“Well, Merry Fucking Christmas Nina, because you have it all anyway.” Then, he turns and walks away from me, without looking back.
When I get to the school on Wednesday, I have a pounding headache and all the cider in the world couldn’t make this morning better. I stayed at Lo’s again just in case Connor decided to go to my apartment last night. Connor is usually so intense I expected him to do something drastic. What is wrong with you! I shake my head to clear that ridiculous notion. He cheated on you! He doesn’t love you. There will be no grand gesture. I shut off the part of my brain that Connor occupies and try to make it through another day. When I get to my classroom I go over to my podium and see that on top is a red apple, with a note.
I frown, knowing who it’s from and I should just throw it away, but since I’m an idiot and still in love with him I read it. “This was supposed to be your Christmas present but I don’t know how long you will take to figure this all out. Look in your podium.” I put the note on the surface of the podium, bend down and see a box on the shelf. I pull it out and set it aside, but not before I see the word written on the lid. Car. I don’t have too much time to ponder what is going on before the first class comes in. I paste on the smile I use to mask the emotions beneath and face my students. After the first half of the day, my face feels like it will be frozen in a toothy grin for the rest of my life. My whole body is tense from the weight I’m carrying around that by noon, I feel as though I’ve ran a marathon. I spend my lunch break staring at the box with the apple sitting on top, too scared to leave my classroom and face whatever Connor has left in my car.
When the last class of the day starts, one of my students, an adorable little girl with curly blond hair and blue eyes raises her hand.
“Yes Angela?” I say pointing at her.
“Miss Ryan I wasn’t here when you had “bring your own music day” and I brought my favorite CD and was wondering if you’d play it.”
“Well Angela I’m not sure if we will have time, but I tell you what. If everyone can cooperate and we get through the song for the Christmas program at least twice without any mistakes I’ll play it before we go.”
Incentive is a very good tool when working with third graders. We get through the song several times and still have fifteen minutes to spare. “Yay! Here is my CD Miss Ryan. It’s from this movie my mom likes to watch and she plays this song and dances with my daddy in the kitchen. It’s really pretty.” She pulls out the disc and hands it to me. “It’s number three.”
I put the CD in the player and skip to the third track. I’m expecting a slow country song or something along those lines, so when an old soul instrumental starts to play I’m surprised. But not nearly as surprised as I am when Beyoncé belts out the opening lyrics.
“Trust in me. In all you do. Have the faith, I have in you. Love will see us through, if only you trust in me. Why don't you, you trust me?”
The words “trust in me” ring in my head and when the song ends I’m still frozen on the spot as the students comment amongst themselves about how much they like the song that Angela picked. The bell ringing finally jolts me back to earth and I say good bye to the students and give Angela her CD back.
“Thanks Miss Ryan. Did you like the song?” She asks in her sweet tinker bell voice. I kneel down so I’m eye level with her.
“It was very pretty. Why did you decide to bring that one?”
She wrinkles her nose. “Well I really wanted to bring my Taylor swift CD but my big sister stole it so Momma let me borrow this one.”
Of course she did. Hello again Universe. Subtle. “That was very nice of her. I’ll see you at the Christmas program.” I scoot her towards the door and when she’s gone I grab my stuff and the box with the apple and head for the parking lot.
When I get to the car I see a piece of paper wrapped around something hard and lumpy sitting up against my windshield. I grab it and unlock my door to get inside. I start the engine and blast the heat turning the small package around in my hand until I see the word written on the side. Apartment. What the heck is he up to? I’m a masochist, so I drive to my apartment and practically run up the steps. When I get to the top I burst inside, rushing to find what Connor has left me, but when I turn to close the door I see an envelope taped to it with one word scrawled across it. Bed. Shit. This is the scariest place he has put something so far.
I walk to the bedroom clutching the envelope. When I get inside, I’m assaulted with the memories of our lovemaking from the last time I was in this room. The bed is still rumpled and sitting on top of Connor’s pillow is a small thin white box. I go sit in the living room and lay the objects on the table one at time in order of how I found them. The Apple with the box, the small package from the car, the envelope and the thin white box. I start with the box from the podium and lift the lid. Inside is a pair of black snow boots. It only takes me a second to get it and I crack the first smile for days. I was wearing Chucks in four inch snow the day I met him.
My heart aches. Why would he do something so thoughtful if he didn’t love me? Confused, I unwrap the small package he left on my car. Once I’ve removed the paper, I turn the small figurine of Hans Solo in Carbonite around in my hand. I pluck a purple rubber band from around the middle and set it on the table. I smile remembering that was the scene playing when he discovered I was ticklish. The purple rubber band looks familiar but it could just be something he forgot to take off from the packaging. Eager now I rip open the envelope that was taped to the front door. At first glance I think it’s empty until I see that there is a small slip of paper inside. On it is a phrase; Sometimes what you need the most is what’s right in front of you. I’m not sure where this came from so I set it aside and grab the last item. The envelope is taped to the bottom so I open the lid first and all the air in my lungs leaves me. Nestled in the box is a beautiful sapphire and emerald bracelet.
I stare at the sapphires and all I can think about is Connor’s eyes when he told me he loved me. They were so clear. I rub one of the emeralds and recall him once telling me that my eyes were like emeralds. It was the night he told me the story about his mom and how she used to call his eyes sapphires. Like me. I set the box with the bracelet down and stare at the envelope. I know that whatever is inside is going to send all the inner walls I have built crashing to the ground. With shaky fingers I slide the paper out and unfold it. Tucked inside of Connor’s letter is an article on gemstones. I set the article down and start with the letter.
Nina,
I’m not sure what hurts worse, being away from you knowing you’re hurting, or knowing that you think I’m the one that hurt you. I want so bad to just explain everything so we can be together again. It’s only been one day without you and already I’m falling apart. As easy as it would be to just tell you everything, I need you to trust me. I know with everything that has happened in the past it’s hard, but it’s something that’s important to me. I’m sure you understand that much.
You already know what the apple was for and if not, I have two words for you. Apple Cider. The boots are because no matter how classic they are, Chuck Taylors are not snow shoes Princess. Next, is Hans because I will never accept you choosing Jarjar Binks over Hans. No way. I picked the one with him in carbonite because that was the scene playing the first time you looked at me as more than a friend. Your eyes were the greenest I’d ever seen them and I knew that I had to make you mine, but if I’m being honest, it’s not the first time I’ve thought that.
I doubt you know what the purple rubber band is from. When we were sitting in front of the hospital and Lola came to pick you up, I kissed you and stole it from your hair. You never even noticed. The fortune is mine from the morning after the accident. It was like a message. There you were sitting right in front of me and it was right. I did need you then Princess and I need you now.
Last is the bracelet. The first thought I had when I saw you on the bus was that your eyes were greener than emeralds. Then there was the tequila
incident. I think about that night a lot, when you were drunk lying in my lap and told me that I “had the most beautiful sapphires." Honestly, I wasn’t even looking for a gift for you when I came across this article, but the second I saw the emeralds and sapphires on the page, I knew it had to be yours. Read the article, It says everything I wanted this bracelet to say.
I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’m asking anyway. Trust me. Trust me without knowing all the facts. I know this is not something that’s easy for you so I’ll give you some time. I’m at the Best Western downtown in room 426 when you’re ready.
Connor
I set his letter on the table and wipe the tears from my cheeks. I already feel like my heart weighs a thousand pounds lighter. There is no way he cheated on me. I know that much. Part of me wants to rush to the hotel and throw myself into his arms, but there are some things I need to do first. I need to prove to him that I can trust him. I never want him to doubt me again. I look at the article and there is a small picture of the bracelet and below it is a few paragraphs. “Gemstones and Their Representation.” Connor had highlighted the entries on Sapphires and Emeralds.
Ancient Persians believed the Earth rested on a giant blue sapphire, which made the sky blue with its reflection. In ancient times a sapphire was given as an oath of trust, honesty and loyalty. Sapphire is the original “true blue,” symbolizing sincerity and the soul.
To the Romans the emerald represents rebirth. It is also said to represent wisdom, growth and patience. A gift of emerald represents love and fidelity.
I smile at the article and make my way to the bathroom to take a shower. It was time to go see a man about a house.
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CHAPTER 10
It took only two weeks to get everything finalized. The hardest thing was getting Les to agree to keep it a secret. He thought it was cruel and unusual punishment to make Connor wait. I knew where Les was coming from, but I feel like Connor deserves proof of my trust and commitment after running out on him. I avoid Connor at work at all costs so I won’t be tempted to spoil the surprise. On the Friday before Christmas break I dress in the same outfit I wore to me and Connor's first date. I am so excited that I can’t stop smiling. Today I will finally be able to end our suffering. I pull out of the school parking lot after work and drive to the Best Western where Connor’s note said he was staying. When I get there, I take one last look in the mirror and step out of the car.
I stand in front of room 426 and knock twice and wait with my heart beating in my throat. The door opens a small crack and sapphire eyes widen through the tiny opening. Connor opens the door just enough to walk into the hallway leaving the door cracked. I’m worried he’s going to turn me away when he doesn’t invite me in. I’m just about to start begging and then I take a good look at him. He looks like he hasn’t shaved in a few days and his eyes are duller than their usual brilliant blue. He’s wearing a wrinkled shirt and sweats and his hair is slightly too long and disheveled.
“Connor are you okay?” I ask worried about his appearance. Maybe he’s sick.
Connor laughs once and runs his hand through his too long hair. “No Nina. I’m not. What do you need?” He rasps and I hear a feminine voice come from inside the room.
“Connor who is it?” I instantly know why he didn’t let me in and I walk past Connor pushing the door open and step into the room, ready to get to the bottom of everything and tired of all the secrets and misconceptions. Sitting on the bed, like I knew she would be, is the blonde from the coffee shop. She smiles at me shyly. “You must be Nina. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” She blows her nose on a tissue and wipes her eyes with a perfectly manicured hand.
“Uh yea. I’m sorry, who are you?” I blurt and Connor steps in behind me. I turn to see him rake his hand through his hair again.
“Nina, this is my cousin Tony. Tony this is, was, my girlfriend Nina.”
I process that for a minute and stare wide eyed at Connor then back at the beautiful blonde woman. Who is Connor’s cousin. And is a girl. And has a boy’s name. Shit.
“You’re Tony?” I ask in disbelief.
The woman shrugs and smiles. “Toni with an "I".”
I look at her and smile. I AM AN IDIOT! Toni giggles and Connor sighs. “I said that out loud didn’t I?” I roll my eyes at myself then step forward. “I’m so sorry, I made a huge mistake. I saw the two of you at Starbucks looking really close when Connor said he was with Tony, who I thought was a man and you’re just so pretty! I thought that…well obviously I was wrong.” I look at Connor who is looking at the floor.
“Yea my daughter was sick and Connor came to my rescue. I was in need of some caffeine and he was telling me about you.” She says and then smiles. Her eyes are watery and her nose is red but she smiles a real smile. I like her on the spot. “I should probably go. It sounds like you two need some time to talk.” Toni gets up and walks toward the door, stopping to kiss her cousin on the cheek.
“Is she okay?” I ask quietly to Connor when his cousin shuts the door behind her.
Connor looks up at me. “Her husband gave her divorce papers today so not really. He’s an ass.” Then he chuckles. “Leave it to you to be worried about the girl you thought I was cheating on you with.”
I sit on the bed and Connor walks over to lean on the wall across from me. I look up at him and say the most important thing first.
“I love you.” Connor’s eyes widen and he drops his arms to his side, but doesn’t say anything. “I know you wanted me to trust you before I found out about Toni and now you think that’s ruined but it’s not. I realized there was no way you would hurt me like that the day I read your letter.”
Connor sighs and walks over to sit down next to me on the bed. “That was two weeks ago Nina.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out the key and hand it to him. “I had some things I needed to take care of first.” Connor flips the key over in his hand and looks at me. I turn to face him fully then pull my set of keys out my pocket and show him my matching one.
“What is this Nina?”
I look right into his eyes. “It’s the key to our new house Connor. I moved into it yesterday, with some help from your dad, Lo, Drake and Ben. Your dad is going to use my apartment until he can start traveling and Ben is keeping Sam to give us time to settle in.” I swear I see a flicker in his eyes that brings a bit of the old color back to them and he frowns.
“Let me get this straight. You knew I didn’t cheat after reading the letter and yet, you and my father made me suffer for two weeks while you switched houses?”
I wince. “Yes, but I didn’t know you were this…”
Connor throws his hands up. “This what? This fucked up! This utterly devastated and incapable of functioning properly because the girl I’m in love with thought I cheated on her and left me without letting me explain or talking to me!”
I drop my head and stare at the keys in my hands while mentally chastising myself. Great job Nina! You may now add asshole to your long list of attributes. “I thought you deserved some grand gesture to prove that I trusted you and that I loved you.”
Connor chuckles at me and shakes his head. “Princess, the whole idea of one grand gesture is bull shit. If you’re with someone who never shows you they care in the little ways and then they do one huge drastic thing, that’s not love, that’s desperation. It’s not what really matters. The small gestures are what count. The little things. That’s all I want from you.” He reaches forward and grabs my chin forcing my face upwards to look at him. “Your smiles and your kisses and your time. Telling off the waitress at the Chinese restaurant.” He smiles at that last one then his eyes blaze blue. “Making love to me and trusting me to take care of you. Telling me about your parents and that dickhead ex boyfriend.” He reaches down and grabs my hand and my body hums in pleasure at the familiar warming sensation his touch brings. “I don’t need a house Nina. I need you.”
I stare with m
y mouth open in complete shock. He’s right. Of course he’s right. That’s what he’s been doing this whole time. Trying to show me in small ways that he loves me so I would trust him and it worked. I trust and love him completely and intensely. I realize then, that the whole time I was with Connor I never once spoke to the Universe and it didn’t speak to me until Connor and I weren’t together. Connor Wright had become my everything, the most important thing to me. Now that I had something that meant more than my past, or my rules, or my solitude, I wasn’t drowning in my own world. I close my eyes as a tear rolls down my cheek and then open them to look into the sapphire eyes that had become my whole Universe as I tell him the truth.
“You have me.”
Connor brings his hand up to my cheek and follows the trail the tear took to my neck then wraps his hand around to my nape and pulls me forward. He rests his forehead against mine and whispers. “Tell me again.”
I bring both my hands to his hair and tilt his head so he can see the sincerity on my face. “I love you Connor. I love you so much. More than anything.” Connor pulls me to his lips with the hand on my neck and uses his other to guide me to his lap as he kisses me. His kiss is desperate, like he is starving for it. I kiss him back with everything I have and pour all my emotions into his mouth, knowing that he is feeling every one of them on his lips. When Connor starts undoing my coat I stop him. “Let’s go home. I have something to show you.” I whisper.
Connor kisses me one last time “Whatever you want Princess.”
Connor and I drive separately to our new house. Connor gets there first and when I pull up he’s standing on the front porch staring at the blue and green lights I had hung around the front. I walk up next to him and when I look at his face I realize he isn’t staring at the lights, he is looking a carved wooden sign hanging from the front door. Connor and Nina.
Sapphire Universe (The Universe Series) Page 13
