All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  Nodding, Anna pulled a piece of bread apart on her plate. “Crazy ex?”

  Eyes dropping down to watch Anna’s hand, Lane smiled tightly. “That’s one way to say it. It was a bad start and a bad ending. I guess I was just…avoiding dating for a while after that.”

  Anna wasn’t sure how to ask for more details when it seemed obvious Lane didn’t want to talk about it. “What—”

  The waiter appeared and placed their food in front of them, steam rising from the plates. At the interruption, Lane seemed to relax, and Anna decided to let it go. For now.

  She stared at the linguini in front of her, inhaling the aroma of cream sauce. “This looks amazing.” The first bite brought a moan to her lips as the rich flavour spread over her tongue. She looked up to see Lane watching her, eyes wide and fork paused partway to her mouth. “What?”

  A blush spread over her cheeks. “Nothing—you, just, um—you’re very vocally appreciative of that linguini.”

  It was Anna’s turn to blush. “Well, it’s good.” Desperate to change the subject from her embarrassing noises she said, “I’m glad we skipped appetizers. I really want to have dessert here.”

  “Yeah, they serve some of the best food in Melbourne.”

  “So your mum’s family wasn’t okay with the black thing, but they’re fully accepting of the lesbian thing?”

  “Yeah, go figure. I think they thought it was a phase and just figured I’d settle down with a man.” She winked. “Oops.”

  Anna gave a delighted laugh. “Oops, indeed.”

  “Your family had no issues with it?”

  “I was lucky. My dad struggled, I think. We just didn’t talk about it, really.”

  “And now?”

  “Now, fine. He never talked about emotional things, anyway.”

  “See, my dad was always the one who opened discussion. The dinner table was a bombardment of questions and conversation.”

  “He sounds fun.”

  “Oh, he is. My mum is constantly exasperated with him.”

  “How did he cope with three girls?”

  “He loved it—my mum struggled more I think.”

  Anna winced. “I’m not surprised—it must have been fun when you were teenagers.”

  “It was loud.”

  With a contented sigh, Anna put the last piece of pasta in her mouth. “That was so good.”

  Lane nodded. “Just wait until you taste their chocolate torte. Your continuous use of the word ‘good’ will look pathetic—divine doesn’t even begin to describe it.”

  “You’re leading me to the dark side.”

  “You bet.” Lane’s eyes sparkled.

  The waiter came over and took their plates as well as their dessert orders.

  Anna glanced down at her watch. “I wonder how Kym’s holding up.”

  “She looked pretty comfortable when we left.”

  “I’ll have to invite her over more. She did seem really content.”

  Lane smirked. “You can send a text to check up on them, Anna. I don’t mind.”

  “What? I—” Anna gave up and started fishing around in her bag for her phone. “That obvious, am I?”

  “Completely.”

  As her fingers swiped over the phone, Anna laughed aloud.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Without answering, Anna held the phone up to show the selfie of Kym and Ella, both poking their tongues out. “This was sent five minutes ago. Clearly, Kym knew I’d want an update.”

  Amusement playing over her features, Lane winked. “Clearly. Is it just me, or does Kym have more ice-cream on her face than Ella?”

  “Definitely not just you.”

  “Speaking of dessert…” Lane’s face had lit up.

  The waiter placed one plate of dark temptation in front of them. Anna’s mouth watered. “This is evil.”

  “Yes, but evil tastes good.”

  Catching Anna’s eye, Lane spooned some of the chocolate torte into her mouth, eyes closing in ecstasy as she swallowed. “God, that’s amazing. Yeah, Kym looked more relaxed than I’ve seen her in ages.”

  Anna tore her eyes from Lane’s lips, taking some cake herself, trying not to think about the expression on Lane’s face. “Ella has that effect. As does Beauty and the Beast.”

  Lane laughed.

  In the end, it was Lane who won the argument of who paid.

  “I organized this one. You can get the next one.”

  “Next one?” Anna asked, fluttering her eyelashes.

  “Yeah, next one.”

  “I like that.”

  They exited, and when the valet brought Lane’s car, they both slipped in.

  Something heavy settled into Anna’s lower stomach. She didn’t want the date to end, and, in her situation, it wasn’t like she could take Lane home. Or go to Lane’s, even if Kym was with the kids. She couldn’t leave the poor woman there all night, and it was already well after ten. The old worries about how she was supposed to manage this, dating and the kids, started to flare up. She pressed her hands on her tights, forcing aside those worries.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Lane’s soft voice interrupted her thinking.

  “Nothing—I just don’t want to go home yet.”

  Lane grinned. “Good, because we aren’t.”

  “Oh, really?”

  “Trust me. I want to show you a reason to love Melbourne.”

  Anna was starting to think she had quite a few reasons she’d never expected for just that.

  “Do I get to know where we’re going?”

  “Nope, but we’re almost there. In fact, close your eyes.”

  Anna eyed her in the dark of the car. “Seriously, Lane?”

  “Yes, seriously. Close your eyes.”

  Sighing playfully, Anna shut them. She was nearly lulled to sleep by the soft music and the equally soft movements of the car. Minutes later, she felt the car slowing down until it eventually stopped, then heard the clicking of Lane’s seatbelt.

  “Okay, open them.”

  Anna opened her eyes, blinking while she adjusted to the sight. Her mouth dropped open slightly. In front of them was an incredible view of the city skyline. The buildings were lit up, yet they were just far enough away to also be able to see the stars lighting up the sky.

  “Lane, that’s gorgeous. Where are we?”

  “Ruckers Hill in Northcote. It’s where we used to come to watch the fireworks.”

  “It’s incredible.”

  “See…Melbourne’s not all bad.”

  Anna turned to look at her. “I’m starting to get on board with that.”

  Lane leant forward, reaching out to tuck her fingers into the strap of Anna’s dress. “Good.” She tugged gently and met Anna in the middle for a kiss.

  Anna let out a soft groan as Lane’s hand came up to her hair, fingertips gripping, and she unclicked her seatbelt so she could lean forward better. She sucked slightly at Lane’s bottom lip and dug her fingers into the soft skin of her hip as a moan washed over her lips. Manoeuvring herself in a way she hadn’t done since she was a teenager, Anna slid her leg over to straddle Lane. Both started giggling as Lane had to help her adjust her dress up her thighs so she could fit. Smiling, Lane pulled Anna’s face back against her lips.

  As Lane’s tongue brushed against hers, Anna ground her hips down in response. The hand on Anna’s thigh slid up and under, and Lane dug her fingers into her ass. Their kiss broke, and Anna’s head fell back as she felt soft lips against her jaw, trailing down her neck to settle against a spot behind her ear that sent shivers down her spine.

  “That feels so good, Lane.”

  Lane smiled against her neck, and Anna shivered when Lane’s tongue ran over sensitive skin. A moan fell from her lips before she pulled Lane back up to her. Their mout
hs crashed together, the gentleness of their movements gone. Anna rocked her hips again, seeking contact and not finding enough. Lane was driving her to a frenzy. A gasp fell from Anna’s lips when she felt a touch against her breast. Lane’s other hand pulled Anna in closer, fingers digging into her neck.

  Playing at pulling away again before pressing her lips to Anna’s neck, Lane sucked gently, teeth nipping at the flesh. Anna finally felt Lane’s hand cup her breast through her dress at the same time as Lane sucked again at her pulse point.

  “Don’t stop.” Anna moaned. “Don’t you dare stop.”

  Lane chuckled.

  Headlights washed through the car, moving away as another vehicle parked a few spaces away from them.

  They paused, breathing hard. Lane’s hand was still on Anna’s breast.

  “Shit.”

  Anna dropped her head down, pressing their foreheads together. “We’re never going to catch a break.”

  One hand falling back to rest on Anna’s thigh, the other still buried in her hair, Lane grinned. “Probably a good thing. First time in a car? What are we, sixteen?”

  “Like that’s not why you brought me up here.”

  “Onto me, huh?”

  “Romantic view of the city in an apparently abandoned car park?”

  “Can you blame me?”

  “Did you hear me complain?” Anna kissed her again. She sighed. “I don’t want to move.”

  “Unless you want to keep doing what we were doing while a couple does the same thing metres away, you may have to. Because if you stay pressed to me like this, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.”

  Anna chuckled and slid off Lane as gracefully as she could, settling herself back into the passenger seat. She had to wriggle her hips to pull her dress back down. They both sat, heads pressed back against the seats. Anna tried to focus on the view in front of her, but her body was still thrumming from Lane’s touch. It took a moment before her breathing slowed down.

  “I think I just heard sex noises from that car.”

  Anna wrinkled her nose. “Ew, okay. Time to go.”

  Buckling herself back in, Lane pulled out of the car park. “I’m currently very resentful of that car.”

  Anna turned her head, smiling softly at Lane and reaching a hand over to rest against her thigh. “Me too.”

  Way too soon, Lane pulled up at the front of Anna’s house. For a moment, they were silent, until Lane said, “I want to walk you to the door...”

  “But you’re worried Kym will ambush the both of us?”

  “Exactly.”

  “It’s safer not to. We’ll end up against the door again, she’ll interrupt, we’ll get cranky—it’s probably for the best.”

  Lane laughed. “I had a really great time, Anna.”

  “I did as well.”

  “Um, I’ll see you Monday?”

  “You’ll be getting texts from me tomorrow, I’m sure.”

  “Good.”

  Anna kissed her, once, and forced herself to end it, not trusting herself to do more. She raised a hand, pressing it softly against Lane’s sternum. “You’re incredibly patient.”

  Lane looked at her as if she was an idiot. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m enjoying this—all of this.”

  Anna eyed her.

  “Okay, yes, I’d love to go inside right now.” Lane grinned. “You caught me. But still, I’ll take what I can get.”

  “Me too.”

  This time, Lane closed the gap between them, kissing Anna once more. “Go, before I kidnap you to my house.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “No, it’s genuinely what I’ll do in a minute. You’re addictive.”

  Anna kissed Lane once more, then unclicked her belt and opened the door. “Thanks for a great night, Lane.”

  “Thank you, Anna.”

  Grinning to herself, Anna slid out and walked up her front steps. Lane’s car didn’t drive away until Anna closed the door behind her.

  Pale blue TV light washed in from the living room, and Anna paused in the doorway, trying not to laugh out loud.

  Ella and Kym were top to tail on the couch, a blanket pulled over them, both fast asleep with a pillow each. Pink and purple tutus peeked out from under the cover. Ice cream was smeared on Ella’s cheek.

  Anna pulled out her phone and quickly took a photo, then sent it to Lane with a message.

  Pretty sure I’m going to leave them like this.

  After she walked over and switched the TV off, she looked back to the couch to make sure she hadn’t woken either of them up. They were both still fast asleep. The modular couch was wide and spacious, and they looked comfortable. Anna didn’t see any reason to move either of them.

  Her phone vibrated.

  That’s stupidly cute. You definitely can’t wake them. Aunty Kym-aw!

  Anna smiled and replied, walking up stairs as she did so.

  Done, they’re left. There’s still ice cream on Ella’s cheek.

  She peeked her head in on Toby. He still woke up every second or third night, simply needing a cuddle to get him back down, occasionally a nappy change. Tonight, though, he was out to it, on his stomach with his legs tucked up under him, bum in the air, blanket clasped close. And there was no pacifier. Anna was winning that battle.

  She quickly brushed her teeth and washed her face, slipping on her pyjamas and sliding into bed. She really still had no idea what to do about any of it. Yes, Ella liked Lane, and Toby would, too. Yes, she liked Lane. But it wasn’t as simple as that. Dating Lane was different, and having a girlfriend, a partner, in her life? That would affect the kids, and maybe not in a good way.

  It was complicated, and hard.

  But tonight? Tonight Anna was relishing in a first real date, in the memory of Lane’s lips against her own, against her neck. The feel of Lane’s hands on her.

  She looked at her phone, realising Lane might have replied to her text.

  She’s a kid, the ice cream can stay there.

  Inappropriate to say that I’d love to lick ice cream off your cheek?

  Anna had no idea how she did it, but Lane always brought a smile to her face.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Anna’s hip leant against the nurses’ station and she twirled a pen around her fingers absently. A quick glance at the clock told her it was close to twelve. Disappointment swept over her—she was tired and looking forward to getting home with the kids and relaxing. The twirling of the pen slowed. That was a surprising feeling.

  There had been days, when Anna had first arrived in Melbourne, when she’d woken up and, for a split second, thought she was back in her old life. And then she’d be struck with an ache of grief so deep and startling it made her nauseous. A grief not just about two deceased people she loved dearly, but also for the life she no longer had. Beneath the grief and shock, behind the learning curve of looking after two small children, she ached to be back in her old life. She had missed Hayley, especially. When she’d lain in bed in the spare room, shell-shocked and exhausted, she’d missed her girlfriend and she’d missed her life. While Anna knew they hadn’t been perfect, at times barely seeing each other as they’d focused on their careers or disappeared to bars with friends, she still missed Hayley. They’d been great together, supportive and adventurous and incredibly understanding of each other’s utter focus on their careers. Anna had missed having a partner.

  But, slowly, she wasn’t waking up with the feeling that she was drowning in grief anymore.

  Instead, she was waking up with thoughts of the kids and, now, often of Lane.

  Anna stopped twirling the pen and stared at it. As Ella and Toby stole into her life, they were taking up the space her old life had left. They had floated in and settled into that void in a different way, sure, but Anna was starting to wonder if they fit in even
better than her past life had. She still struggled. She still felt that flicker of resentment, pushed way to the back. Sometimes she still pined for Jake to be alive purely so she could punch him in the arm and yell, “Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking, big brother?”

  But the last week, she had barely thought of her old life at all. She woke up with the kids; mornings were the most hectic time. She ran around getting Ella to her mother’s and Toby ready for day care, all in time for rounds. She spent her days at the hospital working, laughing with Kym, and flirting with Lane.

  Anna was aware that Lane was a big part of the reason she was coping so well. Since their date, they’d spent all the time together they could at work. They had even discovered a stairwell not many people ventured into that was an excellent make-out spot. They managed to grab five minutes here and there to see each other, disappearing to the particular stairwell or chatting in a corridor. But it was never very long before Anna was dragged away by a resident’s page or to paperwork, or Lane had to go back to emergency, her break over.

  Anna’s reservations about dating and the kids were still there, plaguing her mind, usually right before sleep. But Lane, it seemed, was happy to take her time. It was as if she realised that if she moved too quickly, asked for too much, Anna would bolt.

  By the time her pen had dropped onto the chart she was supposed to be working on, Anna had completely given up on looking productive.

  Sometimes, when she thought about it all too much, she found her mind spinning. Dating would mean more dates—how did she balance that with the kids? How on earth would she find time for a new girlfriend when sometimes she barely had time for a shower? How would they be able to enjoy the fun, the spark, when Anna was tied up with two charming yet demanding children? Would Lane get bored and walk? Hell, she and Hayley had been committed for three years and she had run.

  And was she damaging the kids by wanting to spend time with Lane? Ella and Toby deserved to feel someone was there no matter what. She really didn’t want to mess up the only two things her brother had left for her.

  “If you stare much harder at that pen, I’m thinking it’ll explode.”