Savage Love

by Jodi Woody

  “What. No way,” he countered.

  “I don’t think my mom knew. But I always thought something was different between my friend’s dads and mine. It’s hard to explain…but I am pretty sure he was. Dad was great. He really loved me and mom, but he was not very ‘manly’ if you know what I mean. Anyway, I guess I’ll never know for sure. But I am sure that if he was really gay, after he married mom that he did his best to live straight. He never looked at guys or anything weird. But he also never looked at women either. So that’s my big secret. But yours is more fun!” she joked.

  “Yeah, a blast. Being the nephew of a super rich rock star does have its advantages though.”

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “Like spending vacations at the Mountain Home, having my college paid for, driving a nice car, not having to worry about money, you know all that stuff,” Bryce answered.

  “Now having college paid for, that would be nice. I am still trying to figure that all out. I did get some grant money and one small scholarship, but Mom and I are both going to have to scrimp to make it work. Just my books alone cost more than what she makes in a month. I feel sorry for her, but she insists that not going to college is not an option. If Dad had been smarter about money, or just not been so soft with everyone with a sob story, things might have been different. By the time he died, the store was going under and he had even put a second mortgage on the house. We basically lost the store. There was only enough money to bury him, and for us to make this trip. We called this trip our last hurrah before tightening up the belt for fall.”

  “I am sure it will all work out. Just keep your chin up,” he said.

  “Wow, it’s getting late. We better head back,” said Bryce looking at his watch. “And, hey, can you just pretend that my Uncle isn’t anyone famous?”

  “Sure, to me he is just that rich good Samaritan that helped us in a scrape,” she said.

  Samantha and Daffyd got to work cleaning off the table and putting things in order. Daffyd moved a little slower than Samantha but they worked side by side. Standing at the sink, one washing, and one drying, Samantha commented that Daffyd was looking better. It had only been two days and he already had some color back in his cheeks. There was something comforting about standing two at the sink and setting things right.

  “You are looking better,” said Samantha.

  “I feel better. Usually the treatments knock me down for a week. It’s nice to be able to be up and moving around. Even sitting by the pool yesterday was a treat. I’ll probably have to take a nap before we go out to celebrate, but that is better than spending the whole day in bed.”

  “How often do you have to take the chemo?” she asked.

  “I have to go back in two weeks. They have decided to be more aggressive with it.”

  “How long have you been fighting this?”

  “It’s been over two years since I first got sick. At first I just thought it was the flu. I was run down and just couldn’t seem to get over it. Trish insisted I go to the doctor. They did a bunch of tests, and the rest is history.”

  “Is it curable?” asked Samantha.

  “If caught early enough. I was already stage three when the doctors found out. Now I am stage four. I did go into remission for a while, but it didn’t last.”

  “I am really sorry Daffyd. Have you ever been prayed for?”

  “Trish, Leal and Bryce say they pray for me daily. Much good it does,” Daffyd bit out.

  “Sometimes God allows us to go through some things that in the end will benefit us. We don’t see the big picture,” she said.

  “Look, Samantha, I know we don’t really know each other, and you may have strong faith, but I just don’t buy all the crap. I was raised by Christian parents who loved us and were great parents. My brother was a Christian and even served God as a missionary, but God still took him and his wife and left Bryce without parents. He still gave me cancer despite all the time my parents spent on their knees praying for us boys. So just keep your beliefs to yourself.” Daffyd tossed the towel on the counter and left the kitchen.

  Samantha finished drying the dishes. She was close to tears. She had offended her host, now things would be uncomfortable the rest of the day. How sad that anyone could believe that God caused cancer, or ‘took’ people by a horrible accident. Lord, he just doesn’t know you. I pray that he comes around to you and that you would heal his body. Make a miracle Lord, so that there is no doubt that it was you. And God, help me to make things right so that the rest of our stay here will be as nice as it has been. Give me the words to say.

  Samantha finished up the kitchen and went to find Daffyd. He was in a big stuffed patio chair watching Trisha working down the hill in one of the flower beds.

  “Can I sit?” she asked.

  Daffyd motioned to one of the chairs, but didn’t answer.

  “I just wanted to say I am sorry. I disagree with you, but I shouldn’t have pushed. Seanna says that sometimes I can be pushy. And you’re right we don’t really know each other and I have no right to speak into your life. Can we agree to disagree on this and just not talk about it for the rest of the day? We should be leaving tomorrow and it would be nice if we can just enjoy ourselves. You can forget all about us after we are gone.” Samantha apologized.

  “Samantha, I shouldn’t have blown up at you. I am pretty touchy about that subject. In fact I have asked Trish and Leal not to discuss religious matters at all around me. Bryce is harder; I don’t pay him to stay. There’s no excuse for being rude. So I’ll forgive and forget it you can do the same,” said Daffyd.

  “Agreed. But I do have to say one thing more, it’s not religious,” she held up her hand to stop him from commenting. “I don’t think Trisha and Leal stay because you pay them. You guys seem like a family to me. Seanna even mentioned it.”

  “You’re probably right. I don’t think you could pay them enough to put up with me. I am just used to people wanting something from me, or sticking around for the benefits. I guess I forget that all people aren’t ‘users’. That’s one reason it has been so refreshing to have you and Seanna around. You aren’t here to get something from me.”

  “Well…I think that’s very nice of you, but we are getting a great deal from you. You’ve wined and dined us since we’ve been here. And now you’ve included us in your Fourth of July fun.”

  “But you didn’t come looking for it. It was all by a freak chance. You didn’t come here with any expectations. I can just relax and be myself,” Daffyd explained.

  “You know I was just thinking the same thing this morning! I don’t have to be ‘fake’ around you all,” said Samantha.

  “You don’t seem the fakey type.”

  “That’s because you haven’t seen the fake me. At home I am the teacher, the good wife, the perfect mother. Before that I was the straight ‘A’ student and the perfect daughter. I was never given a chance to make mistakes or just to be human. Then when I did make a mistake all hell broke loose. I decided this morning that no matter what happens, I am going to be real. The good, the bad and the ugly!” Samantha explained.

  “So we are more alike than we thought,” said Daffyd.

  “I guess so…”

  “Are you excited about finishing the rest of your trip home?” he asked.

  “To be honest, only a little. I am not in a big hurry to get home. Seanna and I were just talking about that. If we had just went straight home we would be in the empty house and reminded of Richard. Not that we have forgotten him or anything, but at least we are occupied with other things. And since I am not being fake anymore…I am not looking forward to teaching this year.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I think that I never really loved it. I just picked a major in college. I was so young and was trying to raise Seanna by myself and was thinking of summers and holidays off with her. Don’t get me wrong, it is rewarding and the kids are great…but I don’t think it’s what I am really meant to do.”

>   “Then don’t,” said Daffyd.

  “It’s not that simple. I have to support myself somehow, and now Seanna is going to college. She plans on working, even with the scholarship and grant, it will still be pretty tough. Plus, it would take a while for them to find someone to replace me. I work for a small Christian school. Funding isn’t huge and they can’t pay a lot. I have debated over the years about going to work for the public school system, but that’s almost scary these days. If I have to work at teaching at least I’d like to be where the kids are better behaved and the parent’s are on the same page we are,” she said.

  “I guess I have gotten used to having my own way so often that I forget everyone doesn’t have as many options as I do.”

  “Can I ask you something personal?” asked Samantha.

  “Is it a religious question?”

  “No,” said Samantha laughing.

  “Since you’re being open and honest I guess I can to. What do you want to know?” asked Daffyd.

  “Obviously you have money…and I was wondering …how…”

  “How I got it? I guess you could say I marketed an idea and some talent and got rich off of it,” he answered.

  “Do you have to work at it anymore, or are you retired?” she continued.

  “Well I guess you could say I am in a forced retirement until my health improves, but I am still making money off of my venture. You look like you don’t like my answer,” David said with a frown.

  “I guess what I really wanted to know is if you came into it all legitimately and honestly. Sorry that sounds so rude.”

  Daffyd just laughed and said, “A lot of hard work and sacrifice earned me this money and it was totally legit.”

  “I really am sorry… we were speculating and I guess I let my imagination get away with me. I didn’t think you looked like the gangster type. You just never know these days. Does it bother you to be away from work?”

  “Not really. I mean, I love what I do, but not all the crap that goes with it. Before I got sick, I was pushing myself too hard, trying to live up to all the expectations, just like you were talking about. I was having pretty bad anxiety attacks and some days I couldn’t even perform…um at work,” Daffyd caught himself.

  “So you have a career that you love, and you’re not even thirty…and I am still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and I am pushing forty. My perfect put together life seems to be coming apart at the seams. Maybe it has always been a mess and I just pretended it wasn’t. Why do people do that, do you think?” asked Samantha.

  “For me it’s a two sided sword. On one side I don’t want to disappoint. On the other I don’t want to admit that I might have made some bad choices,” said Daffyd.

  “I think you are right. I made a choice all those years ago to be a teacher. Then I made a choice to marry the first man who was kind to me. Both were probably not the best choices for me. Now Richard is gone and teaching is getting old, and I have to face up to those choices. It all started with the choice ignore the warnings and getting pregnant in high school. Of course I can’t regret that one, because of Seanna. I wouldn’t change having her for anything. But my life was suddenly on a course that I didn’t seem to be able to control. Doing what I thought was right ended up being a compromise.” Samantha was thinking all of this through for the first time.

  “Was your marriage…bad?” asked Daffyd quietly.

  “No, well…I guess that depends on how you look at it. Richard was so kind. He was a good listener when I first met him. I told him about my problems and he seemed so much older and wiser than me. He was good to me and accepted me for who I was. He also was completely smitten by Seanna right from the start. But after we were married I started noticing things that I hadn’t before…” Samantha paused, not sure if she dared speak it all out loud.

  “Was he cheating?” prompted Daffyd.

  “Oh, no. He was faithful…I guess it was just that he never talked about himself, how he was feeling or what his life was like growing up, nothing. Our conversations all evolved around me and Seanna or the store. I practically knew nothing about him. Oh, I could tell you his favorite movie, or food, where he liked to get his hair cut, that kind of stuff. But I never knew the real Richard. After a few years I ended up just like him. I stuffed my feelings, we pretended everything was ok and just put on a happy face.”

  “You’re sure he was pretending. What if he just didn’t know how to talk about himself?” asked Daffyd.

  “I guess I was willing to believe that for a long time. But when we went to his father’s funeral, Richard’s mom told me some things that made it all clear. He was living a life of lies. Pretending to be someone he wasn’t. I just can’t talk about it. Not yet it’s still all too painful…”

  “I am sorry…” said Daffyd as he handed her a Kleenex.

  Samantha hadn’t even realized she was crying.

  “Look at me, blubbering like a baby, you probably think I am silly,” she said.

  “Not at all, you’ve been through a lot,” he said.

  “So have you and you’re not blubbering on…”

  “I save all of my crying for bed. What else am I going to do when I can’t sleep?” He joked.

  “Thanks for listening anyway. I think I am going to go and help Trisha in the garden,” she said. “So…I guess I’ll see you later.”

  “Yep, grilling and fireworks!”

  Chapter 8

  Fireworks

  Later that day they all spent a relaxing evening around the pool. The air was still warm and they ate and swam until everyone was tired. Just before dusk Bryce, Seanna and Leal brought out the fireworks. There were boxes and boxes of them. Leal put the kids in charge of reading through all the instructions and hauled them all over to the area that Leal had mowed down. Samantha and Trisha moved chairs and snacks to the viewing area and last of all Leal helped Daffyd to get comfortable in one of the lounge chairs. Trisha fetched a warm blanket for Daffyd for the evenings tended to get chilly. Bryce and Seanna had a grand time planning out which fireworks to start with and which ones to save for the grand finale. Leal drug a garden hose out, just in case, and they all watched as the two youngest lit some small ‘snakes’ and ‘poppers’.

  Soon the sun was setting. Daffyd, Trisha and Samantha got comfortable and allowed Leal to supervise the show. Bryce was quite the gentleman and allowed Seanna to light the first one. Soon they were oohing and aahing over the beautiful colors and different shapes and sounds. Even though Daffyd was tired beyond belief he didn’t want to miss a thing. The air was finally cooling. Trisha had run for some more drinks earlier and had thought to grab herself a light sweater. The three firework handlers were staying warm with all the excitement and moving around, and Daffyd was snuggled into his blanket. Daffyd noticed that Samantha was chaffing her arms and curling up in her chair trying to stay warm.

  “If you are cold, you could scoot your chair over. There is room for both of us under the blanket,” Daffyd invited.

  Samantha pushed her lounge chair right up against Daffyd’s and he handed her one side of the blanket. In short time they were both covered with their perspective halves. She was much warmer and was able to enjoy the night without shivering. Conversation was limited with all the noise and the flashing of the fireworks, but Samantha was enjoying the night, especially the closeness of sitting next to Daffyd. Why is it I feel more intimate with Daffyd under this warm blanket, than all the years I shared a bed with Richard? We aren’t even touching. Samantha spent a few minutes analyzing her feelings. She wasn’t attracted to Daffyd. She definitely was not looking for romance. So why the comfortable feeling of intimate companionship? Was she that starved for affection that just sitting next to a man felt so good? A cancer ridden, exhausted man at that? She finally decided it didn’t matter why, she was going to enjoy her evening!

  Daffyd on the other hand knew exactly why he was enjoying Samantha snuggled in on the other side of his blanket. From the moment sh
e came into the movie room the first night, he had been intrigued by her. She was so much different than the women he ran into in his line of work. She was simple and honest and totally refreshing to be around. He knew they would have to leave soon, but he was determined to enjoy their company for as long as he could. As the fireworks continued, Daffyd’s mind was running at full speed, despite his tired body. When all was done and the grand finally had played out its last spark, Leal and Bryce had to practically carry Daffyd back to the house and put him in bed. That left the three girls to clean up. Many hands make quick work, and by the time the garbage was picked up, the guys returned to help shift the chairs back to pool side. It wasn’t until Samantha was tucked in bed that she realized she hadn’t even asked about her car.

  Chapter 9

  The Confession

  After such a long evening, Daffyd slept late the next morning. Samantha and Seanna had done a quick load of laundry and packed up their bags. They were all sitting in the living room having finished up their breakfast of fruit and toast. Things weren’t as comfortable and free as they had been. Knowing you’ll be saying goodbye soon and maybe never seeing each other again, made conversation a little stilted. Soon Bryce and Seanna took off to make sure they had gotten all the remnants of the fireworks disposed of and Samantha sat with the couple.

  “Are you looking forward to getting back on the road,” asked Leal.

  “I am trying to believe that we won’t be having any more problems with the car. There are a few places that we wanted to see before getting home. But it will be nice to be home and back to our church,” she answered.

  “I know how you feel. We don’t get to go very often with everything going on around here,” said Trisha.

  “Daffyd doesn’t mind your going?” asked Samantha.

  “Probably,” said Leal, giving his wife a look, “but we aren’t going to let him keep us from church. If he is too sick or there are other things going on, we still have our jobs to do. But if we are able, we go. If not we try to catch some good preaching on the internet. We can always listen to our Christian music.”