Happy Birthday to Me Again (Birthday Trilogy, Book 2)

by Rowe, Brian

  “Les toilettes, monsieur?”

  His French pronunciation was so bad I thought I was invading a Monty Python sketch. “Uh huh.”

  “Down the hall, to the right,” he said.

  I rushed to the bathroom quickly, slamming and locking the door. I just needed a moment alone, a moment to breathe. I splashed some water in my face, ten times or more, until I could feel the top of my collared shirt becoming appropriately drenched. I bit down on my bottom lip and backed up against the wall. I looked down at the toilet and decided, despite my claustrophobia and a tiny bit of nausea, that I didn’t need to throw up.

  Don’t do it, Cameron, I thought. Don’t screw up the one thing in your life that’s going right. Don’t listen to all these people, these voices. They’re just trying to sabotage this whole thing, this great thing.

  I paced the room for another minute, knowing that soon Liesel would become worried. I didn’t want that. I needed to make my way back to my seat pronto.

  I’m allowed to be happy. I can be happy with Liesel. She’s the one. Be happy, Cameron. Please.

  I sucked in a ton of air, like it was the last breath I was ever going to take, and I didn’t exhale until I stepped out of the bathroom and started making my way back to the table.

  “Feeling any better?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Too much wine, I think.” I tried to laugh, but what came out was more of a grunt.

  “That was so good, Cam. I don’t think I have room for any more…”

  I had been waiting for it, tensing for it, abhorrently anticipating it all day. But I still wasn’t prepared for it.

  Worst of all, I had to listen to the song in French.

  “Bon anniversaire, nos vouex les plus sinceres, que ces quelques fleurs…”

  Four waiters—two male and two female—started marching toward us from the back of the restaurant, singing the slow, melodic French version of the “Happy Birthday” song. Everyone in the cramped space stopped their chitchat and turned to see the four singers screaming their poor French accents into the air for the entire world to hear.

  But while I wanted to plug my ears, Liesel couldn’t have looked more overjoyed. She was beaming, realizing that this big show was all just for her. She smiled big, revealing her stunningly perfect pearly whites, as the waiters surrounded our small table and finished the song.

  “…nous soyons tous reunis, pour chanter en choeur: bon anniversaire!”

  They set down a hot plate of molten lava cake, warm chocolate fudge oozing out from the inside. A single lit candle sat on top of the cake.

  I turned to Liesel, ready for her to make that dreaded wish, when the unthinkable happened.

  “And now,” one of the two female waiters shouted, “in English! Everybody!”

  I actually thought I felt my heart stop as I listened to everybody in the restaurant start singing the song that would haunt me for the rest of my days.

  “Happy birthday to you…”

  I cracked my knuckles and tried to remain calm. I looked up at the ceiling, wishing for a moment that Reno’s first earthquake would occur, bringing this entire establishment down harshly to the ground.

  “…Happy birthday to you…”

  Cameron, sleep on it. Don’t make any rash decisions tonight. Let’s think about this and talk to her at a more appropriate time, not with all these people around. We don’t want to create a scene. Come on. You’re just aggravated.

  “…Happy birthday dear Liesel…”

  I attempted a smile as I watched my fiancée grinning at each and every person in the restaurant. She was glowing, looking as if nothing could make this perfect night any better.

  “…Happy birthday to you!”

  The waiters clapped, as did most everyone else in the small establishment. I raised my arms up in the air and clapped loudest of anyone, mostly to signal to the other patrons to move on with their night.

  The overweight waiter stayed and saluted Liesel, like she was a member of the army or something. “Happy birthday, Liesel. Enjoy… les dessert!” He tried to make those last two words sound French, but what came out was, ‘lez desert.’

  “Thank you,” Liesel said. “That was so sweet!”

  The man walked away, and Liesel leaned across the table to kiss me. I didn’t really have a choice. She pulled on my collar and kissed me so hard I thought she’d rip the skin off my lips.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” she said.

  “Of course… uhh… I wanted to.”

  She pulled the chocolate cake up to her side of the small table and took a deep breath. “Well?”

  “What?”

  “What should I wish for?”

  I brought my hands to my cheeks and set my elbows down on the table. “Just don’t wish me to get old again, please. I don’t know if I can go through that again.”

  “Smart-ass,” she said, even though she made jokes referencing my little brush with death all the time.

  She brought her lips to the candle and blew. The lone candle’s flame disappeared, only to be replaced with a thin stream of smoke.

  “What’d you wish for?”

  “I can’t tell you,” she said, taking a bite of the cake. “Oh, Cam, you have to try this.”

  I did. It was orgasmic. But it didn’t make me feel better. I needed to vent. And I knew I couldn’t wait another second.

  “Liesel… we need to—”

  She giggled, accidentally dropping some of the cake from her mouth all the way to the floor. “I’m such a klutz,” she said, reaching down with her napkin and picking up the crumbs.

  I waited for her to compose herself. It took her longer than anticipated.

  But before I could start my sentence again, she said, “Cameron, I need to tell you something.”

  I had just opened my mouth. Nothing came out of it for a moment. “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “I know I haven’t told you very much about my history, but I’m ready to change that. I think it’s finally time… you know… in the next few weeks, that I come clean about my past. About… well… everything. The good and the bad.” She looked away for a moment, and then looked back at me. “But there’s something… something big… I want to tell you now. Because you deserve to know.”

  I brought my hands together and tried to ignore the sweating under my armpits. I leaned forward.

  “Cameron… there’s someone… how do I say this… someone I haven’t really talked to you about…”

  “Liesel…”

  “Cam, the thing is—”

  “I don’t want to get married.”

  Liesel’s fork stopped in front of her lips, and it didn’t move for a moment. Her eyes locked in on mine. “What’d you say?”

  “Liesel, hear me out…”

  “You don’t want to get married?”

  “Yes, I do. Of course I do. I just think we might be rushing into this too fast…”

  She started shaking her head, her eyes tearing up. “Do you want to break up with me?”

  “No, that’s not—”

  I grabbed her hands, but she pushed me away. “Don’t teach me!”

  Her voice rattled the nearby patrons, and I could sense things were only going to get worse.

  “Liesel. Listen to me. I love you. I want to be with you. I don’t want to break up.”

  “The wedding… it was all… it was your idea…”

  “I know it was.”

  “And now… you… what… just want to go back to dating and pretend like the engagement never happened?”

  “No… I just…”

  “You’re just what, Cameron?”

  Liesel’s eyes turned cold. I felt a chill hit every inch of my body, as I looked up to see the light bulb above us flickering.

  Uh oh.

  “I just…”

  “What?”

  I brought my hands down to my sides. I shrugged. “I’m scared.”

  Liesel didn’t take her eyes off me. Now she really did look l
ike the Devil. Her face was bright red with anger and embarrassment, disgust and disappointment. She looked like she wasn’t going to let me out of this restaurant alive.

  “You’re scared? That’s what you have to say to me? After everything that’s happened between us?”

  I didn’t respond. I just tried not to pass out. Liesel’s staring contest was making me woozy. Worse, I thought I was going to pee my pants.

  No, Cameron. It can be worse. A lot worse.

  The large light bulb above us exploded, and our table started to shake.

  “Is everything all right over there?” one of the waitresses asked.

  The air turned even colder, and wind started to brush up against me, even though not a single window was open in the restaurant.

  I just started shaking my head. “Liesel… no…”

  “You know what you are, Cameron?”

  She leaned forward, her lips quivering, her eyes burning a hole through my forehead. She looked like she wanted to use her powers to disintegrate me.

  But she had something else in mind.

  “You are such a baby!”

  The flame on the candle re-ignited as Liesel jumped up to her feet and stormed out of the restaurant, madness in each one of her steps.

  I stood up to follow her, but the waiter blocked me at the front. “Sir, you can’t leave the restaurant if you don’t pay.”

  “Liesel!” I shouted. “Wait!”

  She exited the front door. I was the only one to see it shoot open without Liesel even touching it.

  Most ominous of all, it started to pour rain outside, even though there had been not a cloud in the sky all day.

  “Shit.” I turned to the waiter. “You have to let me go after her. Please.”

  “Not until you pay!”

  I threw my wallet on the table and handed him my credit card.

  “Will be just a moment,” he said, walking to the back.

  I sat back down in my chair, completely blindsided by the night’s turn of events. I didn’t realize Liesel would be that melodramatic about the whole thing. I probably could have let her down easier about the wedding, but it wasn’t like I was breaking up with her. I was just reconsidering if marriage was the best path for us to take at this particular time. It’s not like I wouldn’t want to get married to her down the road, after I got to know her more, discover all of her hidden secrets. In three weeks I was supposed to be married. Now I wondered if she was even going to talk to me again.

  And her powers, I thought. What if she does something to me? Again?

  As I waited for the waiter to return, I tried to breathe and think positive.

  She just over-reacted. She’ll be OK. I’ll explain everything to her. We’ll be back to the way we used to be in no time.

  I managed a pathetic grin as I looked down at my cell phone to see no missed calls. I tried dialing Liesel, but the call went to voice-mail.

  I started tapping the bottom of my phone against my chin as my attention veered downward toward the cake. I hadn’t thought anything of it in the last few minutes, but now the cake had my undivided attention.

  No. Oh no.

  The candle, which Liesel had blown out after that never-ending birthday song, was now re-lit, like nobody had ever touched it.

  I leaned forward and picked up the candle, examining it from top to bottom. Maybe it’s a trick candle. Maybe the waiter or someone re-lit it when I wasn’t looking. I blew out the flame, and it stayed out. Smoke started rising into the air, and I could feel every cell in my body quivering in fear.

  Please, God.

  No.

  ---

  After sitting in front of Liesel’s apartment complex for the better part of three hours, to no avail—it was clear she wouldn’t speak to me tonight—I finally arrived home about a half hour before midnight and entered through the garage side door. My parents’ room was pitch black, signaling that they were both asleep. I petted Cinder on my way to my bedroom, and I tried yawning so that I wouldn’t stay up all night.

  She’ll come around. She’s not gone. She won’t leave me because of this. And she definitely won’t make me start aging again because of this.

  That was my biggest fear of all. I had just pissed Liesel off in a big, major way for the first time since we started dating. The knowing that a night like this had to come sooner or later had plagued me for months. Liesel had a temper, which I knew going into this relationship. But I never thought she would put a curse on me again.

  It’d be unthinkable, I thought.

  As I started opening my bedroom door, I heard the sounds of weeping coming from across the hall. I thought about just letting it be, but I decided to investigate. Anything to take my mind off tonight’s craziness was a good thing.

  “Kimber?” I asked, knocking on her door. “Are you OK?”

  “I’m fine. Please go away.”

  “You want to talk? I could use the company.”

  She didn’t respond. Instead, her door opened. I watched as she returned to her bed and planted herself face down against her pillows.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked.

  She started to cry into her pillows. She didn’t seem like she really wanted to talk.

  “I bet you wish you had a big sister around now, huh?”

  “Yes,” she said into her pillow. “Guys are so stupid!” She threw the pillow against the wall and sat up, her fists planted against the sides of her bed. “You know, sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.”

  “Really?”

  She shook her head. “No! Sicko!”

  “What happened?”

  “What do you think, dumbass? Tommy broke up with me. He broke up with me and then he started dating that bitch Gertrude. I mean, her name’s Gertrude. She sounds like some creepy old librarian or something!”

  I nodded. I had never heard Kimber use the word ‘bitch’ before. “You know, librarians can be more frisky than you think.”

  “Huh?”

  “Nothing. Go on.”

  She shook her head. “Guys can be so confusing. They pursue you, they like you, they want to be with you forever. And then they just rip your heart out… right when you’re least expecting it.”

  I wanted to defend myself, and my gender. But I decided against it. “Kimber, you’re fourteen years old. You’re gonna meet and fall in love with many, many more boys. I know you’re in pain right now, but trust me, in a few days, you’ll be onto the next one. You’re the prettiest girl at your school. Any guy there would be lucky to have you.”

  I knew I had just strung some pretty generic sentences together, but Kimber seemed to enjoy my thoughts on the matter. She stood up and wrapped her arms around me.

  “Thanks, Cam,” she said. “You’re one of the better ones. Liesel’s lucky to have you.”

  “Yeah…” I took a step back and started closing the door. “Well, good night.”

  As she fell down toward her pillows again, she turned toward me. “And don’t you dare screw up what you have with that girl! OK? Don’t be a dumb little boy! Be a man!”

  “Will do,” I said.

  ---

  I turned out my desk light and rolled over in my bed, burying my head between my pillows. I knew I wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight. I had too much to think about. I had to fix what just happened with Liesel. I had to figure out a way to get that Hannah girl out of my life.

  And I have to double check in the morning that I didn’t grow a year older.

  To my surprise, after a few tosses and turns, I drifted to sleep right away, thinking about, of all things, what Liesel would look like in a wedding dress hovering thirty feet off the ground…

  3. Seventeen

  I started blinking, drifting back to consciousness, when I started to feel my right leg vibrating. The bizarre feeling momentarily sent a shiver up not only my spine but my nose, crotch, and still-to-be-pulled wisdom teeth.

  Oh my God she turned me into a robot.

  I jerked my bo
dy upward, barely missing slamming my head against my lamp, and dove toward the end of my bed for the vibrating phone. It was on the fourth ring, maybe the fifth.

  It was Liesel.

  “Shit.” I flipped the phone open, hoping she hadn’t hung up on the other end. “Leese? You there?”

  “Hey…” I could tell in one word that she was sobbing.

  “Are you all right?”

  “Yes. I’m fine. Cam… I’m so sorry.”

  “What?”

  “I’m so sorry… for what I did…”

  There was that chill again. “What did you do, Leese?”

  I jumped up to my feet, just to make sure I still even had feet. I immediately started patting my body down to make sure every body part, particularly the ones where the sun don’t shine, was still strapped tightly to my body.

  “Can I see you, Cam? Can we meet—”

  “Liesel!”

  I held the phone tight to my body as I ran down the hallway and into my bathroom, forgetting to breathe as I hunted for the first mirror I could find.

  She turned me into Shrek. Donald Duck. Richard Simmons.

  I looked at my arms again. They looked normal, maybe with less hair than I remembered, but normal. But I couldn’t see my face. I needed to see my face.

  Justin Bieber. Donald Trump. Cher. Elvira.

  “Cam? What is it?”

  “Liesel! You have to tell me what you did—”

  I turned on the light to see myself in the mirror, looking tired, bewildered, and more than a little frazzled, but completely, one hundred percent normal.

  “You know…” she said, “losing my composure last night…”

  I took a deep breath, successfully swallowing some vomit chunks that had already started rising into my esophagus, and smiled. “I know. Baby, it’s OK. I’m OK.”

  “Can you come meet me at the park? In an hour? I want to talk about this.”

  “The one by the hospital?”

  “Yeah.”

  “OK. Sure.”

  I set down the phone and analyzed my face in the mirror again. I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. In fact I looked a little better than usual, almost younger in a way. I slammed my fist against my stomach. It wasn’t the soft vanilla pudding it’d turned into in the last few months. My abs felt hard again, stunningly enough.