First and Forever: Heartache Duet Book 2

by McLean, Jay

  “Are you sure, Mama?” Ava asks, but I can already hear the excitement in her voice. An entire day for us to spend together, unrestricted. We’ve only had this opportunity one other time, and it was the greatest day of our lives.

  “I’m sure,” Jo says, her voice softening. “You need it. You deserve it.”

  “Thank you, Miss D.” I raise my hand for a high five, expecting her to return it.

  Instead, she grasps my hand, places it right on her scars, and looks up at me. “You know why I like you, Connor?”

  I grin from ear-to-ear. “Because I’m handsome?”

  “Because you treat me like I’m human.” Her smile lights up her face. “Now promise me you’ll go,” she says, releasing my hand to tap on her chest again. “Go and find The Happiness in your hearts, just like I did.”

  “I promise,” I tell her through the sudden ache in my throat.

  Trevor gets up to put his dishes in the sink and pats my shoulder as he leaves the kitchen, “Damn, Connor, you’re like a magician.”

  Ava gasps, looks up at me, her lips parted, eyes wide. “My magician.”

  Chapter 20

  Ava

  In my desk drawer lives a check.

  A check for six figures.

  Signed by Peter Parker.

  The sum is enough to put my mom in a treatment center full-time.

  In my mind,

  I wonder what it would be like not to have to worry as much as we do.

  In my heart,

  I try to imagine what it would feel like to abandon her like that.

  The check is made out to me.

  I can take care of you, Ava,

  Peter said.

  But it’s our little secret.

  In my mind,

  I wonder why he didn’t offer it to Trevor.

  But in my heart,

  I already know.

  In my desk drawer lives a picture.

  Me and Mom surrounded by fireflies.

  When the world is at its darkest,

  that’s when the magic appears,

  my mom says.

  So, in my mind,

  I question if the check is a form of magic.

  But in my heart,

  I believe that hope creates the magician.

  Chapter 21

  Connor

  As soon as Krystal arrives at Ava’s house, we go over to mine and get right into bed. I call Dad, confirming he got the message from school and tell him that Ava’s here, and we’re probably just going to hang out in my room so that he doesn’t get any unwanted surprises when he comes home. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I’m struggling to stay awake, and sure, there are other things I’d rather be doing with my girlfriend in my bed, but I’m that fucking tired. Even though last night’s game was an easy W, I still went hard. I used to show up to get attention from colleges; now I do it for NBA scouts. Ava must sense all this because she kisses the tip of my nose, runs a hand through my hair. “Take a nap, babe.”

  With heavy lids, I kiss her quickly. “What are you going to do?”

  “You got headphones?”

  “On my desk.”

  She gets out of bed and returns with them and her phone. “I’ll listen to a podcast or something.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  Two minutes later, headphones in, she’s fast asleep, snoring lightly. I smile as I watch her, take in every single thing I love and missed about her. Her lips curl as if she knows I’m watching, but she doesn’t react in words. She simply moves closer, until there’s nothing between us.

  No space.

  No past.

  No regrets.

  I wake up to my phone going off somewhere on the other side of my room. At first, I ignore it, because the only person I care about enough to answer is in my arms. But then it rings again, and again, and Ava’s slapping my cheek, mumbling into the pillow, “Tell it to shut up.”

  “Shut up,” I murmur.

  It stops ringing, and Ava smiles. “Hey, it worked.” But then her phone rings, and of course, she sits up immediately and starts searching for it even though it’s vibrating in her hand.

  With a chuckle, I remove it from her grasp. Rhys’s smug face takes up the entire screen, and I answer, “What?”

  “I tried calling you.”

  I roll onto my back, my forearm covering my eyes. “Weird.”

  “Who is it?” Ava asks.

  “Rhys,” I reply, watching her move to straddle my hips. She flashes a smile, right before she lowers her chest to mine, her mouth going to my neck, kissing me there. “Is this important?” I say into the phone. “Because I’m a little preoccupied right now.”

  Ava giggles while silence fills the phone line.

  “Cool,” I murmur after waiting a beat. Then I hang up, my hands instantly latching on to Ava’s ass.

  She starts kissing down my bare chest, making it to my stomach before she looks up, asks, “Have you got any condoms here?”

  Shit. “I don’t know.”

  “Well…” She starts to get off me, but I hold her there.

  To mess with her head, I say, “Wait. My dad should be home. I’ll ask him.”

  “What? No!”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want him to know what we’re doing in here!”

  “As if he doesn’t already know, and even if he did, he’d rather know we’re being safe.” I clear my throat, call out, “Dad!”

  She covers my mouth, her eyes wide, then rolls to her side when Dad knocks on the door. “Connor?” he asks. “Did you need me?”

  “I hate you,” she mouths.

  I laugh under my breath. “Yeah, I was just seeing if you were home.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Ava’s phone rings again, still Rhys, and this time Ava answers, puts it on speaker. “Hey, Rhys.”

  “Ledger’s with you, right?”

  “Yep.”

  “Pool party at my house. Hurry your asses up.”

  “All right,” Ava laughs out. “I’ll talk to my boyfriend and see if he wants to go.”

  “He has no choice, A. He pussied out on last night’s party, and he needs to show up. He’s fucking captain.”

  “Co-captain,” I cut in. “And it looks like you’re doing enough for the both of us on that front.”

  “Ava,” Rhys deadpans.

  “Yeah?”

  His tone turns serious. “Tell your boyfriend he needs to at least make an appearance… for the team.”

  Raising her eyebrows, Ava gives me that look that says, he’s right, Connor without saying a word, and so I tell Rhys, “I’ll be there soon… ish.”

  Rhys hangs up without another word, and I turn to my side and ask, “How the fuck is he having a pool party when it’s cold out?”

  “You haven’t seen his indoor pool?”

  “There’s an indoor pool?”

  “Yep. On the west wing.”

  “They have wings?”

  She ignores me and adds, “But it’s more of a beach than a pool. There’s sand and waves, and it somehow feels like summer, like the sun’s out even when it’s thirty degrees out.”

  I ignore the nagging question of how she knows that and ask, “Do you miss it? The house and money?”

  Her gaze fall, eyes moving to the space between us. “The house, yes, but mainly because of the memories it comes with. The money only because it would make our lives so much easier.”

  “Whose house was it anyway?” I ask, moving closer and placing my hand on her hip. “Was it Trevor’s dad’s or your mom’s?”

  “It was my grandparents’. They left it to Mom when they passed. It’s old money, like, great-great-great-great grandparents. It sucks that I’m not able to pass that on to our kids when we—I mean my…I—” She stops there, pink flushing her cheeks.

  I push away the fantasies of a forever with her, even though I’ve thought about it more times than I’d like to admit.

  “Mom to
ld me her parents were pissed when she decided to join the marines. It came out of nowhere. She went to St. Luke’s, too.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  Ava nods. “She was the first female student to get suspended for not wearing appropriate clothes, but it wasn’t like her skirt was too short or anything. It was because she wore combat boots and pants.” Her words falter at the end, a weak giggle taking their place.

  “That sounds like your mom,” I muse, then ask, “Do you know who your dad is?”

  “Nope,” she answers, shaking her head. She flips to her back, eyeing the ceiling, her hand covering mine on her stomach. “Mom said he was a guy she dated for a while, but he didn’t stick around long enough for her to even tell him she was pregnant.”

  “You ever want to look for him? What if he could help you out financially?”

  “I thought about it for, like, one second. But it would be almost impossible. She never told me his name or had it on my birth certificate, and I don’t want to ask her now. I don’t want her to know how desperate we are, you know?”

  I lean up on my elbow, look down at her. “It’s that bad?”

  “We’re doing okay right now, but yeah…” The corner of her lips dip downward. “We’ll be going in the red pretty soon.”

  “So, what do you do then?” I ask.

  Ava shrugs, her chest rising with her weighty inhale. Her eyes flick to mine quickly before shifting away. “Just hope everything falls into place.”

  Her phone chimes with a text, and she rolls her eyes as she reads it.

  Rhys: I’m going to send Mitch to pick your flakey asses up if you don’t get here soon.

  Ava sighs. “Do you want to go?”

  “Do you?”

  “I guess, yeah. It should be fun.”

  “So would staying in bed and beating my PB.”

  Laughing, she gets out of bed, dragging me with her. “We’ll have more time for that later.”

  “Ava.” I stand in front of her, take both her hands in mine. “This is important, and I need you to listen to me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Because I don’t want to disappoint you.”

  “Connor.” She pouts up at me. “What’s wrong?”

  I shake my head, suck in a breath. “I don’t know if I can beat a minute, forty-eight.”

  * * *

  Ava’s in a bikini that shows off everything. Well, not everything, but close enough, and I don’t know how to feel about it. Luckily, we haven’t left yet, so there are no prying eyes.

  “Is it too revealing?”

  Yes. I clamp my lips together, shake my head. “Nope.”

  “It’s just I haven’t bought any new ones since everything with Mom, so these are all, like, from when I was fourteen.”

  Well, that explains it. “I mean, it’s a little… tight.”

  Standing in front of a full-length mirror, I try to pry my eyes away from her ass as she looks over her shoulder at me. “Too small to wear out?”

  Don’t be a dick, Connor. Don’t be a dick. “It’s fine.” It’s not.

  “Connor, be honest, and stop looking at my ass!”

  I lift my gaze. “I can’t help it.” I reach out, take two handfuls, and pout when she slaps my hand away.

  “Well? Is it too small?”

  “Honestly?”

  She nods.

  “It’s not that it’s too small. It’s just that maybe you’ve filled out a little since then, and I don’t know, Ava,” I grumble, “I’m already getting stabby thinking about all the guys seeing you in that, and I don’t want to stab my teammates because I want to get to state.”

  “And the jail time would suck…”

  “Yeah, I guess that, too.”

  “I just won’t go in the pool.”

  “But that’s fun. You said you wanted to have fun.” I groan. “Don’t listen to me. You shouldn’t be letting me tell you what you can and can’t wear anyway. But just… keep me away from knives.”

  She giggles.

  “And maybe pens, too; anything I can use to stab someone.”

  “All right,” she murmurs, opening her dresser. She pulls out a pair of denim shorts, and I grip the mattress when she bends over in front of me to slide them over her legs.

  I adjust myself in time before she turns to me, and now her boobs are there, and I squirm, the bulge in my pants painfully uncomfortable. “Are you sure we can’t just—”

  “Have never-ending sex?” she says, throwing in an eye-roll.

  “I wouldn’t mind it.”

  Another roll of her eyes, and now I’m starting to feel insecure. “I’ll get better.”

  She opens another drawer. “Shut up, idiot.”

  “Again, you have the strangest love language.”

  She pulls out a Wildcats jersey, mine, and shrugs it on. “There,” she says, turning to me. “Now everyone will know I’m yours. How’s that for love language?”

  Reaching over, I grasp her hand and pull until she’s standing between my legs. Head tilted back, eyes on her, I say, “Tell me.”

  She offers a smile, so genuine and sincere. “I love you, Connor Ledger.” Then she takes my face in her grasp, kisses me, her mouth already open when it meets mine. Tongue parting my lips, she holds me prisoner to her desire. When she pulls away, she adds, “And you’re incredible in bed. The best minute and forty-eight seconds of my life.”

  * * *

  Ava leads me by my hand to the “west wing,” even though I could’ve found my way there by the music blaring and the kids hollering. She wasn’t kidding when she said the indoor pool was more like a beach. Take away the obvious painted scenic walls, and I’d think I was down in Myrtle Beach during spring break.

  As soon as Rhys makes my presence known, I’m bombarded by the guys from the team and a few girls I’ve seen hanging around them. Ava’s grasp on my hand weakens, and I hold her tighter, making sure she doesn’t get a chance to flee. To hide. It doesn’t take long for the guys to realize that she’s here, too, and they greet her with the same enthusiasm. And I don’t know if it’s honest or if they’re doing it for me, because they know how important she is to me, but I appreciate it. Karen shows up next, declares Ava as hers for the day, and I reluctantly release my hold and let them go off together. But I watch her. Closely. Because I can’t not. I love to see the genuine smile on her face when she sits with a group of girls I assume were once her friends. I love watching her eyes light up when she laughs, the way her head tilts back with the force, and the way her hands move in earnest when she’s the one talking. I love the way she glances up every now and then, her eyes searching for me, and the way her lips curve when she spots me.

  I even love the way her hips sway when she walks toward me, ignoring the fact that I’m with a few of my teammates. She throws her arms around my neck, drags my face down to hers and kisses me with as much passion and lust as she does behind closed doors. I love the way she looks up at me, her dark lashes fanning those maple-colored eyes, and the way she smiles when she says, “I found it.”

  “Found what?”

  “The Happiness.”

  Chapter 22

  Ava

  “How fucking stupid can two dipshits be?” Connor yells, white-knuckling the steering wheel as he drives us home from school.

  I don’t respond, because there’s nothing I can say to make this okay.

  The team made it to regionals.

  The problem? Mitch and Rhys are suspended. Out of the game. And no amount of their parents’ money or offers to build an entirely new building on school grounds is enough to make the school board renege on their decision.

  The whole giant dildo superglued to the door and lubed up to make it impossible to remove thing? That was done by the two dipshits Connor’s referring to. Which means that Connor—he’s going to have to carry the entire fucking team on his back to even have a chance at winning.

  This all went down only a few hours ago. And the regional final is tonight. To say
he’s pissed would be the understatement of the century. His phone’s been ringing non-stop ever since we got out of school, and he’s ignored every call, besides his coach, who wants Connor to get back to the school right away so they can rework their entire roster together. I told him he could’ve stayed, that he didn’t have to drive me home, but he assured me he needed to get out, to blow off steam. And so this is what he’s doing… while driving.

  “Over a stupid, useless fucking prank, Ava!”

  “I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

  His nostrils flare, his jaw ticking. I reach over, anxiously place a hand on his leg. His gaze lowers to the touch, and his chest heaves. Without warning, he pulls over to the side of the road, gravel spinning beneath the wheels. My seatbelt catches when he brakes hard. He takes a few calming breaths before turning to me. “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m taking this out on you.”

  “It’s okay,” I assure. “I understand.” Truly, I do. This is so important to him. After this, it could be state.

  “I know you do, but still, I—”

  “Connor, I get it. What can I do to help?”

  “I don’t know,” he breathes out. “Besides punching those two in their lopsided nutsacks, I got nothing.”

  “I could do that,” I tell him. “I’d be happy to. Especially Mitch.”

  A hint of a smile plays on his lips, and he leans over to me, places a kiss on my temple. “You’re going to watch the game, right?”

  “Of course. We wouldn’t miss it for the world. I guarantee Mom’s already wearing your jersey.”

  His smile widens. Then he reaches into his school bag, fumbles around until he finds a thick black marker. He hands it to me and says, “Do me a favor?”

  “Anything.”

  “Can you write Miss D on my hand?”

  I bite back a smile as I do as he asks, his hand settled on my bare thigh.

  “And Ava underneath that.”