Lust and Lies (The Jamie Reynolds Chronicles #1)

by Casandra Charles

  “Does…” David paused for a second and asked, “What’s his name again?”

  “Who?” I said, trying to play dumb.

  “Your man, what’s his name again?”

  “Toni, why?”

  “Does Toni know you’re here with me?”

  “I told Toni I had plans to visit a few friends while I was in town, and this is what I’m doing,” I said, trying to convince myself I was not in the wrong for being with David.

  “Oh, okay,” David said, maybe also trying to convince himself he wasn’t wrong either.

  Dinner was going great. We laughed and caught up for about thirty minutes over light apps and a few glasses of wine. I felt like an adult drinking wine and talking instead of watching Toni drink beer and watch football.

  “I know you don’t drink and drive like that, and Donte is staying the night at my mom’s if you need to crash for the night.”

  I stopped him and said, “I’m good, thanks for the offer.” At this point it hit me and I felt so bad for where I was at and what I was doing even though I didn’t actually do anything wrong. I then excused myself to the ladies’ room.

  When I reached the bathroom, I called Toni. “Hey, you, what are you doing?”

  “Oh, nothing, just thinking about my favorite girl while I lie on this couch, watching some football highlights on ESPN. What you doing?”

  “I’m out at dinner and will try to hit you up before you fall asleep.”

  “Oh, okay, tell Angela I said what’s up.”

  “Oh, okay, I will,” I said, knowing he thought I was at dinner with Angela. I quickly had to get off the phone, since I was a bad liar if you caught me on the spot. “Okay, babe, I have to run. Love you and talk to you later.”

  “Ditto.” Again this word, it was crazy how neither one of us said this word in months, but all of a sudden we said this word twice in one day.

  I made my way back to David, and at this point he already had my leftovers boxed up and he’d picked up the check.

  “I figured we should leave,” he said, throwing me off.

  “Oh, okay, is everything okay?” I asked, as his whole demeanor had changed.

  “Man, I’m good, just don’t want to keep you up too late. You said you have to work in the morning, right?”

  “I have breakfast with Angela; then I have to be at work at noon. It’s a concert, so even though it’s going to be a long day tomorrow, it doesn’t start that early. I’m guessing we’re not going to Leopard Lounge?”

  “When do you leave again?”

  “I leave Monday afternoon. I figure I can hang out with some friends over the weekend and then go check on my rentals on Monday while most people are at work.”

  “We can still go to Leopard Lounge, but we spent so much time in Houston, I figured you wanted to live.” I didn’t know why he said this, but I guess he knew what I did in the bathroom since I was gone for about five minutes.

  “Oh, okay, it’s cool to call it a night, then.” The ride home was pretty quiet, and I knew something was up, so I asked, “Man, what’s up? You good? You’ve been acting different the last twenty minutes or so.”

  “I’m guessing you called Toni while you was in the bathroom?” he finally came out and said.

  “I did and?” I said, trying to understand what was up.

  “I’m not mad you called him. It just hit me that you’re no longer in the A, and I realized I still actually have feelings for you. Man, I thought I could enjoy an evening to just catch up and then that’s it, but I felt like when I watched you walk into the restroom I watched you walk back out of my life again because I figured you would call him,” he said, sounding remorseful.

  “Look, David, I’m not trying to make this uncomfortable. I enjoy hanging out with you, but to be a hundred percent honest, we’ve been down this path before and we always end up saying we’re better off as friends. I wish things could be different between—”

  David interrupted, “I know it’s not.”

  “Look, I’m not trying to be mean or nothing, but my life is different now.”

  David’s response was anger and he said, “Different is right. Look, J, I’ve known you for over two years and I know we go back and forth, but real talk, you don’t even seem happy. You look great, don’t get me wrong, but you just don’t seem a hundred percent happy. I’m not saying it’s Toni, but it’s something. Maybe it’s the move, maybe it’s… hell, I don’t know, but it’s something.”

  I was speechless because he was right, and to be honest, I didn’t know what that something was either.

  David and I sat in his car at his apartment and talked for about an hour. Neither one of us even minded we were in the car still.

  “Look, David, I can’t say I’m a hundred percent happy with a lot of things. My move to New York was planned yet unexpected. I spent my whole savings flying back and forth to New York to visit my dad in the hospital. It was one of the scariest moments in my life. My dad never said a word, he never asked me to move back, neither did my mother. I just remember me riding in the ambulance to transport my dad on Valentine’s Day, of all days, from the hospital to a hospice to die. The doctor said they couldn’t do much for him and we began making funeral arrangements. I remember flying back to Atlanta and taking a good look at my life, and realized I wanted to be with my family in this time of need, and my lifestyle in Atlanta needed a change. I figured there was no better time than now to move back to New York. At the time I made the decision to move, nothing was holding me back. However, after I managed to move my whole life to New York, my father just walked out of the hospice. It was the craziest thing. The doctors called it a miracle and my father said something I would never forget.”

  “What did he say?” David asked.

  “He said he wasn’t ready to die because he had more life to live, he said he needed to be there to walk his girls down the aisle and play with his grandkids. That statement hit me so hard because I was so busy being this independent woman that I never planned marriage and kids into my life. You know this, but when my dad said it, I was like I needed to make some moves and I thought my move to New York was my new chance at finding a different path for myself. Maybe Atlanta just wasn’t the right path for me. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my time in Atlanta and the people I met, but…” I paused.

  “But what?” David asked.

  “But right now I just don’t know what path I should be on. My whole life I planned everything and prayed for guidance, but now I’m feeling a little lost and unbalanced. I don’t know if this is making any sense,” I said, hoping David would say something to help me find my path.

  “I understand, and I think this is what life is. Man, life ain’t easy and sometimes one has to get lost in order to find their way back. You got this, and hopefully in due time it will all make sense. Just know no matter what happens, I’m here for you and will always be a friend you can talk to.”

  I just leaned over and gave David a big hug and whispered in his ear, “Thanks, thanks for listening.”

  He whispered, “Anytime, I got you,” as he began squeezing me longer and harder. I felt even more confused as I tried to hold back my tears. On one hand I loved Toni, but our relationship wasn’t perfect, but on the other hand, David was amazing, but we’d been here before more than once and it didn’t work.

  Wait, You Did What…

  Ever since I got back from Atlanta, Toni was acting pretty funny. While I was in Atlanta, he kept saying everything was going to be okay and he was excited about this next chapter in his life. I was so confused, I just thought us spending time apart gave us both the opportunity to clear our heads and maybe he had a solid plan.

  Toni had been working his new job for over a month and talked so bad about it daily. At first he said he would start looking for work, but then it seemed as if he stopped looking and all he did was complain. He kept saying he was exploring his options, but I never understood what that meant since he hadn’t been looking for new wor
k. I even spoke to a few associates to see if they could help him find a new career path, but he was too stubborn to accept the assistance. I didn’t have the heart to actually tell him he didn’t really qualify for any real work since he had no degree and no job skills.

  My project was over and I’d been looking for a tax job for the past week or so. I’d met with Macy’s already and had my second interview tomorrow, so I thought I would just end up working there through winter. I was trying to plan a quick getaway to Mexico, but then I found out Toni didn’t have a passport. I was so shocked to hear this; I’d had a passport since I was six years old. So I gave up on that trip and decided on saving what little money I had in my savings. I hated the fact I didn’t have much savings and Toni knew this bothered me a great deal. I was not okay with living paycheck to paycheck, and I worked too hard to live with limitations, and my dad’s words were still ringing in my ears.

  “Hey, we need to talk,” Toni said.

  “What’s up?”

  “I know I’ve been acting strange lately, but I’ve been doing some solo searching and I wanted to talk to you about it. You push me to be a better person and I want to make you proud to be with me. I see how you look at other people’s boyfriends or husbands when they have a career and stable income. I know you don’t like living paycheck to paycheck and I know you want to travel and stuff. I first want to thank you for pushing me to want better for myself, for this family.”

  I was so confused and was wondering where the conversation was going. “What’s going on?”

  “While you was in Atlanta, I spoke to my dad and we really had a great talk.”

  This sounded scary, as I had spoken to my dad a few weeks ago and we also had a good talk. “I’m confused; what is going on?” I said in a strong tone.

  “Babe, I’m getting to it, relax. Anyway, my dad knows how crazy I am about you and I told him you make me want to be a better man for you. While you was in Atlanta, I was thinking about my goals and visions and what was next in my life. The one thing I kept seeing was you and it was clear to me, if I don’t make a move quick, I will lose you and you are the best thing that happened to me. I love you and want to make you happy, I want to make you proud of me…”

  Toni kept on going as I started to tune him out and panic at the same time. Where was he going with all of this? He had been speaking for almost ten minutes about how much he loves me and what his dad said and how he needs a career move.

  “While you was in Atlanta and after speaking to my dad, I decided I want to be a writer.”

  This totally knocked me out of my daydream and back into the conversation. “A writer?” I repeated. I’d never seen him even read a book, let alone write one.

  “I want to be a screenplay writer. Jonathan and I have spoken about this idea some time ago because he had the connection and I have the vision to write a great screenplay.”

  “Have you spoken to Jonathan about this?” I asked, being slick because I knew Jonathan was still mad at him for skipping out on the rent he owed and leaving the house in a mess when he up and left Atlanta, and Toni has been dogging his calls, and I still hadn’t told Toni I knew about all of it.

  “No, I haven’t spoken to Jonathan as yet about this, but I know he’ll be happy. He knows I can write some good stuff.”

  “Have you ever written a screenplay before or anything?”

  “Not really, but it’s cool. I have the whole story line, though, check this out. It’s about a young man who finds love while he’s in the military and he’s torn between his love for his country and the love for his girl.”

  I was so lost and confused, I didn’t even know what to say. “Okay,” was the only word I could get out of my mouth.

  “The dynamics between his military life and his family is where the drama happens.”

  “So it’s a drama?” I asked.

  “Yes and no.”

  “Have you started writing it?”

  “No, I need inspiration. Most writers can write from experience, so while you was in Atlanta, I was exploring my inspiration.”

  “What does that mean? I’m a little confused.”

  He grabbed my hands and held them and said, “This is going to be great. Have you thought about moving back to Atlanta? You have a great deal of connections back in the A, and I sometimes wonder if you’re completely happy in New Jersey?”

  I froze for a minute and heard David’s words saying the same thing, but I still didn’t understand where Toni was going with all of this.

  “Anyway, babe, I said all of this to say I enrolled in the navy and just got my training orders yesterday.”

  “Wait, what did you say?”

  “I enrolled in the navy and I leave for boot camp next month.”

  I pulled my hands back, shocked. “You enrolled in the military for inspiration in a screenplay?” I yelled.

  “Yes and no.”

  “Stop that, that is not an answer. Which one is it, yes or no?” I demanded.

  “Yes, I signed up for the navy, and no, not just for a screenplay. My dad joined the army when he was young, and he said it gave him guidance and helped shape his career.”

  “Your dad works at a factory and does labor work,” I said without thinking and felt bad after the words left my mouth. My dad also does labor work, so I knew those words were wrong. My dad did what he had to do for his family and always encouraged us to get an education so we could be better than both my parents.

  “That factory job put food on our table.”

  “I’m sorry, I know.”

  “I made the decision to enroll for a better life for myself, for us,” he said as he grabbed my hands again. “I already put in my notice at work and was hoping to spend some time with you before I leave.”

  “Leave to go where?” I asked.

  “My training is in Great Lakes, Illinois, and it’s for two months. It could be longer, depending on the job I take.”

  I was much calmer now, so I started to ask more rational questions. “How does this whole thing work? What kind of job do you qualify for? How do you get to Illinois? Where would you stay?” and my questions went on and on. After over an hour of talking, I still was a little confused but felt like I understood what Toni was trying to do. He needed a path in life, and with no degree or real career goal, maybe this was good for him.

  “I know it’s a lot to swallow, but I promise this is going to make a better life for us.”

  “I can’t say I’m a hundred percent okay with everything, but I guess I have to allow you to make decisions that are going to benefit you and your career path.”

  “This is not just for my career path,” he interrupted. “This is for our future; the military will take care of our needs. I don’t want you stressing over finding your next gig or paying bills or traveling the world. I was thinking of requesting to get stationed in either New York or Atlanta or overseas. I can work on my screenplay on the side and you can maybe go back to school like you mentioned you wanted to do.”

  “Wow, well, I mentioned going back to school later in life, like after I’m done with the production world and want a more normal life.”

  “This move can help you get that normal life. Bear with me and let’s see what happens,” he pleaded.

  To be honest, I was excited to see him this excited about a real plan for his life. Not really the screenwriting thing because I’d come to learn Toni was all talk but no action, but I would see what happened with this military thing. In the end, he’d find a career and he’d have something to fall back on. I’d met many people who went into the military and used their training and skills to do some good in their life when they got out.

  “Well, I guess your mind is made up, and it seems as if you already signed your life away to the military, so…”

  Before I could even finish, he leaned over and gave me a big hug and said, “Thank you.”

  “What’s that for?” I asked.

  “Thanks for believing in me and suppor
ting me through this crazy new adventure of mine.”

  Before I could even say anything back, he leaned over and kissed me. At first he started kissing me on my lips and then he made his way down to my neck and then my breast and next thing I knew I was flat on my back and he kissed me between my legs. He wasn’t the best, but I needed a stress reliever after this kind of news. He stopped in the middle and got up and went into the kitchen.

  “I always wanted to try this,” he yelled and came back with a cup full of ice. He pushed me back down and placed a piece of ice in his mouth and went back down between my legs. This was new for me, the coldness from the ice and the warmth from his warm mouth was an interesting combination and I felt even more relaxed as I pulled his face deeper into my legs and lifted my body up and down. I had to stop him at one point because I thought I was going to pee.

  “No, babe, don’t stop me.”

  “No, wait, I think I’m going to pee.”

  “Babe, you was about to come. You need to relax and allow your body to naturally do what it was going to do.”

  The moment was totally gone, but I said, “I’m sorry, babe, I felt like I was going to pee, so I needed you to stop.”

  “Babe, did it feel good?” he said.

  “Yes, it did.”

  “That was all I wanted to hear.”

  I felt bad because over the next few weeks leading up to him getting ready to leave all I wanted was to feel that feeling again, but it never happened. I started to do some research and Toni was right, that sensation was normal, and for the first time, I was relaxed and almost allowed my body to do what it did naturally and I would have most likely came. I remember talking to my ob-gyn doctor a few years ago and asked was it normal for me to never experience an orgasm during sex. She told me this was normal and there was nothing wrong with me. She said I needed to know my body and this was when I bought my first dildo. I was shocked at the amount of selection there was, so I went with the size and color, and now I was hooked. At first I only used it solo, but now Toni used it on me every chance he got. He said he liked when I was this relaxed and he wished I let myself go and enjoy. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed sex and I was always wet, but I couldn’t stop thinking about wanting to or knowing if I had a big O, so I really couldn’t relax during sex.