Lust and Lies (The Jamie Reynolds Chronicles #1)

by Casandra Charles

  “Oh, okay,” was all I could say.

  I was a little upset but glad I had time to finish getting dressed. I told Toni at least three times I was using Angela’s sister hookup and found a downtown hotel for the low. I even debating on returning the rent-a-car because we could walk everywhere to and from the hotel since we were in the heart of downtown, but he told me to keep it since I would have to drive a few times to Great Lakes.

  I finished getting dressed and even managed to go outside and walked around the block for a minute or so before heading back up to the room.

  Finally, a knock at the door, so I knew it was Toni. I could also hear him and his friends behind the door. One would think he would ask his friends to not be at the door since he hadn’t seen me in two months, but whatever. I took one last look in the mirror and opened the door.

  “Baaaby,” Toni said as he grabbed me and spun me around and kissed me. It was a very warm welcome, but I wasn’t a big fan of PDA, but I embraced him back.

  After thirty seconds he finally put me down and introduced me to his navy friends and off we went. Naturally Toni jumped in the car with me as I drove behind his friends to grab dinner. I guess they knew their way around Chicago because they drove us to a neat little bar. It had a lot of character and even had live music starting at nine. I loved live music, so I was happy. Even though it was only five and I really didn’t see us staying at this place for four hours.

  “So, how did you and Toni meet?” Steven, one of Toni’s navy buddies, asked.

  “It’s a crazy story, but I guess you can say we met in Atlanta. I was actually moving back to New York and I met him literally on my way out of Georgia.”

  “So you guys had a long-distance thing going on?” Steven abruptly said.

  “Yeah.”

  “That makes sense now,” Steven said as he started to slap the hands of the other guys as they all laughed. I was so confused and the guys must have known something because they tried to play it off and jumped to another topic. “So what you guys got planned—”

  “Wait, I’m confused. What makes sense?” I said, cutting him off.

  “Yo, your man Tone is crazy. At first we all wondered if he was an ass, but after getting to know him, we know he is an ass,” another guy said as they all started to laugh again.

  I was trying to play it cool. I wasn’t mad at what they were saying at all because I heard this before from Toni’s best friend Carl. I remembered Toni putting me on the phone when he was talking to Carl and Carl saying how nice I sounded and he commended me for being with his brother Toni because he was such an asshole and it took a special woman to be with him.

  “No, seriously, Tone is a good dude and we’re just a little surprised his lady is so…” He paused awkwardly. “So nice and stuff,” was all he could say, but I knew what he was really trying to say.

  It was crazy, everyone kept saying Toni was an ass, but I guess I didn’t see this. Maybe he was an ass to his boys, because he wasn’t that way to me. I knew we had our disagreements, but what relationship was perfect. I was happy to be around Toni and his friends as we spent the night talking about what was next with the navy. I also got to meet Steven’s wife, who ended up joining us during dinner. I learned a lot about the navy. I couldn’t imagine going through boot camp, as Toni was right, they did try to break you and then build you back up. These stories were crazy, but it seemed like they made Toni a better man and maybe provider. He was so grateful to be around me and kept whispering in my ear things like, “Things are going to change,” and, “I want the best for us,” and, “You’re my future.” I was a little taken aback by how affectionate he was, but I welcomed it. The night was a success; we even got to enjoy a few minutes of the band.

  I was so tired after the evening I just wanted to go back to the hotel and sleep, but not seeing Toni for two months, I knew just what was on his mind and it wasn’t sleep. I played my role and joined Toni’s excitement to be inside of me. Clearly I wasn’t traveling with my neon pink friend even though we did hang a lot in Toni’s absence.

  Our sex life was always full of passion, as Toni and I made love that night. I know this is going to sound crazy, but for the first time in years I felt secure and felt like things were going great. I was about to start a new gig and I was excited to make my way into indie films.

  ***

  The next morning, Toni and I talked and caught up as we ordered room-service breakfast.

  “Man, I missed you and I’m so happy to see you. I know this has been a crazy few months, but I promise it will get better soon. I have school, and then I get to put in my orders.”

  Before I could even say anything, he continued talking. “So I was able to speak to a few guys, and I have a better understanding of everything, but it looks like in order for me to add you to anything, then we technically need to be married.”

  I didn’t say anything as I just sat there and listened to him talk while I continued to eat my omelet.

  “I know I see you in my life in the future, and these last two months have been hell without you. I know I wasn’t my best in New Jersey and that was because I didn’t have anything. We lived in your home and you had your family nearby and friends. I had nothing and no one besides you. It breaks my heart you had to work so hard, and I almost got in trouble at boot camp when you was in the hospital. I was a basket case and this is why everyone thought I was an asshole. I couldn’t be nice to anyone because my soul mate was in the hospital and I couldn’t be there for her. I know I told you I would find out more about insurance and stuff like that for you, but again we need to be married before I can add you on.”

  I just sat there still, now eating my fruit as he continued. I guess he had a lot of time to think about all of this because he spoke for about thirty minutes straight as I just listened.

  “Babe, I know our relationship isn’t perfect and I still have a lot of growing to do, but I couldn’t grow without you,” he said as he began to get up and walk into the bathroom.

  Then he came back out with my so-called promise ring in hand and continued to talk. I didn’t pay much attention to the ring in his hand until he held my hand and said, “Babe, I know this was a promise ring and I wanted to get you something nicer before I did this, but everyone thinks it’s an engagement ring, so I figure I’ll make it official. Babe, if we get married, it can benefit us all. I’ll get more money in the military and you can come with me. You’ll have insurance and the military will pay for housing and stuff.”

  The proposal was more like a contract with terms, so it didn’t really hit me like he was proposing to me.

  “Babe, I know you have been through a lot, hell, we both have been through a lot. Do you know how hard it is to have a normal life with you gone? What happens if you get deployed or something? I understand you worry about me and all, but I have been taking care of myself pretty well.”

  “Babe, I’m not asking you to give me an answer now.” He put the ring on my left hand. “But let’s just enjoy our time together and we can talk about this some more later.”

  That was just what we did the rest of the weekend. We never spoke about marriage or anything, but everyone automatically called me his fiancée during the graduation and every time we met up with his navy friends. At one point he even introduced me as his fiancée and I never corrected him. I guess deep down inside I wanted to be normal, I wanted to have a new plan, and I still had my dad’s words in my head.

  You Are Your Father’s Child…

  Ring, ring… “Hello, this is JR.”

  “Hey, nig, what’s up?”

  “Hey, David, how is everything?”

  “Haven’t spoken to you in a while. What have you been up to? I thought you said you was coming back to Atlanta?”

  “David, you tripping. I spoke to you like last week. Besides, I started this new gig and I have been so busy. I’m trying to come back down in a few months.”

  “Bet, that works for me. Maybe you’ll be down here for m
y birthday.”

  “That would be nice, but I need to double-check with Johnny. How old are you turning, old man?”

  “Funny, but wait, who is Johnny?”

  “Calm down, he’s just my stage manager for the concerts I do at Civic. No, for real, how old are you going to be?”

  “You don’t remember.”

  “No, I don’t remember, I have other crap on my mind. I’m lucky if I remember my own age.”

  “You can’t remember your own age because your ass has been lying about it for two years now.”

  Damn, I hate the fact that this boy knows me so well. “Oh, shut up. I’m twenty-five.”

  “Yeah, you have been twenty-five for about two years. Wasn’t you twenty-five when I met you?”

  “No, I was twenty-three when I met you. Anyway, what are you planning on doing for your birthday?”

  “Shit, you come down here, I’ll have a whole other plan.”

  “Oh, really?” I said in a very sexy voice.

  “Yeah, I can see it now. You coming over to my house on my birthday in some red panties, no, no, boy shorts and a matching bra, oh, and matching red shoes.”

  “That sounds good, but I don’t even own red shoes.” Why was I lying? First of all, I had like three pairs of red shoes, and second, why couldn’t I just say I didn’t think we should talk anymore, I was going to make this work with Toni. That sounded so easy to say, but why could I only say it in my head?

  “You have plenty of time to find red shoes. I know how much you like to shop. We don’t even have to have sex, I just want to see you and hold you in my arms.”

  Okay, I had to stop this now; this sounded pretty good. “You know I can’t even do that.”

  “Is it because of that dude? What’s his name again? Oh yeah, Toni,” David said before I could even answer. “I thought you said you guys was going through some things.”

  Damn, why did I even tell him all about my and Toni’s business. “Yeah, that was over six months ago, but just like any relationship, we’re trying to work through it.”

  “Do you love him?” David asked in a low voice.

  “What kind of question is that? Of course I love him. You know this already.”

  “Yeah, I do, but have you told him about us yet?”

  “Told him what?”

  “You know? That you still communicate with me almost every other weekend and you come over to my house and stay with me every time you’re in town.”

  “First of all, I don’t stay with you every time I’m in town. I only stayed one night two different times, and come on, don’t throw that back to me.”

  I felt bad, but David was right to bring it up. I couldn’t be mad even though I never did anything during those nights I stayed at his apartment. In my mind, I didn’t think anything was wrong with my stay. Naturally I didn’t tell Toni, as he thought I was just staying at Angela’s house.

  “Did you tell him that we kissed in my bed?” David said, interrupting me from my thoughts. “Did you tell him that we had dinner together and that you still have feelings for me?” David’s voice was so harsh and emotional by the time he finished what he had to say.

  David was making me feel bad, but at the time it wasn’t even like that. David and I continued to have dinner the first night every time I flew into Atlanta for work. I lied to both Angela and Toni, as Angela thought I wasn’t getting in until the next day when I stayed at David’s apartment, and Toni thought I stayed at Angela’s.

  After my first time working with Johnny and really talking to David in the car, we started talking off and on almost weekly. I really confided in David during those months after Toni told me about the navy and during his boot camp. David was a real friend, he allowed me to speak to him about my feelings with no judgment, he even told me about a few dates he went on, and we just laughed and enjoyed our newfound friendship. I wasn’t going to lie, deep down inside I wished it was more, but I figured it was just me missing Toni, and David was a great substitute.

  He never pressed for anything, not even a kiss, until the last time I was in town. Everything was normal like the other times, but because it rained, we decided to order in dinner and rented a movie. I was in my nightclothes, which were some yoga pants and a wifebeater, and he just had on some basketball shorts and a tank top. We sat about four feet apart as I had his throw blanket around me and he asked if I was still cold. I was always cold, so naturally I said yes. To my surprise instead of turning up the heat, he came closer and held me in his arms as we watched the movie.

  Needless to say the movie was over and I felt so comfy that we ended up staying in each other’s arms as we talked. I almost forgot we were friends, and one thing led to another and he just said, “I miss this, I miss you,” and I said, “I do too,” and the next thing I knew, he kissed me. It was only for a few seconds and then I stopped it. He apologized and we went off to bed. Yes, we slept in the same bed but respected each other’s space, and outside of cuddling in bed as we fell asleep, nothing happened. I would often wake up early and he would get up as soon as I left the bed, and we made breakfast together and that was it. I left, and we did everything over again when I came back down, which was about five times total (minus the kiss, of course).

  “David, what are you doing? You know I haven’t told Toni all of that. I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. You know I enjoy your company, but shit is complicated,” I began to say as tears began to flow out of my eyes.

  “David, I am so sorry, but I’m in love with Toni. I want to be in love with you, but I’m not. I’m trying not to be hurt by you anymore. We’ve been back and forth for years now, and it just doesn’t work. I can’t explain why, but you know it just doesn’t. I don’t know what to tell you or do. You know I have feelings for you. My life is very complicated right now.”

  “I’m sorry, J. I didn’t mean to do that, please stop crying. You’re making things complicated, J, it doesn’t have to be. What is so complicated? Just move back down to Atlanta and we will live happily ever after. Doesn’t that sound nice?” David said, trying to bring a little humor into this dry and emotional conversation.

  Damnit, I hated it when he said stuff like that. “That sounds very tempting, but…”

  “But what?”

  “We’ll talk about it later. I have to go.” I was trying my best to hang up the phone before I said something that I might regret.

  “Okay, JR. I guess we’ll pick up this conversation a little later on.”

  “Okay, thanks. I’ll talk to you later.”

  As the phone died, so did the inside of my heart. “What am I doing?” I said to myself. This shit wasn’t supposed to be this hard. I needed to let go of David and move forward with Toni. But what if I was making a big mistake. I needed some help. I needed a sign or something. I didn’t love David like that, I wished I did, but I didn’t right now. This should be easy just to cut him off. “Just stop picking up the phone when he calls or answering his texts when he texts. Stop going to his apartment and making time for him.” That was easier said than done. I began to feel sick. My stomach felt like it was in knots. This wasn’t fair to either one of these guys.

  I didn’t know what it was about David. He was so smooth and he didn’t even know it. I got butterflies in my stomach when I was around him or when he communicated with me, through texts and phone calls. But he could be a little inconsiderate sometimes. Toni I’d learned to love with space between us. Toni was a good guy and he loved me and I loved him dearly. You would think the feelings I had for Toni should be enough to keep me from communicating with David. But it didn’t. I actually looked forward to his weekly phone calls. His voice was my getaway. I swore I lived a double life. I hated it, but it felt so good.

  “You are your father’s child,” I said to myself, but as the words came out of my mouth, I began to feel the pain my father caused my mother and my family from cheating. I began to cry because I realized now what I had to do. I didn’t want to be like my fath
er, I always said I was my father’s daughter, but Toni was so insecure he made this statement reflect my father’s personal life not his work ethics. I took out my phone and began to call David back, but the coward in me decided to text him.

  Toni asked me to marry him before he left. I just thought you should know.

  That was all I said. I put my phone on vibrate, closed my eyes and cried myself to sleep.

  ***

  The next morning, I awakened to a red flashing light on my phone. I knew exactly who it was. I had just dropped a bomb on David. I felt guilty telling David about me and Toni the way I did. But I had no balls; I felt it was sometimes better to write things down. That and the fact that I was just an emotional wreck both on the phone and in person with him.

  I began to think about the lame text I sent him the night before. I had four new texts. “Damn,” I said out loud while searching through my phone to retrieve the messages. Why was I so nervous? This was what I wanted. I wanted David out of my life, out of my relationship, out of my mind. Shit didn’t work out between us then, and it sure ain’t going to work out with us now.

  Wow, so what are you going to do? Wow, that is amazing.

  What are you going to say?

  I guess this means you’re going to say yes, since you’re not texting me back.

  Look, man, if that nigga makes you happy, then cool. Marry him.

  Damn, I knew he was hurt, he never called anybody black a nigga, he just always said nig. Man, should I call him. I thought he deserved a phone call. I couldn’t expect to forget about him like this. I needed a cleaner way out. Well, it was way too early to call anybody; I guessed I would call him later tonight. That was if he would talk to me.

  The rest of my day was hard. I was trying to get David off my mind and find the guts to call him back. It was almost one p.m. and I had been coaching myself on this call for hours. I picked up the phone and finally decided to call him.