by Toni Mari
Oh, crud. “No, of course not.” Quick. New subject. “Umm, how is the riding going?”
“You need to stay away from him, Jane. I mean it. I don’t trust him.” Cory was like a dog with a bone.
“Or me either, apparently,” I spit out with anger out of proportion to his comments. He could be right, judging by my heated reactions to Shawn. “You know what, I gotta go.” I pressed the end button and shoved the phone in my pocket. I jumped when it immediately rang again. I turned it on but didn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry,” Cory said right away. “But I just was worried about you.”
“Well, don’t be. I have enough to worry about without your jealousy. Trust works both ways. I really gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up again.
Edgier than ever, I strode through the indoor, picked up Shawn’s helmet, and headed to Windsong’s stall.
Windsong pushed his nose through the bars, softly nickering at my approach. “Let’s go for a walk, big guy.” I put his halter on and took him on the paths around the paddocks and outdoor arenas. He dragged me to the grass for a few nibbles but couldn’t stay still for long. We jigged and marched, his shoes crunching loudly on the stone paths. I tried to tug him away from one particularly lush patch of grass, and he reared in protest. I grinned. A year ago I would have been afraid, but now I was pleased to see his normal misbehaving.
I gave him a handful of his favorite mint treats as I released him back into the stall. He nodded and spun in a quick circle. He used his nose to push against the door, trying to stop it from closing.
“I hear you, you’re worried what the doctor will say tomorrow, aren’t you? One way or another, you only have one more night in this stall. When we get home, maybe we can just be trail riders and forget all this stress.”
I half tripped over Shawn’s helmet. I thought I should give it back. I could just leave it front of Donner’s stall. Shawn was probably long gone, since the grooms took care of his horse.
As luck would have it—my rotten disaster weekend luck—he was just closing the stall door as I approached. He looked over his shoulder at me, and then started walking in the other direction.
“Shawn, wait.”
He stopped and turned with a belligerent sneer on his face. “What?”
I held up his helmet. “Here’s your helmet.”
He looked down at the helmet, and then back at me, waiting. I bit my lip, dismayed by the hurt and anger in his eyes. “Fine.” He took the helmet and spun around.
“Wait.”
He stopped but didn’t turn back.
“I’m sorry.”
His shoulders slumped. He leaned back against the wall and slid down onto his butt, sighing loudly. “I think you’re cute. Is that such a crime?” he said in a flat voice.
I leaned against Donner’s stall door. The horse was dozing with one leg cocked. “No. And if I didn’t have Cory . . .”
“I hate that guy,” Shawn mumbled to himself.
I couldn’t answer, and I wouldn’t look at him.
After a minute, he asked quietly, “You really think I’m a good rider?”
I squatted in front of him. “Shawn, you take my breath away. You are so inspiring to watch. I think that someday you are going to be as big a name in dressage as Erica is.”
His eyes searched mine, a gleam appearing at my words. “I knew you liked me.” He held out his hand with a grin.
“I’d like to be just friends.” I stood and tugged. Instead, he yanked, tumbling me onto his lap. He caught me in his arms and stole a swift kiss, chuckling.
“Shawn!”
“I know. I know. You have a boyfriend. I’m just teasing. I understand.” He gave me a shove back to my feet. “I’m sorry, too. I won’t be so pushy anymore.”
I straightened up and nearly bumped into Alison. Glaring at me, she said, “I came to get you, Shawn. Robert wants us for a meeting.”
“Me too?” I asked.
She pulled Shawn up by the hand. “Probably not.” She tugged him along with her.
“What’s he want? Do you know?” Shawn was asking as she dragged him away.
She turned a dazzling smile on him. “Maybe he wants to tell us he’s dropping her from the team and bringing Courtney back.”
My mouth fell open. She couldn’t possibly know what the vet had said, could she? Shawn stopped. “Why would he do that?” He looked at me.
Alison pulled on his arm again. “Because she’s unreliable, and her horse is completely a mess. We can’t count on her.”
My shoulders relaxed. Thank goodness, she didn’t know; this was just her regular hostility.
Shawn pulled his hand free. “That’s not right, Alison. C’mon, Jane. We better go find out.” He held his hand out to me.
Ignoring Alison’s outrage, I started forward. “I’m coming.” But I didn’t touch Shawn’s hand.
Kate was in an intense discussion with Robert as we entered the lounge. My parents and Erica stood next to them. All five heads turned and they stared at me as we came through the door. I froze, cold fingers of dread dancing over my skin. Were they going to kick me off?
Robert waved me over, telling Shawn and Alison to wait with the others. “Kate has explained the situation with Windsong. I scheduled you to ride last tomorrow, as long as he is cleared by the vet first. But we must determine whether he will be healthy enough to stay on the team before the final team roster is due.”
My gaze snapped to Kate, heart hammering faster than a galloping horse. I swallowed. Kate put her hand on my arm, her look intense, willing me to read her mind. “Once we know the cause of the dehydration from the vet, we can determine if it is anything serious or just a one-time incident.” She blinked at me.
I chewed my lips, looking from face to face. “Well, he did have that manure in his bucket, so that could be all it was.” I got it: Kate didn’t want to mention the heart thing.
With a sympathetic look, Robert said, “We’ll discuss this after you speak with the vet tomorrow. Let me start the meeting. We’ll proceed as if Windsong is fine unless we hear otherwise.”
Alison’s disappointment was obvious next to Melinda’s and Shawn’s supportive smiles. Robert started speaking and my mind drifted. Would Windsong be fine? Would my year-long quest be over tomorrow morning? I gazed at my teammates. Alison would love for me to be off the team. Melinda wouldn’t care one way or another. And Shawn? What would he really think? I honestly didn’t know.
“Together,” Robert was saying. “You can only win if you work together. This is a team event, and everyone counts.” He eyed each of us. “Your best effort is required, and your support for each other is necessary for this team to dominate this championship. I have no doubt you four can do it.”
Melinda was admiring her manicure, Alison was staring into the distance, and Shawn was looking at my chest. I had doubts.
#
Chapter Nineteen
The vet arrived right on time at the crack of dawn. Windsong pawed the floor, spraying shavings everywhere, demanding his breakfast. The doctor looked in the stall and chuckled. “Is this the patient’s normal demeanor?”
“Yes, sir.” I slid the door open. “He was full of spit and vinegar yesterday when I took him out for a walk.”
I put the halter on Windsong, slipping him a treat, and tried to convince him to stand still so the vet could check him. The man lifted Windsong’s lips and inspected his gums. He aimed a light in Windsong’s big brown eyes. He held a stethoscope to his sides, listening in different spots. Finally, he straightened up, giving Windsong a pat on the rump.
“Everything sounds good. I still hear the heart murmur, and who knows, maybe he has had it his whole life, but I want you to find out exactly what it is. Right now, because I don’t know the history of this sound, I can’t tell you whether it is a problem ready to happen or is exactly the same as it has been his whole life. You haven’t stepped up his training lately, have you?”
I shot a
look at Kate. “Not really. We’ve been training and competing for over a year, with no breaks.”
“That’s right, we’ve taken him to numerous shows and had no problems.”
The doctor rubbed his chin. “This may be a nonissue. It doesn’t seem to be creating symptoms right now.”
“Can Jane ride him today in the clinic? It will be pretty hard work.”
“That’s your choice. It probably would be fine, but without further testing I can’t say for sure.”
“Do you mean he could have a heart attack and drop dead?” Kate asked with a horrified expression on her face.
“I am saying without further testing, I don’t know,” the vet repeated firmly as he picked up his equipment. Then, he said goodbye.
Kate and I stared at each other. “What do we do?” I breathed.
“We don’t ride and we schedule an appointment with a specialist as soon as possible.”
“What do we tell everyone? Will I be off the team?” My body was starting to shake.
I could tell Kate’s thoughts were racing. “Nothing. I mean, we say he needs more rest. We don’t want to push him just to do a lesson. Don’t say anything to anyone until we get him checked. I’ll talk to Robert, and you go compose yourself.” She patted my shoulder, finally noticing me falling apart.
I nodded, clamping my jaw tight. I sped down the aisle and passed Shawn without a word. I heard Kate speaking with him and hoped that was enough to deflect him from following me. Once outside, I jogged to the trailer and climbed inside the living quarters. I belly-flopped on the bed, finally letting my face crumple with silent sobs.
This could be it. The end of my national career. Finding another horse like Windsong and training together long enough to reach this level in the Young Rider program would be impossible. Besides, I didn’t want another horse, I wanted Windsong. Rearing, jigging, screaming, dancing Windsong. He couldn’t have fatal heart disease. And if he did, would he die even if I stopped competing him? Was this the end of his life?
A soft knock sounded on the door. I didn’t move. If it was Kate or my parents, they would come in after a moment. The knock came again and Shawn called, “Jane, can I come in?”
I sat up, swiping at my blotchy face. “No.”
“Come on. I brought you coffee.” The door swung open and Shawn’s arm poked in, waving a cup.
I snatched up a dirty shirt and rubbed it over my face. It would be stupid to be crying because I had to miss a lesson. I pulled my pony tail loose and untucked my shirt. Maybe it would look like I was just going back to bed. “Okay, come in.”
I took the cup so he could open the door and climb up. Although he definitely looked like he just got up, he still managed to be darn cute. His spiky hair was sticking up in uneven tufts, and his eyes were puffy but warm and friendly. A fitted polo shirt with the collar up hung, half tucked, over snug, faded jeans and paddock boots. He noticed my inspection and smoothed his hair down as he slid onto the bench at the miniature table. “I just rolled out of bed. I wanted to see how you made out with the vet.”
The lump in my throat swelled. He didn’t do mornings, he had told me, but here he was checking on me.
“Kate told me. You don’t get to ride today.”
Pressing my lips together, I just shook my head.
“Hey.” He reached across the table to touch my arm when my eyes filled. “I wish I could let you use Donner, but I don’t think they’d let us switch.”
I blinked, but tears spilled down my face anyway. He was being so sweet.
“No, no, no. Stop crying.” He rose up and slid in beside me. With an arm around my shoulders, he tucked me against his chest. He squeezed tighter when I couldn’t stop myself from shaking. He must have thought I was such a spoiled brat to be crying because I missed a lesson. He stroked my back. “Shhh. Catch your breath.”
After a moment, I was able to suck in a deep breath, and then I pushed away from him. “Stupid. I know.”
“You’re upset, it’s okay.”
I nearly blurted out everything at the soft compassion and tolerance in his voice. He wiped my cheek with his thumb and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. When his eyes met mine, he stopped moving.
“I don’t want you to cry, Jane,” he whispered. Then, he lowered his lips to mine. When my mouth dropped open in shock, he put his hands on my face and deepened the kiss. My heart started thudding out of my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me closer. My bones melted. The wondering was over—this was what kissing Shawn was like. Wow!
When he stopped and pulled back, his deep brown eyes were missing their usual glint of arrogance. “I just didn’t want you to cry anymore,” he implored. Rubbing the tears from my cheeks, he smoothed my hair, running his lean fingers down my neck and shoulder.
I twisted away, throwing my elbows on the table, and covering my face with my hands. “I’m a little overwrought. Can we just pretend that never happened?”
“But, Jane, . . .”
I interrupted him. “Please, it’s been a tough day and it’s barely seven in the morning.” I pressed my fingers into my eyelids, avoiding his scrutiny that burned into my neck.
He waited silently for a few moments and then rose, saying softly, “I’ll leave you alone for now. Talk to you later?”
Kate passed him on her way in. Once he was out the door she asked urgently, “You didn’t say anything to him, did you?”
I shook my head. No, I did worse, I kissed him. Exactly what Cory was afraid of.
Kate had talked to Erica and Robert, so we packed up and left. I didn’t run into anyone and I didn’t say any goodbyes.
Chapter Twenty
With my head bumping against the window glass of Kate’s truck, I thought about that kiss. When I imagined the soft look in Shawn’s eyes right before he lowered his lips to mine, my stomach flipped and heat rose into my cheeks. I almost believed that he felt something for me and wasn’t just taking advantage of the situation. But it was all an act; he was just trying to get what he wanted. Grass is greener and all that. I glanced at Kate, but she was concentrating on the road, singing softly with the radio. I kept expecting her to turn to me and say, “Why? Why would you do that to Cory?”
I slammed my fist down on the seat next to my leg. I didn’t mean it. Shawn was my Ferrari. Once he started kissing me, I wanted to see what it was like. And it was nice, real nice.
“Want to talk about it?” Kate said.
Absolutely not. “Not at all. Nope.” My cell phone sang “Candle in the Wind” by Elton John. My body jerked, and my face flamed all over again.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
“Of course.” I swiped at the screen and held it to my ear. Nothing would come out of my mouth.
“Jane?” Cory’s voice, Cory’s deep, lovely voice. “Jane, can you hear me?”
“I hear you.” Not very well over the loud buzzing in my head.
“What happened?”
My eyes flew open. How could he know? Putting a hand over my face, I stalled, “What?”
Kate gave me a quick look.
“What did the vet say?”
“He didn’t say anything, he just didn’t want me to be upset.”
“What? The doctor didn’t tell you anything? Did he examine Windsong?”
The doctor? Whoa, I rubbed my eyes. “Windsong, right.”
“Of course, Windsong. Are you alright?”
No, nothing is alright. “Oh, Cory, I wish you were here.” The last word came out as a sob.
“I don’t want you to cry, Jane.” I sobbed harder because that is exactly what Shawn had said before he kissed me. I was such a horrible girlfriend. “I’m guessing Windsong’s condition is bad.”
“When will I see you? I need to talk to you.” The image of Shawn leaning over me was too fresh. I needed to see Cory’s face, feel his arms, be surrounded by his comfort.
“What if I come up Wednesday? That’s my day off. We can do dinner or somethi
ng.”
“Yes, I need to see you. Wednesday, perfect. Yes.”
It was agony waiting for Wednesday. I wanted to see Cory, to erase that kiss from my memory. I wanted him to reassure me that Windsong would pass his health check on Thursday. I wanted him to fix this nagging ache in my chest. And I was scared that he wouldn’t be able to do any of that. I worried that he would kiss me and I would think of Shawn. I needed some Megan therapy.
There was nothing in the world like a bestie in these situations. I knew I could tell her everything, and she would know what to do. She was a social guru. She dressed right, she knew the right people, and she would know the right thing to do.
We went for cappuccinos after school on Tuesday. I told her the whole thing, leaving out the real horse stuff. Megan loved me, but not horses.
“And he kissed me. I mean, really kissed me.” I looked at her with eyes wide, waiting for harsh judgment.
With a perfectly manicured bluish-green fingernail, she traced the picture of a tree on the ad placemat in front of her. “He’s cute?”
“Megan!” I slapped the table. “I kissed a guy that wasn’t Cory. That’s horrible.”
She shook her perfect do, the ends of her hair tapping her jawline gently. “The guy kissed you. That’s different.”
“But I liked it.”
“He was a good kisser then. Nice.” She smiled.
“I’m awful. I don’t know if I can face Cory tomorrow.” I put my head down on my arms.
“Jane. A guy kissed you. He was a good kisser. You didn’t ask him to, and you didn’t do it again.”
I lifted my head. “What do I tell Cory?”
“Nothing! You don’t say a word, because this was a non-event.”
“You sure?” I held up my phone. “There’s more.” Shawn had sent me about twenty text messages. The first one started with “I’m sorry.” I hadn’t answered any of them. I slid the phone over to Megan.
“Cocky sucker, isn’t he?” Megan commented as she read.
“You have no idea.” I rolled my eyes.
“Show me a picture. Wow!” She looked up at me. “He is cute.”
