The One Left Behind (The One Series)

by Lena Nicole

  “Oh, I guess I didn’t get around to telling you that yet. Well, after me and my mom finished dinner last night, I needed to clear my head. So I went down to the beach to catch the sunset and relax a little. I was going over everything my mom had said and trying to make sense of all of this hoping a memory, any memory, would come back.”

  I continue to tell her about Pierce and how he gave me the penny and how he lost his father in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. I also tell her how he convinced me to deal with what life gave me and take charge of the unknown instead of running from it. I have to embrace it. Plus, it was nice being able to talk to someone who had no connection to the situation. I also inform her that he gave me his card if I ever needed to talk.

  “So let me get this straight. I spend most of my life trying to get you to relax and go with the flow, and it only takes this Pierce guy one conversation to actually convince you to do it? I like him already.” She gives a small grin and nudges my shoulder.

  “I would hardly call it relaxing, Cole. I’m just trying to make the best of the shitty hand I was dealt.”

  “Can I ask you a question though?” She has a pinched look on her face like she might not want to say what she’s going to say.

  “Shoot.”

  “Have you ever thought of what happens if your memory doesn’t come back? I mean I know there’s no time frame on this and you can’t rush them, but what if they are lost for good?” She gives me a sympathetic look as I take in her question.

  “I never really thought about that. I’m just going to have to take it one day at a time.”

  And with that said, I push that unpleasant thought aside. Honestly, the thought that I might not ever remember scares me. I might be putting on a brave face right now with Colby saying I’m taking a day at a time, but deep down I’m terrified. I’ll hurt people that are important to me if that happens and it’s the last thing I want. Not to mention I’ll always wonder if I’m missing a piece of myself in the process. But, if I don’t have any faith that my memories will come back, why would they want to?

  IT’S BEEN A few days since I saw Addison at her condo. I’m trying to keep my mind off of the depression that ensues whenever I think of losing her, so I’m sitting at Docs with Jeremy having a couple beers. If anyone can distract me and get me out of this bad mood, it’s him.

  This bar was almost like a second home for me in college. If I wasn’t working, then I was hanging out with friends drinking the night away. Docs is your typical college town bar. It’s dark with neon lit beer signs lining the walls. The bar is up against the back wall where every beer you can think of is on tap. Spread throughout the floor are high-top tables with bar stools pulled up to them, and along the walls are standard booths. Everything is made of wood so it has that rustic, pub-type feel to it. I kind of love this place. However, as I smile thinking about all the good times I’ve had here, my memories become bitter sweet. This is where I met Addison. And with that, my bad mood is back.

  Jeremy brings me out of my thoughts by saying, “Hello, Earth to Colin. I think I lost you there for a second, bud.” I blink my eyes a few times to bring myself back into the present.

  “Sorry, man. I was just thinking. I saw Addison the day she came home from the hospital. Let’s just say things didn’t go so great.” I’m staring at my half-full mug of beer, rubbing my thumb up and down the side, wiping off the condensation from the glass.

  “You didn’t tell me you were going to go by there. So, what happened?”

  I tell him everything. How awkward it was to stand there in front of her and not touch her. How there was not a speck of recognition in her eyes. And even worse, the resolution I saw on her face as she said she needed space from me. “Shit, man,” I say, still looking at my mug, “What am I going to do?”

  Jeremy puts his hand on my shoulder and pats it. “It’s going to be okay, Colin,” he says. “You just need to be patient. It’ll all work out.” I want desperately to believe his words.

  I need to get my mind off of the mess that is my life. That was the whole reason for coming out tonight, so I change the subject.

  “Well, enough about my problems. How are you? How’s life?” I ask.

  Jeremy and I have been friends ever since I can remember. He seems to turn the heads of the ladies wherever we go. He always was the ladies’ man, actually. But, behind his charm are secrets he keeps from everyone. Everyone but me. The only reason I know is because my family and I were the ones to help him out. Jeremy comes from a very broken home which resulted in him living with us until we graduated high school. We’re more like brothers than friends.

  “I’m doing good,” Jeremy said. “I have good news, too. I finally got a call back from that ad agency. I got the job!” I can tell he’s excited, and I’m happy for him. He deserves it.

  “That’s great, man. Congrats! Looks like the next round is on me,” I respond with a slight smile. “Anything else new? Any new ladies you haven’t told me about? And what happened to Vivianne? I haven’t heard you talk about her for a while.”

  Jeremy rolls his eyes, “I ended things with Vivianne a long time ago. She was so clingy. I swear she was expecting a proposal after the first week. I even hated the way she talked. It was so whiney and overly bubbly. Why do girls think that’s attractive? No, we don’t like you to sound like airheads. The only time I find that appealing is when I’m looking to get an easy lay.”

  I have to laugh at Jeremy. “That’s a shame, man. I thought she was the one,” I say this with a slight chuckle. Jeremy gives me the evil eye and it just makes me laugh more. “So, no new love interest then?”

  Jeremy shakes his head no. “But you know who else is starting to annoy the piss out of me? Morgan.” I’m a little surprised by this so I motion my hand for him to continue. “She is always making me late for things. She insists that it’s dumb to drive separately to the same function since we live in the same building. But she is always taking her sweet ass time getting ready. So I have to drive at the speed of light to make it anywhere on time with her.” I just nod and smile, so he takes that as his cue to keep bitching. “Then, check this out. She makes me lists of things to do for her at her apartment. Like I’m her damn handy man or something. I was almost late getting here because she made me mount her new TV. The worst part is I’m not even getting any ‘benefits’ from helping her either. I feel like her bitch,” Jeremy finishes with his eyebrows drawn down in a frown.

  I can’t hold in my laughter anymore. As I catch my breath I say, “That’s because you are her bitch and never tell her no.”

  This is why I love Jeremy. A few minutes with him and I have momentarily forgotten my problems, relaxed, and even had a few laughs. It gives me hope that things might be okay after all.

  AFTER MY “GIRLS NIGHT” with Colby I have been meaning to call Colin and ask him to lunch. I have been so busy trying to get myself ready to go back to work and finally have a free minute. Looking at the clock, I can see it’s already nine thirty at night. I hope it’s not too late to call him and that he doesn’t have plans for tomorrow. I would really like to make things right with him before I go back to work. I go through my cell and take a minute to look at the picture that is assigned to Colin’s contact. Once again, there is a picture of Colin and me. I was holding my phone out while smiling at the camera, Colin was smiling looking at me. I stare at the picture for a minute begging my head to remember something, anything, but as usual come up with nothing. Deciding I stalled long enough, I hit his name and anxiously wait for him to answer.

  “Hello? Addison?”

  “Hey, Colin, I’m sorry to call so late. I hope I haven’t woken you up.”

  “No, I’m still at work actually. I’ve been a little behind since the accident. Is everything okay?” I hear the anticipation in his voice like he’s hoping I’ve called to tell him my memory has come back.

  “Yes, well, no. Look, I was wondering if you were free for lunch tomorrow. I know it’s short no
tice and I understand if you don’t want to see me after our last visit.” I hold my breath waiting for his reply.

  There is a pause on the other line and I squeeze my eyes shut while my heart slams against my chest hoping that I haven’t destroyed his life. Just as I’m fearing the worst, Colin speaks up. “I would love to see you. Where and when?”

  “Well, I’m afraid you have me at a disadvantage since you probably know all about me and I can’t even remember what you like to eat.” I grimace and instantly regret saying my last statement since it sounds insensitive. “Oh, god I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… What I meant was…”

  “Addison, you’re starting to ramble. It’s okay. Why don’t we meet at the restaurant that sits on the corner of the docks at noon? Do you know which one I’m talking about?” I’m glad Colin interrupted my stuttering and saved me from further embarrassment.

  “I do. And Colin, thank you. I will see you tomorrow.”

  Well, the hard part is over. Who am I kidding? I still need to meet him tomorrow and pray that he forgives me for being so selfish. The more time I had to reflect on my response and my mother’s suggestion, I realize how cold I was toward him. My mom is right in that he doesn't deserve that. He’s done nothing wrong. On top of that, I feel like I’m going to add to his heart break with the decision I had to make. I make sure I have everything I need for tomorrow so I don’t forget anything and head to bed.

  I wake up feeling refreshed. It’s been a while since I got a good night’s rest. I throw on some clothes, grab my keys, and make my way to the restaurant.

  As I am walking toward the restaurant door, it opens from the inside and Colin is holding it open waiting for me. He looks very handsome in the suit he is wearing and I’m assuming he’s coming here from work. He looks kind of nervous and let’s be honest, who can blame him? The last time I saw him I was so rude and he probably doesn’t know what I’ll do next. Hopefully, after today we can get past the awkwardness and start to build a friendship. I thank him for holding the door for me and look up at him. There’s that awkward moment where neither of us knows what to do. Should I hug him? Luckily, Colin bails me out and puts his hand on the small of my back and gestures for me to go ahead of him to the hostess stand. We are seated right away and soon place our orders with the waiter before he retreats to the back of the kitchen. Colin is the first one to speak other than the initial greetings we exchanged at the door. It’s a relief because I don’t know where to start.

  “Addison, about the other day, I’m sorry. I was just so excited you were out of the hospital and wanted to see you I didn’t even take into consideration that you might not want company.” He’s having a hard time meeting my eyes and I can see the lingering hurt on his face.

  “It’s okay. In fact, I actually asked you to meet me here today because I feel horrible with how things were left off. I was so overwhelmed with everything going on I didn’t even take a minute to consider your feelings. The way I expressed my feelings to you was rude, and for that I’m sorry.” Colin’s shoulders relax a little as some of the tension leaves his body.

  “It’s okay. I understand. I can only imagine what it feels like to have no memory. Can we just start over, please?”

  “I would love to start over and was hoping we could be friends. I know it’s taking a couple steps back for you, but I would really like the opportunity to try and build a friendship with you. You must have been important to me if we were engaged and I want to keep you in my life while my mind is taking its time sorting everything out. I will totally understand if you don’t want to be just friends, but honestly that is all I can handle right now.” I take a sip of my water to relieve the dryness in my throat caused by the nerves coursing through my body.

  “I would like that a lot. I don’t want you to feel pressured, so how about no more talk about past memories unless you ask, and we only make new ones. Deal?” He has the cutest smile on his face that make me notice his adorable dimples. I can tell that he is happy with my proposal, I just hope what is about to come next doesn’t ruin the lunch date we are having. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, preparing myself to deliver more news that I know won’t be taken lightly.

  “Deal. Colin, there is one more thing.” Hearing the hesitation in my voice makes me realize this is going to be harder than I thought, but I have to do it. Colin has a guarded look on his face like he is bracing for what I am about to tell him. I grab my purse and reach in with a shaky hand looking for the item I placed in it last night before I went to bed. I find what I’m looking for and clutch it in my palm as I try to find the strength to do this. “I haven’t handled our situation very well and I’m trying to fix that. I want you to have this.” I hold out my closed fist waiting for him to reach out to me. He hesitates for a moment as if whatever is in my hand may bite him at any given moment. He holds out his hand reluctantly and I place the engagement ring he gave me into it, keeping my hand on top of his. I can tell he knows exactly what it is by the crestfallen expression on his face. I feel horrible once again but I have to do this for me. With my hand still on top of his and the ring between us I continue, “I feel horrible giving this back to you, but I would feel even worse having it in my possession and not wearing it. I want you to keep this safe until my memories return and we can pick up where we left off. Please know I am not trying to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do, but I also know this is the right thing to do for me. I need to take this slow and regain some normalcy because right now I feel like my life is spiraling out of control and this is the only way to get some semblance of it back.”

  I lift my hand and wait for Colin to respond. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He takes a deep breath and says, “I understand, Addy, I’ll do whatever you need.”

  His tone is flat and devoid of emotion and the light has drained from his eyes. His entire body deflates and sags in anguish. This only breaks my heart for him more as I watch myself crush him again. We finish our lunch in quiet conversation. There isn’t a whole lot to say to each other after I gave him back the ring. Instead of moving forward in our relationship, I’m afraid we might have taken a step back.

  I thank him for lunch and go home to get ready for my week back to work. On my way, I think about everything that transpired during our lunch. A big part of me feels guilty for putting him through so much emotional stress and I hate that I’m hurting him. But another part of me feels somewhat relieved. Having that ring on me felt like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I needed to give it back to start going forward with my life while waiting to recover. Surely this has to be the hardest part. It could only get easier from here on out, right?

  I GET BACK to my office from my lunch with Addison and fall into my chair. Since I’m kind of the newbie at the law firm, my office is very simplistic, but I love it. My desk is to the back wall so I’m facing the door when I’m sitting. To my right is a large, mahogany book case with all the law books and references I would ever need to get my hands on. There are two windows behind me that let in plenty of natural light. The view I have is of the side of another building. Okay, so I don’t have the corner office with a great view, but it serves its purpose and I’m lucky to have a job here.

  I’m not sure what I was expecting out of this meeting, but I was so hopeful and excited, and then it all came crashing down again. Right when I think we’re taking a step forward in trying to get our lives back on track, she says or does something that pushes us two steps back.

  I pull the ring she gave me back out of my pocket. I must have stared at it for a while because my vision has started to blur from lack of blinking. This one act feels more permanent than anything else that has been happening between us. Before, I felt like any day things would go back to normal. Now that I have her engagement ring in my hand, things seem bleak. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get her back. What if she gets adjusted to being separated, her memory comes back, and she still doesn’t want me? Shit, I need to stop with all the
what-ifs. I’m only making my situation worse.

  I think back to how it felt when I put my hand on her lower back. It was like a rush of electricity zapped through my body. I was so anxious to see her again, but I was terrified at the same time. I started sweating wondering why she wanted to meet, but when I touched her all of my anxiety just washed away. Well, some of it anyway. I have been starving for some form of affection from her. To touch her, smell her, breathe her in. I desperately wanted to pull her up against my body and hug her tight to me, but I knew that would freak her out. She was already putting up walls, and I didn’t need to make her feel awkward and make it harder to penetrate that wall.

  I look around and notice the stack of cases piling up on my desk. I’ve definitely been distracted, and my desk shows it. I really need to stop wallowing in self-pity and try to put on my game face at work. The last thing I need is to lose my job on top of everything else.

  I’m going to take this day by day. She wants to be friends, so that’s a start. As much as it kills me, I’m willing to try if she is. It can only help our situation to be around each other.

  So for now, I put the ring back in my desk for safe keeping. Then, when she’s ready, I’ll propose to her again and make her my wife. The idea alone is enough to make my heart race. God, I love that woman to death.

  IT’S BEEN ABOUT a month since the accident and I’m finally returning to work today. Excited as I am to be getting out of my house, I can’t help but be in a sour mood when I clock in for work because I’m stuck working at the front desk. I had my last follow up with Dr. Salvatore and he said everything looked great on my recent scans. He wasn’t concerned about the fact that my memory still hasn’t returned. He said the same thing I have been trying to convince myself. Things like that can’t be rushed.

  I was ecstatic to get the go ahead to return to work. No more random visits from my mom. The best part was no more sitting around. I love my job. It is fast paced and busy and you’re always on the go. Dr. Salvatore said he was going to talk to the head nurse who makes the schedule and put me on light duty. I tried to convince him I didn’t need light duty but he insisted at least a week of it just to be safe, and once the week was over he would consider taking me off. Realizing I wasn’t going to win that argument, I reluctantly agreed. So here I am sitting behind the check-in desk at the emergency room. Doing none of the things I love to do. It’s going to be a long night.