by Vi Carter
“Why?” he asked.
“Girl talk,” she said.
I was not doing this. "Amber, seriously, I am fine."
"Grace, she just wants to talk about me. I think she is in love with me," Craig laid back on the couch.
Amber stood, "I refuse to be in his presence anymore. If you want me here, he has got to go."
For a moment I thought Amber was messing but she grabbed her bag.
"Amber seriously?" I asked, baffled. I mean, they fought all the time, but this was a whole new level.
"Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve had enough." Tears filled her eyes. What was going on? I think Craig was as shocked as me.
“I was messing ..." Craig said awkwardly. "It was just a joke..."
“I’m always the butt end of your jokes.” Amber threw back at him. Had I stepped into another dimension? Because he was always the butt end of her jokes. Then it clicked. “No,” I said out loud staring wide-eyed at her, and Amber's eyes widened with mine, only hers were horrified.
“Don’t.” Was the last thing she said before she left. Craig stood to go after her, but I stopped him.
“Just stay here please.”
“What just happened?” he asked perplexed, but I didn’t answer him. Instead, I followed Amber.
“Amber.” I called, she stopped on the stairs, but she wouldn’t look at me. “You listen to me. I get it. I swear to God no one will say a thing because if they do, I will personally kick their sorry asses. You hear me?” My heart was pounding. This was huge. Amber finally glanced at me. “It just happened... it wasn’t planned ...” she said, and I hugged her.
“Of course it wasn’t planned. But he’s like a fungus.” This made Amber stare at me, her tears stopped.
“A foot fungus,” she finally said. I nodded, hoping that would cheer her up, but it didn’t. Instead, she became serious. “I just need time to process it.”
I got that; I needed time to process it too. “You won’t say anything?” She asked quietly. I gave her my as-if look. “Yeah, sorry,” she quickly added.
“Call you later.” I told her giving her a final hug. I walked slowly back to my apartment, still reeling from the understanding that Amber loved Craig. The only question I had was if he loved her?
"What's up with her?" Craig asked, and I found myself analyzing his tone. Did I detect a hint of concern in it? I wasn’t sure. Craig sat at my breakfast counter eating a bowl of cereal. I looked into my own bowl, they looked soggy now.
"None of your business," I said, and Craig smiled.
"It can only be two things." As he spoke I got myself a fresh bowl and joined him. "Do tell me?" I said.
"Either she is in love with me…" He paused, watching for any telling signs, but I shuffled the cereal into my mouth and did a snort to say as-if. “…Or it’s her time."
“That’s the best you could come up with?” I asked as he lifted the bowl and drained the milk.
“What’s not to love?” he asked while sitting back down on the couch.
“Your sorry drunk ass.” We needed to talk. “Craig, this has got to stop.” He didn’t answer, he wouldn’t even meet my eyes now. We sat in silence for a moment, and finally he looked at me.
“Why don’t you drink, Grace?”
What a loaded question. I shook my head. “This is not about me.”
Craig sat up now. “That’s the thing. It’s never about you. I was thinking about you this morning and how I have been your friend for two years, yet I don’t really know you.”
My heart picked up. “What do you want to know?” I put the bowls in the sink, turning my back on him. I couldn’t do this.
“I don’t know, something real. Something true.”
Why did he sound so tortured? I turned and faced him. “Talk about putting me on the spot,” I said and tried to lighten the mood.
Craig stood now. “As your friend, I am asking you just one thing.” Why was he being so determined?
"You are just trying to divert the attention away from you," I retaliated.
"I swear I will answer question for question."
“Fine. I love movies.” I said, and he gave me that look that said, don’t mess with me. I swallowed before I spoke. “I hate sunny days.” It came out in a whisper.
Craig stilled for a moment. I couldn’t meet his gaze, my heart pounded, making me light-headed, and so I sat on the stool.
“I never feel good enough,” Craig said, and I looked at him. I didn’t want to ask him to explain because I wouldn’t explain why I hated sunny days. “I try to cover up my hurt with drink...” he moved towards the counter that I sat at. “Drugs... jokes... anger. Take your pick.” God, he looked so vulnerable, he was showing me his heart, and a tear trickled down my face.
“I hate people who have crooked smiles,” I said honestly, and he just nodded. He didn’t ask me why. It was like he knew how close to the edge I stood. I took a deep breath. “I need you to leave.” I told him in a whisper, unable do this. He moved towards me and wiped the tear away with his thumb.
“I’m here when you’re ready.” He leaned down, kissed my cheek, and then made his way out the door. I didn’t move until he closed the door. I stood in one spot, staring at the wall, and trying to control my breathing. Something was building inside me and I needed to let it go. I grabbed the mug beside me. I let it fly and a scream tore from my throat as it shattered against the far wall, and I sank to the floor.
CHAPTER TEN
GRACE
MONDAY CAME, AND WITH it a rawness that had me hugging myself as I walked to class. My phone showed no missed calls or messages, an annoyance that no one had contacted me soon faded as I made my way to college. Entering business class, and being early for a change, was nice. College would be my distraction. Derek wrote into his notepad, he didn't glance up as I climbed the steps and took the plunge, sitting down beside him. “Hi.”
He looked up as if surprised to see me. “Hi,” he said back. The butterflies erupted in my stomach. He wore a long-sleeved t-shirt that was the same crystal blue as his eyes, making it hard to hold his stare.
“You said you studied engineering?” I said as I got my books out of my bag. My hands shook slightly. Please don’t notice.
"Yeah, it’s actually a standard part of engineering in case we want to open our own business."
I faced him, and my stomach got all jumbly again. I schooled my features, hoping he couldn't see the effect he was having on me. “And do you want to open your own business?” A few students came in. I caught a few girls checking him out. I wanted to shield him from their hungry eyes. He wasn’t a piece of meat.
“I’m not sure yet. I’ll try to graduate first.”
I laughed, it sounded a little too loud in the room. I did that sometimes, it was one of my nervous tics.
“What about you?” he asked, and it took me a second to remember what we were talking about. I must have looked like I had developmental problems. Derek sat patiently.
“Let me get back to you on that," I said. I had no clue how to answer. The professor entered the class and Derek leaned into me, the smell of his aftershave filled my senses.
“I wanted to ask. How’s your plant?” I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed. Dear Sweet Baby Jesus. I would keep my eyes narrowed all day long if it kept him laughing.
“Asleep.” I finally answered. The phrase walking on cloud nine made sense to me now, as Derek smiled up at me.
I had to rush to my next class, so I only got to say goodbye to Derek. At lunch, I normally met Amber in the canteen but there was no sign of her. I checked my phone. Nothing.
"Need some company?"
“Twice in one day,” I said, smiling up at Derek.
He sat down, and I joined him. He had a tray with his food on it. He set it out but didn’t start eating. “Are you not eating? Or are you just going to watch me eat?” I’d eat you. My face blazed at the thought. The amusement in his eyes told me he was very much aware of the effect he had
on me.
“Back in a minute,” I mumbled, embarrassed for the millionth time.
I got a salad, a real healthy-looking one to impress Derek, but I still got my coffee. Life meant nothing without caffeine. By the time I joined Derek, he had nearly all his lunch eaten. Great, now he would be the one watching me eat. This was something I hated, eating in front of new people.
"I had Maggie and Wendy at my apartment on Sunday," Derek said, and I clicked my fingers.
"I knew her name ended with a Dy. Wendy, I must remember that." That was one thing I could tick off my to-do list.
“What did they want?” I asked of the nose-bags. I could only imagine.
He raised an eyebrow, “Maggie was warning me away from you.” I almost choked on my salad and Derek grinned. I choked some more, and his grin fell. “Grace, drink some water.” My mind caught up, and I washed the lump of tomato that had lodged itself in my esophagus.
“I'm joking. No, she wanted to make sure I didn’t have smoke inhalation problems after the fire.”
I took another gulp. “What fire?” I asked. I had lost the run of this conversation.
“The one from the other night,” he said grinning.
I laughed, Lord she was sly. “What did you tell her?” I asked, taking a smaller bite of my salad.
“That it was touch and go.” He deadpanned.
I laughed now, really laughed. “Old hag, never knocked on my door,” I added. “No concern for me, and we have been neighbors for like two years.”
“She told me she would check in on me next week.” God, he looked so good when he smiled. I was crushing on him so hard. I must have stopped smiling because he grew very serious now. “Are you okay, and before you say yes, I noticed you were crying yesterday.”
My face flamed again. “You noticed,” I said sarcastically, trying to cover up my embarrassment.
"I know we don’t know each other. But if anyone is giving you shit. You can tell me," he said it like it was nothing. I nodded afraid to speak because it meant the world to me. "When I get stressed or my mind won’t stop, I jog. So, if you ever get stressed I’m always up for a jogging partner." He smiled gently at me. I could tell he was genuine.
I swallowed. "What about Stanley?" I asked.
"He won’t mind. In fact, he would be delighted. He speaks so highly of you."
Stanley was way too sweet. “Thanks,” I said. I glanced around the canteen, everyone was packing up and heading back to class. I didn’t want this chat to end, but I needed to go.
"I better get to my next class," I said, shifting in front of him.
"Yeah, me too." Derek answered with a nod, he gave me one final look. "See you around," he said and left.
As I made my way to my next class, I analyzed his words ‘see you around.’ What the hell did that mean?
***
When I got home, I rang Amber. No answer. That wasn't like her. I decided not to panic too soon. I would leave it for a bit and see if she got back to me. After tidying, I cooked some food and decided to get some studying done. I had only started when my phone beeped.
Sorry I haven’t called all day. Sick in bed with a bug.
I smiled at Amber’s text. She had me worried.
Are you sure, hun? You can talk to me.
It took her another twenty minutes before she texted me back.
Yeah, I promise I will talk to you tomorrow.
Okay, x I sent back.
I didn't feel satisfied with her text, but I would leave it for now. My phone buzzed again. A message from an unknown number.
Want to go for a jog. You up? I did a happy dance while sitting. Breathe, I told myself. I told myself I would wait ten minutes before I replied. I got to three.
Maybe. I hit send then felt like a complete moron straight away. “Maybe,” I said out loud in self-disgust. I waited for two more minutes and he didn’t respond. I’d messed up.
I quickly texted him to correct my mistake. I meant yes. Stupid phone. He sent back a smiley face. I quickly got changed in yoga pants, a hoodie, and my runners. I grabbed my keys and tied up my hair as I left my apartment.
Derek waited for me in the hallway. He didn’t say anything as we left the building. Nerves jumbled around in my stomach. “What’s up with your phone?” he asked innocently. I looked at him sideways to gauge if he was messing with me. I couldn't get a read on him with his hood up. Standing beside him made me feel so small.
“What do you mean?” I asked, flustered.
“It says maybe instead of yes?” I stumbled in embarrassment, but Derek caught me and, when I looked at him, his grin made my heart skip a beat. “Yeah, it does that all the time,” I said.
He nodded slowly, looking thoughtful, “Is that like your plant is asleep and not dead?”
I made a show of thinking about it. “Yeah, something like that.”
He smiled now, and I nearly swooned. Pull yourself together. I told myself.
We jogged through the park. I didn’t fear anyone bothering us. Derek was a big guy, so I felt safe. He didn't speak as he jogged. I glanced at him several times, he was in the zone. He really took this pretty seriously. When I stopped to catch my breath, he was gentleman enough to wait for me, but he jogged on the spot.
“You are like a machine,” I said trying to catch my breath. I bent over, fighting for air, and watched his feet lift off the ground then hit it again.
“We need to get you into shape.” His voice sounded a little winded as he spoke. His breathing became a small victory to me, and a reminder that I wasn't doing so badly.
“There is nothing wrong with my shape,” I said straightening up, still not fully breathing normally. “Let’s go,” I said knowing he was right. I also liked the idea that we would jog together again. He picked up the pace, and so did I as all thoughts fled my mind. The only thing I focused on was breathing and not getting sick. We ran like that until I did throw up. Derek finally stopped and patted my back as the bushes got all my dinner.
I stood up, mortified. “Do you feel better?” Derek had taken his hood down, and in the moonlight, the sweat that coated his face glistened. His breaths came heavy and fast.
“Yeah, just must have eaten something funny,” I said, and he smiled.
“Nothing to do with us jogging?” he asked. I shook my head, feeling embarrassed, and we started to walk this time, not run, thank God.
“Not a thing. In fact, I could do it all again. Easy peasy,” I said. I still hadn’t got my breathing under control, and my side burned from a stitch. I wouldn't have made it one more step while running; walking was a struggle in itself. The apartment building rose up, coming into view and I felt relieved. I pictured my couch. I so needed to just lie down.
“You’ve got company,” Derek said suddenly. His voice had lost all its humor. Craig leaned against the wall, smoking a cigarette. A bag sat at his feet. Well, this wasn’t good. When Craig saw us coming, he flicked the cigarette away. Derek walked towards it and stubbed it out. I narrowed my eyes at Craig and he smirked.
"You Jackass. We already nearly died from and idiot just like you. He never put out his cigarette and it started a fire." Derek said coming back to us.
“Calm down, Goldilocks.” Craig threw back, he still leaned against the wall as if Derek was no threat. I, on the other hand, shifted my stance.
“Let’s give it a rest,” I told Craig.
He kicked off the wall and scooped his bag up. “We need to talk,” he said before looking at Derek. “I'll let you say your goodbyes.” Craig walked away and into the building.
"You’re decent, Grace. I don’t get why you would hang around with him."
I let out a heavy breath. "Sometimes, I do wonder. But underneath it all, he’s a good guy," I said.
“What? Under all that he’s a nice guy?” Derek gestured at a retreating Craig.
“He’s my friend, Derek.” He looked at me for a moment then nodded. We climbed the stairs in silence. When we reached the landing,
Craig smirked at us. Derek's hands tightened into fists. He walked on faster ahead of me and went into his apartment without a word. I didn't even get a goodbye. I opened the door to my apartment and waited until Craig settled down on the couch.
"I need you to listen to me," I started. "I really like him. So please stop with the insults."
Craig grew serious, he didn’t answer straight away. "I’ll try, but it is hard with him being such a dick."
"Craig."
He smiled, he was such a windup. "Fine, I’ll leave Goldilocks alone."
“Don’t call him that,” I said as I poured myself out a glass of water and gulped it down. Craig rolled his eyes and sat back on the couch, his bag sitting at his feet. He played with his lip ring, sucking it in and letting it back out. He glanced away as he spoke.
“Luke kicked me out,” he said, and I closed my eyes for a brief second.
“I wasn’t sure where to go. So...I was wondering...” He was struggling to ask for help.
"You can stay here Craig," I said sitting in the armchair across from him as he finally looked at me.
"I’ll be out of here in a couple of days. I’ll just take the couch. You don’t have to give up your bed." He smirked.
“Why thank you,” I said sarcastically. “So, what happened?” I asked, and he started cracking his knuckles. “Luke’s in the middle of Shark week.”
“Shark week?” I questioned.
“The time of the month.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously Craig, what happened?”
His elbows rested on his knees, he didn’t want to talk about it. “I said some stuff I shouldn’t have.”
Okay, at least now we were getting somewhere. “Like what?” I asked carefully. It would take a lot for Luke to kick Craig out, and I could see the regret in Craig’s eyes.
“Grace. I messed up and let’s just leave it at that.” My internal instincts wanted to drag it out of him. But I knew Craig, and if I pushed too hard, he would run.
“Fine. But there are ground rules here.” He leaned back placing his hands behind his head. He sure was making himself at home. I would need to reinstate the words a few days to make sure he got it.
