The Pastor's Woman

by Jacquelin Thomas

  Wade reached for the macaroni and cheese, saying, “I’m just getting started.” He then picked up the platter piled high with ham, placing a couple of thin slices on his plate.

  While he ate, Wade listened to Pearl and her sisters bantering back and forth.

  Amber took a sip of her iced tea before asking, “I think we’ve waited long enough. Pearl, are you and Pastor officially a couple now? Are you going to make the official announcement?”

  Pearl wiped her mouth with her napkin. “I thought his being here was the announcement.” She glanced over at him. “But, yes, Wade and I are dating.”

  A round of applause rang out.

  Pearl reached over, squeezing his hand.

  When they settled back down, Opal said, “I guess the floor is open for announcements. I have one. D’marcus has asked me to marry him and I said yes.”

  Squeals of happiness sounded around the room as the sisters got up to hug and congratulate Opal and D’marcus.

  “Welcome to the family,” he heard Pearl say.

  Pearl and her siblings returned to their seats while others murmured their congratulations to the couple.

  Opal looked across the table at Wade, saying, “Pastor, we’d like you to perform the ceremony.”

  “I’d be honored,” he responded.

  Wade wasn’t sure how much more of the loving family and group happiness he could take. He felt his chest tighten and his heart start to race.

  Maybe this had been a bad idea, he thought to himself. Uncle Harold and Aunt Ivy were right. He was going to have to tell Pearl something and soon.

  Feeling like it was getting hard for him to breathe, Wade abruptly pushed away from the table, excusing himself. “I need to get some air.”

  Pearl moved to stand but he told her, “Just give me a minute. I’ll be right back. Finish your meal.”

  The animation left her face. “Wade…”

  “I won’t be long,” he promised.

  Before she could utter a word, Wade had left the dining room.

  Chapter 16

  “Is he okay?” Amber asked.

  “Yeah,” Pearl responded, trying to swallow the lump that lingered in her throat. “He’s fine. Just needs some fresh air.”

  Deep down she knew it was something more. If only Wade would talk to her, maybe she could help him in some way.

  She wanted answers and Pearl intended to get them today. She wiped her mouth with the corner of her napkin, then got up from the table. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on Wade.”

  She followed him outside the house and into the winter chill. “Wait up.”

  Catching up to Wade, Pearl pleaded, “Please tell me what’s going on with you. Why do you get this profoundly sad look on your face sometimes? And don’t try to tell me that you don’t because I’m not blind. I can see it all over your face. You have that same look right now. Sweetheart, what are you thinking about?”

  He shook his head regretfully. “Being here, around your family like this, reminds me of how much I miss my own family.”

  “I can understand that. I know how much I miss my parents.” Pearl reached over and took his hand. “Wade, you don’t have to feel like you’re alone. You have me.”

  “I know you mean well, Pearl, but it’s not the same. It doesn’t even come close.”

  “I’m not sure I understand.”

  Wade didn’t respond.

  “Talk to me, Wade. You know you can trust me.”

  After a moment, Wade responded, “I’m the reason my brother’s dead.”

  Pearl eyed him. “Sweetheart, what are you talking about? How are you responsible?” She didn’t believe for a minute that he had anything to do with his brother’s death.

  “I used to be in a gang, Pearl. I was a member of one of the oldest and largest gangs in Illinois. The Chicago Kings.”

  “You?” Pearl took a step backward, not believing what she’d been told. Wade involved in a gang. It was preposterous. “I don’t believe it.”

  “It’s true.”

  Shaking her head, Pearl uttered, “I don’t understand, Wade. The man that I know you to be wouldn’t be a part of something like that. The man you are—”

  “Is a result of what happened back then,” he finished for her. “I know how you feel about gangs, but back then it was a different time. Pearl, I was a different person ten years ago. Losing Jeff and my mother changed me for the better. I was on the wrong path.”

  She didn’t say anything; she just stood there shaking her head in disbelief.

  “You were a gangbanger? I just can’t wrap my head around this.”

  Wade nodded. “It was my life at one time. After my dad died, things just didn’t really make sense. I didn’t care about anything. I went from being my father’s son to being part of the Chicago Kings family.”

  “What about your mother? How did she feel about all this?”

  “When Dad died, she started working more and more. When she found out I’d joined a gang, she was upset and she kept trying to get me to leave the Chicago Kings, but I didn’t want that. They were my family. Mom made me promise that I’d never let Jeff become a part of that life. Back then, I didn’t value anything. When my baby brother wanted to join us, I didn’t have a problem with it. Me and my boys, we’d protect him. That was my attitude.”

  “How did your brother die, Wade?”

  His eyes darkened with pain. “Jeff was killed in a drive-by shooting.” A look of tired sadness passed over him. “That day has haunted me for the past ten years and it’s not an easy thing for me to talk about, Pearl.”

  “Try. Wade, please tell me what happened.”

  “We had a beef with a rival gang. One of their boys was killed near our turf and they thought we did it.”

  “Did you?” Pearl held her breath while waiting for the answer. She didn’t know how she’d react if Wade confessed to killing someone.

  He shook his head. “We didn’t have anything to do with that boy being killed. But that didn’t matter. They came gunning for us anyway.” Wade closed his eyes, reliving the pain of that memory. “That particular day, Jeff and I were out hanging with another member, T-Bone. I remember walking down the street talking and laughing one minute and then seeing Jeff on the ground covered in blood. I knew T-Bone had been hit, too, but he kept telling me to check on my brother. It wasn’t until later that I found out he was paralyzed from the waist down. I guess I must have panicked and hid, leaving them…” Wade shook his head sadly. “The Kings wanted to avenge Jeff’s death and T-Bone’s shooting. We found one of their members and beat up on him. I’d always thought I could take a life until that night. I couldn’t kill that boy and I wouldn’t let my brothers shoot him. Not even for Jeff. I felt like a coward.”

  He sighed heavily, his voice filled with anguish. “The day my mother buried Jeff was the last day she spoke to me.”

  “No.” Pearl placed a hand to her mouth.

  He nodded. “I don’t blame her. Pearl, my brother would still be alive if I’d made better choices. If I’d kept my word to my mother, I wouldn’t have lost them both.”

  She could see the strain the years of torment had placed in his face.

  “You’ve kept this bottled up all these years, haven’t you?”

  “I’ve told you more than I’ve ever told anyone, including Uncle Harold. I just couldn’t talk about it. I can only imagine what you must think of me now that you know the truth.”

  Pearl kissed him. “Sweetheart, I still love you. Wade, you were a kid back then. Do you remember your sermon just last Sunday? It was about forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself.”

  She studied him for a moment. “You know, it makes sense to me now. You make sense to me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You have been so focused on setting yourself apart from your past, you became this stiff, by-the-Bible minister with no room to be yourself. Maybe you’re afraid that if you let your guard down, you’ll
feel the pain of what happened. You went from being this human being to becoming a robot.”

  “A robot. Is that how you really see me?” Wade asked in a low, tormented voice.

  “There was a time I felt that way,” Pearl confessed. “But not anymore.”

  “The guilt of what happened has been hard to live with,” Wade stated. “I kept thinking that if I could become this upstanding man…” He shook his head. “I have so much regret for the choices I made. I know God’s forgiven me. My mother…” He let the word die on his lips.

  “Have you ever tried to contact your mother?”

  Wade nodded. “I called every now and then over the years. She would always hang up when she heard my voice.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Pearl felt him shudder as he drew in a sharp breath.

  “It’s the consequences of my actions, Pearl. My sins.”

  After a moment, Pearl told Wade, “I don’t think you should give up on your mother. In fact, why don’t you call her now? Wish her a happy Thanksgiving.”

  He sighed, then gave a resigned shrug. “She won’t talk to me.”

  “Call her, Wade,” Pearl urged. “People can change over the years. You’re proof of that.”

  “I don’t know, Pearl. I’ll pray about it.”

  “She’s your mother. You can’t just give up on her.”

  “Even though she gave up on me?”

  “She was grieving, Wade. Trust me when I tell you that she’s not only been grieving for your brother. She’s been grieving for you, too.”

  Wade wasn’t so sure. “I was grieving, too. I needed her, Pearl. After losing my dad and Jeff, I needed my mom desperately.”

  Her eyes were wet with tears. “I can’t imagine what you must have gone through. If I didn’t have my family, I don’t know what I’d do. Wade, I’m so sorry.”

  “I try not to dwell on the negative. I’m thankful for Uncle Harold and Aunt Ivy. I would’ve been on the streets otherwise.”

  “Wade, don’t you see? You made the choice to leave the gang. You chose not to let that gangbanger die. You chose life. Sweetheart, you made the right choices. But now you need to live. You can’t hide behind your sermons and the church.” She smiled gently. “Do you want me to be there with you when you call your mother?”

  “I never said I was going to call her.”

  “You will because it’s the right thing to do. Wade, you, of all people, should know the God you serve.”

  “It’s been my prayer for so long to be reunited with my mother.”

  “Trust Him and don’t give up. Call your mom. I’ll be right by your side.”

  Wade shook his head. “I need to do this alone. I hope you understand.”

  Pearl nodded. “I do.”

  She shivered. “It’s cold out here. Are you ready to go back in the house?”

  “I am.”

  “Good,” Pearl uttered. “C’mon. I’m ready to tear into dessert.”

  “I still have to finish my dinner.”

  “Just skip it. We usually eat throughout the day, anyway.”

  Wade embraced her once they were standing on the porch. “Pearl Lockhart, I love you. I was afraid that once you knew about my past you’d want nothing to do with me.”

  “I know your heart, Wade. That’s what’s important. I’m not so naive that I don’t realize we sometimes have to go through stuff to become the person we’re meant to be. We make bad choices from time to time. Lord knows I’ve made my share. It’s called life. We just can’t stop living, though. We learn from our mistakes and move forward.”

  Crushing her to him, he pressed his mouth to hers. Pearl kissed him back, lingering, savoring every moment.

  “Ready to move forward?” Pearl asked before opening the front door.

  Wade nodded. “I’m ready.”

  Grinning, she responded, “Okay, let’s start with the white-chocolate bread pudding I made. You’re going to want to marry me after you taste it.”

  “You really think it’s that good?”

  Laughing, she gently elbowed him.

  Wade parked the car. “Despite my actions earlier, I really did have a good time today with your family. It’s quite evident how close you and your sisters are. I think that’s wonderful. I’d like to think that Jeff and I would’ve been like you and your sisters.”

  “We’re a family…” The words died on her lips as Pearl realized what she’d said. “Wade, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

  He cut her off by saying, “It’s okay.”

  Wade got out of the car, walked around to the other side and opened the door for Pearl.

  She hugged him. “I love you, Wade.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He escorted her to the entrance of her building.

  “You don’t have to walk me up to the apartment,” Pearl told him. “Go on home so that you can call your mom before it gets too late.”

  “I’ll call you, no matter what happens.”

  “I’ll be waiting. I don’t care how late it is. I want you to call me and tell me how it went. Wade, you don’t have to deal with this alone. Not anymore.”

  He nodded.

  Pearl walked into her apartment, locking the door behind her. “Lord, please restore Wade’s relationship with his mother. He needs her. He needs her love and he desperately needs her forgiveness. Maybe then, he’ll be able to forgive himself.”

  Wade strode over to the phone when he walked into his house. He was touched by Pearl’s offer to come over for moral support. However, Wade decided this was something he preferred to deal with alone.

  “She not going to talk to me,” he whispered. “I don’t need to call and upset her.”

  Not wanting to deal with more rejection, Wade abandoned the idea of calling his mother. He went into the den and turned on the television.

  His eyes kept straying back to the telephone. Pearl’s words echoed around in his head. She’s right, he decided. My mother may have given up on me, but I won’t give up on her.

  Wade picked up the phone and dialed.

  “Hello.”

  “Mom, I…I just called to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.” Wade waited for her to slam the phone down in his ear.

  She didn’t, but she didn’t say anything, either.

  “It’s me. I…Mom, I’m sorry.” The words suddenly came out in a rush. “I never meant for Jeff to get hurt. I’m so sorry.”

  Wade’s words were met with silence.

  His throat ached with defeat. “I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me. I love you and I miss you so much.” Tears welled up and spilled out of his eyes. “Mom, please forgive me. I need your forgiveness.”

  Wade heard something that sounded like sobbing. His own tears rolled down his cheeks. Calling his mother had been a bad idea.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted to wish you a happy Thanksgiving and to apologize.”

  “Wade—”

  The sound of his name rolling off her lips sent a wave of shock through him. “Yes, ma’am?”

  “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for the way I’ve treated you. Son, I love you so much.”

  Wade could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Mama, can you ever forgive me?”

  “I should be the one asking for forgiveness. I treated you so badly all these years. Just so caught up in my grief. Baby, I’m sorry.”

  “I love you, Mama.”

  “Harold kept me posted on how well you were doing. I’m so proud of you, Wade.”

  “I wanted to change my life. Be the man that Dad wanted me to become. I just hate that it took Jeff dying to get me to see the error of my ways. I think about him all the time.”

  “I do, too,” his mother stated. “You stayed on my mind, too, Wade. I was just too consumed with my anger and grief.”

  “Mama, I understand. You’d lost your husband and then your son.”

  “I lost my husband and both my sons—that’s the way I saw it. Wade, I’m so glad you ca
lled. I know what Harold and Ivy have told me, but why don’t you tell me how you’ve been?”

  “I’ve been doing okay, outside of missing you, Dad and Jeff. I have been resting in the Lord and seeking His face. It’s only because of Him that I’ve made it this far.”

  “It’s so good to hear your voice.”

  Smiling, Wade responded, “Yours, too.”

  “Is there anyone special in your life?”

  “I’ve met someone. Her name is Pearl Lockhart and I’m in love with her.”

  “That’s wonderful, son. I’m happy for you.”

  “You’d like her, Mama.”

  She laughed. “I’m not so sure I’m willing to share you. I just got you back.”

  Wade and his mother stayed on the phone for almost two hours.

  After getting her to agree to a short visit, Wade ended the call, feeling happier than he’d ever been in the past ten years.

  Wade went into his bedroom and fell to his knees, thanking God for allowing him a second chance with his mother.

  Chapter 17

  Pearl paced back and forth across the living-room floor. Wade hadn’t called her yet, so she didn’t know if he’d spoken to his mother.

  What if she hung up on him again? Pearl worried that Wade wouldn’t be able to recover from another rejection. She worried that the advice she’d given him was wrong. “Lord, what have I done?”

  “You okay?” Paige asked upon entering the apartment. “You look like you’re fretting about something.”

  “Paige, I might have given Wade some bad advice. I’m afraid it might make things worse for him.”

  Without betraying Wade’s confidence and revealing his personal story, Pearl told her cousin about his estrangement from his mother, and about the phone call.

  Her own telephone rang, cutting her off.

  “I hope that’s Wade.” Pearl rushed over to the phone, picking it up on the third ring. “How did it go?”

  “I spoke with my mother,” Wade answered on the other end of the phone. “We actually had a good conversation.”

  “Thank You, Jesus!” Pearl shouted.

  Wade chuckled. “That’s exactly what I said when I hung up. Sweetheart, I can’t describe what I’m feeling right now. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me.”