By Way of the Rose

by Cynthia M. Ward

  “Sure, stay as long as you'd like! You know you're welcome here.” Sarah could feel the warmth and love reaching out to her from these strangers. She noticed the cross-stitched wall hanging of Nora's saying , God Bless This House That Which is Small and Cramped Makes Us Closer. She smiled as she read it.

  “I do like it here.”

  After dinner Nora read the Bible aloud in front of the fire. Sarah listened to the sound of her calming voice reading from Psalms. The verses were so lovely and Nora read them with such skill.

  “He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty... ”

  Nora didn't read from just her mind or voice, she read from her heart. She filled each word with love and poured them out into the room where they reached into one's soul. Sarah felt them creating a fire in her heart, a fire that she thought was dead. Dare she let that fire live again? Dare she bring it back to life, just to be put out again? Hurt again? Stomped again? But the words ‘In You will I trust’ rang through her body. “Trust.” She spoke softly.

  “Did you say something?” Nora looked at her.

  “No, I'm just getting tired. I think I'm going to turn in.” The thought of sleeping in an actual bed did make her eager to lie down.

  “Well, I hope you sleep well. If you need anything, just let me or Peter know. There's extra quilts in the bureau in your room.”

  Every once in a while the words, ‘In You will I trust’ filled Sarah's heart and mind. Trust in God, not in man! She smiled to herself as she lay in the soft, warm bed. “In you, my God will I trust!”

  It was warm the rest of that week, but when the cold hit, it hit hard. The rain poured and the winds howled. Sarah looked out the window at the tiny ice crystals that swirled in the bitter wind. She was glad that she had taken Nora and Peter's advice and waited. The wrath of this winter storm would have been her undoing. Soon the snow began to fall.

  “Oh dear! This is a devil of a storm!” Nora shivered. “Come, sit by the fire with me! I'm so glad you stayed here. If you hadn't, Peter and I would have to be out in this infernal mess looking for you. But now we can go in the kitchen and make a hot stew for supper. Come on, let's get the potatoes peeled.”

  “But I thought you didn't like people in your kitchen.”

  “Well, something tells me that you're different.” She cheerfully winked at Sarah.

  With each passing day, Sarah felt more and more a part of this family. There was a sense of belonging and true compassion. She was starting to feel like this was more than just a short stop along the way. But she couldn't get too attached, she had to leave one day soon. Or, maybe, just maybe, she could get a job somewhere around these parts and a place here too, close to Nora and Peter.

  The next morning was overcast and dreary. The wind howled around the house making whistling and ghostly, moaning sounds.

  “Good morning.” Sarah said as she entered the kitchen and saw Nora stirring over the grit pot.

  “Sit down. I have a nice warm breakfast for you. It's so pleasant to have someone here to share it with. Winter is a lonesome time anyway you slice it.”

  Sarah looked around. “Where's Peter?” she asked.

  “He's on the road again. He lit out right after cramming a biscuit down his neck. He said the weather was clear enough for him to get somewhere.” Sarah sat down and looked over the table. There were hot biscuits, butter, sausage and applesauce. Nora placed the steaming-hot grits on the table as she sat down across from Sarah.

  “Pass me a biscuit and get you some of these hot grits.” She smiled. “I'm telling you, I'm getting so attached to you it's like I've known you all my life. I hate to think about spring coming and you leaving us, even though I am longing for some sunshine and warm weather on my bones. Now, what exactly do you have to leave for? I have to say it, you're a bit of a mystery to me and I've tried not to pry. But it looks like I'm gonna have to, you won't volunteer even a tidbit of reason of why you can't just stay here. You say you've got no family, nowhere to go and nowhere to be.”

  Sarah was taken aback, Nora asking her to stay was like a great gift that she didn't know how to accept.

  “I-I'm looking for something,” she stammered.

  “Like what?”

  “Where I belong... a home.”

  “I see. Why out west? Why wouldn't this home work?”

  “That's where my real people were headed when I was born. I want to see if I can find my people and if I can belong somewhere. I've never fit in anywhere. I've always felt like I was a four cornered block being forced into a round hole.” Norah looked at her strangely. Her eyes intently studying Sarah's face. “Is something wrong?”

  “You look so much like someone I knew, Dear. I see something in you... a pain in your eyes.”

  “Everyone has some pain in their lives. I'm no different from anyone else, I don't suppose.”

  “You're right about that, it's called living life. I hope you'll want to tell me about yours someday.”

  “It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know where to start.”

  “Just start at the beginning, child. The rest will follow.”

  “I suppose the beginning would have been the day I was born.” She sighed. “I am the child of a Cherokee woman who died in Tennessee during the winter of 1839. She died in the forced move of my people. That's where I want to go. I want to go to Indian territory and see what's there or who I can find. At least I'll be with the Cherokee where I belong.” Nora's eyes had began to glisten with tears. She was holding both hands over her heart.

  “Oh, could this be!? Could you be!? You look so much like my dear sister... I lost her while we were being taken to Indian Territory. She was pregnant when I lost her in Tennessee. I never saw her again, I don't know what happened to her. You don't know your mother's name, do you? What was her name?” Her tone became urgent, frantic and demanding. Sarah's eyes widened at Nora's sudden outburst.

  “S-she didn't live long enough after I was born to say anything except the word Sehoya, and from that, my adoptive parents named me Sarah.”

  Tears ran down Nora's face as she reached out and grabbed Sarah. “Sehoya means Susanna... that was my older sister's name! You were born in Tennessee? That's where we lost Susanna and she was expecting a baby. Could you be that baby? My little niece? My sister's child? A long lost part of my family? I felt it, I knew something was familiar about you. It would be a miracle if you were... but as I believe in God, I must believe in miracles! His wonders will never cease.

  I remember it all. I was fourteen, just a girl. I remember the camps they kept us in before they herded us all away. Susanna was one of a handful of women who had not lost their babies. When things got bad she told me not to worry, that she had seen in a vision her child would be born and would live. But that it would not be hers to hold, love and cuddle. That the child would grow up in strife, but that it would rise above everything; it would be strong. When we lost her, I believed that she and the baby had died. I saw horrible things, things I can't tell. Things I will not let myself remember!”

  “How did you end up here?” Sarah was trembling.

  “It was right after we crossed the Mississippi. General Fields was enraged that so many of our people were dying. Every night there were more freezing to death. We didn't have adequate clothing, food or shelter for that hard winter and then the cold, cold river full of ice claimed so many. General Fields was weeping. He gathered up his troops and sent them away. The wagons and supplies he gave to us and told us, “Go now and make it to somewhere safe. I don't care where you go, just go and save yourselves!’ I ran, I just ran until I reached this farm. Here, I met Mr. Larry Rush, who owned this place. He took me in. Over time I forgot the horrors. I forgot my people. I even forgot my sister and her child! Larry was a kind and gentle man, well respected in the area. I fell in love with him and we had three beautiful children together. He died some years ago.”

  “My mother left me this... ” Sarah
hopefully took the necklace from her neck and handed it to her new-found aunt. Nora closed her eyes as she held it to her heart.

  “This is the necklace that your father gave Susannah when he found out she was pregnant. He made it himself. He told her it would protect the baby and make it grow beautiful and healthy, and oh, Sarah, ?you are beautiful!”

  “You are my aunt... my real aunt?” Sarah cried. “You are my people? You are of my blood?” Nora plopped back down in her chair. The surprise and shock had made her too weak to stand.

  “Yes” she answered, “and you are my niece. My real niece. You are my people. You are of my blood!”

  Sarah stood from her chair and walked over to where Nora sat. She collapsed to her knees in front of her aunt and laid her head on her lap as she cried. “My family. I've found my real family!”

  “My family has found me,” Nora whispered as she stroked Sarah's hair gently and cried for all the lost years and cried for the joy of the years to come. Together at last. “Dear sweet child... Sehoya's baby girl. She has guided you to me.”

  They talked all day about their lives. Nora told her about their family. “Daddy's name for Sehoya was Usti Tsisquaya, Little Sparrow and he called me, Usti Walelu, Little Hummingbird. Our mother was a teacher and our daddy was a tribal elder of the Cherokee Nation and also a minister. Daddy and mother said they would never leave our home, but we were all taken in the end. It killed daddy and mother. They both died before we ever reached the fort. When I lost Sehoya too, I didn't know what to do. I was all alone, a fourteen-year-old child. How in the world I made it, only God knows. When I look into the faces of my children and now you, my dear, Sarah, Sehoya... I know why I was spared.”

  Sarah told her aunt about everything that had happened to her. How she'd kept the truth from everyone about what Nathan had done and how they'd turned her out and treated her like trash.

  “I would have told them! They need to know what kind of a monster they raised! And your John should know too.”

  “I can't do that... Let them think what they want. I'm saving them and myself more pain by keeping it to myself.”

  “I say they should know. Who's going to be next in Nathan's hateful path? He needs to be in jail for killing that boy and for what he did to you!”

  “Let's forget the past... let's leave it there and go on with our lives. Our futures are bright now. Together we can mend our hearts. I don't need revenge, I need love. I have found where I belong... I belong here, with you and with your children. My real cousins! I am Sarah Sehoya Rush. That's who I am.”

  “Yes, you certainly are my sweet girl. We have been highly blessed to find one another.” Sarah hugged Nora, and for the first time Sarah felt a mother hugging her back. Rest easy, my dear sweet Mother, Sarah whispered, the trail of suffering and hate has ended... we've found love. We've found where we belong! The long, hard trail ends here.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  * * * *

  The winter was cold, but Sarah and Nora stayed cozy and warm in front of the fire. Peter came and went at will. The town of Marion was nearby, so they often drove there on sunny days just to get out of the house.

  Sarah did get her teaching certificate and a job at a school in a little town called Jericho. The school was a few miles away from Nora's farm, so she'd stay through the week and come home on weekends. The children were bright, and sweet. She enjoyed teaching them. Her job often made her think of Greta and how they had taught at the free school. She often tried to write her friend, but the words just wouldn't come. Nothing seemed right. She didn't know how Greta felt about her now. Did she hate her? Did she even want to hear from her? One day she gathered up her nerve, scratched out these few words and just sent the letter.

  My Dearest Greta;

  I can't begin to tell you how very sorry I am about Shane. I can't find the words that are right, that's why I've not written to you before now

  I loved him... I truly did. He loved me too. Yet, you and I both know that's why he's dead. I wouldn't blame you for hating me, but I beg for your forgiveness

  Love always,

  Sarah

  A few weeks later a letter came from Greta. Sarah tore into it with trembling fingers.

  Sarah dear;

  Thank you so much for letting me know where you are and that you're fine. You are fine, aren't you

  You know I hold nothing against you! I know something went dreadfully wrong, yet I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it. One thing I know for sure, you are not a jezebel! Something happened, I wish you had told me. I am your best friend... you can tell me anything!

  John was accused of Shane's murder and ran. The law is looking for him but he's vanished. I know John was angry about you, but I don't believe he would have killed Shane. He might dish out a few hard blows, but he's no murderer!

  You need to tell what you know. Come out with it, Sarah! I beg you, not just for me, so I can know the truth, so I can see Shane's real killer face his punishment and if you still care anything for John... come forward

  Love always,

  Greta

  Sarah felt an even greater burden on her now than she had before. What should she do? If John wasn't in contact with any of them, perhaps he'd find out after Nathan was tried and hanged. But would anyone believe her? What if they didn't? Sarah didn't write back.

  Spring came. There had been heavy talk of a civil war. With each day that passed the tensions grew higher. Then word came down along the wire that the rebels had fired on Fort Sumter! Soon, the nation was engulfed in a violent civil war.

  For Sarah, the days were normal except that one by one, her young male students were leaving school. They wanted to join up with the men in gray. The youngest was a ten year old who'd left to join up with his father. Sarah thought about his large green eyes. How innocent and sweet they were, and now, what they were about to witness. She couldn't help but cry for the gangly little boy who was so small for his age and trying to be so big.

  Another letter came from Greta.

  Sarah,

  I am left only to guess why you haven't written me back! Was I right

  What happened

  Now with war, none of us know how long we have. All of the men around here have gone off to fight, including my husband and your brother, Nathan

  If nothing else, just let me hear from you.

  Love always,

  Greta

  Nathan, in the war? I hope he gets a cannon ball to the head! Sarah snarled as she drove on. It was the weekend again and she was going home.

  When Sarah walked in that Friday evening, Nora was setting the table for supper.” I hope you're hungry! I've made pot-roast with potatoes and carrots!”

  “I'm starved!” She kissed her aunt on the cheek. “Can I help you with anything?”

  “In a bit. Know any news?”

  “A little. Greta wrote me again.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Nathan is in the war.”

  “I hope he gets one straight through that thick head!” Nora smiled.

  “That's what I said too!” Sarah chuckled. “Greta wants me to tell what happened.”

  “Why don't you?”

  “I don't think I can... what if no one believes me?”

  “If Greta is as good a friend as you say, I'm sure she will.”

  “I just want to forget it! That part of my life is over and done with.”

  “Well, if this is how you forget then so be it! Come help me get supper on the table.” About that time Peter bounded through the door.

  “Whoowee! Something smells good in here! What you ladies got on the stove?”

  “Is that my wandering boy waltzing in here right at suppertime? Smelled the roast did you?”

  “Yeah, Ma, I smelled it about a mile up the road.” He kissed her cheek. “Is my name in that pot, you reckon?”

  “It's always in there, son. You know that. Go wash up while we set the table.”

  At the supper table P
eter broke the news to them that he was joining the Arkansas Regiment.

  “Oh no, Peter! Not you too!” Sarah stood up from her seat and rushed over to him. “Why would you do a thing like this? Everyone is going. Everyone is leaving us!”

  “Leave him be, Sarah. He knows what he's doing. Let's enjoy the time we do have together.” Nora reached out and took his hand. “Let's say the blessing now.” Sarah meekly took her seat and joined hands with Peter and Nora as she bowed her head.

  The next morning, before Peter left, he took Sarah by the hand. “Walk with me.” He took her upon the hill just beyond the ridge. Bushes of beautiful white flowers with golden centers grew atop the hill and down into the valley. As far as the eye could see they flourished.

  It took Sarah's breath away.

  “Oh this is beautiful,” she gasped. She reached out and picked one of the blossoms. “This is the flower from my dream! I've had many dreams about these flowers, but I never knew what they were. When you picked me up and I slept in the back of your wagon to come here, I dreamed of these flowers. My mother was talking to me and I was dancing in the sun with everybody who loved me and these flowers were in my hair! They had little dew drops all over them that glittered in the sunlight. I heard my mother saying to me, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty,’ she said ‘dance my sweet Sehoya, dance, ‘ as if urging me to be happy.”

  “Ma told me that years ago, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty.’ Nobody's ever told you that? You've never seen these flowers or heard of them before?”

  “No, only in my dreams. Do you know what they are?” Sarah looked at Peter.

  “They're called Cherokee Roses. They're named after the Cherokee.” Sarah listened in wonderment as Peter told her the legend of the flower as he'd heard it from his mother.

  “Their sorrowful tears created this beauty. That's why Ma says, ‘from great sorrow comes the purest beauty.'” He placed a flower in Sarah's hair and swung her around. “Come, Sehoya, dance!” he smiled. Sarah spread her arms and twirled in the sun. She and Peter laughed and danced amidst the blossoming signs of new hope. She felt light as air and so happy. A sweet soft fragrance filled the air. It wrapped itself around them. Sarah lifted her face into the wind's soft whisper and received its kiss.