Collide

by Juliana Stone

  He stepped down, his heated flesh immediately on fire from the cold, white stuff that came up to his knees. All around them the snow continued to fall and the steam from their bodies rose like smoke from a fire.

  “What are you?” she whispered hoarsely, slippery in his grasp as she struggled to look down.

  He took another step and she shot him a look, her chest heaving.

  “Shane,” she said, a warning in her voice. A warning he ignored because before she could utter another word, he fell to his knees and set her back in the snow.

  “Holy-Christ-almighty-and-heavens-above,” she shrieked.

  He knew what the shock of the cold snow felt like against her skin and before she could protest he plunged inside her, her squeal turning to a moan of pleasure as they sank into the ground and melted into the earth.

  He was hot—super heated—and as he settled deep inside her, she sighed, her fingers in his hair, urging him down to meet her lips. She kissed him with such passion that it made him weak, and when he finally began to move, she broke away and gasped.

  “This feels so,” she arched against him, her eyes feverish as the snow mingled in her hair with each thrust, as his body withdrew and then plunged in again. “God Shane,” she managed, her legs wrapping around him as he slid inside again, going as deep as he could.

  There were no more words. There were just two bodies moving slowly in the melting snow. As large flakes continued to fall, as the moon continued to watch, steam rose from them and haloed their straining bodies in a cloud of mist.

  Shane relished the feel of her around him. He bent down and claimed her lips once more as he increased the rhythm of his thrusts.

  “I can’t take much more,” she whispered into his mouth.

  “I know.” He bent forward, inching his body into hers just a little more and when his mouth closed over his tattoo, the one there beneath her ear, he began to pump harder, faster and when she clenched around him, he suckled on her flesh.

  The only sound was skin on skin, bodies slapping against each other and he groaned, feeling his body break apart as his release built. She screamed once more, thrusting her hips up at him and as she came, as her beautiful eyes widened and went dark, he couldn’t hold back.

  Under the stars, and under God’s eyes, he claimed Bobbo Jo Barker as his. He held her tightly as he came inside her, his eyes never leaving hers. He couldn’t. He watched every nuance in her expression, every breath exhaled, every quiver and sound.

  And he thought he heard her whisper, just before she shattered beneath him,

  I love you.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The sun was just starting to peek through the windows, enough to light the darkened corners of the room. It was a few minutes after seven—at least according to the massive Grandfather clock across the room—and Bobbi knew they had to leave soon. Shane had to go to work and so did she.

  Their time-out from the world was nearly over, so where did they go from here?

  They had eventually made it back into the cottage sometime in the night, two maybe? Half frozen and totally satiated. How many times had she and Shane tasted each other? She sighed and leaned across his chest, felt the steady rise and fall as he slumbered, and just…watched him.

  His thick hair was all over the place, errant curls waving across his brow, while the stubble on his chin had thickened in the last few hours. His features were relaxed, and just as she remembered from years past, he looked so much younger asleep.

  She sighed and traced a finger along his Celtic tattoo, the one that matched hers and for some stupid reason tears stung the corners of her eyes. Everything about this moment felt so right and yet…

  And yet she’d been in this place before—with this man—so who’s to say she wasn’t on the road to heartbreak again? Should she stop now while she still had a hope in hell of coming out of whatever this was, intact?

  Could she?

  Her cheeks burned when she remembered her declaration of love and a groan escaped as she winced.

  I love you.

  She’d said it. The three words that changed everything.

  And sure, they’d been made while in the throes of passion, so technically they didn’t count—not in her books anyway—but still. She couldn’t deny that she’d said them, just as it was clearly evident that either Shane hadn’t heard her—and that was probably a good thing—or he had heard her and obviously wasn’t in the same throes that she’d been in.

  He could have been riding in the sex-with-no-strings lane, while she was cruising down the oh-my-god-I-can’t-live-without-you hi-way.

  “You’re an idiot,” she murmured.

  “Good to know.” Shane’s voice rumbled and vibrated through his body, tickling her nose. She shifted and gazed up into eyes that were too damn pretty to belong to a man as masculine as Shane Gallagher.

  He smiled lazily and wrapped his arms around her, holding her so tenderly that she had to look away, because the tears that had been mere pricks of heat were now full and weepy, and they slid down her cheeks.

  “Hey,” he said softly, his hands in her hair massaging her skull. “Are you okay?”

  She nodded but didn’t answer because she sure as hell didn’t trust her voice. With her eyes averted, she carefully hid her sniffles and continued to trace his tattoo. A lot of thoughts crowded her mind, a lot of things unspoken.

  “Ah, Christ, Bobbi.”

  Shane startled her and she turned her head, exhaling as his large hands wiped away the tears that sat near the corner of her mouth.

  “Honey, we got carried away last night and I’m sorry I didn’t think of protection.” He exhaled roughly and swore under his breath. “I mean, I’m clean, there are no worries there, but…”

  His voice trailed off and she knew where his mind was going. Another shadow of a past that wasn’t finished.

  Bobbi cleared her throat and shut him down. “If you’re worried about me getting pregnant, don’t.”

  “You sure?” His finger exerted enough pressure that she couldn’t look away.

  “Positive,” she answered lightly.

  Her voice drifted off and for a few moments there was silence, broken only by the steady tick tock of the Grandfather clock. When they’d tumbled inside the cottage the night before they hadn’t made it to any of the three bedrooms. Heck, she’d barely crossed the threshold when he was inside her again, and they’d fallen onto the floor in front of the fireplace.

  A twinge in her lower back only served to confirm her performance had been, if nothing else, energetic. Maybe too energetic.

  Maybe she’d blown everything by going into the evening at 200 percent and half-cocked. That was Bobbi Jo, always jumping off the cliff without looking. Always thinking of the consequences when it was too late.

  “Shane, what happened to us?” she asked suddenly, closing her eyes as she rested her head against his chest once more and listened to his breathing.

  Shane’s fingers continued to massage her scalp and he shifted again, pulling the throw blanket they’d snagged from the sofa near the fire place, up over her hips. He settled her into his arms and the feeling of warmth and comfort was so bittersweet a fresh batch of tears spilled out of her eyes as they snuggled into the makeshift bed on the floor.

  Quiet for a moment, he gazed at the ceiling and she swallowed hard, trying to stem the tide of emotion she knew was riding way too close to the surface. And why the hell was she so sad or scared anyway? She’d had an amazing night with Shane. They’d connected—really connected—and sure there hadn’t been many words, save for her stupid declaration of love which she was certain he hadn’t heard, but still…

  Their bodies had spoken for them. She knew Shane cared about her—you couldn’t make love the way they had and not know that—she just wasn’t sure about the depth of his feelings. Was he loving the sex and the way she made him laugh? Was he reliving a past that had been, for the most part, explosive, passionate and fun?

 
; Or was he treading new waters as well? Was he looking for something more than sex with no strings?

  “Never mind,” she said suddenly, “Forget I said anything.”

  “No, we should talk about this stuff.”

  “But what’s the point? It’s not like we can change anything.” Panic began to gnaw at her. Why the hell had she opened her mouth?

  “There are a lot of things I would change,” he said carefully. “And a lot that I wouldn’t. Some of my worst mistakes are the ones that made me a better man. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’m starting to figure that shit out now. Better late than never, right?”

  “But we were so awful to each other,” she blurted out—“In the end.”

  “Yeah. We were. And I could say that it was because we were young and stupid, but that would be the easy answer. Anyone who uses that as an excuse for behaving like a dick is full of shit.” He paused. “And truthfully, I wasn’t all that young. The thing is…” he exhaled and blew hot air across her cheeks. “We pushed each other’s buttons all the time and maybe we did it because all the fighting was worth the making up, but then things just got crazy and out of hand and the hurting became the normal state of our relationship. And then…”

  Dead air filled the space between them and Bobbi felt the pain of it all the way to her soul. Memories she’d long buried rose and her throat closed tightly. She couldn’t break down now. Not here with him. Not like this when she’d just spent the most amazing night ever, connecting with Shane in a way she had never thought would be possible again.

  “The baby,” she whispered.

  Shane glanced down at her, his eyes hooded, his mouth no longer soft and relaxed.

  “Yeah,” he replied hoarsely.

  “Shane,” she whispered.

  But he didn’t hear her. He was already starting down that path, the one that led to before. The one that might blow up in her face because if he knew…

  “And let’s not forget Jane Lawson.”

  Pain twisted inside her heart and the words she wanted to say, the ones that she should have said all those years ago, remained buried. Buried because she wasn’t ready to come clean.

  Buried because she wasn’t ready to face the truth of her own lies.

  “I didn’t screw her, you know.”

  Bobbi glanced up sharply. “What? But I…but you…” Confused she shook her head.

  “After you walked in on us, I couldn’t go through with it. Hell, I wanted to. I wanted to screw the fuck out of Jane Lawson and I wanted you to know. I wanted you to see us. I wanted you to hurt as much as I was hurting. But once I saw your face I couldn’t.”

  Bobbi was cold and she shivered even though Shane’s arms were still clamped tight around her. Now was her chance to tell him the truth.

  Just tell him.

  She opened her mouth but Shane beat her to it, his voice gone low as he took that stroll down memory lane. Except it wasn’t exactly a fun stroll or a walk in the park. It was a painful remembering of the events that had changed them both.

  And she was helpless to do anything but listen to him.

  “I kicked her out, which was an asshole thing to do, and then I proceeded to get drunk and stoned and anything else that I could do in order to forget that look on your face. You were just one more person I’d screwed with…one more person I’d hurt.” He paused and though his voice reverberated with anger, his touch was gentle, soothing on her temple.

  “One more person I’d disappointed. But then, in true Gallagher fashion I took it one step further. I screwed with the one person who had always been there for me. My grandfather.”

  “Shane, let’s not…we don’t have to talk about this right now.”

  “I do,” he said suddenly.

  He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. For the longest time he didn’t speak and when he did she winced at the pain that laced his words.

  “After what happened between us, I just kind of lost it. Even Logan was disgusted in my behavior. I was drunk or high every night. I started hanging out with the Shelton brothers and we all know they’re bad news. At the time I thought they were bad ass, always getting into bar fights and being total dicks. Now I know they were just as pathetic as I was.”

  The dead space inside Bobbi, the part of her that was responsible for so much of this, twisted, and she grimaced.

  “I don’t know what set me off that night. I’d been accepted to the Academy of Art but there was no way in hell I could afford the tuition so I knew that dream was done. You were out of my life and Logan was the golden boy while I was the fuck up. Again, no excuse, but at the time it was all I thought about. It drove me fucking nuts.”

  He paused.

  “I don’t remember going out to White Hall which isn’t surprising.” He frowned. “I drove, if you can believe it, and it’s a goddamn miracle I didn’t kill anyone because I was so high and drunk.” A groan slipped from his lips and he ran a hand across the stubble on his chin.

  “I woke up on the floor with my grandfather standing over me and a couple of cops on either side of him. Apparently I had decided to spend the night in the studio where he used to let my mother paint. God, how he loved her. Sometimes, I think he loved her more than he loved his own son. The room was just as she’d left it. The last thing she’d been working on, a self-portrait, was still there on the easel, as if she was going to walk into that room and pick up her brushes.”

  He shuddered and his voice lowered. “It was the only thing that I didn’t…”

  “Oh Shane,” she whispered. No one really knew what had gone down the night Shane was arrested. All that had made the local papers was that he’d been charged with several offences and thrown in jail.

  “It was the only thing I didn’t destroy.” His voice was harsh now and Bobbi winced.

  He sat up and brought her with him and in that moment Bobbi Jo would have sold her soul to erase the pain in his eyes.

  “I trashed the fucking room, Bobbi. Everything was gone. Destroyed. Every beautiful thing that my mother ever created was gone.”

  The pain in his eyes tugged on her something fierce. She reached for him but he shook his head and looked away.

  “My Grandfather had me arrested for breaking and entering and vandalism and you name it. Drug possession. Public drunkenness. The list of charges was longer than I remember. He leaned over me and told me that he was putting me in jail because if someone didn’t do something, I’d end up dead. I remember him trying to help me up and I shoved him away. I think I even took a shot at him and to this day I can’t remember if I hit him or not. You know what I told him?”

  “Shane,” she whispered, her hands cupping his face.

  “I told my grandfather to go fuck himself.” His voice broke and she gathered him into her arms, running her hands along his shoulders soothingly.

  “I told him to go fuck himself,” he said again. “That’s the last thing I ever said to the man I loved more than my father.”

  “He knew you didn’t mean it. You have to believe that, Shane.”

  But he ignored her. “He told me that he was going to call his buddy, Judge Newcombe and that he was going to make sure I got jail time. He told me that he hoped it was enough. That one day he hoped I would see that pain isn’t the answer. He told me that losing my mother was enough for him and there was no way in hell he was going to stand by and watch me destroy my life. I hated him for so long and by the time I realized that he had saved me, that maybe I could become the man he knew I could be, it was too late. He was gone.”

  The Grandfather clock chimed seven times, the first stroke making them both jump.

  “Shit,” Shane muttered. “Not exactly great conversation for the morning after one of the best nights of my life.”

  Bobbi gazed into his eyes. She smoothed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him tenderly. Her lips slid over his as she gathered him close to her and she spoke with her tongue, with her fingers and eyes.

  I love yo
u. I need you. I’m sorry.

  All of these were phrases that were pretty much self-explanatory and yet they were just smoke and mirrors. In reality she was begging for a forgiveness she didn’t deserve.

  How could she?

  Her lies and selfish need to hurt had led Shane down the path that had nearly destroyed him. He didn’t know the entire truth about the baby or the hurtful things she had said to him. And sure, he’d been an asshole, but he’d never lied to her. Not once. If he knew what she’d done…what she’d let him believe there would be no forgiveness.

  And for the first time since he’d returned home, her mind and heart were listening to what her body had said the day she’d left Gerald at the altar. She belonged to Shane Gallagher and always would. It was as if she’d only been half alive without him. Half alive and blind.

  So the question was…if he knew the truth—if he knew what she’d done—would there be a Shane and Bobbi?

  Was she brave enough to find out?

  Chapter Twenty

  The door slammed shut with a bang and Bobbi winced. She rubbed her forehead and muttered, “Did you need to do that?”

  “Sorry, I didn’t know it was defective.”

  Bobbi glanced up at the clock on the wall across from her and then through the glass window that gave her an unfettered view of the ice. It was nearly lunch time and she’d had her head buried in work for several hours.

  “You look busy,” Betty said casually, fingering the end of her dark chocolate leather jacket.

  “I have a job, Betty,” she said sharply. “You do remember what that word means?”

  Something flashed in her sister’s eyes—hurt?—and Bobbi felt a pang of remorse. She sighed and shook her head, leaning back in the chair. It seemed as if she wasn’t getting anything right these days. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to sound like a bitch. I’ve been doing updates to Billie’s website all morning and it’s getting to the point where I want to throw this computer out the window.”