The Outskirts Duet_The Outskirts & The Outliers

by T. M. Frazier

  "No. I'm not." I leaned against the wall, crossing my legs at the ankles. I shrugged. "Why don't you go talk to her?"

  "Cute," she said, throwing my earlier word back at me.

  "I'm serious, Say. There are still things you need to know. Things up until this morning I thought you'd always wanted to know. Like why your mother owned land here. Like why..."

  "Like why Critter is married to her?"

  "Let me guess, because it's not your story to tell?"

  "B-I-N-G-O."

  Sawyer scrunched up her face in confusion and I took that to mean she didn't understand my reference. "I mean, you're right. It's not my story to tell. And FYI, emotional robot position? It's not for you. Why don't you bring my girl back."

  She sighed. "What if it's all too much?" she asked, her lower lip quivering. As much as I hated to see her upset I was glad to see some emotion from her. "What if I can't handle what I learn. What if they tell me something I can't unhear? Something that will follow me around for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can handle that."

  I kissed the top of her head. "She's your mother. You thought she'd abandoned you and she didn't. She's here now. She's alive. Most people don't get second chances like this. People don't come back from the dead but she did. Don't you think you owe it to her to hear her out? To hear Critter out?"

  She nodded against my chest but her shoulders remained stiff. She was scared and she had every right to be, but I needed her to know she wasn't going to go through this alone.

  "Say," I said, pulling away so I could look in her eyes. "You have me. Don't you know by now that I'd do anything for you? When the world gets heavy on your shoulders I'll carry the weight for you. I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere. Not now. Not ever."

  Sawyer's lips turned upward in a smile. It was small but at least it was real. She sniffled. "Take me to her."

  I sighed in relief but it wasn't a full breath. While Richard was still out there and Sawyer and her mom were here I'd never be able to fully relax. I pulled her back against me and rested my chin on top of her head. I wasn't lying when I told her I'd carry the weight of the world on my shoulders for her.

  What I didn't mention was the possibility it might crush us both.

  Chapter 5

  Sawyer

  Critter's house was a red ranch style home with a beige stucco exterior and black shutters encasing the two small front windows. I didn't know what to expect of his house, but what I didn't expect was for it to be sitting in a field of sunflowers.

  I touched the sunflower pendant hanging from my neck. The one my mother had left for me in the box beneath my bed.

  I remained in the car as Finn got out and opened my door. "Are you ready?" he asked me, helping me down and squeezing my hand tightly.

  "I don't think I'll ever be," I answered. Finn led me up to the front porch where Critter was sitting on one of two wicker rocking chairs. He didn't waste any time. "Sawyer, I understand you're confused, but remember, so is she. Your mother has got some moments of clarity. Sometimes they last minutes and sometimes hours. Most of the time she thinks it's twenty-two years ago."

  "I'm not going to upset her," I promised. "At least, I'll try not to."

  Critter nodded to me and I turned to Finn. "I think I need to do this alone," I said.

  "I'll be right out here waiting," he said, kissing my knuckles before releasing me. Critter opened the screen door for me. "Last door at the end of the hall."

  My eyes adjusted to the darkness inside the cozy home with plush carpet and a million picture frames on the wall. It reminded me of a homier version of the bar.

  When I got to the room at the end of the hall, I half expected my mother to be lying in bed but instead she was sitting on a rocking chair in the corner, knitting. Her nurse, Maddy, was sitting on another chair nearby flipping through a magazine. Maddy lifted her head when she saw me and gave me a warning look.

  "Critter said it was okay," I told her.

  She looked to my mother and then back to me. "Caroline, you've got a visitor," she said loudly yet sweetly. "Best way not to upset her is don't correct her if she says something that doesn't sound right and don't remind her of who you are because chances are, with how she's doing right now, she's not gonna know." With that Maddy left the room and closed the door behind her.

  "Hello, there, dear. What's your name?" my mother asked when she noticed me standing at the end of the bed. She set her knitting down. A tangle of baby pink yarn with no decipherable pattern. Her blonde hair was wet and neatly combed back. She wore a pink fluffy bathrobe over pink and white striped pajamas, complete with fuzzy slippers. It was the most color I'd ever seen her wear besides the yellow tank top in the picture I'd found in the box she'd left for me. She looked healthy. Heavier.

  Stronger than I'd seen in years.

  Physically anyway.

  "Hi," I said, feeling odd not knowing how to introduce myself to my own mother. I searched her face for any signs of recognition.

  Nothing.

  I ignored the growing pit in my stomach and ache in my heart.

  "I'm...Sawyer."

  She set her knitting down on her lap. "You must be the neighbor Critter was talking about. The new one with the little boy who keeps stealing all the sunflowers. It's nice to finally meet you."

  "Nice to meet you too," I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed where the nurse had been. "And I'm sorry about him stealing your flowers."

  "Oh, that's all right. We'll find out how mischievous children can be soon enough. Sorry I can't fetch you something to drink. Critter has been real insistent that I stay put since the morning sickness has really been getting to me."

  "Morning sickness?" I asked. "You're pregnant?"

  My mother removed the knitting and smoothed her hand over her flat stomach like it was rounded instead of indented. "Yes, six months along now and the sick feeling still hasn't subsided. Sometimes I think my daughter will be out into the world and full grown by the time it goes away."

  "I'm sorry you aren't feeling well," I said, "But I'm sure Critter is taking good care of you."

  "That man would lasso the moon if I asked him to. That's why I married him."

  "Married?" I asked.

  "Yep, right before we found out we were having a baby. It was low-key, just us in the sunflower field with a justice of the peace from the county office. I don't have a lot of family and neither does Critter. It was more special that way. Although, it won't be that way for long." My mother was beaming as she rocked and continued to knit.

  "So, tell me, how did you two meet?" I asked casually, trying to seem like a curious neighbor.

  "Well, it was love at first sight. I was..." she scrunched her face and shook her head like she was shaking off a bad memory. "You don't want to hear all this from me, do you? It's kind of a long story."

  "I do. I really do," I urged her on, trying not to show the nervousness wreaking havoc on my heart.

  I was finally going to hear the story I’d waited so long for. Part of me wanted to turn and run. Another part of me wouldn’t move if a bulldozer came through the wall.

  "From the beginning, if you'd like,” I offered. “The very beginning. Your beginning. I've got plenty of time.” I looked at my naked wrist like I was checking the time on a watch when I’d never even owned one. I slid to the floor and brought my knees to my chest with my back against the bed and tried not to tap my toe on the carpet although it was practically tingling to do just that.

  My mother looked out the window as she recalled her story. "Well, I was born a rebel, refusing to come out into the world for a full three days." She shook her head. "My poor mother. I grew up in a religious household and when my parents both died I was passed on to the church elders to raise since I was only fifteen when they passed."

  "I'm sorry," I offered, my gut twisting at the news of my grandparents that she'd never spoken about.

  "No worries. It was a long time ago. But it was only then I realized tha
t my parents were unique members of the church. In our house, we didn't have to lower our eyes and we could speak whenever we felt like we had something to say, but that wasn't the standard. Far from it. It was a severe way to grow up and I never embraced it."

  Neither did I.

  "Every day when I woke up I saw the light fading from my eyes as more and more rules were pushed down my throat. By the time they informed me that I was to be married to this man of the church. Richard was his name.” She cringed. "I'd all but given up. I didn't know life outside the church and didn't think I could make it on my own. I had hoped that maybe Richard would be more like my parents. It only took meeting him a few times for me to realize he was perhaps the worst of them all. He treated me like a dog on the leash and always made sure the collar allowed me to breathe but always reminded me that just one pull in the wrong direction and I'd be choking."

  I was crying inside for my mother but tried to remain impassive on the outside.

  It wasn’t easy.

  "One weekend, my guardians brought me along to a tent revival service to help. We stayed in a little motel and I'd go for walks around the town whenever I could sneak away for an hour or so. One day I saw a truck and camper for sale in a junkyard and something came over me. An idea I couldn't shake.” My mother took up her knitting and placed it back down again.

  She continued. “On the day I married Richard, I stole a gold crucifix that belonged to Richard and I brought it to the junkyard. I traded it and my wedding ring for the camper and the truck. I didn't make it far before the truck broke down on the side of the road. I got out and walked to find help and made sure to walk in the opposite direction of the fairgrounds because although the freedom I'd tasted was only a few miles from there I knew I'd never be going back. And that walk in the middle of the night all by myself? It was glorious. My first taste of actual freedom. The sounds of the swamp at night." She closed her eyes like she could still hear it. Then she inhaled deeply through her nose. "The smell of salty water and the sulfur." She opened her eyes again. "By the time I realized I was lost I didn't care if anyone ever found me ever again. I fell down an embankment and got stuck on this tiny strip of muddy land but it was too steep to climb my way back up to the top. As the water rose, I thought for sure that I was going to die there."

  "What did you do?" I asked, leaning forward.

  She shrugged and took up her knitting again. "There was nothing I could do. And there was something so...freeing about the experience that I sat down in the mud and I...I just started to laugh. And that's when Critter found me. Sitting in the mud, the water rising all around me when he zipped by on his little boat and did a double take. He stopped and pulled me out. I was covered in mosquito bites, mud from head to toe, and soaking wet and do you know what that man did?" she asked with a loving smile.

  "No. What did he do?" I asked, leaning forward.

  She smiled in a way that told me she couldn’t believe it herself. "He started to laugh right along with me. The man had no idea why I was laughing but joined right on in. He took me back to his bar and while I cleaned up and changed my clothes he went and towed the truck and camper back to the bar. When I walked out all cleaned and mud free he looked up at me and I'll never forget what he said.”

  "What? What did he say?" I asked.

  "He looked up and said, it's you. Like he'd been waiting for me his entire life." She looked out the window to where Critter was sitting on the porch, rocking in the chair, fiddling with something on his lap. "And then, before the coffee was ready in the morning, we'd fallen madly and deeply in love."

  "That's a beautiful story," I said, and it really was. "What about this Richard guy?” I looked to the walls and to the floor then back again. Anywhere but at my mother. “Was...is he the father of your baby?"

  My mother shook her head. "No, gosh no. I left before our wedding night took place. It luckily never got that far. This big baby girl right here," she patted her belly, "or at least I think she's a she, is one hundred percent Critter."

  One hundred percent...Critter.

  "You said you two are married? You and Critter I mean?”

  "I sure am," she answered, humming and knitting once again. "The marriage to Richard was only a church ceremony. No paperwork so it wasn’t legal in the eyes of the state. Luckily for me, the church abided by God's law, but not man's. Then, I was free to marry Critter.”

  She’s legally married to Critter.

  My mother looked as if she was about to say something but she stopped before the words came out. She turned her head from one side to the other like she was seeing me for the first time. There was a clarity in her eyes that wasn't there earlier, along with something else.

  Recognition.

  My stomach flipped. My heart hammered in my ears.

  "Sawyer?" she asked in a whisper, blinking rapidly. “Is that you?”

  "Yes, Mother. It's me," I said as gently as I could, keeping my expression as even as possible. I hadn't even realized I was crawling across the carpet toward her until I was kneeling before her, staring up into familiar loving eyes.

  "My baby girl. It really is you," she said, dropping from the chair to her knees in front of me. She pulled me in for a hug and I couldn't stop the tears once they started and neither could my mother. We sat there, hugging and crying into each other's arms. "You're alive. He told me you were, but I didn’t believe him. I needed to see you. You made it out. I'm sorry," she said into my hair, peppering kisses along my frizzy head. "I'm sorry for everything."

  "I made it out, Mom. Because of you. Because of your letter and the box and your instructions. You sent me here. You got me out," I told her. As I spoke I felt some of the resentment I had been feeling toward her start to dissipate.

  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you,” she cried. “I couldn't. I needed to keep you safe. Forgive me sweet girl. I did what I thought was best but I made a mess of everything. I have so much to tell you," she said, sobbing against me. “There is more you need to know.”

  "You don’t have to tell me all of it now," I replied against her shoulder as she squeezed me repeatedly as if she needed a constant reminder that I was really there as much as I needed one.

  After a few moments, Mother's arms stiffened and before she pulled back I knew our time together had passed. When she looked me over again the glassiness in her eyes was back. "I better get off the floor. Critter doesn't want me to strain myself in my condition. Says it's not good for the baby." She stood up and sat back down on her chair, picking up her knitting once again. The half-dried tear stains on her cheeks were the only evidence of our stolen reunion.

  I stood up to leave when Maddy came into the room and gave me a stern nod. "I should go. Thanks for having me, and thanks for telling me the story of how you met your husband.”

  She smiled at me sweetly. "That’s no bother at all. I love telling that story. Half the people in this town are tired of it already. Thanks for coming to visit. Make sure to come by again," she said. "Maybe Sunday? On Sundays, I make my famous peach pie. It's Critter's favorite."

  I wiped my wet face with the heel of my hand. "I'd like that very much if you're sure it's alright with you."

  "Of course. I'd love that. See you Sunday," she said cheerily. "And don't worry about that adorable little boy of yours. Finn is welcome to come take sunflowers whenever he would like. We’ve got plenty."

  Finn.

  I gave her a small farewell wave then waited until I was down the hall almost to the front door before I whispered, "Bye, Mom." I didn't know how I'd feel seeing her that way, but as I watched her slip back into a place where I never existed I never expected for it to feel as if she had died all over again.

  I ran into Finn's arms the second I was back on the porch. I buried my face into the soft cotton of his t-shirt and didn't pull away until I heard Critter's voice.

  "Sawyer?"

  I turned around to face Critter who stood from his rocking chair with a knowing look etched in the lines of hi
s face.

  The face of my father.

  We stood there, staring at one another for what felt like an eternity.

  "Critter?" I asked as if I were seeing him for the first time.

  He rocked forward slightly on the balls of his feet, he folded his hands behind his back. For such a tall strong man my heart lurched at how vulnerable he appeared. "We heard you in there with her," Finn said from behind me.

  Critter nodded. "You did good, kid. But if you don't mind, I'd...why is this so fucking hard," he grumbled. He took a deep breath. "I'd like for you to call me, Dad." His voice cracked on the last word.

  My heart burst open, unleashing a powerful flood of emotions along with uncontrollable tears. I fell to my knees. Before I knew it, Critter had closed the distance between us and lifted me up off my knees, pulling me into his strong arms against his chest. He smelled like cigar smoke and cologne. That's what my dad smelled like and I'd remember it forever.

  I was sobbing so hard it prevented me from speaking, but Critter watched me as I looked up and mouthed the words, "Hi, Dad."

  He lifted me up, swaying me back and forth as my feet dangled off the porch. "Hey, kid." My tears soaked through his shirt as we squeezed each other tightly and he peppered kisses on the top of my head. "Welcome home, kiddo," he said on a choked sob. "Finally. Welcome fucking home."

  We stayed that way for a long time, stuck together, reunited. Father and daughter.

  And we cried.

  We cried because we both finally knew the truth. We cried for the time lost between us. And although neither one of us said it out loud, I knew that somewhere in the time between those first tears falling and the sun sinking deep into the horizon, we were both crying for her.

  The sun had just settled down for the night. The star littered black sky had officially taken its turn guarding the earth.

  Finn, Critter and I were still sitting on Critter’s front porch. Critter and Finn were sipping beers. I settled for an iced tea after deciding that beer was an acquired taste, and I hadn't yet had the time to acquire it.