9781631056314TattooedHeartsJolieNC

by Mika Jolie

  The thickness of his voice caused a shiver to run through her. Not the oh man it’s freezing type. Nope. The good kind. The one that made her want to straddle him and take every inch of his length deep, deep inside.

  She scooted in her seat to be as close as possible until the only thing separating them was the gearshift. Somewhere along the way, his glasses were removed and placed on the dashboard. He leaned in, his focus intense and unnerving. With one hand on the back of her neck, he drew her face to his until their noses touched and their lips were centimeters apart. Their breaths mingled. Her heart fluttered inside her chest. And then he was kissing her again, his mouth firm and hungry. Claire’s senses spun as his tongue slipped in, licking over hers. She gasped at the sensation, and his tongue delved deeper.

  She fell into his kiss. Nothing but tongue, teeth, and desperation. Lust stirred in the pit of her stomach. She moaned, arched closer only to have her hip crashed against the gearshift. Desperate, she dug her fingers into his sweater. But that wasn’t enough. She wanted that connection where the only thing that separated them was absolutely nothing.

  Realization dawned. This burning desire from Forrest had nothing to do with what they once had or what might be. That magic when they’d been connected body and soul. She wanted it–desperately so.

  He was seeking shelter from his chaotic world. Her heart said to let him use her once more. But the voice of reason, the annoying know-it-all said, Hang on. This is crazy. You want more.

  Slowly, she released her grip and withdrew to her own corner. “I can’t have sex with you, not today.”

  He said nothing. Claire held her breath, waiting, wishing he wasn’t going to shut her out. Then he retreated and rested his head against the leather trimmed headrest. A heavy silence settled over them. This time there was nothing comfortable about it.

  “I can’t be a substitute." Even as she said the words, her heart bled for him. This man sitting next to her, she cared for him so much.

  “You’re not. If I wanted someone else, I’d go to that person.”

  Of course he had options, why would she think he didn’t? Silly girl. Look at him. Women loved him, young and old. He was flat-out sexy, even with the caveman attitude. Still, her stomach dropped over the thought of being anything but a physical asylum for him.

  “Something upset you. What happened?”

  His jaw ticked.

  “You’re only here with me because of whatever happened at the farm. Talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She peered at him. “I can’t be a cushion again, Forrest. I played that role for you before.”

  He went rigid, as if he was consumed with too much to share with anyone, especially her. “Understood.”

  But she felt all of his anguish and sorrow so deeply that her heart twisted into a knot of pain. She palmed the side of his face. “Did you see Charles? My mom said he’s due back on the island either today or tomorrow.”

  He stiffened under her touch. “Drop it, Claire,” he said in a low voice, filled with warning.

  “You’re not talking to Jason. He’s your best friend. Your brother,” she added in a whisper.

  Her words stewed in the silence that simmered between them.

  “You’re grieving.”

  He said nothing.

  “We often assign blame for a loss in an effort...”

  “Cut the psychological bullshit. I don’t need it.”

  They sat knee-deep in silence. Tension rolled off of him in waves, a strange thing to see because he’d always been the calm one among the guys. Not that he was a pushover, but definitely the peacemaker, the rational one. But with all the logic and common sense, Forrest always held the people he loved to a high standard. His views had always been black or white with no gray area. Don’t lie. Don’t cheat. Don’t leave.

  She left him.

  Tragedy struck and he lost Luc.

  His mother cheated and lied.

  She understood his anger and ached for him. “I love you.”

  He studied her face for a beat. “You want love.”

  Her heart pounded with futility against its cage. “Yes,” she said faintly.

  A muscle in his jaw ticked. “That’s something I can’t give you.”

  Six simple words, but they brought tears to her eyes. Pain erupted from every place on her body and slammed into her heart. Claire’s hand fell from his face to her lap.

  “You had it from me once,” he continued, voice low and measured. “You threw it away. You gave up on us.”

  “I never stopped loving you.”

  “Then why did you stay away for so long?”

  Like boxers they circled around each other. The kid gloves were off, confrontation time. They’d trade slur for slur, insult for insult, and dig for dig. She knew she should stay quiet and wait for the storm to abate, but she couldn’t help sparring with him. “I told you.”

  “Tell me again.”

  “My mind kept telling me to give up.” She struggled to shift her gaze but her eyes were locked on his. “But my heart won’t let me.”

  “I can’t give you my heart, Claire,” he said after a full minute of silence. “Sex yes, but nothing else.”

  “Understood,” she repeated his word.

  “Do you?” His stunning, gray-blue eyes conveyed a despairing chill his face couldn’t hide. It made her heartsick. Crushed with sorrow, she looked away.

  For a beat, there was absolute stillness. All noises muted. The air was so brittle between them, it could snap. And if it didn’t, she just might. “I can even do lust, but you see…” she said with a shaky smile. “Even if sex is all you can give me, I’d want all of you. Your skin against mine in your bed instead of your sofa. Whatever you give me, Forrest, I want all of it.”

  “You left and never looked back. I’ve been here.” His cold fury burned with dangerous intensity. “For years I waited, pining for you and I was lucky if I got a smile.” His words spat out with the ferocity and rapidity of machine gun fire. “I didn’t exist. Now you’ve decided you want me to love you and I’m supposed to accept everything.”

  “I never stopped loving you.” Her voice shook, tears threatened to flow. “I’ve already explained.”

  “You thought I hated you. You needed to accomplish more, to come into your own.”

  There was silence.

  All that was true. But coming from him, it made her sound selfish as if she’d never taken his feelings into consideration. In a way, he was right, but it had been a form of pragmatism–a practical approach to problems and her heart.

  “I didn’t think you wanted me.”

  “That’s bullshit." His gaze locked on hers. “You never looked hard enough to find out. Instead you kept on going. You’re a runner.” His voice was brutal, accusing.

  She remained as still as a cadaver and just as pallid, unblinking against his onslaught.

  “I’m right here, Claire. I’ve always been right here. You want my fucking heart now after ten years and I’m supposed to hand it over.” He turned his attention to the storm outside. The shutters had come down. His emotion walled off behind a mask. “I can’t give you that.”

  She winced. His words packed a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama, but with an air of finality. No matter how hard she railed against them, nothing would change. Nothing would ever be the same. They’d hit their mark.

  “You’re the person who broke me,” he continued, voice low and rough. “For the rest of my life, you will always be the one who hurt me the most.”

  “I’ve apologized. You have to find it in your heart to let go.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  Claire took refuge in the silence.

  What was there to say?

  Platitudes wouldn’t cut it right now. Whatever that was left between them was shattered into glassy shards. A great sob escaped her throat. To fight away her tears no matter how hard they wanted to show, she buried her face in s
haking hands for a second and gathered whatever strength she had left. She had fought and lost.

  Catching the door handle, she pushed it open, let out a small sniff and kept her head lowered. “Goodbye, Forrest.”

  “Goodbye, Claire,” he said in a bleak voice, stripped of any emotion.

  The Jeep sped off just as she reached the sidewalk. The snow hurled tiny pellets of pain at her cheeks as red-hot tears ran down her face, rubbing salt into her open wounds. Dread crept over the icy chill air, numbing her brain.

  She walked in a daze, her footsteps moved soundlessly on the street. She turned on Bay Road and came to a screeching stop. Charles’ black sedan parked in the driveway came into focus. He’d been traveling since the big fiasco at the repass, visiting here and there to check on Marjorie. Until today, their paths had not crossed.

  For a minute, she pondered how to approach him and examined her feelings for the man who’d raised her like his own. Caught between her love for Forrest, and the reason for all of his anguish, the anger and betrayal she hoped for failed to ignite. Instead an ache settled in her chest for father and son. She loved them both. On different scale, but the emotion was equally strong.

  Charles wasn’t perfect, but who was?

  Certainly not her. For ten years, she used the words practical, realistic, to stay away from Forrest. Running away that night had been a realistic reaction, so she told herself.

  What eighteen-year-old wouldn’t?

  As for staying away, it was easier to relate to what was real rather than to what might be possible.

  While their backgrounds were poles apart, in a strange way, she empathized with Charles. Like her, he was flawed. The only child of wealthy parents, he grew up with the world as his oyster. While giving, he was never apologetic for what he had. Nor did he ever hand everything over to Jason. At one time, their father-son relationship had been strained, to Claire’s relief, they’d managed to patch things up.

  A complete opposite to her relationship with the only man she ever considered a father figure. In her twenty-eight years, he’d never stopped being the father she never had, from removing the training wheels on her bike, to accompanying her to every father and daughter dance at school. When her mother purchased the used Cabriolet for her, it was Charles who’d checked the tire thread and air pressure before she drove off with her friends. Even now, he attended her concerts whenever he could, and was always available for business advice. Other than her mother, he’d been her hero, her keeper, the one who gave her cuddles and kept her safe.

  Her gut clenched. While her own father had bailed, Charles had stepped in and filled the role, requesting nothing back from her. Exhaling, she entered the house. She found him sitting in the family room, on the phone with a folder open in front of him. Upon noticing her, he ended the call.

  “You look a little beaten,” he observed.

  “I just saw Forrest.”

  He let out a long, deep breath. “I hope your encounter wasn’t nearly as bad as mine.”

  “Maybe worse.”

  “For that I’m sorry.” He examined her for a beat. “He hurt you.”

  Emotionally he had ripped her apart. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She fell into the seat like a weightless sack and stared out the window. The gloom of the wintry day crept into her, seeping into her pores and traveling to her heart. More tears, no surprise there. She sniffed them back. “I want to be mad at you.”

  “Then be mad. It’s natural to want to protect the man you love.”

  Up to a month ago, she’d probably avoid any topic of Forrest and her feelings. Today, she didn’t have the strength nor did she want to. Through blurred eyes, she turned to face Charles. “Why did you wait so long to tell him?”

  “I didn’t tell him.” He ran a hand through his close-cropped hair. “Neither did I expect him to overhear my conversation with Marjorie. For thirty-one years, I watched on the sidelines. It got tiring.”

  “Why now?” Jason had asked the same question that night but Charles had never answered.

  “Long story. Nothing to get into now. But to summarize, I ran out of what ifs.”

  She understood that. Wasn’t she in the same situation with Forrest now? “You should at least explain everything to him.”

  “If he'll listen.”

  “He’s hurt.”

  “I know. But he’s acting like an ass.”

  In spite of the melancholy mood that hung over like a black cloud, she chuckled. “I agree.”

  He stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I have a few contracts to look over that Blake sent over to me.”

  “It’s okay. I’m going to wallow in my misery. How are things with Jason? I know he was upset at Luc’s repass.”

  “I told Jason everything. While he’s not happy, we are okay.” Walking over to the sofa, he placed a kiss on her head. “As for your relationship with Forrest, give him time. He gave you ten years to figure out what you wanted. Dinner later?”

  She looked outside. The snow showed no indication of stopping. “Everything will be closed.”

  “Then let’s do an early lunch. Give me a few hours.”

  She listened to Charles’ footsteps until they faded as silent tears fell down her cheeks. She continued to watch the snow, like an empty jar on a shelf, still holding her form, but without anything left inside.

  Her phone dinged. Reaching in her pocket, she read the notification someone had raised the bid on Forrest. Fight or flight, Jason’s words replayed in her head. Claire exhaled, placed the phone next to her and ignored the message. She could continue to engage in the battle, but what was the point? It was a hopeless battle. All the tenacity she had worked up to fight had been depleted.

  Within seconds, her phone vibrated again. Picking it up, she read Lily’s text.

  Check out the hottest couple on the island. Luv U.

  She skimmed over the caption.

  Claire Peters shacking up with her boyfriend in Martha’s Vineyard. Doctor-farmer. A sexy combination. The man is H-O-T, y’all. See for yourself!

  First, there was no shacking up. Second, they’d been in Wood Holes. A forty-five minute ferry ride from the Vineyard. But hey, the tabloids were always right. Claire scrolled to the picture, her arm tangled in Forrest’s, body leaning into his. Their faces were pictures of pure bliss. To think that was less than twenty-four hours ago. Her heart splintered into tiny pieces.

  Her phone chirped. Not wanting to talk, she let it go to voice mail, until it started again. Wiping her face, she read James’ name and answered the call.

  “Your voice is sad,” he remarked right away.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Darling, I worry about you on that island of yours.”

  She sniffed and smiled back the tears. “I’m fine.” She could feel James wanting to push, but he wouldn’t. Their business relationship worked because there was trust.

  “A little birdie told me you’re throwing a concert on Friday.”

  “That little birdie would be me.” She had sent him and Ava a text to let them know after speaking with Tyler. “It’s nothing big. I’m doing a friend a favor.”

  “Well, it’s already trending on Twitter, so it’s big.”

  “Ava’s doing?”

  “Nope. I’m calling to see if we needed to do some damage control since the whole world will be attending.”

  Claire chuckled. “Vapor is not a big place. It’s big for the island but not huge. Can’t hold more than one-hundred people and believe me, Jason and Adam are not afraid to pull their Alpha cards.”

  “What about that boyfriend of yours?”

  She groaned. “You know I don’t have a boyfriend.”

  “Tall, dark, with smoldering eyes in a black leather coat. Not your boyfriend?”

  She sat straighter. “Not boyfriend. For once the gossips are not accurate.”

  James laughed. “Don’t tell me you were reading the tabloids.”

  As a matter of fact, she had
n’t. Unless someone brought something to her attention, Claire tended to avoid all the tabloids. She’d witnessed what they’d done to Jason and Adam. James knew that and often teased her about it as he was doing now.

  “Let’s see…” His voice trailed. She could envision him scrolling through the tweets. “According to the last tweet that was just posted two seconds ago, you and McDreamy are more popular than Jared Leto and Lupita.”

  “Forrest and I are not dating.”

  “Neither are Jared and Lupita. At least that’s what my sources tell me. But it doesn’t mean they’re not hot together or have crazy chemistry.”

  Unable to conjure an argument over how hot she and Forrest looked together or their chemistry, she sighed. “We were in Wood Holes having dinner. Not a date at all.”

  “Too bad,” he said, his voice filled with regret. “You looked pretty happy.”

  She had been. Unlike the heaviness now weighing her down.

  “But your voice is very morose. Something happened?”

  “Long story.”

  “Okay. I won’t ask. But as your manager, I strongly advise that you peruse social media more often. From what I am looking at, it’s totally love. I hope the two of you do work out. So hang in there.”

  Funny, everyone was telling her to hang in there. Except the one person she wanted to hear those words from the most.

  “Anyhow,” James continued, “I wanted to let you know to expect some media coverage on Friday. Even if they don’t get in Vapor, they’ll be outside. So…”

  “I know. Watch what I do or who I leave with.”

  “You said it.” He chuckled. “But do have fun.”

  The morning passed by in a blur. Her mood ricocheted between low and lower until Charles insisted they go out for lunch. The snow had tapered some, but was still falling at a steady pace. Vapor was closed, but Sharky, a diner based on the movie Jaws, was open. A tuna fish sandwich it was going to be.

  She stepped out of the car and froze. Across the street, Forrest stood with Kerry, the woman he’d dated briefly last fall. He smiled, opened the passenger door to the Jeep for her, and Claire’s heart flopped.