by Mari Carr
“Why not?”
She froze at his question and then glanced back toward the room. “I thought you…”
Suddenly he understood. He looked into the room, forcing himself to see who was on the table.
Fuck.
“Dad.”
“Please, Kellan. Go to the waiting room. Or back to your office. I have to get in there.”
He nodded numbly. “I’m not leaving. Go do your job.”
She hesitated briefly.
“Please, Sara. He needs you.”
She rushed back into the room. Previously he’d been watching Sara’s movements, marveling at her skill. Now his gaze was locked solely on his father.
There was so much blood.
Another doctor pushed by him, entering the room. Then another nurse.
Kellan stood by the door, watching as everyone moved around the table where his father lay. Part of him was surprised by how calm he felt. How surreal the moment was. Everyone in the room was rushing, talking loudly, in constant action. Meanwhile, he felt as if he were underwater, moving in slow motion.
He rubbed his hands together. They were cold. He was cold.
Dammit. He wasn’t calm.
I’m in shock.
The numbness faded when he looked from the cardiac monitor to the defibrillator and back again. He didn’t need a medical degree to know what a flat line meant.
His mind drifted back to Thursday night. What was the last thing he’d said to his dad at the restaurant?
That insult. He’d insulted his father’s integrity and tossed his apology back in his face.
And now…
Kellan stared at the cardiac monitor, willing the thing to move. He watched the doctors and Sara fighting to save his dad. He needed more time. More time to tell his father he was sorry for being such a prick, sorry for letting him take the blame for Kellan’s shortcomings. God, he wanted to tell Dad he loved him.
Bile rose to his throat, and for a moment, he feared he’d be sick.
Then a miracle happened. The cardiac monitor beeped in time with the heart that started beating again. Kellan leaned against the wall when his knees went weak.
He wasn’t sure how much time passed before the door to the trauma room opened. An orderly was pushing his father out of the room, and the doctors followed.
Kellan glanced around for Sara who came out last. She reached out for him, and he fell into her open arms, wrapping himself around her and soaking up as much of her strength as he could.
“Where are they taking him?”
“Surgery. I’m afraid he’s not out of the woods yet.”
“He died in there.”
Sara nodded slowly. “You shouldn’t have stayed here, Kellan. God. You shouldn’t have had to see that.” Her voice cracked slightly. She was struggling as much as he was to keep it together.
“You saved him.”
“The doctors resuscitated him. Listen, I’m going to go get a status report from the surgeon for you. Okay? And then…” She hesitated.
“You need to come back here to help the others.”
“Yeah. I wish I could stay with you, but—”
He shook off her apology. “These people need you more than me. I’ll be fine, Sara.”
“I’ll find you after things settle down. I suspect your mother—”
“Oh my God. She’s probably in the waiting room going crazy. I need to tell her what’s happening.”
“Stay with her. She’ll need you. I’ll update you both as much as I can. Promise.”
“Thank you,” he whispered. If he’d been thinking clearly, he never would have cupped Sara’s cheeks, never would have leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. They were at work. He was her boss.
He was terrified of losing his dad, and so fucking grateful she’d been there to help, that he gave in to the instinct without thinking through the consequences.
Sara returned the kiss for a second and then gently pulled away. “You’re going to get us both fired.”
He grinned tiredly. Leave it to Sara to find a way to make him smile when his whole world was falling apart.
She darted off in the direction they’d taken his father, while Kellan made his way to the waiting room. As he expected, his mother was there, pacing the floor despite the crowd. Then he saw Josh sitting in a chair nearby. He gave his friend a grateful, tired smile.
His mother rushed up to him as he approached. “Kellan.”
He opened his arms, offering her the same comfort Sara had just provided for him. “He’s alive,” he said, though Kellan was still shaken by the image of that flat line. “They’re prepping him for surgery. Sara is with him right now. She’s promised to keep us updated.”
“Thank God she’s there. I just can’t believe…” Mom’s words were lost to crying. Her voice broke and the tears she’d obviously been holding back fell.
The rest of the day passed in a haze as he and his mother sat side-by-side, awaiting news on his father’s condition. Josh remained close as well, making calls to family members, getting them coffee and food, even though most of it went uneaten.
Despite the chaos in the emergency room, Sara still managed to give them hourly updates, offering words of support that bolstered his mother’s strength. As if she had some sort of sixth sense, Sara always appeared just when Mom was about to fall apart, and found a way to bring her back up.
Kellan spent the entire day observing the way the emergency room operated, the way the doctors and nurses interacted with the patients and their families. Given the high number of critically injured patients transported from the crash scene, the people who’d come in with less severe problems had to wait longer.
For months, Sara had tried to explain why patients had to be prioritized according to need in the ER. He’d argued with her, insisting on less patient interaction times and multitasking priority cases with minor ones to improve their wait time averages.
Now he was grateful no one had ever listened to his bullshit. His father’s life had been on the line, and the staff had thumbed their nose at his insane “ten to fifteen minutes per patient” regulation and done everything in their power to save him.
During their next meeting, he was going to tell the board to take their bottom line and shove it up their asses. He’d probably be fired for it, but he didn’t care. The hospital staff was there to protect the patients’ safety, their health. Not to ensure that everyone got a damn lollipop.
While he had caught glimpses of Sara at work throughout the years, he’d never had the opportunity to sit and watch her. She was a born nurse, a natural caregiver. Her competence, her experience and soothing manner, left everyone she spoke with calmer. He was struck by the visible difference he saw in the people Sara dealt with. Their whole bodies relaxed, and their anxiety lessened. She was incredible.
The surgery lasted nearly six hours, and when they brought his father out, they put him in ICU, his condition critical. Though his father would continue to sleep, Sara said they would allow his mother to go see him.
“Well, I think that’s my cue,” Josh said as he stood to leave. “Everything’s going to be just fine, Mrs. James.”
“You were a godsend today,” Mom said, kissing Josh on the cheek.
Then Josh turned, placing a hand on Kellan’s shoulder. “I’m a phone call away if you need anything, man.”
Kellan shook Josh’s hand tightly. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you did, Josh.”
Josh shrugged away the thanks. “You hang in there, okay?”
Kellan nodded as Josh turned to Sara and gave her a hug. He couldn’t hear what his friend whispered to her, but Sara laughed softly and returned the embrace.
Once Josh was gone, Sara walked with them to ICU, explaining his father’s injuries to his mother in a way that she could understand.
“Mr. James suffered splenic trauma, meaning his spleen was torn during the injury. It caused some serious internal bleeding. The doctor removed it.”
“
He can live without his spleen, right?” Mom asked.
“Oh yes,” Sara reassured her. “Absolutely. Mr. James is a very strong man. I have no doubt he’ll pull through this.”
“Good.” Mom hugged Sara and thanked her for everything she’d done for her husband.
“I didn’t do anything,” Sara demurred. “It was all the doctors, the surgeons.”
“Then thank you for what you did for us.”
Kellan hung back as Mom went into his dad’s room. It was hard to believe the man in the bed was his larger-than-life father. For the first time ever, he looked small and fragile.
“Give it to me straight, Sara. What happened in that operating room?”
“Your father’s will to live is incredible. You have to believe he’ll be okay.”
“You said that to my mother. Now fill in the blanks.”
“They lost him on the table twice. Had to resuscitate him. He’s still not out of the woods.”
“Shit,” Kellan murmured, instantly sorry he had asked.
“That’s why he’s still listed as critical?” Kellan asked, unable to shake the image of that flat line on the machine. “If they removed the spleen, and he can survive without it—”
“The accident caused other injuries, including a broken rib that punctured his lung. There was a lot to repair,” Sara explained.
She reached out to take his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. “But I have a good feeling, Kellan. You get your bullheaded stubbornness from that man in there. He’s not ready to go, so he won’t.”
Kellan was used to being compared to his dad. They favored each other in coloring and build—and personality. They were driven, opinionated, and not particularly great at listening, at least according to his mother.
In the past, he’d rejected the comparisons, the likenesses. Kellan preferred to think of himself as his own man. Now, he was proud to be like his dad. And he hoped to God he got the chance to tell him that. If his father died before Kellan could apologize and tell him that he loved him, he would never forgive himself.
“You okay?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’m going to hang out here a little longer.”
Sara glanced at her watch. “My break is over. I’m working a second shift, so I’ll be close by if you need me.”
Kellan felt a strong urge to kiss her again, but he recalled Sara’s comment about getting them fired. He didn’t want to put her job at risk. The hospital—the ER—needed her.
“I’ll come find you later. Maybe we can grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria.”
“It’s a date.” She winked and turned, walking away unaware of the impact her little joke had on him.
A date. With Sara.
That sounded pretty damn good to him.
…
Kellan walked through the hallways like a robot. It had been a full twenty-four hours since he’d entered the hospital yesterday morning, intent on continuing his seduction of Sara. Then his world had spun on its axis and left him hanging upside down, fighting to find some sort of balance again.
Finally he found her in the doctor’s lounge. The room was empty except for her. She was staring down, and for a moment, he wondered if she was asleep. Or praying.
“Sara?”
Sara looked up at him sleepily, her hands cupped around a mug of coffee. “Your dad?”
“Resting. My mom is with him. She’s given me orders to get out of here and get some sleep. So I’m doing the same to you. Grab your stuff. We’re going home.”
She looked like she might argue, so he tugged her up from the table and kissed her. The door to the lounge was open. Anyone in the world could see them. He was too tired to care.
Apparently, even exhausted, Sara had more sense than him. She backed away.
“Kellan.”
“We’re leaving.” She hesitated until he added, “No funny business. I swear. We’re both coasting on fumes. I just want to make sure you get home okay.”
Sara smiled appreciatively. “I was actually just sitting here wondering how I was going to drive. I can’t keep my eyes open. Let me tell them I’m going.”
She opened a locker, retrieved her purse and jacket, and then followed him to the charge nurse’s desk. If the woman found it unusual for Sara to be leaving with the hospital CEO, she had the good grace to keep that opinion to herself. She thanked Sara for all her hard work and told her to get some rest.
They were quiet on the ride to her home. She’d left her car at the hospital, not bothering to argue when he insisted on driving her. Despite her own fatigue, she managed to remain awake, and he knew she was keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn’t fall asleep. They were equals in exhaustion.
When they pulled into her driveway, Kellan sat numbly behind the wheel, unmoving. He wondered where the nearest coffee shop was. He wasn’t going to make it back to his place without a quick kick of something black and strong.
“Come on,” she prompted.
He gave her a questioning look as she reached over to turn off the car, claiming his keys.
“There’s no way you’ll make it home without dozing off. Sleep here for a little while.”
Yesterday morning that invitation would have had a much different impact on him. Today, all he could muster was relief.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he offered when they walked inside.
“I spilled lemonade on it Sunday. The cushions are sticky as hell. Just come upstairs with me. I trust you to be a gentleman.” The last was said with a sleepy grin.
She wasn’t wrong. Sex was the last thing on his mind.
Sara pulled down the covers, and they crawled in. He lay on his back, careful not to touch her.
Apparently, she didn’t appreciate his efforts. Instead, she placed her arm around his waist and her head on his shoulder. There was something very comforting about holding her, being with her.
“Your dad’s going to be okay.”
She couldn’t know that any more than he could, but somehow, hearing the words from her helped him believe it.
After so many hours spent teetering on the edge of a cliff, it felt as if he’d finally been rescued. He was safe here.
Sara fell asleep within seconds, and it occurred to him he’d never simply slept with a woman. When he took a lover to bed, it was for sex. Sleep was just the end result of that.
Right now, he just wanted to hold her. To be with her because he couldn’t stand the idea of going home to his cold bed alone.
She had accused him of using her for sex. Somehow that seemed better than what he was using her for now.
His father thought Sara was in love with him. What if he was right? How could Kellan continue this cat and mouse game, trying to seduce her, when they both knew what the end result would be?
He couldn’t hurt her that way. She didn’t deserve to be used like this, but there was no way he could offer her anything more.
It was time to let her go, time to put an end to…whatever this was. Right now, it felt like he was stringing Sara along. Which was especially low now that there was a nice guy waiting in the wings, ready to give her exactly what she wanted.
Kellan’s jaw clenched at the thought of Gabriel and Sara together, but he forced the annoyance away. No matter how much the saintly doctor annoyed the shit out of him, the fact remained he was perfect for Sara in ways Kellan could never be.
He’d talk to her about it. Tomorrow.
Or maybe the day after. Considering how touch and go things were with his dad, he wasn’t sure he could get through the next few days without her.
He sighed and chastised himself for being an asshole. Sara was his friend. She had been there for him his entire life. She wouldn’t desert him while his dad was in the hospital, fighting for his life, no matter what. He’d promise to back away, give her and Gabriel his blessing, and then things could go back to normal. For both of them.
Kellan rested his cheek against the top of her head, catching a whiff of the co
conut-scented shampoo she used. He loved the way she always smelled like sunshine and the beach.
Then he found himself envying her ability to sleep. While his body might be weary, his mind was racing, replaying the last twenty-four hours over and over.
He needed to sleep. So he tried to match his own breathing to her slow, peaceful inhalations.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
His eyes grew heavy, the lids drifting closed. Sara shifted slightly, her hand moving to rest flat on his chest.
As he lingered in that dreamlike world between sleep and consciousness, he let himself pretend that Sara was his. That he had the rest of his life to hold her just like this.
It was that fantasy that finally allowed him to close down all the fears and sadness, and granted him peace.
Chapter Nine
Sara buttered the toast she’d just made. She had left Kellan sleeping in her bed. It was late afternoon, but their days and nights had gotten mixed up after his father’s accident. She had called the hospital to check on Mr. James. His condition had stabilized and improved enough that they were already talking about moving him out of ICU.
“Good morning. Or…”
She turned at the sound of Kellan’s deep voice in the doorway.
“I think it’s safe to say it’s ‘good afternoon’ at this point.” She didn’t like the dark circles under his eyes. “Did you sleep okay?”
He shrugged. “Not really. Too much on my mind. Speaking of. I need to find my cell.”
“I already called the hospital.” She filled him in on his father’s recovery, pleased to see some of the stress seep out of his face.
“That’s good. God. That’s really good.” He ran his hand through his mussed up hair, then pointed to the toast. “Tell you what—why don’t we stop by the hospital to visit Dad, and then I’ll take you out to dinner? It’s the least I can offer after everything you did for my family yesterday.”
“You really don’t have to, Kellan. I was just doing my job.”
He shook his head. “No. You went above and beyond. You were amazing. I’m not sure I would have made it through all that without you.”
She smiled and thanked him. “That’s sweet, but isn’t necessary. Truth is, you were actually getting toast because there’s not much else to eat here. I didn’t make it to the grocery store this week. Things have been sort of nuts.”
