All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  “Really?”

  “Really. We could talk to Ella, explain things a little.”

  “Really?”

  This time, the incredulity made Anna chuckle. “Yeah, really. She’ll just be excited, I’m sure. It won’t be something we can do all the time, at first. But we could start easing into it?”

  “Really?”

  Rolling them over, Anna hovered over her, weight on her elbows. “Yes! Really.”

  “That,” Lane said, hands running up Anna’s back to bury in her hair, “makes me very, very happy.”

  “We’ll see how happy it makes you if Toby wakes up at three or when Ella comes bounding in at five asking for breakfast.”

  Lane’s smile wavered. “Five?”

  Anna’s smile grew even wider. “Yup. Five.”

  “Like, five a.m.? Even on days we can sleep in?”

  “Yup.”

  “You look far too chipper about that.”

  “Your face is just pretty funny, makes it easy to be chipper.” Anna kissed her. “You do know what you’re getting yourself into, right?”

  “Probably not. But I know you’re in it, so I’m pretty happy to find out.” Lane tilted her head. “Why the concern?”

  “What? No concern. Teasing.”

  Lane shook her head. “Don’t pull that. When you asked if I knew what I was getting into, I saw it. Do you think the kids thing scares me?”

  Anna bit her lip. Sometimes Lane was too perceptive for her own good. “I just…kids are a handful. And I don’t mean that in a patronising way, I’m sure you know that. I love them, so much. But Toby’s not always cute and delightful, and sometimes I think Ella’s attitude is getting too big to fit in the door. They’re still grieving, a lot; probably will be forever. They sleep like kittens on crack, they have far too much energy, and there are days I want to lock myself in my room and pretend I live alone and have nothing to do all evening but pour a glass of wine. Do you know that you can spend all day just following them around picking up their stuff? They leave a trail of destruction, and they’re both still so fragile, and—”

  Cutting Anna off with a kiss, Lane squeezed her shoulders. “Anna. Breathe, sweetie.”

  A flush swept over Anna’s cheeks. “Sorry. Maybe I needed a rant?”

  “You’re allowed to rant. I have no idea how you do what you do.”

  “I love them.” Anna shrugged, like it was the simplest thing in the world. Which it was. “There’s so much of Jake, and Sally in them. I don’t see it as a chore.” She paused. “Anymore.”

  “I’m in, Anna. Crazy kids and your insane bed hair and all.”

  Anna tried to look affronted but her happiness at Lane’s “I’m in” was obvious. “My bed hair is fine.”

  “Well, it is bed sex hair.” Lane grinned. “I like it.”

  Needing contact, Anna kissed her, pouring everything she couldn’t say into it. Anna had had such a lingering concern that Lane didn’t know what she was in for, and Lane, as always, had made her feel completely reassured. She pulled back as Lane’s eyes opened slowly.

  “What was that for?”

  “For being in.”

  They didn’t get out of bed until after noon, finally rolling out to shower and find a late lunch somewhere. After a long, lingering kiss in Lane’s doorway, Anna finally pulled herself away. Shaking her head at herself as she walked out of the building, Anna kept the memory of the morning’s warmth close. Lane was going to come over for dinner that night, and they’d texted Kym to ask her to join as well. The night before, Ella had asked if they could come. Nothing, except a night like last night, beat Disney on the couch with her girls and Toby.

  On the drive to her mother’s, Anna couldn’t stop grinning widely. Everything felt good. As she pulled into the driveway, she wondered if her father had managed to drag himself from his study to spend time with his grandchildren. She climbed out of the car and went to go around the front but heard Ella’s giggle from the backyard, so she opened the side gate and made her way there instead.

  Anna grinned when she saw Ella standing in the middle of Sandra’s vegie patch, legs covered in dirt. Toby was in overalls, sitting next to Ella and grinning too, as he threw dirt at his own foot. He laughed delightedly and Anna felt warm all over at the sound. Her mother was watering the vegies and occasionally sending flicks of water towards the kids, causing Ella to squeal.

  “Grandma! Don’t! I can’t get wet!”

  Anna crossed her arms, leaning against the sidewall of the house as she watched Sandra laugh and flick more water towards Ella. Some splashed Toby, and he looked around, confused, before going back to throwing dirt.

  “But you’re dirty! You need a wash.”

  Hands on her little hips, Ella rolled her eyes. “That’s what a bathtub is for.”

  Unable to resist, Anna called out, “You’re not getting into the bathtub like that, Miss Ella Bella!”

  Ella swung her head around and grinned. “Aunty Na! Tell Grandma to stop splashing me!”

  “Na! Na!” Grinning and giggling, Toby ran at her.

  Not caring he was covered in dirt, Anna scooped him up into a cuddle. “Hey, little man.”

  With more strength than such a small body should have, Toby wrapped himself around her. He kicked his leg out in front of him, pointing seriously to his pants. “Dirdy.”

  “Yup. They’re definitely dirty.” She looked back up at Ella. “Mum, I think you should keep squirting her, she’s not getting in the car like that.”

  Indignantly, Ella’s mouth opened to protest, but all she could do was squeal again as cold water hit her toes. “Aunty Na! You’re supposed to stick up for me.”

  Eyes sparkling, Sandra looked at Anna. “Yeah, Anna.”

  “Oh good.” She looked at Toby, who was gazing at her with wide blue eyes, still pointing to his pants. “I love it when they gang up on me.”

  Ella giggled and walked over, wrapping her arms around Anna’s middle, pressing her face into Toby’s stomach as she did so and blowing to attempt a raspberry. None too gently, he pushed at her head, laughing madly.

  The two of them were ridiculous. Anna wrapped her spare arm around Ella’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze as she said, “And now you’re getting me all dirty.”

  The look on Ella’s face was ecstatic. “Now you have to get squirted!”

  Anna’s eyes widened and she looked up at her mother, who was grinning almost maliciously.

  “Mum, no!” She held Toby out in front of her under his armpits like a human shield, causing him to squeal happily and wave at his grandmother. “I have a baby!”

  Her mother dropped the hose and walked over to turn it off. “Coward, using the baby.”

  Toby giggled again. “More!”

  Anna hefted him up and threw him slightly in the air before putting him back down; he promptly ran back to the now muddy veggie patch and buried his hands in it. Ella squatted next to him, chattering about worms.

  After walking up to Anna, Sandra kissed her cheek. “You have fun with Lane?”

  “I did.”

  “Good. I like that one.”

  Anna wrapped an arm around her mother’s shoulder as they stood watching the two kids. Toby poked at the dirt, Ella talking nonstop to him and drawing pictures in it with a stick.

  “I do, too.”

  “I can tell.”

  She bumped her hip into her mother’s. “Shh.”

  “I can. You’re obviously smitten.”

  Anna couldn’t really deny that. “She’s easy to get smitten over.”

  “Obviously. Ella doesn’t shut up about her and you smile any time her name is mentioned. She’s a pretty welcome presence, if you ask me.”

  “Agreed.”

  “And you’ve clearly had sex all day.”

  Mouth open in shock,
Anna looked quickly to the kids to make sure they hadn’t overheard, then back to glare at her mother. “Mum!”

  “What? You have.”

  Anna dropped her arm from her mother’s shoulder and continued to glare at her. She was speechless. “Have not.”

  “Good response, Anna. Learnt that from Ella?”

  Ella looked up from the dirt. “What?”

  “Nothing!” They called out at once.

  Face hot, Anna crossed her arms. “Anyway. How’s Dad? Why isn’t he here with the kids?”

  “He said he had business to do.” Anna saw right through the flippant way Sandra spoke. “He did watch a DVD with Ella last night, and read her a book. Then he disappeared. Toby misses him.”

  “Ella asks about why she rarely sees him.”

  Sighing, her mother shrugged. “He’ll get there. He’s a lot like you, like that.”

  “Hey, I’m here.”

  Her mother nodded at the kids. “Thanks to them, you are. Otherwise I think you would’ve disappeared, too.”

  Opening her mouth to object, Anna quickly closed it again when she realised her mother was right. Instead, she put her arm back around her mother’s shoulder and pulled her close. They stood for a minute in a comfortable half hug, watching the kids play.

  “So the sex is good, then?”

  “Mum!”

  Red-faced, Anna managed to bundle the kids into the car, grateful her mother still had clothes and things at the house in the kids’ bedroom. It meant Anna didn’t have to hunt down bags and try to con Ella into unpacking hers.

  When they got home, Ella practically bounced out of the car at the news that Lane and Kym were definitely coming over for dinner. Anna got Toby out of his car seat, smiling as he fell willingly into her arms, head resting in the crook of her neck. When he yawned and rubbed his eyes, she rubbed circles on his back, pausing when she saw Ella standing on the doorstep holding a paper bag.

  “What’s that, Ella Bella?”

  “I dunno. It was on the doormat. I think it’s for me and Toby.”

  When Anna held her hand out, Toby craned his neck to watch what she was doing from his place on her hip. A label was on the front: “For my Grandchildren.” The urge to roll her eyes overtook her—obviously Cathy had come around again unannounced. Secretly relieved they’d missed her, Anna opened the door and Ella half fell into the house.

  “Your reading’s getting good—it is for you.”

  “I got first in a writing competition at school yesterday.”

  “You did? Well, you can choose dinner and dessert tonight then, smarty pants.”

  Holding the package to Ella, Anna hid a smile as Ella bounced and took the package, already ripping into it. “Who’s it from?”

  “From your other grandma.”

  “Mummy’s mum?”

  “Yup.”

  Still tearing at the paper, Ella wrinkled her nose. “She smells funny.”

  Smothering a laugh, Anna coughed. “That’s not very nice, Ella. What did you get?”

  A book was revealed and Ella’s eyes lit up. She really did love books. “It’s a story. I don’t have this one!”

  Toby was being extra cuddly and began to climb back up Anna when she tried to put him down. Enjoying the affection, Anna humoured him.

  “Well, that’s awesome, a new one. Maybe we can read it with Toby tonight.”

  “Can Nurse Lane read it?”

  Anna put her bag down on the counter. “She sure can.”

  “And can Kym read one, too?”

  Anna eyed her playfully. “You wouldn’t be trying to sneak two stories in for bed time, would you?”

  Defending herself seriously, Ella said, “I don’t want one of them to feel left out.”

  “If they want to read to you, you can have two.”

  Face bright, Ella put the book on the bench, already moving out of the room. “I’m going to find another story for Kym to read.”

  Anna looked at Toby, who was now craning his neck over her shoulder to see where his sister had gone so fast. “Your sister is like a whirlwind, Tobes.”

  “El done?”

  His baby-speak never failed to make him sound even sweeter. “She’ll be back.”

  After five minutes, Toby finally let Anna put him down, and she grabbed one of his cars off the bench, handing it to him.

  He instantly sat down and started running the wheels over the floor, making car noises. Anna reached distractedly for the book to see what it was, smiling at the noises Toby was making. The sight of the cover made her jaw clench in anger. In her hands was a children’s Bible.

  It shouldn’t have irritated her as much as it did. Anna had nothing personally against religion, but Sally had. They’d had long, drawn-out conversations about it, discussing Sally’s oppressive childhood. Unless they chose it themselves later, Sally had been adamant that religion wouldn’t be a part of her children’s lives. Cathy and Sally had had a huge argument over it last year. Anna remembered Jake calling her late one evening, saying, “I need you to take the ranting for a while, it’s been three hours,” and suddenly Sally was on the phone, all fire and anger.

  Sally had made it clear to her mother that she didn’t want the kids going to Sunday School, or any of it. Yet here, from Sally’s mother, was a children’s Bible.

  Anna sighed and looked down to Toby, chewing her lip in thought and vaguely watching him smash his car into the floor. The book could go in the bin, or to charity—but she didn’t really want to do that. She’d had a children’s Bible growing up, even though she wasn’t brought up in a religious household. If it was her kids, she wouldn’t see it as the biggest deal, she just wouldn’t be emphasising it to them. But Sally had made her wishes known loud and clear. More than anything, Anna wanted to bring these kids up with every bit of Sally and Jake that she could.

  She put the book on the bench and figured she’d think about it later. Cathy was not her favourite person at the moment. And Anna had a night ahead of her with Lane, her best friend, and the two cutest kids in the world.

  “Alrighty, Tobes. Let’s get you washed up, you’re covered in garden dirt.”

  Face suddenly stony, he stopped his car mid-air and looked at her. “Baf?”

  “Yup, bath.”

  He looked like he was considering chucking the car at her.

  “And then dinner with Lane and Kym.”

  He perked up instantly, dropping the car and holding his arms up. “Baf!”

  “Bath then Kym! Plan.”

  The next few hours passed quickly. Anna had the kids bathed and in their pyjamas early, and dinner—chips and pasta as requested by Ella, with some salad as negotiated by Anna—was ready.

  Right on time, Kym and Lane showed up on time, Lane with a bottle of red in her hands and Kym clutching the biggest box of brownies Anna had ever seen. With much noise, Ella and Toby launched themselves at them and they all eventually settled down in the kitchen.

  In between throwing sly grins at each other, Anna and Lane fluffed about serving dinner. Avoiding any chores, Kym sat at the table with Toby on her lap, the little boy completely enamoured with her, and chatted to Ella. They seemed to be debating if nuts belonged in brownies.

  “Kym smiles more here than she does anywhere else.” Lane spoke softly as she put chips on all their plates.

  Anna looked up from where she was doling out salad and watched Kym. Whenever she came here and relaxed, the strain seemed to leave her eyes, the act of being happy actually settled into something resembling calm.

  The table set, Anna was just taking Toby from Kym’s arms, ready to put him in his high chair, when a knock sounded at the front door. Instead, Anna settled Toby on her hip and met the three sets of eyes owlishly blinking at her from the table with an equally confused look.

  “Um—I’ll just g
et that.”

  Rather than wrestle Toby into his high chair when he would only want to go with her anyway, Anna kept him on her hip as she walked through to the front door. “Who do you think it is, Tobes?”

  Toby looked at her. “Pata.”

  “In a minute.” She pulled the door open and tried to hide her surprise. “Lorna. Hi. Uh—can I help you? We just had a visit from you?”

  Lorna gave a stiff smile, and it was then that Anna looked behind her to see a police officer standing calmly, hands held behind him, eyes on the ground. It seemed like he was purposefully making a point of not being intrusive. Anna moved her eyes back to Lorna, the hair on the back of her arms standing up.

  “Anna, I’m really sorry.”

  Anna blinked at her, instinctively holding Toby closer. “What for?”

  “Unfortunately, we’ve had some concerns raised about how you’re taking care of the kids. While we investigate these, we need to take the kids into care.”

  “What?”

  Lorna took in a deep breath. “Someone has made some fairly serious allegations, and we are obliged to investigate these, even though I’ve not seen anything to indicate the kids are being neglected.”

  “Neglected?” Anna couldn’t control her tone.

  Toby dug his fingers into her shirt as he held onto her, looking from Lorna to Anna and back again.

  The look on Lorna’s face stayed neutral. “You’re aware you’ve had temporary custody while awaiting the papers to pass by the judge and have it all officially signed off to make you permanent guardian of the kids?”

  Dumbly, Anna could only nod. “I was assured everything would be fine with that. My brother and Sally dictated in their will that they wanted me to have them.”

  “Well, someone has petitioned the court for guardianship over you, which they are legally allowed to do.”

  A humming sound rang in Anna’s ears. It felt like someone had swept her feet out from under her.

  “Now, normally you’d keep the kids until a guardianship hearing was held, as you’re already temporary guardian, but these claims have complicated things.”

  “So you’re taking them away from me?”

  “Hopefully not permanently, Anna.”