I stared at it a moment, and then swiped it on. “Sorry, I was at an intersection.” The lies were rolling off my tongue, now.
Erica laughed, “I figured it was something like that when you said you were driving. Well, what do you think about Saturday?”
I swallowed. “Absolutely. I’ll look forward to it.”
“Okay. It’s all set. I’ll talk to you later to discuss the details.”
I hung up. After tucking the phone into my pocket, I sat on my trembling hands. I looked at Kate. “I may never get to ride with her after lying to her.”
Kate focused on the road. “We’re not really lying. Plus, you’ll always have me and Robert to ride with. Don’t worry about it.”
My heart sank lower as we turned into the driveway of the equine clinic. I didn’t have a good feeling about this. I slid out of the truck and got a lead rope from the trailer. Kate lowered the ramp. With a nod at me, she went along the side to open the window. Windsong’s voice made me chuckle. He hadn’t seemed different since we brought him home from Rainbow Ridge. As he sidled down the ramp and reared straight up, a whisper of hope tickled my brain.
Kate and I exchanged smiles and led a jigging Windsong to the doors of the examination area. A young technician opened the garage-type door and waved us in. She directed Kate to the reception desk to check in and showed me where to stand with Windsong. The floor was covered with red rubber tiles, and Windsong lowered his nose, sniffing each one before stepping on it.
The tech looked at me, her eyebrow cocked. I shrugged. “He’s a bit of a drama king.”
She closed the door behind us. Stepping over to the counter that lined one wall, she asked, “What did you come in for?”
I blew out a big breath. “Heart murmur.”
She wrote something on her clipboard. “Okay, I will start the initial exam, and then the specialist will come in.”
Windsong was standing with his legs spread, head high, testing the air with his nose. His eyebrows were up, and his eyes were huge. I stroked his neck. “Easy, boy. She wants to help you.”
Two more techs joined us. “Wow! He’s beautiful. What’s his job?” asked the shorter girl in a brightly colored scrub shirt.
“We do dressage. We’re on the North American Junior Team. Well, we think we are, if you guys don’t find anything too serious.”
The girl’s eyes filled with sympathy. “Whatever it is, we’ll do our best to get you back in shape.” She squeezed my shoulder and patted Windsong.
“I hear it,” the first tech announced. She held the stethoscope against Windsong’s ribs and pulled the ear pieces off for the others to try.
After listening, the short girl looked at me. “Do you want to listen?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t know what I was listening to.”
She waved me over, and one of the others took the lead from my hand. I put the ear pieces in and immediately could hear a muffled beat. I closed my eyes and listened. Keewaahrr. Keewaahrr. Keewaahrr. It was a hollow sound, very rhythmic. Windsong bumped me in the back. I straightened up. “Cool.”
“The little gurgle at the end of the beat is the murmur,” the tech explained.
Just then, a door slid open and a tall, slender man wearing a white lab coat strode in followed by Kate.
He held his hand out to me. “Hello, Jane. I am Dr. Clark. I’m a cardiac specialist here. Okay, guys, what do we have so far?” He took the clipboard and read the notes. He wrote for a minute, and then handed it back to the technician. “Take some blood to the lab for these tests,” he directed as he turned to me. “We will take the horse to have an echocardiogram and ultrasound.”
Kate took my hand. “C’mon. We’ll go wait in the lounge.”
She pulled me away as I was giving Windsong one more pat. “Be good, boy.” I watched as they took him out through another door, and then reluctantly followed Kate.
Two hours, one-and-a-half candy bars, and a whole can of soda later, Dr. Clark found us in the waiting area. He sat on one of the chairs with the clipboard on his lap. I sat forward, jiggling my knee and chewing my fingernails.
“Okay. Good news first. He’s okay. The murmur is caused by a badly formed valve that is leaking.” At my look of horror, he held up his hand. “Hold on, let me finish. It may be something he was born with, and no one took notice. We stress-tested him, and he passed. So, we think
that he can go on with his career with few changes, for now.”
He had a broken heart? Was that what I was hearing? “But I have to work him really hard. Are you sure he will be okay?”
Kate put a hand on my knee. “She does upper-level dressage, which requires a lot of strength and stamina. We have a championship coming up in July, in the heat. Will this have an effect on his performing ability?”
I nodded. That’s what I meant. I sat very still waiting for the doctor’s answer.
“Well, there is no clear answer to that. If he is not displaying symptoms while training, then he may continue on as good as he has been in the past. We will give you a printout of the signs to look for, the most obvious being increase in fatigue, shortness of breath, loss of condition, weakness, or collapse. We are recommending that you treat him the same as you have always treated him.”
I put a hand over my mouth, covering a smile. He’s okay. My shoulders suddenly felt lighter.
“Okay. You mentioned bad news,” Kate reminded him.
I closed my eyes. Here we go.
“Yes, the bad news is that we can’t be sure whether or not the damage is recent. If it is new, and further damage occurs, then we have a bigger problem. We are recommending twice yearly echocardiograms, more often if changes in his behavior or any symptoms on the list are noticed.”
I opened my eyes and pinched my lip, rolling it between my fingers. “Are you saying his heart is like a ticking time bomb, and he could drop at any minute with a heart attack?”
“No. If the damage progresses, you will notice signs. At which point, if his heart is overstressed, it could be a problem. But it is unlikely from this condition that he will have a sudden cardiac event that causes fatality.”
I shook my head, looking at Kate. She patted my knee again and turned to the veterinarian. “I’m sorry, I just need to be clear. Is it okay for Jane to continue to train hard and take Windsong to shows?”
The man smiled kindly. “Yes. Don’t change anything. He’s in great shape otherwise.” He stood and shook both of our hands. “The instant you see symptoms, call me. Good luck. ” He handed Kate a business card.
