Gate Crashers

by Patrick S. Tomlinson

  They may not know we have this capability.

  Or they’re eavesdropping, said Maximus, waiting to hear our brilliant escape plan.

  Allison’s voice cut in. How’s that coming along, by the way?

  Well, the first step to any successful escape is being captured so that you have something to escape from, said Maximus.

  So we’re still on Step 1, then.

  Yup.

  They walked in silence for a few moments.

  I have an idea, thought Felix.

  Well, let’s hear it, kid, said Maximus.

  Everyone needs to act like they’re blind. This was followed by an awkward pause.

  That’s it?

  Well, no. But I don’t want to say the whole thing in case they’re listening.

  In his defense, Felix’s ideas are usually pretty good, offered Harris.

  Allison looked at Maximus. What do you think, Captain?

  He was actually smiling. I got nothing. Everybody, do what the nerd says. Maximus stumbled blindly into a wall. “Ouch!”

  One of the guards shoved Maximus roughly with the muzzle of his weapon. “Back in line, human.”

  “Sorry. It’s just so dark in here.”

  Playing it up, one of the marines tripped over a length of conduit and spun around into a pratfall on the deck. He was grabbed and roughly dragged down the hall by a pair of guards until he found his feet.

  At a bend, Harris walked straight into the wall and fell to the ground holding his nose. “Ahhh,” he moaned.

  The head guard grabbed him by the hair and pulled him to his feet. Harris let out a yelp.

  “All right,” barked the guard. “What’s going on here?”

  “Sorry, sir,” said Felix. “It’s just that it’s so dark in here that we can’t see past our noses.”

  “Don’t play sports with me, human. There is plenty of light in here.”

  “For you, obviously. Your eyes must work with a different kind of light.”

  “Yes,” the guard hissed, “I’ve heard about your inferior biologic eyes. They work on such a narrow spectrum, it can hardly be said they work at all.”

  “Yup, that’s us. Maybe if we could put our hands on each other’s shoulders?”

  “Yes, fine, but no humor business. Remember, we can see just fine.”

  “Yes, sir, thank you, sir.” Everyone took their cue and linked up.

  Well, was that Step 2? thought Allison.

  No, said Felix, but it’s definitely Step 1.5.

  Are we past the self-flagellation step? asked Harris.

  Yes, Tom. Just give us an occasional stumble.

  The human chain snaked its way down several more corridors until their march ended at a large, heavy door. Two of the junior guards took positions on either side and raised their weapons. The head guard pressed a claw into a small hole next to the door, which glowed green for a moment. The door snapped open with a click.

  “All right, you sorry lot, Vel Noric has some questions for you. You would be wise to answer quickly. Inside!” He grabbed Jacqueline Dorsett and shoved her into the room. She lost her balance and fell hard onto the metal deck.

  Felix nearly shot the guard a look that would wither a bridge abutment, but caught himself. He couldn’t see, after all. Are you all right, Jackie?

  Yes, fine. My elbow smarts a bit.

  Unsure what to say, Felix rummaged around for a suitable cliché. He settled on, They’ll pay for that.

  That’s great, killer, said Maximus, but let’s stay focused on your plan to spring us out of here for the time being.

  The rest of the group was herded into the room. It was dimly lit, but their eyes adjusted quickly. The room was large and nearly empty. In the center was an oversized metal chair made of all right angles. Airline seats in coach looked positively extravagant by comparison.

  Sitting quietly in the far corner was a familiar-looking creature with a slight frame and mottled gray skin.

  Allison was the first to spot him. “D’armic, is that you?”

  “Yes, Allison Captain,” replied the Lividite calmly.

  “How did you get here?”

  “This cruiser captured my vessel immediately after you departed from Okim.”

  “Your little pulse thingy didn’t work on them either, huh?” asked Maximus.

  “I did not have the opportunity to use it. They infected my computer with a slave protocol before the weapon was fully recharged. Once it was slaved, they simply shut down the EM cannon and remotely flew my vessel into their hangar.”

  “But why are they holding you if you’re a member of their wildlife management corps?” asked Felix.

  “It appears I am being held on the pretense of collaboration with your people in the destruction of Culpus-Alam and Okim.”

  “You can add another one to that list. They just ran through P3X117-e.”

  “That is most unfortunate.”

  “Why are they framing us for destroying planets, one of them with our own people on it?” asked Maximus.

  “The Turemok are deeply suspicious of outsiders,” D’armic said. “Coupled with your impressive rate of technological advancement over the last decade, they feel threatened by the human race, although they would never admit so publicly. I assume they plan to use this deception to convince the Assembly to take punitive action against Earth.”

  “What sort of punitive action?” said Maximus.

  “The Treaty of Pu’Lan is quite explicit and inflexible. Any race convicted of geocide must have their home world likewise destroyed. An eye for an eye, as your Christians say.”

  Seconds rolled past as everyone tried to lift their jaws from the floor.

  “Captain, this is all a bit much,” quipped Jacqueline as she rubbed life back into her elbow. “I’d like to request a leave of absence, starting now.”

  “Sure, take all the time you need. I assume you’ll be going home, then?”

  “Yup, just in time for ski season.”

  “Well, send us back some pictures.”

  Maximus held his hand to his chin, trying to look thoughtful. “D’armic, those little hyper windows this ship used to soak up our missiles—how many of them can they open at once?”

  “I don’t know. Such capabilities are confidential.”

  “Well, you can take a guess, can’t you?”

  “Not really. There is no anecdotal data to extrapolate an estimate from with any reasonable expectation of accuracy.”

  That had been one too many syllables for Maximus. “Huh?”

  “He means there aren’t any rumors to make a guess from,” interjected Felix.

  “Ah.” Maximus pondered this for a second. “Why not? I mean, they must tell war stories.”

  “Yes, of course,” replied D’armic. “However, those legends are hundreds of years old.”

  “Hundreds? Are you saying the Turemok haven’t seen action for centuries?”

  “We have been at peace. Aside from law enforcement and small-scale antipiracy operations, their military has been unopposed for generations.”

  Harris stepped closer to the conversation. That makes sense, sir. The troops we faced on the surface were, well, sloppy. They didn’t stick to cover, they didn’t use group tactics, they didn’t even use their air asset until we pinned their ears back. Their stealth tech was the only thing keeping us from walking all over them. They leaned on it like a crutch.

  Maximus was quite happy now. Thank you, Lieutenant. I think I know what to do once we get out of here.

  Care to share your brainstorm with the rest of the class? Allison asked.

  Simple, they’re inexperienced and complacent. We just have to give it to them faster than they can suck it.

  Charming.

  As Maximus smiled, and everyone else worried about his mental stability, a small hiss came from the ceiling. D’armic turned his head toward the ceiling and noticed a faint purple gas leaking into the room. He walked over to the vent and sniffed the air.
/>   “Ah, I was wondering when this would happen.”

  “What?” asked Felix nervously. “Is it poison gas?”

  “No, at least it shouldn’t be to you. It is a Lividite mood drug—Terrorital, I believe.” He backed away from the vent. “I should warn you, I will be paralyzed with fear soon.”

  “How soon?” asked Felix.

  “About three of your minutes.”

  “Oh.”

  “Will it affect the rest of us?” asked Jacqueline.

  “It’s unlikely human physiology will react in the same way as mine.”

  “Why in heaven’s name would your people develop a drug that terrifies its users? Who would want to take it?” asked Allison.

  “We take it recreationally, usually before watching horror vids. Parents give it to children before going on the annual Heralix Day haunted-fungus-grove rides.”

  “I see,” Allison said.

  So, Felix, what’s your next move? Maximus asked.

  Well, I imagine we’ll be interrogated before long.

  And this is part of your plan?

  It’s a work in progress. Just stick to the blind ruse and follow my lead.

  Harris snorted. You’re leading? I’ve seen you try to dance, Felix. It wasn’t a dignified spectacle.

  Har-har, Tom.

  The door clicked again. A shadowed figure took up almost the entire doorway. Looking straight at Maximus, it spoke. “My name is Vel Noric. One of your authors once wrote, ‘Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.’ Consider it my introduction. You can provide something useful to me: an admission of your crimes at Culpus-Alam, Okim, and Kulla. In exchange, I can give you relief from the anguish to come. Now, whom shall we start with?” He looked back at Maximus. “Captain Tiberius, if you would step forward so we may begin.”

  Remember, we’re blind, thought Felix.

  “I’d love to, Vel. Just point me in the right direction.”

  “The chair, if you please.”

  Maximus stared blankly at the ceiling. “What chair?”

  “I see.” Noric pressed a stud on his wrist. Everyone but Maximus fell to the ground writhing in agony so intense they could barely manage to scream. It took all of Maximus’s discipline not to move to help them. Noric pressed the stud again, and the screams stopped.

  This plan had better get good quick, kid, thought Maximus.

  Felix strained to get onto all fours. You’re telling me.

  Maximus groped at the air with his hands. “What just happened? What was that screaming?”

  “That was your companions being subjected to the first setting of your belts.”

  “Why? They didn’t do anything.”

  “True, they didn’t. You did, by defying my order to sit. This isn’t my first Gomeltic hunt, human. A tough officer like you can probably endure quite a lot of pain, maybe enough to die, and are, therefore, useless for my purposes. But how long can you endure the pain of your companions? The chair, please.”

  “But I can’t see the damn chair!”

  Vel Noric looked at the nearest guard. “What’s he talking about?”

  “Oh, their eyes can’t see in this light. Too primitive.”

  “Why didn’t you say so?” Noric grinned. “Please, help our guest find his seat.”

  The head guard grabbed Maximus by the shoulders and roughly threw him into the chair. Noric leaned in uncomfortably close to Maximus’s face and breathed. Maximus managed not to look him in the eye, but only just.

  “Now, then, where were we?”

  Felix stood up from the floor. “Um, Vel, if I may?”

  This should be good, thought Harris.

  “Yes? You wish to say something, human?”

  “Yes, sir. I just wanted to say that I’m easily the most cowardly person here, but we humans rely on vision almost exclusively. So while I’m sure you are very scary and intimidating, it’s not going to do you much good if we can’t see you.”

  “He’s right, you know,” Maximus chimed in, mostly out of a genuine curiosity for what the nerd was going to do next. “I know you’re standing near me right now, based on the smell alone, but I’m not all that scared, and I already saw your ugly mug over the video link.”

  In the background, D’armic started to whimper with fear. Allison tried to comfort him.

  “And whatever you slipped the Lividite back there isn’t working on us,” Maximus said. “Maybe one of the guards could describe how intimidating you look so that I have a better idea.”

  The head guard perked up at Maximus’s suggestion. “I did study literary composition, Vel.”

  “I don’t think that will be necessary,” Noric said.

  “I received excellent marks for my lyrics.”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “My instructor said my description of serenading my mate with a jelbow carcass under the green light of the twin moons nearly made her shed her scales,” he said proudly.

  “Shut up.” Vel Noric looked to the guard by the door. “Go see if the lights can be adjusted to accommodate these creatures’ … deficiencies.”

  “Yes, sir.” He closed the door behind him. A few moments later the lights in the room cycled through a range of hues.

  “Any results?” asked Noric.

  “Afraid not,” said Felix.

  “Exactly what frequency range do your eyes work at?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Not really my field,” replied Felix. “You know what would work great?”

  “I’m on needles and pins.”

  “We have these hand tools to see in the dark. We call them flashlights. There are a couple of them with the rest of the equipment you confiscated. Maybe if you brought them down here?”

  “Fine, if that’s what it’s going to take to conduct a proper interrogation.” Noric barked at the head guard, “Go recover the humans’ flashing lights.”

  Maximus had to contain a sudden laugh. You were right, Harris. His ideas are good. I’ll take it from here, kid. He shouted to the guard, “They’re little silver cylinders with a lens at one end! You can’t miss them!”

  “I must say, you’re being awfully affable about all this,” Noric said.

  “We just prefer to see what’s going on is all. Life is kind of dull otherwise.”

  Noric put his hands on his hips. “Well, rest assured that the next few hours will be anything but dull for you.”

  “I’m sure you’re right.” Maximus smiled confidently.

  Vel Noric stalked back and forth across the deck as they waited for the guard to return. After a few lengths, he waved his hands in front of the prisoners’ faces trying to force a reaction. None forthcoming, he started to make what could safely be assumed were obscene Turemok gestures in their direction. Some aspects of immaturity were universal.

  Everyone spread out, but slowly, Maximus said. And keep a close eye on the flashlights. Try to stay out of their way. Marines, be ready to move on a moment’s notice. First priority is the guards, followed by that bracelet the Vel is wearing.

  What’s the signal? asked Harris.

  Oh, you’ll know.

  As though he were reading from the same script, the door clicked open and the guard strode through, Niven lights in hand. He passed them to the Vel.

  “How do I operate this device?”

  “There’s a button on the shaft. Just press it,” Maximus said.

  “Really, now?” Noric sounded suspicious, proving he wasn’t quite as dense as neutron star matter. “This wouldn’t be a deception, would it? Perhaps this is a weapon of some kind.”

  “It just makes light. For caves, blackouts, that sort of thing.”

  “That’s good, because I am going to press this button”—he leveled the flashlight at Allison—“while pointing it at this female’s head. Are you sure there isn’t anything I should know?”

  Maximus shook his head. “Nope.”

  “Very well.” Noric grinned and pressed the button. Allison’s eyes squinted against the light’s in
tensity at such close range. But aside from washing out her skin tone a bit, she suffered no ill effects.

  Confused, and somewhat disappointed, Noric waved his hand in the stream of light, which did not burn off.

  “See? Harmless,” Maximus said. “But whoa, what a difference the light makes. You really are a terror to behold in person.”

  Noric leaned in closer. “Human, your feeble eyes have not witnessed terror yet.” Muscles rippled, and saw-toothed spines that had been sheathed beneath the diamond-shaped scales of his shoulders and forearms thrust outward. His chest turned a bright shade of purple. Behind the chair, D’armic trembled.

  “Wow, that’s great,” Maximus said. “I can feel the terror coming on now. My stomach’s doing backflips. You’ve really got something there.”

  “Um, thank you?” This sort of reaction was outside Noric’s experience. Generally, his prey were too petrified to say much of anything, outside of groveling for their lives. But the human seemed to be positively enjoying being scared out of his wits.

  “Oh, I’ve got a great idea,” Maximus said. “When we were kids, we used to tell ghost stories and hold a flashlight under our chins. Made our faces look just ghastly. Sent shivers right up my spine.”

  Derailed and unsure of himself, Noric experimentally put the Niven light under his chin, casting his jagged face into deep shadows.

  “Yup, that’s the ticket. Boy, that’s giving me the willies.” Maximus squinted. “Kind of diffuse, though. Turn that little ring at the top to the right and it’ll really bring out the contrast.”

  “What, like this?” Noric grabbed the top of the light and turned it all the way to the end.

  The light collapsed into a blue laser beam no thicker than a pin, while the power cell ramped up a thousandfold to its full output. The beam burned its way through scale, flesh, and bone before erupting through the top of the Vel’s head in a puff of turquoise steam to start boring through the metal ceiling.

  Maximus smirked smugly. Yeah, just like that. Maximus’s hand shot out to grab the weapon from the already-dead Noric before the beam fell on any of his people. Then he traced the blue dot down the centerline of one of the stunned guards before the alien even understood what was happening. The guard fell to the floor in two smoldering halves, a straight black line burned into the wall behind him.