Breathe
Page 12
“Your mama was so good to me, Jace. But it was you I really wanted. It was you I missed.”
The admission was plain and it was honest and the truth hovered around them. Their feelings, their mistakes, were finally all out in the open, and for the first time they saw each other clearly.
And what he saw was a woman who’d never been quite as privileged as he thought. One who was strong and loving and loyal, in spite of all of her hurts. A woman beautiful in a flowing pale dress, with the moonlight on the curve of her neck and her eyes puffy from crying.
He stepped forward, framed her face with his hands, and kissed her.
She tasted sweet, like the ice wine he’d poured to go with the strawberries for dessert. Her body hovered close to his, and he shifted until his hips grazed her belly and her scent drifted around him, pulling him in.
Gently, he started to release her lips, letting his hands skim down her face, his fingers trail down the soft flesh of her arms. But her lips followed his, asking for more, as goose bumps erupted on her flesh beneath the pads of his fingers.
Don’t stop, she seemed to say, and he kept his hands right where he wanted them—touching her. Touching her like he’d wanted to since seeing her again. Touching her like he had all those summers ago. Only now he was no longer a callow youth afraid to explore.
He wanted her. He wanted to show her that what had been between them hadn’t been a lie. He wanted a chance to make up for all the mistakes he had made. He wanted to be given a chance to love, not just the girl she had been, but the amazing woman she had become, and he didn’t want to just say the words. He’d said the words before and then had made them meaningless. No, this time he would show her with everything nside him. And so he curved her against him and kissed her, over and over, knowing that somehow this would never be enough. Not for them.
Anna clung to his shoulders, and he let feelings crest over him, feelings that he’d held inside for too long. His mouth was on hers, and she tasted exactly the same as she had then, only darker, better. No longer an inexperienced girl but a woman, tall, soft, sexy. Yes, sexy. He wanted to touch all of her, see all of her, possess all of her. She was his and had been even when he’d been so stupid that he’d let her go. Now she was his once more and he’d never let her go again.
He released her and took her hand, saying nothing. To speak would be to break the spell and he didn’t want that. He wanted to speak through his actions. There’d been enough talking tonight. Enough apologies and admissions. Now he wanted to start making up for everything.
Her footsteps hurried behind him as he tugged her through the patio doors. The dew on her feet made soft squishing noises on the ceramic tile as they headed for the stairs. They were nearly to his bedroom when he wheeled around, picked her up and carried her over the threshold, using his backside to close the door quietly behind them.
The click of the door echoed in the stillness and he put her down, knowing that finally he had to say one thing.
“Are you sure?”
And then he held his breath.
Anna looked up at him, marveling at how strong and powerful he seemed. Larger than life, and hers. When he’d lifted her in his arms she’d felt young and pretty and so very, very aroused. The anticipation was quivering through her, coming back to her like a long forgotten memory. She hadn’t felt like this since the last time they’d made love. Then they’d been sneaking around. Afraid of getting caught.
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. Now she was just afraid. Her feelings were already expanding, growing, remembering. How did he see her now? She was no longer that innocent girl in the blush of first love. And yet somehow it felt like they deserved this after all they’d shared—and lost.
She remembered the anguish in his voice earlier, and how he’d held her, and she knew that tonight of all nights, she needed him. She needed him to grieve for the baby they’d lost, and she needed him to give credence to the love they’d shared. It had been real. One last time in each other’s arms felt like the right way to honor it.
She caught the dark, smoldering look in his eyes and felt everything liquefy. “I’m sure. Oh, Jace, I’m so sure. I want you.”
He came to her and instantly put his fingers on the zipper to her dress, lowered it in the silence, with only their breathing echoing through the room. His hands, warm and soft, gently lowered the sleeves from the shoulders, the bodice gaping open at the front as he pushed it down to her waist. Once he let it go, it fell off of her slim hips, melting into a puddle around her feet, and leaving her standing in shadow, wearing only her silk panties and bra.
“You are so beautiful.” He pressed his lips to her neck and left tiny fires everywhere they touched. A sigh escaped her lips, and then she reached out and began unbuttoning his shirt, button by painstaking button, until the last one was undone and she pushed it off his shoulders.
Their eyes locked. The innocent fumbling of their youth was gone. This was changed, different. More. With a full awareness and yearning.
Before her eyes, he rid himself of the rest of his clothing, came to her naked, and lifted her in his arms.
He placed her on the bed with painstaking gentleness, then stood back to gaze at her. The planes and angles of his body were highlighted by the moonlight coming through the window, and excitement thrummed in her veins. She held out her arms to him, inviting him in. One night could not make up for past wrongs. But it could go a long way in chasing away the pain and disillusionment of the past. He belonged here, with her.
He came to her, bracing his weight on his hands as he covered her body with his, warm and heavy and right. Dipping his head, he sipped from her lips over and over until sensations blended together, making her arch her back as she strained against him. He’d always had a sexual power that had driven her wild, but tonight she was vitally aware Jace was no longer that youth. Now his potency was that of a man. A man who still had the power to light her body on fire. A man whose maturity and strength were even more exciting than before.
“Anna,” he whispered hoarsely, sliding to lie beside her, his weight on an elbow while his eyes and hands ravished her body. He undid the fastening at the front of her bra, and her breasts spilled out to his gaze, creamy white in the twilight of his room. His dark gaze met hers, focused, intense, driven. She trembled, realizing she could arouse such passion in him. And when his mouth followed the path of his hands, she shuddered in absolute ecstasy.
His hands were everywhere, touching, tantalizing, until one need overrode everything—the need to feel him inside her.
She nudged him on to his back and slid off her panties. Desire battled briefly with nerves. It had been so long since she’d felt like this, and it was frightening as well as exhilarating. And yet there was a sweet vulnerability that made her turn away from his hot gaze as she slid across the bed and astride him. Taking control had never been something she’d wanted with Stefano. Now, with Jace, she longed to feel the confidence, the seductive power of bringing him to his knees.
She lifted, positioned, and took him in, inch by sweet inch.
She began to move, and she heard Jace swear softly in the darkness. His eyes glittered at her, nearly black, as his hands gripped her hips, urging her on. She watched with satisfaction as his jaw clenched and unclenched and his hips pushed in countermeasure to hers, his breath coming faster as she rocked her hips. Her heart sang as she realized she still had the power to drive him wild.
But victory ceased to matter as sensations built within, insistent, begging for release. She leaned forward, bracing her hands on either side of his head as she ground against him, harder and faster. And when he lifted his head and took her nipple into his mouth, she lost all reason and shattered against him.
Her muscles were still contracting when he grabbed her hips and plunged deep, finding his own release inside her.
A sound woke him from sleep, and he rolled sluggishly to his side.
The other side of the bed was empty.
Only it had been more than comfort, more than shared grief. He ran his hand over his face. Perhaps it had been all of that in the beginning, but it had changed. Right about the time he’d laid her on the coverlet of the bed and had made love to her. Or rather—she had made love to him. His body tightened simply from remembering how she’d slid atop him, shy and seductive. That had been about the here and now.
More than their bodies had been linked. Even he knew that much. And now she was running scared. He couldn’t say he blamed her. The reaction was familiar to him. It was the same one he’d made several years earlier. Only he wouldn’t let her make the same mistake. They’d both grown since then. There would be no more running away. Whatever needed facing, they’d face together.
There was the sound again. He sat up a little. Perhaps she hadn’t gone back to her room. Or maybe she did and she was crying again. She shouldn’t have to go through that alone. Not anymore. She was just going to have to get used to the idea that they were in it together.
Silently, he rose from the bed, pulled on his jeans and padded down the hall in search of her.
Matteo’s door was closed. She wasn’t here. Then the soft sound of her voice reached him, wordless, a soft rise and fall of tones. He tiptoed to the next door and stopped, just out of her line of vision.
Aurelia lay in her arms, her tiny curly-haired head secure in the curve of Anna’s neck. Moonlight filtered through the window, highlighting the two of them in its faded beams. Anna now wore a white nightgown, as sweet and innocent as could be, a direct contrast to the red and black underwear she’d worn earlier. The silhouette of her lissome body was visible through the light cotton, her breasts hidden behind the bodice but the delicate curve of her shoulder revealed by the tiny straps. And she was humming softly, her feet and hips moving gently to some song he might have recognized.
Dancing with her baby girl.
Aurelia’s lashes fluttered, then settled on her cheeks again, and Jace felt a wave of love crash over him. His girls. Somehow, in just this short amount of time, they had become his girls. He had loved Anna half his life and had spent a great deal of that time resenting her, or at least convincing himself he should to make his mistakes hurt less. But now she was his. Tonight had proved that. Now he knew the truth, and he could go about making things right. And Aurelia—she was an angel. Holding her in his arms the day she’d been stung had awakened something in him. A protectiveness he hadn’t expected. All she had to do was turn her toothy grin on him and he was a goner.
He’d do right by them all. And if that meant trading in his Porsche in return for stepping in and doing what was right for these children, he’d do it gladly. He’d see Two Willows flourish, and he’d provide for them. They would want for nothing.
Her bare feet made tiny circles and his pulse quickened. His Anna. They would put the past behind them and she would see this was where she belonged.
He stepped into the room, and she turned, startled at his sudden presence.
“Is she asleep?” he whispered.
“I think so.” Anna tried to keep her voice steady and failed. He looked so sexy standing there in the gray moonlight, with just his jeans on and no shirt, no shoes. She realized the jeans were unbuttoned and that he wore nothing beneath them and she blushed, turned away and placed Aurelia very gently back in the playpen, covering her with a blanket.
But that didn’t work either, for when she turned around again he was still there, and now her hands were unoccupied. She knew exactly where she wanted to put them.
And she knew it would be a big mistake.
She’d heard Aurelia’s whimpers and she’d gone to her, tended to her, the moment in the shadows bittersweet as she had thought about the baby she’d never known. She and Jace could not turn back the clock or change what had happened. She closed her eyes briefly. These moments with him were not real. They were a reaction, a reaction that had been long years in coming. She had to keep looking forward. She had to remember her goals. And Jace’s way of life still did not fit with what she wanted. What she needed.
But it was so very difficult to remember when he stood before her, warm and sexy and wanting her. Harder still knowing how much she wanted him.
“Come back to bed,” he suggested softly.
The very idea was so seductive she nearly followed him to the door. But she paused. The fire that had burned between them tonight couldn’t be sustained in the clear light of day. Emotions were at a peak, but she was smart enough to know they were a reaction to something that had happened nearly a decade before. Tonight had all the earmarks of a huge mistake and she didn’t need to make it again.
“I should be here if she wakes up again.”
“My room is just down the hall. You heard her the first time, didn’t you?”
His hushed whispers caused the baby to stir and Anna knew they had to talk outside the room. Only that meant they would be one step closer to his bedroom. Damn.
She pulled the door mostly shut behind her. “She’s used to sleeping with me, Jace.”
“I can see how she wouldn’t want to give that up,” he said, a charming smile quirking the corner of his mouth. He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “In the moonlight just now, in that nightgown, you looked like an angel, Anna.”
She swallowed. She’d picked the plainest cotton thing she could find, hoping to somehow regain her balance. Didn’t men like silk and lace? He’d certainly approved of her underwear earlier. “You are all flattery.”
“No,” he responded. His body was close and she backed up, only the wall was behind her and there was no place to go. She could feel the warmth of his chest against her even though they weren’t touching. “Tonight is about only truth. And the truth is you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Ever touched. Ever loved.”
He leaned in, putting his hands on the wall on either side of her head. The heat from his body was like a magnet, and everything in her stuttered.
“Come back to bed with me,” he whispered. His breath was in her ear and her whole body shivered in response. She wanted to. If this wasn’t real, was there truly any harm in letting it last a few more hours? Maybe that would be enough, for both of them. Perhaps tomorrow was time enough to think clearly. If this was all she would let herself have, shouldn’t she have all of it? They were older now. It didn’t matter about his intentions. She knew Jace now as a man. He wasn’t interested in marriage. And for one night, she wanted to feel like a desirable woman. She hadn’t felt like anything beyond a failure for so long.
She wanted to feel loved by the man who knew her best. Maybe it was selfish. She knew the children came first. But she’d spent so many years doing the right thing that this one night she wanted to break her own rules and do something one hundred percent indulgent.
He moved one hand from the wall, and a long finger stroked up her arm, down her collarbone to graze the side of her breast. Her skin fluttered and goose bumps erupted over her body.
“Yes,” she whispered, and he took her hand. And when they reached his room, he shut the door.
Anna left him sleeping and tiptoed to the door. She had to creep into her bedroom and dress before the children were up and demanding breakfast. Already the sun was higher than it normally was when she woke, and it wouldn’t do for Matteo to catch her in Jace’s room. She was determined to set a better example than his father had. Stefano’s affair had changed everything. She did not want to confuse Matteo further.
Today she had to step out into the light and decide what came next. Not just for her. But for all of them. And what had to come first was the happines
s of her children.
The day was already hot. Aurelia slept fitfully as Anna pulled on her clothes. She’d wake any time. Aurelia’s rising in the middle of the night must have caused her to sleep longer than normal. She dressed in denim capris and a sleeveless top and then checked Matteo’s room. He was sitting on his bed with a bag of marbles, arranging them in a circle, with the colored ones on the inside.
“Good morning,” she said lightly, sticking her head in the door. “Are you hungry? Get dressed and I’ll make you breakfast.”
“Are we going in the boat today?”
This was the problem with toys. Until the novelty wore off, he would keep nagging to enjoy it.
“Not today. We need to work, both Jace and me. You and Aurelia can come with me and play with your toys at the guesthouse.”
His lips set. Clearly he didn’t like that idea.
“Come, Matteo, I’ll make Francesca’s frittatas. And maybe after our work is done, we can go for a swim.”
“But you don’t like swimming.”
She stepped in the room. “I used to swim all the time.” She smiled a little. Indeed. “Did you know that Jace and I used to swim in a stream very close to Nonno Roberto’s house?” She didn’t add that many a time it was without benefit of a swimsuit. They’d been young and foolish and so sure they were bulletproof.
“Will Jace go with us?”
“Go with you where?”
She jumped at the sound of his voice. When she turned she saw he had a very awake, very quiet Aurelia in his arms. The arms that had held her and loved her most of the night. His golf shirt hugged his form, strong and dark against the pale delicateness of the baby’s skin.
“Swimming,” Matteo answered, oblivious to anything happening between his mother and Jace.
“What did your mama say?”
“I have to get dressed and have frittata and that you have to work and maybe later.”
Jace laughed, the warm masculine sound sending shivers down the backs of her legs. Oh, this wouldn’t do at all.