The One Left Behind (The One Series)

by Lena Nicole

  “I can’t remember.” Queue the water works. My mom starts sobbing into my father’s chest as he tries to calm her down.

  “That’s perfectly normal not to remember a trauma and to be expected.” I’ve seen this type of thing plenty of times while working, and I try not to worry. But I am. My mom finally calms down, which is a huge relief to me. All her dramatic sobbing is hurting my head even more.

  “Addison, honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.” I feel bad knowing I put my family through so much worry. How long was I out?

  “It’s okay, Mom. Besides, you left me in the best of care.” I shoot Colby a weak smile and she winks back at me.

  “Well, had I known you were going to wake up, I wouldn’t have gotten the coffee or stopped to call Colin to see how he’s recovering.” I am a little confused at the mention of Colin’s name. Oh my god, did I hit someone else with my car? My stomach starts to churn at the thought of injuring another person.

  I take slow breaths to bring down my anxiety, but fear takes over as I worry that I’ve hurt someone. “Mom, who is Colin? Did I hurt him in the accident? Is he okay?” I didn’t think it could happen twice in one day as my mom starts to lose it with tears again. “Okay, can someone please tell me what’s going on? I’m about to freak out, and Mom, for the love of god calm down!” I press my fingers to the bridge of my nose and close my eyes as I wait for my mother to get a hold of herself. Her added dramatics are not helping the situation or my understanding of it.

  Dr. Salvatore looks up from my chart. “Addison, what do you remember?”

  I’m shaking my head as I say, “I don’t remember the accident, Dr. Salvatore, but you said that’s normal right?”

  “Yes, completely normal. What can you tell me about before the accident?” I try my best to remember but can’t seem to come up with anything. I start taking deep breaths again before I answer him.

  “Nothing, I remember nothing,” I say quietly.

  “Addison, the accident you were in caused pretty extensive injuries. Your fiancé, Colin, was driving and you were in the passenger seat.” Hang on, did he just say fiancé? I feel my blood pressure instantly spike at the word fiancé. “You were hit by a drunk driver. You were T-boned going through an intersection and the car flipped and rolled three times. I had to go in and operate to stop some bleeding that occurred in your brain. There was a lot of swelling and we won’t know long term effects right away. We knew there would be a possibility of memory loss, but there was no way of knowing until you were awake.”

  I feel dizzy. “And how is—what did you say his name was? Colin?”

  “Yes, normally I can’t tell you about other patients, but since he’s your fiancé that gives you the privilege to know.” There is that damn word again. Fiancé. “Colin suffered pretty minor injuries. He has some bumps and bruises and was unconscious for a couple days, but he’s fine.” I stop him there. Who is Colin and why does everyone keep calling him my fiancé? The last I remember, I’m single. Everyone seems to think I have a fiancé and it’s starting to freak me out. So much for not panicking.

  I swallow hard before saying, “Excuse me, Dr. Salvatore, but who exactly is Colin?” My mom loses it and I can’t take it anymore. I’m about to snap with the realization of having a fiancé I can’t remember and my mom carrying on like I’m dying. “Dad, will you please take Mom out and calm her down. I have a terrible headache and I’m trying to make sense of all this.” My dad looks apologetic and says, “Sure, pumpkin, we’ll be right outside if you need us. Coming with us, Colby?”

  “No!” I say instantly, “Colby, would you mind staying? I have a couple questions for you.”

  “Are you sure, Addy?” I know I need to talk to my doctor and get everything figured out, but I need someone with a level head to clear up a few things. I’m obviously not going to get any answers from my mom since she can’t stop crying for more than five seconds. My biggest concern is the fact everyone but me seems to know I’m engaged.

  “Yes, Colby, it would mean a great deal to me,” I plead with my eyes hoping she gets that I really need her here. She pulls the chair up by my side as Dr. Salvatore finishes his exam.

  “Okay, Addison, I’m going to order another CT scan just to make sure all the swelling has gone down and there’s no bleeding that we missed. If everything checks out okay, I see no reason why you can’t recover in your own home. As for the PTA and retrograde amnesia…”

  Colby interrupts the doctor, “PTA?” Colby looks confused and I realize just because I know the medical terms doesn’t mean everyone else does. So, I begin to explain to Colby what my brain didn’t forget. “PTA is a state of confusion, or in my case memory loss, following a traumatic brain injury. And retrograde amnesia is where you lose memories of events that happened before the injury has happened. I guess I got lucky and get to experience both,” I say the last part sarcastically.

  “Addison, do you have any questions for me?”

  “No, Dr. Salvatore, thank you for everything.” He can’t help me with the questions I have anyway.

  “It was my pleasure. I’ll put in the order for the CT scan and if it looks good you’re free to go home in about three days and rest.” As Dr. Salvatore leaves the room, I turn my attention to Colby.

  “So, I asked you to stay because although there are some things that are definitely unclear, the main one is the fact that apparently I’m engaged?”

  “Why start with the small things, right?” Colby says, her words snapping sarcastically. She always knows the right thing to lighten the mood.

  I let out an exasperated sigh mentally drained from all the news I’m trying to absorb. “Colby, just start from the beginning. Who is he and how long have we been engaged?”

  I WAS RELEASED from the hospital two days ago. A normal person would be happy about that, but my mind keeps drifting to Addison. I’ve sat by her bed as long as the nurses would allow me hoping she’d wake up with me holding her hand. Jenna finally convinced me to come home and take a shower and get some rest. It just felt wrong to leave without her though.

  She still hasn’t woken up and it’s starting to worry me. I didn’t ask, maybe because I didn’t want to know, but is there a possibility she won’t wake up from this? My gut wrenches and I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to rid my mind of this terrible thought. My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone. I all but leap onto it trying to answer it as quickly as I can, hoping it’s good news from Jenna.

  “Hello,” I answer anxiously, fear clawing up the back of my neck at the unknown.

  “Colin, it’s Jenna. I just thought you’d like to know that Addison is awake,” she says. Relief and elation instantly course through my body as I stand up, but it’s short lived as I take in Jenna’s tone. She should sound just as excited as I feel. This is good news after all. Oh, no. What if something is wrong with her?

  “Jenna, what’s wrong? I feel like you’re not telling me something,” I say cautiously.

  I hear her exhale before she says, “Addison is fine, but there is something you should know.” She gets quiet again as if trying to form her words carefully. The silence is about to drive me insane as I wait to hear what it is she needs to tell me. I’m about to tell her to spit it out when she delivers the information that crushes my soul, “Addison doesn’t remember you, Colin.” She’s so quiet I half wonder if I’ve imagined the words that came through my phone.

  I blink while shaking my head. “W-what? What do you mean she doesn’t remember me? Like she doesn’t remember me being in the car with her?” God, please don’t let this mean what I think she’s implying.

  “She doesn’t remember the accident at all…or you. It seems she’s suffered some short-term memory loss from her head injuries.” I collapse onto the couch as my knees give out from under me. This can’t be happening. I sit there in stunned silence unable to form any words as my heart breaks a little. “Colin? Are you still there?”

  “Uh, y
eah. I’m here. I guess I wasn’t expecting that. Did the doctor say if it would come back?” Please say it’ll come back.

  “They don’t know for certain. He seemed optimistic that it would and said that it usually does in these types of trauma.”

  “When?” is all I can manage to eke out, my voice crumbling and foreign in my own ears. My chest is tight and it feels like I’m struggling to take in air.

  “Again, they don’t know. It could come back at any moment, or a little while down the road.”

  I have the overwhelming urge to hold and kiss Addison. I need to be near her, to smell and touch her. Even if she doesn't remember me now, I need her. “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in about 15 minutes.”

  “Uh,” she hesitates, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Is she fucking kidding me?

  “Excuse me? What do you mean it’s not a good idea? I’ve been to her room every day since I woke up. Why is it different now? She needs me, Jenna, and I need her.”

  “I know this must be hard to hear, but she’s a little overwhelmed right now. You should have seen her face when we told her she had a fiancé. I would give her some time. Wait until she comes home and then come see her. I think she just needs space right now.”

  I have no idea what I should do at this point. Part of me wants to defy Jenna’s request and see Addison, but the other part wonders if this truly is the best thing for her. I don’t want to stress her out more. She needs to rest and get better so she can come home and we can get back to our lives together. Reluctantly, I tell Jenna okay, that I’d stay away. “But I want to know the moment she’s home, okay? You can’t expect me to stay away from her forever.”

  “Okay, I think that will be fine,” she replies.

  I hang up the phone with a deep ache in my chest. Even though she’s alive, which I’m so thankful for, I’ll still feel like I lost her if she never remembers me again. I have no idea what I’ll do if she’s not in my life. I love her more than anything and the thought of not being with her is crippling.

  The white lights flash behind my closed eyes and the whole scene replays in my mind in slow motion. It’s like my brain is trying to pick apart the accident to see if I had any chance of changing anything and ending up with a different outcome.

  I was driving through an intersection when I felt Addison clutch my arm and her whole body stiffened. She yelled out, “Colin! Brake!” Her voice was sheer terror and panic. I turned my head in her direction and caught a glimpse of the white headlights before they crashed into the side of my Xterra. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I heard the screams coming from Addison as she got thrown around in her seat. My eyes widened when I saw her head slam into her window. I reached over for her to try to protect her in any way that I could, but I couldn’t get to her. The car slid across the intersection being pushed on by the car that hit us. Suddenly, we started to flip. I’m not sure how many times we rolled over, but all I remember was the sickening cacophony of metal crushing, glass breaking, and Addison screaming. The car finally stopped flipping and landed right side up and everything was eerily silent. I struggled to turn my head to my right, but when I did I saw Addison slumped over, limbs limp. I wanted to scream and cradle her in my arms, but I was slowly consumed by darkness until everything went black.

  While I was in the hospital I found out the driver that hit us was drunk and blew right through the red light. I heard he didn’t survive the wreck to which I have mixed emotions at the moment, knowing what he possibly took from me. I feel bad for his family that he has passed away, but a small part of me feels like it was karma for hurting Addison. Especially now that she has suffered some form of brain damage, I feel like it was justice. Then more guilt washes over me as I realize I feel no sympathy for a lost life.

  IT’S BEEN ABOUT two weeks and I am ready to get out of this hospital bed. Between the bad food and the constant visits and nagging from my mother, I’m ready to be home in my own bed. Being able to lock my front door to keep my mother out won’t be such a bad thing either. I’ve become her project the past two weeks and it has been driving me crazy.

  As I’m sitting in the car on the ride home with my mother, she’s going over what she thinks will be a good schedule for me. She’s micromanaging everything from dropping off meals, cleaning my condo, to even doing my laundry. I guess you can say I get my controlling tendencies from her. Wow, it’s a wonder people put up with me if I’m as bad as her.

  “Are you even listening to me, Addison? I’m trying to help you and you’re not even paying attention.”

  “Yes, Mom, I’m listening. I just think it’s all a bit too much. I need to get back into my routine and try to get my life back together on my own.” I rub my temples to help relieve some of the tension building in my head.

  If I didn’t know my mom so well I would think she was offended. But when it comes to my mom she just likes to have a plan for everything. It’s the unplanned that makes her nervous. Yet another thing we have in common.

  “Really, Mom, I’ll be okay and if I need any help you will be the first person I call.”

  “Okay, I just don’t like you being alone after all this.”

  We pull up to my condo and I have never been happier to be home. I always loved this condo. This used to be my parents’ vacation home when we lived in New Jersey. When we moved down here, they bought a bigger home and kept the condo. They were going to sell it but I didn’t want them to part with it. Instead, I convinced them to let me take it over. It sits right on top of the beach giving me perfect access to watch a sunset over the ocean any time I like. As I unlock the door and make my way into my place, I’m a little confused at what I’m staring at. Boxes… and lots of them. I put down my keys and open one of the boxes labeled ‘bedroom’ and see some clothes packed away. Hmm, weird.

  “Hey, Mom, what are all these boxes doing in my living room?” I crease my eyebrows and stare at my mom waiting for an explanation.

  “Well, you were supposed to be moving in with Colin before you got into the accident.”

  My shoulders slump forward and my entire posture sags with her response. Defeat is starting to settle in knowing that this life I had with a man I don’t remember really was happening. I think a small part of me was hoping that things weren’t that serious with Colin and me. I don’t know why I would think that since being engaged is pretty serious, but as I look around I know that I was about to start a new chapter in my life with him. My mind immediately goes back to the conversation I had with Colby while in the hospital.

  “Colby, just start from the beginning. Who is he and how long have we been engaged?”

  “Well, do you want the long story or the Cliff Notes version?”

  I roll my eyes. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood again, but I need answers. “Colby, this is serious, no jokes.”

  “Right, well, let’s see where to start. You met him when we went out for drinks for a girl’s night. While he was in law school he bartended at Docs. His friend Jeremy was actually coming to take our drink order and Colin told him some girl wanted his number so that Colin could serve you. Well, you could only imagine how mad Jeremy was when he came back and realized there was no girl and no number at the other end of the bar.”

  “And who is Jeremy?”

  “Huh, I didn’t think about that. I guess you don’t remember him either since you met him the same time as Colin. It’s a good thing we go way back. I don’t think I would be able to handle not having my best friend to vent to. I would be stuck with Morgan and we know how great of a listener she is.”

  “Colby, focus. Back to Colin.”

  “Right, well, you guys talked all night and hit it off and the rest is history.”

  I love Colby, I really do, but I have to wonder about her sometimes. The rest is history. Really?

  I pinch the bridge of my nose while shaking my head. “I know I’m the one with the memory loss but I think you forgot that as of right now I’m failing history. H
ow long were we together? How long were we engaged?”

  “You guys were together for a little less than a year and engaged for only a month before the accident happened.”

  One month. I had one month of being engaged before I forgot it all and now all I have to show for it is a man I don’t remember and this ring the hospital gave back to me.

  I try to shake that conversation out of my head for the moment. I’m home and all I want to do right now is take a nap in my own bed. My mom is going around moving boxes looking for items she feels I might need. Just when I think she is about to leave she surprises me yet again.

  “Oh, by the way, I told Colin you were coming home today and he wanted to come by and see you. I figured you wouldn’t have a problem with that. I mean the more you see each other the better the chances of jogging something in your memory.” She says this with an innocent smile on her face which only frustrates me more.

  She has got to be kidding me! Just one day, that’s all I want. One day to relax and not feel the pressures of having to remember what I forgot. But no, why would my mother think I needed that? This shouldn’t be awkward at all.

  Hey, I know I totally forgot who you are, but other than that, how are things going?

  Okay, to be fair my mom said it was alright for him to come over so it isn’t his fault. But how am I supposed to feel or even go about handling this situation? Unfortunately, there is no guide book on how to act when meeting your fiancé you forgot about. That’s not even what frustrates me the most. I’m supposed to love this man enough to marry him. How can you forget the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Surely you would feel something when you see him, no? What if I see him and his face doesn't bring back any memories? Do I shake his hand? Give him a hug? Oh, god, what if he goes in for a kiss? This meeting can either be a good thing or a very bad thing. I hope it ends up being good because I really don’t want to upset Colin if my memory fails me when I see him for the first time. My nerves are starting to get the best of me as I grip my stomach and start to feel queasy.