All The Little Moments

by G. Benson

  Anna was wracked with nerves. No one could promise a sure thing. It could drag out for weeks if the judge wasn’t satisfied that there was no neglect. Someone else could get temporary guardianship until the formal trial. They could stay in foster care or go to Cathy. Anna could go to trial for genuine neglect.

  The cigarette in her hand was incredibly tempting; she kept twirling it to stop herself from lighting it.

  The house was too quiet, too settled.

  Before, this was where she would come to miss her brother and miss her old life. To wonder what the hell he had been thinking. To dread the sound of Toby crying or Ella waking up with sad eyes and hard questions.

  Now it was where she missed them.

  The plane finally disappeared, and she was left with nothing to focus on. Eyes sweeping the small backyard, she took in the dimensions. It wasn’t huge, no room for a swing set or a trampoline. Jake and Sally had liked that they had a park a five-minute walk away. While the yard wasn’t a huge space, a dog would be happy there. She bet the kids would love a puppy.

  She sipped her wine again.

  Or a kitten.

  Were you supposed to start small? Maybe a hamster. Or a fish.

  Anna liked the idea of a puppy or a kitten. She and Jake had never had pets. She put the wine glass down and flicked her lighter again. What if she didn’t get them back?

  “God damn you, Cathy,” she muttered.

  “I second that.” Lane’s voice was quiet behind her, and, though Anna hadn’t heard her let herself in, she didn’t startle.

  “Did you find a power court outfit?”

  Lane sat down next to her. “Yup, and it’s awesome, if I do say so my—you smoke?”

  The cigarette stilled in Anna’s hand, and she looked down at it. She had meant to either smoke it before Lane got back, or play with it and then hide it.

  “Uh, only rarely.”

  Lane raised her eyebrows.

  “Like now, apparently.” Anna put it down next to her and grabbed her wine glass, swiftly handing a second glass to Lane. “Don’t be mad?” She tried to look charming. “I had wine ready for you.”

  “Hmm.” After taking a sip, Lane turned back to Anna, seemingly ready to carry the cigarette conversation on.

  “It’s disgusting, I know.” Anna bit her lip.

  Soft lips brushed against her own, and Anna felt some of the tension leave her body. She pulled back slowly.

  “I’m glad you didn’t. You smell a lot better without the smoke.”

  Comfortably, they settled next to each other, Lane’s arm wrapped around Anna.

  “Big day tomorrow,” Lane said softly.

  Anna nodded.

  “It’s been a big week.”

  Anna nodded again and took in a deep breath.

  “Next week will be good.”

  Lifting her head up, Anna looked at Lane. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  Nothing, now, would change anything. Anna couldn’t think about it anymore. Tomorrow they’d know. Her head dropped back to Lane’s shoulder and another plane flew overhead. The arm around her shoulders tightened.

  “Want to go upstairs?” Lane’s voice was soft, gentle. “I know a stress reliever that doesn’t give you cancer.”

  Normally she would jump at that offer. Yet, Anna burrowed in more and draped her arm over Lane’s legs. Here, in the cool of evening with Lane next to her, she felt the most calm she had since Lorna knocked at the door. There was no way she wanted to move anywhere right then.

  “In a minute?”

  Lane turned her head, kissing the top of Anna’s. “In a minute.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Anna’s heart was racing, and she couldn’t slow it.

  “You need to breathe.”

  She dragged her eyes from her coffee cup and looked straight into Kym’s across the table.

  “I know.”

  “Really, you do.”

  “I’m okay.”

  “You’re not. And that’s okay. But seriously, breathe.”

  Anna sipped from her mug, both hands wrapped around it as if it could warm her completely. The more she focussed on her breathing, the harder it was to do it normally.

  “Look, you have Lane back, which, I think, we can all thank me for.” Kym gave her a cocky grin, and Anna even managed to roll her eyes. “And soon, you’ll have those kids back. By this weekend, all going well, they’ll be in this house and we’ll all be planning our next movie night.”

  “This could go terribly.”

  “It could. But it won’t. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on. All the allegations are crap, and you deserve those kids.”

  It would be much easier if Anna could just believe her.

  Kym watched her for a second, then sighed. “Look, worst case scenario? You never get the kids back and you act out like an idiot by breaking up with Lane again, dooming yourself to a life of loneliness. I’ll buy you ten cats, you can be that crazy person and be alone forever, and, when you die, they can eat you from the toes up.”

  Horrified, Anna could only stare at her.

  Kym shrugged, smirking. “Just trying to show you that things can always be worse.”

  When Lane walked in, fresh from her shower, Anna’s shocked gaze was still locked on Kym.

  “Kym! What did you do?”

  Kym whipped her head around to look at Lane, feigning innocence. “What? Nothing.”

  “I’d just calmed her down, and I waited for you to get here to go shower so she wouldn’t hype herself up again when left alone, and now, she looks absolutely terrified.”

  “I am terrified! And I don’t need babysitting.” The indignation in Anna’s tone was strong and slightly embarrassing.

  “I know you don’t. Sorry. Just concerned.” Lane pinched Anna’s coffee, taking a sip. “Why do you look so terrified?”

  “No reason.” Anna ignored Kym’s snicker. “You smell good.”

  With a quick kiss, Lane headed to the fridge. “Eggs? Bacon? Mushrooms? Whole lot?”

  “Yes!” Kym exclaimed.

  Both Anna and Lane looked at her, confused.

  Kym managed to look sheepish. “I mean, whatever you want, is fine.”

  “You still living off vending machine food?”

  Giving a shrug, Kym changed the topic. “When’s your mum getting here?”

  Anna let it slide as Lane went about making them breakfast, relieved that at least Kym was enthusiastic about eating.

  “Any minute now.” She glanced toward Lane, but a mountain of food on the counter top made her almost impossible to see her from the table. “Want a hand?”

  Lane held out a packet of mushrooms. “You can chop.”

  Anna obligingly started to clean them. “What sucks about being me is I always get stuck with the chopping duties.”

  “I’d let you cook the eggs, but last time you got distracted and, rather than poached, we got rocks.”

  Continuing to chop, Anna poked her tongue out.

  Kym smirked. “Or that morning she was going to make us pancakes and put salt in the mix instead of sugar.”

  “Or when she cooked us spaghetti and somehow burnt the pasta.”

  “Guys! I am right here. And it’s not that bad.”

  Neither replied, both of them only staring at Anna.

  “You guys suck.”

  “No, that would be your lasagne.”

  “Hey!”

  On her way to the sink, Lane kissed the back of Anna’s neck. “It’s okay, you’re good at other things.”

  Slightly placated, Anna finished up with the mushrooms. As she was washing her hands, the front door opened.

  “I’m here!” Her mother’s voice floated down the hall.

  “In the kitchen, Mum!” Anna sa
t back down at the table.

  “Oh my God, something smells delicious—wait, Anna, you’re not c—” Sandra appeared in the kitchen doorway, a look of relief on her face as she took in the scene in front of her. “Oh, good, never mind.”

  “What?”

  “Just—glad to see Lane in the kitchen.” She turned her attention to Lane, who had looked up with a smirk. “Morning, Lane, dear.”

  “Morning, Sandra.”

  “Hello, Kym. You look lovely.”

  “Thanks, Sandra. You too, as always.”

  “Excuse me!”

  They all looked at Anna.

  “What is this? I am not that bad in the kitchen.”

  “Honey, you couldn’t make cookies in your Easy Bake Oven. Admit defeat.”

  Anna frowned. “Where’s Dad?”

  Her mother avoided her eyes, bustling into the kitchen to get herself a coffee. “Oh, he’s going to meet us there.”

  “Or he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me for five minutes.” Anna was more emotional, more exhausted, and more highly strung than she had realised.

  The cup in her mother’s hand clattered as she half dropped it onto the bench. They eyed each other, Anna trying to ignore her guilt and her mother looking immeasurably sad.

  Truth swirled around them, normally unspoken.

  Then Sandra went back to making her coffee. Anna felt her cheeks flush in shame. Kym was steadfastly looking at the table, while Lane stared from Anna to her mother.

  After a calming sip of her coffee, Sandra put her cup down and finally looked at Anna. “He’ll meet us at the courthouse.”

  “Okay.”

  Lane cleared her throat. “Uh…breakfast is ready.”

  Sandra gave Anna’s arm a reassuring squeeze when she sat down, stopping her from dwelling.

  “Excellent. Dish it up, then, Lane. I need my energy to put this woman in the ground!” At the surrounding looks, Sandra shrugged. “What? I like a full stomach before I kick some bigoted ass.”

  Everyone ate in silence, Anna trying to ignore the tight feeling in her gut as she forced food into her mouth. Kym’s leg bounced agitatedly under the table, and Sandra’s eyes flicked over them all as she kept a strained smile on her lips.

  When Lane squeezed her knee under the table, Anna felt a rush of gratitude for these people who were all about to get up and defend a situation none felt they should have to. Get it right, and Toby and Ella would be back where they belonged. Get it wrong, and who knew where they’d end up?

  They took one car; Sandra drove. All Anna could do was stare out the window, her cold hand in Lane’s.

  Inside the frigid courthouse, Scott met them with a roguish grin. Anna was grateful for his easy charm, his comfort in a building none of them knew. Take doctors out of the hospital and they became lost and unsure.

  “Ladies, you all look delightful.”

  All four were wearing some form of suit, Anna in a pencil skirt that made her miss her scrubs. Her mother had selected pants: “I’m not the gay, dear. I’m not out trying to prove my femininity. On that: you shouldn’t have to, either.”

  Surefooted, Scott led them all through to a heavy wood door. Chairs were lined up outside, and a court bailiff stood next to the door.

  “Okay, ladies, this is where Anna and I head inside. You all just need to be seated out here until you’re called.” Scott nodded to them. “Stay calm, big breaths. And don’t talk to each other.”

  Sandra gave him a bewildered look. “But we could talk until now?”

  “Crazy court rules.” The wink Scott gave was utterly enchanting, and Anna could swear her mother swooned.

  Sandra, Kym and Lane all smiled at Anna. She wanted to drag every one of them in there with her for moral support. She caught Lane’s eye, and her words soothed Anna’s nerves a little. “We’re just on the other side of the door—okay?”

  Anna nodded and tried to return their smiles.

  Scott took her arm and started to lead her through the door.

  “Oh, Anna!”

  Anna turned her head.

  Sandra was grinning. “My stomach is extra full.” She winked. “It’s on.”

  The sound that left Anna’s throat was more like a strangled laugh than anything, but some of the tension in her stomach eased as she followed Scott in.

  Even though Scott had told her what to expect, Anna had still pictured a huge courtroom, complete with gallery, jury section, and witness box. Instead, she walked into a room that was almost empty and lacking all the intimidating fixtures, as promised. There was a table on both the left and the right for the prosecution and defence. One long table stretched out at the front of the room, but at the same height as the two smaller tables in front of it. There was a large chair behind the table for the judge; a bailiff stood on one end and a record keeper was seated near the other. To the right, the table made a slight “L” shape where a witness could sit and give testimony.

  Overall, it was a welcome anticlimax.

  However, Anna was still not looking forward to this. Her sweaty hands brushed the coarse fabric of her skirt.

  “I told you it was fine.”

  With a weak nod at Scott, she followed him up to the smaller table on the right, walking through the gate as he held it open for her.

  “So Lorna will come in with the State lawyer, then the judge, and then it will start?”

  “You got it.” He poured her a glass of water from the jug on the table. “Here, drink this.” After pouring himself one, he pulled out various papers from his briefcase and settled them down in front of her.

  The door opened, and Anna turned to see Lorna walk through with a greying man in a suit and George Coleman, the caseworker who had come when Lorna had been away. Lorna smiled at her, pausing as they walked through the gate, while George walked straight past.

  “Hi, Anna.”

  “Hi.”

  Her mouth opened to ask about the kids, but Anna closed it at Scott’s soft touch to her arm.

  Then she did it anyway. “How are they?”

  Her eyes must have read as completely desperate for news, because even as the lawyer took Lorna’s elbow to lead her to their table, she gave a quick answer. “Spoke to the foster family this morning; they’re fine.”

  Anna nodded her thanks, turning back and purposefully avoiding Scott’s glare. “What?” she tried to ask nonchalantly.

  “Nothing.”

  But she could still feeling him glaring at her.

  “Scott.” She all but whispered it.

  He looked at her sideways. “Hm?”

  “We have to get them back,” she said, looking him dead in the eye.

  “I know.”

  “Good.”

  Suddenly, one of the bailiffs near the door straightened. “All rise for the Honourable Judge Gordon.”

  Fists clenched, nails biting into her palm, Anna stood.

  It was finally happening.

  The judge that walked in was a tall, thin man, probably in his late fifties to early sixties, with a thick head of silver hair and an air of forbearance about him.

  Once he sat and nodded to the courtroom, everyone else sat down, so Anna followed suit.

  The bailiff closest to the judge read out from a ledger: “Case of State versus Foster in relation to accusations of neglect against two wards in her care, pending guardianship approval, presided over by Judge Gordon.”

  The judge nodded, then spoke to the State’s attorney, “And today, if charges are proven to be true, we are also to look at temporary guardianship of,” he looked down at the papers in front of him, and Anna instantly liked him a little better for it, “Ella and Toby until the final guardianship hearing in approximately a month. Is this correct?”

  “Correct, your Honour.”

  Shrewd e
yes looked from Lorna to Anna. “Now, this isn’t a trial. We don’t do big opening and closing speeches. We are a family court, and we are here to do what is best for these two children, whatever that may be.” He turned to the State’s attorney. “Begin.”

  The attorney stood. “Your Honour, we are here to investigate several neglect claims that, coupled with a case manager’s report expressing concern, led to the temporary removal of the children from Anna Foster’s custody, and to placing the children in foster care, on a temporary basis until the custody hearing.”

  “And why did we need a custody hearing in the first place?”

  Scott stood.

  Finally realising that this wasn’t a courtroom drama with gavels and yelling, Anna relaxed.

  “Your Honour, originally none was needed. As you can see in the copy of the will submitted, the deceased Jake and Sally Foster named my client Anna Foster as guardian. As she accepted it, the paperwork was awaiting signing off by a judge. However, the maternal grandmother has since petitioned the court for guardianship, challenging the will, hence the need for the trial.”

  The judge looked back to the State’s attorney. “And were the charges of neglect put forth by this woman before or after she petitioned for guardianship?”

  “After.”

  The judge looked thoughtful, then turned his gaze back to Scott. “Did you wish to start with your character references?”

  “Yes, your Honour.”

  Speechless, Anna watched as people were paraded in to literally sing her praises. First was Ella’s school counsellor, who spoke of how Ella had, obviously, been incredibly quiet and withdrawn when she returned to school post the death of her parents. She let the court know that Anna had regularly checked in with her about Ella and asked questions about her concerns. Apparently comfortable with all eyes on her, she told the court that Ella had slowly been coming back to herself and had even started participating more with other children the last week.

  “It’s common for children to feel incredibly isolated from their peers in this scenario, something Ella has obviously experienced. This could be something that goes on for months or even years. Stability can help with that, as well as patience.”