by Mari Carr
He had indulged in a dozen or so hookups with Veronica over the course of the last six months. Like him, Veronica understood his desire for no-strings encounters and professed herself only interested in the sex.
However, he’d noticed lately that she was the one doing most of the calling. In fact, he hadn’t reached out to her in nearly four months. Of course, he hadn’t turned her away either. If he was serious about driving Sara out of his head, a night with Veronica might be the best way to go.
The moment the idea occurred to him, he dismissed it. He wouldn’t sleep with Veronica tonight. Or any other night for that matter. The attraction—or whatever he had initially felt for her—was definitely gone, and it had been for months. The only reason he had continued to answer her calls was because he had considered the sex good. One weekend with Sara had blown his encounters with Veronica out of the water.
She picked up her glass of wine and took a sip. “I texted a couple weeks ago. Never heard back from you.”
Kellan didn’t want to be here. While he had originally come out hoping to find some company, the hard truth was he had really only wanted to indulge in his own personal pity party and avoid his house. He’d taken to sleeping on the couch because his pillow still carried the faint scent of Sara’s shampoo.
“I was busy.” It was a vague answer, but Veronica never failed to read between the lines. She felt like the female version of him. Eternal party girl, looking for a good time between the sheets and nothing else.
She smirked knowingly. “So, are you busy tonight?”
He paused. Not because he was going to say yes, but because he simply didn’t have the energy for this conversation. “Actually, I am.”
Veronica narrowed her eyes. “With the same woman?”
Who he spent his nights with was none of her business. “Veronica, I think perhaps it’s time we move on.”
“Move on?” Her tone was decidedly chilly. “Are you serious? What the hell did I do wrong?”
He frowned. There was no right or wrong in this scenario. They were occasional lovers, nothing more.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m simply not interested anymore. We both agreed—”
“Spare me!” she yelled.
He leaned closer, speaking in hushed tones, hoping she would follow suit. “There’s no reason to include the entire bar in this conversation.”
“I played by your stupid rules, Kellan. I kept everything light and casual and fun. I didn’t make demands or voice any expectations. I gave you exactly what you wanted. So I’m afraid I’m going to need you spell this out for me. Why are you breaking things off?”
There wasn’t anything to break off. “Veronica, I thought you understood I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”
She sneered. “Be careful throwing that R-word around. You wouldn’t want anyone to hear you and get the wrong impression. I think everyone here knows Kellan James doesn’t do relationships. He prefers to fuck his way through Southampton without ever feeling a single emotion. And I was a fool to believe I could change your mind about that.”
She wanted to change his mind? Jesus. Where was this coming from? “You wanted a relationship with me?”
“God, you’re a cold son of a bitch.”
Veronica rose from the chair, her cheeks flushed bright red with anger. Her voice had grown louder with every word until the rest of the conversations in the bar died.
“I’m sorry if I made you think”—he paused, still trying to understand exactly what he’d done to give her the impression they were a couple—“that I was your boyfriend.”
She laughed loudly, though there was certainly no humor in the sound. “Fuck you, Kellan.”
He watched as she stormed out of the bar and groaned when he realized his mom was standing just a few feet from his table.
“Mom.”
“Josh said I would probably find you here. Thought I’d see if you wanted company for a drink. Your dad is dozing, and I was going a bit stir crazy in that hospital.”
“I guess you heard all of that.”
Mom came over and claimed the chair Veronica had just vacated. “Oh yeah.”
“Don’t suppose you’d be willing to forget it all.”
She laughed. “Good lord, no.”
It was impossible to be angry with his mom. The woman had a way of making even the most uncomfortable of situations tolerable by retaining her humor.
“Mom, listen—”
“No, Kellan. I think I’d like to go first.”
He sighed. This night just went from bad to worse.
“You know, I’ve stood by for years as you’ve drifted in and out of short-term, meaningless relationships, because I figured you were just sowing your wild oats. But after listening to that woman, I’m concerned perhaps your choice to remain unattached stems from something else.”
“I’m pretty sure George Clooney was never subjected to all this speculation about his decision to live a bachelor lifestyle into his fifties.”
“You’re not George Clooney, dear. And even he is married now.”
He pretended she’d shot him in the heart. “That hurts, Mom.”
She laughed. “This, Kellan…this is the part of you that I’m worried is being lost. You have a wonderful sense of humor—you get that from me—and more than your fair share of your father’s charm. It’s wasted on these women”—she gestured toward the door Veronica had just stormed through—“who you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of falling in love with.”
Kellan tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest that accompanied the word love. She was right. “I’m not interested—”
“In love,” she interjected. “I call bullshit.” His father had basically said the same thing. So had Sara.
He rubbed his eyes wearily, but didn’t bother to argue. It was a fight he wouldn’t win. “Is there a point to this conversation?”
“I’m worried you’re avoiding close relationships because of what happened between your dad and me when you were a teenager. I noticed some tension between the two of you at my birthday party.”
Kellan was surprised his dad hadn’t told his mother about the conversation the night it occurred. They told each everything these days.
Then he realized Dad probably hadn’t wanted to upset her on her birthday. Of course, the next day everything had gone to hell, and his father had almost died in that car accident. “Dad thought I had a thing for Sara. I told him he was wrong.”
He made a critical error mentioning Sara’s name. Mom’s eyes lit up. “Now, she’s a woman you could definitely fall in love with. The two of you are perfect for each other. In fact, I’m pretty sure you’re already more than halfway to head over heels for her.”
Kellan couldn’t deny he’d begun to feel the exact same way. One weekend with her had proven they were more compatible than he could have imagined.
“Which is why I’m not going to pursue her.”
Mom frowned, confused by his response. “That makes no sense.”
Kellan sighed and decided to hell with it. He wasn’t making any progress in sorting out his thoughts on his own. Maybe it would help to talk to his mom. “I’m not a good bet. I’d only wind up hurting her in the end.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve never done a long-term serious relationship.”
“You dated Jenna Lennon in college for nearly an entire year.”
He shrugged. “You’re right. I did. And we broke up when she caught me making out with one of her sorority sisters at their end-of-year formal. Guess I really am like Dad.”
His mother winced slightly, but she didn’t address his comparison. “Then you weren’t in love with her.”
He leaned forward and rested his forearms on the table. “That’s just it. I think I was in love with Jenna.”
Mom shook her head. “No. You weren’t. Dig deep, Kellan. Have you ever looked at a woman and felt your breath catch in your chest? Ever spent an enti
re afternoon daydreaming about her? Ever felt the uncontrollable urge to smile nonstop just because she was with you and it felt so good?”
Sara.
Every single one of those descriptions matched his feelings for Sara.
“I don’t know if I can give her what she needs.” He didn’t bother saying Sara’s name again. His mother knew exactly how he felt about her. He’d obviously given himself away at the Social Club.
“What does she want?”
“Marriage, kids, forever.”
Mom smiled and reached across the table, taking one of his hands in hers. “You can do all of that. Actually, I’m sure you’d be pretty fantastic at the whole husband-slash-dad gig.”
He wanted to believe that, but old habits were hard to break. Mom must have recognized the doubt in his face.
“Because you’re exactly like your dad, Kellan.”
Now it was his turn to wince, until she squeezed his hand tightly and continued. “In all the ways that matter. You’re intelligent, charming, and very handsome. Women will always be drawn to you. You’re also loyal, protective, and stubborn as a bull. You won’t let go of anything that’s yours without a fight.”
“It would kill me if I…” Kellan couldn’t find the words. He’d seen his mother’s stricken expression the afternoon they’d found that other woman with his dad. He never wanted to see that look on Sara’s face. It would eviscerate him.
“You also have the opportunity to learn from your father’s mistakes. The fact that you’re so terrified of repeating them proves to me that you won’t. You’ve witnessed the price of that betrayal. If you truly love Sara, you won’t let her down like that.”
“Why did you forgive him so easily?” He’d always wondered, always wanted to know why she didn’t make Dad pay for his infidelity more than she had.
She tilted her head, her eyes more serious than he’d ever seen them. “Do you view me as weak for that?”
“God, no.” He hesitated to add the truth, but now that they were laying the cards on the table, Kellan couldn’t stop himself. “Naive maybe. Too trusting.”
She considered his description. “Fair enough. And maybe I was both of those things. But I was also deeply, deeply in love with your father. He made a mistake, and I chose to forgive him for it. He promised me he would never cheat again, and he hasn’t.”
Kellan realized there was no way she could know that for sure, but then as he thought about it, he knew she was right. His dad hadn’t strayed again. Not once. He was as certain of that as the fact that Kellan had fallen head over heels in love with Sara.
And he’d let her go.
He had declared himself afraid of hurting her, but that was exactly what he’d done. He’d been an idiot.
“I let her go. Told her to date Gabriel.”
Mom grinned and rolled her eyes. “Sara is a lot like me, Kellan. Naive, trusting…and completely in love. She’ll forgive you. And you’ll take that second chance and make it right, make the life you both deserve.”
He didn’t respond. Wasn’t sure he could. So instead, they let the conversation end.
They ordered a couple of beers and a plate of wings and hung out. Josh showed up at some point and joined them. They laughed, watched the ball game on one of the bar TVs and suddenly the night didn’t seem so shitty.
When he crawled into bed later, he considered his next move. He couldn’t keep trudging through life like this. A month ago, he would have called himself the happiest man alive, and he would have believed it.
Then he’d spent one weekend with Sara, a woman he’d known his entire life, and now he wouldn’t go back to that miserable existence for all the money in the world.
He loved her. He was in love with her. And there was no way in hell he’d hurt her.
It was time to stop making excuses, time to open himself up to something good.
He just hoped to God that he hadn’t already screwed thing up beyond repair, because he wanted Sara back.
Forever.
Chapter Eleven
Kellan stood at the entry to the Garden Terrace ballroom of the Jericho Inn, taking a moment to soak in the surroundings. Sara couldn’t have found a more perfect setting for this evening. Two sides of the large room were floor to ceiling windows, while a series of French doors lined the far wall and led to the lush gardens beyond. Tall vases filled with white roses and lillies stood as centerpieces at each elegantly set table, while a large section of the glimmering hardwood floor had been left empty, inviting guests to dance.
The goal of tonight’s fundraiser was to raise money for the Fairmont Free Medical Clinic and it became instantly obvious how much time and effort Sara had put into making the event an overwhelming success. The place was packed, filled with some of the wealthiest and most influential people in Southampton.
Sara volunteered at the clinic and had served on the committee to plan this event. Keeping the clinic open and running, providing health care to those who couldn’t afford it, was a project very close to her heart. The woman was tireless when it came to giving to those less fortunate. And he loved her for it.
Loved her.
Once he’d let those words begin to sink in, they’d grown stronger. More powerful.
His stomach was twisted in knots, but he was determined to make things right tonight. He wasn’t going to spend one more night without her in his bed, his home, and his life.
Stepping into the room, he spotted Sara on the dance floor with Gabriel. She was smiling at the man, but something about her expression didn’t seem genuine. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but Kellan could swear she didn’t look happy.
He surveyed the room. It was crowded. Josh and his latest girlfriend Raquel were there. Josh caught his eye and waved. Kellan returned the gesture, but made no move to join them. His gaze returned to Sara. The slow song had ended, and she was approaching a podium that had been set up near the French doors.
As she stepped up to the microphone, his chest tightened. She was so stunningly beautiful she took his breath away. Her hair was pinned in a fancy updo with thick tendrils hanging loose to curl along her slender neck. He imagined wrapping his fingers around the rich red mass and tightening his grip until her eyes drifted shut and she moaned hungrily.
He loved the way she responded to him in the bedroom, so openly, without pretense or restraint. They hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of all the things he wanted to do to her. She had so much more to experience, and he wanted to be the one to teach her.
But more than that, he wanted her company, to revel in her mere presence. He wanted to stay in on the weekend, pop popcorn and watch movies with her. He wanted to sleep in on Sundays and fight over whose turn it was to make the coffee. He wanted to lie out by the pool and watch her pale, delicate skin turn pink, then kiss the soreness away on that place on the back of her neck that made her giggle then go soft in his arms.
Sara’s gown tonight was sexy in an elegant, understated way. It was made from a shimmery silver material that showcased the deep auburn tones in her hair. The deep V of the neckline dipped just low enough to give every man in the room a glimpse of her curves without being overtly revealing, and the floor-length skirt hugged her hips before flaring out slightly. The dress was made for her, accentuating every gorgeous inch of her body.
Kellan was suddenly sorry he’d thought about all the other male eyes on her right now. The wave of jealousy that coursed through him ran hot, and it took considerable restraint not to storm over to her and drag her out of the room. Jealousy was a new emotion for him, but now that he’d discovered it, he found it nearly impossible to control when it came to her.
Sara’s voice was warm and inviting as she spoke into the microphone. “I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome everyone to the Midsummer’s Night Gala. As you know, all the proceeds raised from tonight’s event will benefit the Fairmont Free Medical Clinic. The clinic has been operating in the Southampton area since 1998. But it wouldn’t exist if
not for the generous donations from people like you.”
Sara spent the next few minutes describing what the clinic did and sharing some statistics about their clientele. She then told a touching story about one of their patients and how the clinic saved her life. Kellan hung on her every word, drawn in by her conviction, her determination to keep the clinic running so that even the poorest of people could receive the health care they deserved.
He’d seen that same fortitude in her eyes when she talked about the emergency room, about why it was vital that people receive not only fast care, but good care.
As she wrapped up her speech, she thanked the businesses and individuals who had donated the items that would be auctioned off during the course of the evening. Then she invited everyone to dance and enjoy the hors d’oeuvres.
When she left the podium, she returned to a table near the front, where Gabriel was waiting for her. Kellan’s fists clenched when the other man leaned close and kissed her. Once again, he noticed the way her cheeks didn’t flush with arousal the way they did whenever Kellan kissed her.
He didn’t want to ruin this night for her, but he was having a hard time keeping his distance. Now that he’d finally managed to open his freaking eyes and admit what he wanted, it was taking all the strength he possessed not to go for it. He’d come here determined to make things right, to apologize for the pain he had caused her and to beg for another chance.
Sara was angry with him after the way he’d left things at Score, and rightly so. He owed her a big apology, and he hoped she’d give him a chance to tell her what he should have said then. He’d practiced the words the entire way over here. Telling a woman he loved her wasn’t something he had much experience with. In fact, he hadn’t said those words since college—to Jenna—and as he looked back now, he realized what he’d thought was love then didn’t even begin to touch what he felt for Sara.
Glancing around at the packed room, he suddenly questioned the wisdom of coming clean to her about his feelings here. Sara didn’t care for scenes. And chances were good he was about to make a big one. His patience was in tatters, his hands were trembling, and the warmth of the room was starting to get to him.
