Coming Home (Copper Creek Book 1)

by Wendy Smith

  “I thought it was time I came to see this baby.”

  “Where’s Adam?”

  Her dark eyebrows knit as she lets out a humph sound. Like she’s annoyed at me for asking. “He’s in the US. He went to stay with some friends, and now he’s enlisted in the army.”

  “The army?” That isn’t the Adam I knew. That Adam doesn’t share Corey’s love of guns. This is weird. “Really?”

  “He’s planning on making a career out of it. He’ll be training as an army mechanic.”

  Those few words crush whatever hope I had. She doesn’t have to spell out that Adam’s in it for the long haul.

  She crosses the room, peeking into the plastic hospital crib. “Boy or girl?”

  “Boy. His name is Max.”

  Her face cracks into a small smile. “How sick is he?”

  My boy is a sight with monitoring probes attached to him. I don’t know how long we’ll be in the hospital, but everyone’s taken such good care of us. He’s doing so well I think they’ll send us home soon, not that I have a home to go to.

  “He’s okay. Underweight, but that was to be expected. He’ll be smaller than other kids for some time, but eventually he’ll catch up. That’s what they told me, anyway.”

  I study her face. She’s always been so stiff with me, but as she looks down at the baby, her expression softens and she reaches out to stroke his cheek with her index finger. “He’s got Adam’s dark hair,” I say.

  “They all have dark hair when they’re born. It’ll fall out and maybe he’ll be fair like you. Who knows?”

  She almost smiles at me, and my head swims at the thought that maybe I’m winning her over. Maybe she’ll help me connect Max with his father.

  “I’m sorry Adam’s moved on. I’m sure if he didn’t have a job and a girlfriend he’d come back to visit.”

  The news Adam has a girlfriend hits me like a bowling ball to the head. “Girlfriend?”

  She nods. “He met someone when he got to the US. She sounds nice.”

  In that moment, my heart shatters into a million pieces. I thought if he found out what happened, if he knew about Max, he’d do whatever it took to be with us.

  Tears roll down my cheeks, and a small hand slips into mine as I look down at James. I don’t know how much of this he understands. He’s six. I give him a small smile. This is my son’s uncle.

  “Adam’s young. He’s not mature enough to accept responsibility for you and a baby.” Mrs Campbell shoots me a look full of sympathy.

  “I thought he’d come back,” I whisper.

  She takes a deep breath, and that holier-than-thou expression I’m so used to returns. “He’s left this life behind, Lily. I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but he has a new life to live, and he won’t return.”

  I rub my forehead with my fingertips, trying to gather my thoughts. If I don’t change the subject, I’ll go mad. “Did you want to hold the baby?”

  “He’s so small. I’d be too afraid to hurt him.”

  I nod. “I understand.” But I don’t. If I was in her shoes, I’m sure I’d want to hold my first grandchild.

  In all of this, Max is the one who misses out. With his father turning his back on us, I’m all Max has.

  My life is his.

  It’s not enough.

  The body blow I was dealt at finding out Adam had moved on with someone else was just the start.

  Two days after Joanna’s visit, Joseph appears at the door to my room. With Max in NICU, I’ve got a room to myself which I’ve been grateful for.

  “How’s it going?” he asks. I’ve known this guy a few weeks, and every day he’s been calm and smiling. It’s been reassuring. Now, he frowns, worry lines crossing his forehead.

  “Good. Max is doing well. What’s going on?”

  He licks his lips, a nervous expression on his face. Whatever it is, I’m not going to want to hear it. “I’ve got some bad news. I’m so sorry, Lily.”

  Behind him, two policemen enter the room, and I’m bewildered, my heart in panic over what’s to come. Is it Mum?

  “Your mother committed suicide in remand. She … well, I don’t want to get into any detail if it’s too much. There’s a note.”

  Tears flood out of me, and I bury my head in my hands.

  The woman who brought me into the world is gone, without even seeing her grandson. Before Adam came to town, I’d been so alone and for such a short time I’d had companionship with him. Love. Her illness wasn’t Mum’s fault, she couldn’t help the issues she had, and now my heart’s filled with regret for what could have been. Not just for me, but for her.

  “Can I see it?” I ask.

  Joseph nods. His face is so full of sympathy. He knows how hard it’s been. His job has been to come here and take my baby away when my toxicology results came up showing what drugs I’d been on. Instead, he’s become my biggest supporter.

  One of the policemen steps forward. “Hi, Lily. I’m Constable Dave Rigby. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  I blink back tears. “Thank you.”

  From a folio in his hands, he produces a plastic bag. “I’m sorry, but it’s in an evidence bag. While we investigate what happened, we’ll need to hold onto it.”

  “What happened?”

  He frowns and looks down at his feet. “She hung herself with her bed sheet. They had additional guard checks for her, but she must have worked out how long until the next one. Earlier in the day she’d been allowed a pen and paper to write you a letter. She said it was an apology. She misled the guards to write this instead.”

  Oh, Mum.

  He hands the bag to me, and I take it with shaky hands. The letter only has two lines.

  I can’t do this anymore.

  I’m under too much stress.

  “That’s it?” My head spins at there being no mention of me, no goodbye for me. Nothing.

  I hand the note back to Constable Rigby, not wanting to touch it even through the plastic. For the first time in years I’m angry with my father for leaving us. For so long I understood. He couldn’t handle her the way I thought I could. But he left me to the mercy of a woman who in the end couldn’t even take care of herself, let alone me.

  They leave me alone with my thoughts, and I curl up in the hospital bed barely wanting to go on. Everyone’s left me, but I have to be strong for Max. Max Adam Parker.

  I hurt for everything I’ve lost, everything Max has lost. But I have to pull myself together. I just have to.

  When there’s a knock on the door, I bury my head under the pillow, unable to take any more. I have nothing left.

  “Lily?”

  A voice I think I recognise comes from the door, and I lift my head. The biggest lump forms in my throat when I finally see someone from my past who might just care. “Mrs Murphy?”

  My favourite teacher at primary school, the one who had nurtured my love of reading. She’s the first person who ever saw beyond me being just Mum’s daughter. The first person who truly saw me.

  Tears roll down my cheeks as she approaches. This has to be one of the worst days of my life and she’s appeared like my guardian angel.

  “I came as soon as I heard.”

  “Do you know about Mum?”

  She frowns. “I know what she did. It didn’t take much to put it all together.”

  “Mum’s dead.” I let out a sob as I say the words. I’m in a state of disbelief, unable to get my head around everything.

  “Oh, sweetheart.” From her reaction, Mrs Murphy didn’t know that bit. She reaches the end of my bed as I sit up and she reaches for me, wrapping me in her arms like a mother should.

  Mum.

  I weep for the woman who gave birth to me, the woman who raised me, the woman who struggled to keep her head above water each and every day. She loved me. I do know that much.

  “What happened?”

  “She committed suicide. There’s a note, but the police have it until they’ve finished with it. They have to investi
gate a death for prisoners in remand.” I sigh. “They showed me. It said she couldn’t cope anymore. Being arrested had caused her too much stress.” I look up in to Mrs Murphy’s eyes. “What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?”

  “You don’t have to worry about anything. I’m here, and there’s always room at my place.”

  “I can’t ask …”

  “Lily, you don’t have to ask. My home is open to you and your baby. Tell me about him.”

  The tears won’t let up. I am so full of love for Max despite every other thing in my life sucking. “He’s amazing. I was so scared I’d lose him, and he’s still in the NICU for observation, but he’s doing so well.” I sniff. “He looks so much like Adam.”

  “Can I see him?”

  My chest bursts with pride as I think of my little fighter. “Of course.”

  26

  Lily

  Now

  When I was a child, I had dreams. When I met Adam, I thought maybe they’d finally all come true. We had plans to go with the dreams. They weren’t much but they were ours.

  For six months, I thought I’d lost everything and couldn’t dream of anything but getting out of the hell my mother had created. Even in my darkest hours, I had to believe the bad times would end. It was one of the things that helped keep me alive.

  When I found out about Max, I had love again.

  Now, for the first time in years, I have hope.

  Hope is wonderful.

  The nights are still dark, but the days are so much brighter. The longer Max, Adam, and I are a family, the more that brightness spills into the dark, eating away at it little by little. Maybe one day it’ll all be gone.

  All I know is that after those first weeks, I haven’t slept so well in years.

  I lie in bed, my limbs entangled with Adam’s. Life has gone on as normal since his return, but my heart is so much lighter.

  “What do you dream of?” he asks. I didn’t think he’d noticed me waking in the night past that first time, but clearly he has. There’s only one thing I can do. Be honest.

  “Mum. The house. Max.”

  His eyes are so sad. I know he wants to take all the bad dreams away, but I don’t know if anything will ever do that completely.

  Adam nuzzles my cheek. He brings me more comfort than I can say.

  “I dream about when I got out, when I was in hospital. There was a case worker assigned to me, you know, because they got my toxicology results and thought I was taking drugs. It wasn’t until I woke up that I told them what happened. My case worker was ready to take Max.” Even now the thought that anyone would think I’d do anything to hurt my baby stings. From the moment I knew about Max, he was my focus, no matter what else was going on in my life. Twelve years on, nothing has changed in that regard.

  “Take Max? Into care?”

  I nod and understand the pain that sweeps his face, the hurt in his eyes.

  “When he realised the truth, he helped me instead. I don’t know what I would have done without Mrs Murphy, though. She was like my guardian angel.”

  He smiles. “She always did have a soft spot for you.”

  “She used to pack some extra lunch so she could help me out when Mum forgot mine.” I snuggle in to his chest. “Before you arrived.”

  His arms are so warm and comforting around me. I never want to leave them. I never want him to leave.

  These past weeks have meant so much, but I retain the feeling of being on a precipice, so close to falling if he goes. He has a life far away from here.

  “Lily?”

  My eyes meet his. “Sorry?”

  “Where were you? There are times when I know I lose you.”

  I shake my head. “Nowhere important.” Stroking his chest, I sigh. “Do you ever think about your home?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Where you lived before you came back.”

  He sighs. “I lived in an apartment when I wasn’t deployed or travelling.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  The corners of his mouth curl a little. “I’d much rather be here with you.”

  Whenever he says things like that my stomach flips like a gymnast at the Olympics. He says all the right things, does all the right things, but after all I’ve been through, I’m still terrified.

  I’m more in love with him than I’ve ever been.

  It’ll be harder to break my fall next time.

  Max drives me nuts on Monday morning. He might have had lots of sleep after his day out with Corey, but Adam returning and moving in is an adjustment. It doesn’t show at first, but little by little Max’s routines are out of whack, and with it his behaviour at times.

  “I don’t want to go to school.” He throws his clothes across the room.

  “Well, you have to go. You know you do.”

  He pouts. “I want to stay home with Dad. He’s going to teach me how to fix a car.”

  “Not today he’s not. It’s a school day.”

  “I don’t want to go.”

  There have been days when he’s been difficult, but I know where his limit is and when he really is too out of sorts to leave the house. This is just him being stubborn.

  “Too bad. Get your clothes on.” I pick up his shirt and walk toward him. These are the days I am getting afraid of. When he gets to the point where he’s physically bigger than me, this will get a lot tougher. At least now Adam’s here that aspect the future should be easier.

  “Mum.” He whines, but I’m not letting him win this one.

  “Come on, Max. Get dressed and we’ll go get you some Coco Pops.”

  He rolls his eyes but obeys, unbuttoning his pyjama shirt at sloth speed.

  “You guys okay?”

  Max’s eyes light up at the sight of Adam. “Dad. I told Mum I can’t go to school ’cause you’re gonna teach me about cars.”

  He shakes his head. “Not today, bud. We can take a look after school. Maybe I can pick you up?”

  Max nods like crazy. “Cool. Where’s my T-shirt, Mum?”

  I raise my eyebrows at Adam, and he smiles and shrugs before disappearing out the door presumably to go downstairs. I’ve been Max’s sole caregiver for so long. Adam being around is wonderful and hard all at the same time. I’m so used to doing everything alone—this is going to take some getting used to. It’s hard not to be resentful when my son dresses with enthusiasm after speaking with his father.

  It’s as if Adam senses it when I come down the stairs. Max is right behind me, full of energy and enthusiasm to get to school, no doubt so he can finish for the day and come home to Dad.

  “You okay?” Adam says quietly.

  I nod. “I’m fine. I’ll have to add you to the school’s list of carers who can pick Max up so if someone sees you with him they’ll know not to call the police. Although given he was left to his own devices that day I was late, I don’t know how useful their list is.”

  “I didn’t think of that.”

  Slipping my arms around his waist, I press my head against his chest. “All your brothers are already on that list.”

  He chuckles, his chest shaking as he smooths my hair with the palm of his hand. “I’m glad you had them here for you.”

  “Mum. Where are the Coco Pops?”

  I let out a sigh.

  “I’ll get them,” says Adam. “Go get some time with Max before school, and I’ll make you a coffee.”

  This—this is what makes adjusting to him being around worthwhile.

  The irritations of the morning are gone by lunchtime. Adam gets out and into the garden with me, and helps clear a new patch for planting. I grow a lot of my own vegetables, both to eat and to sell at the local farmers’ market once a week, and I’m rewarded with fresh carrots, lettuce and onions among other things.

  “This is so much easier with you helping.”

  He grins. “I do wonder if it’s a waste of time.”

  “Why?” I stand up, wiping my forehead with my sleeve. It�
��s hard work turning over the soil.

  “Are we going to stay here, or go somewhere else?”

  “Where would we go?” This place isn’t perfect, but it’s home, and I know at the very least that Max and I will always have a roof over our heads.

  Adam shrugs. “I dunno. We could find another place closer to town and school. We could move to the city. The world’s out there for us to explore.”

  “Max’s needs have to come first. I don’t know if he’ll cope in the city. This is his home.” I go back to digging.

  “I know it’s his home, but it doesn’t have to be. Lil, you’ve done the best job you can, but I’m here now. I can—”

  “If we’re going somewhere else, we have to decide as a family. You don’t just get to waltz in, turn our lives upside down, and move us around.” The truth is the thought of living anywhere else scares me. What am I going to do being with a man who could be called overseas to fight? What if next time he goes he doesn’t come back?

  Adam sighs and walks towards me. He wipes his hands on his jeans and places them on my arms.

  “Of course we’ll decide as a family. I want to give you everything, no matter how hard I have to work.” He presses his forehead to mine. “We all missed out on so much. I think we’re entitled to making a life together, and a good one.”

  I sniff. “I love having you here, but this is such a big adjustment before we consider moving anywhere else.”

  He lingers on my lips as he kisses them. “Can we take a break?”

  “Not yet. I need to get more carrots planted.”

  “If you come with me I’ll show you all the carrot you’ll ever need.” He gives me a slick smile as he pulls away, and all I do is roll my eyes.

  “You’ll have to come up with a better line if you want to persuade me to stop working.” I pull away, digging and turning over more soil. “Besides, you haven’t seen the size of my carrots. I bet they put yours in the shade.”

  I squeal as Adam grabs me around the waist, dropping the spade and surrendering as he takes my breath away with his kiss.