by Lyn Gardner
“Can you hold on?” she hissed into her phone.
“Spit it out, Tish,” said Jon affably.
“It’s Abbie Cardew’s agent, Jon. She’s been trying to get hold of you all afternoon. It’s about Abbie. The Joan of Arc movie has been delayed and won’t start shooting until the new year. It means that Abbie is available. Her agent wants to know if Juliet has been cast yet and, if not, whether you’ll see Abbie. She could come down this afternoon.” She flung another anxious glance at Livy.
“Then let’s see her. Now. Abbie Cardew is a name,” said Howard Franks.
Olivia suddenly felt like somebody who has crawled through a desert in desperate search of water and reached an oasis only to discover it was just a mirage. She knew that Jon and the others had been about to tell her that she’d got the part, that she was going to play Juliet, and now at the last second it had been snatched away from her. She was determined not to cry, even though disappointment was making her throat feel as if someone had put a stone in it and sewn it tight.
Jon stood up suddenly. “Tell Dani I’ll call her straight back,” he told Tish. He walked to the centre of the room where Olivia was standing and took her hand. “I want Olivia to play Juliet,” he said firmly. “Abbie will be good, maybe even great. I’m confident of that. But Olivia has the potential to be superb, a completely glorious Juliet. Yes, she’s much more of a risk, but theatre would be very dull and boring if we never took risks. I don’t want to direct a production of Romeo and Juliet that is just OK, that does decent business and which everyone says is ‘intelligent’ and ‘quite moving’. I want a Romeo and Juliet that sweeps people off their feet, makes them angry and fearful, makes them sob in the aisles and rise to their feet at the end, not because they think that’s what they ought to do, but because they can’t stop themselves. An unforgettable Romeo and Juliet that passes into legend.
“For that I need Olivia, because when she’s on stage, even in an audition like this, it feels as if every word she says matters and she is giving us a glimpse of her soul.”
There was a small silence after this speech. Tish looked as if she wanted to clap but didn’t dare, so she just beamed broadly instead. Olivia felt as if her insides had melted. She had not realised that Jon had so much faith in her. He really was prepared to risk everything.
“Those were fine words, Jon,” said Howard Franks. “We know you want Olivia to play Juliet, and in the end it’s your choice. You are the director and I respect that. My concern has never been over Olivia’s acting ability, but over her age and inexperience. She will be under enormous pressure, artistically, emotionally, in every way. She is still a child. Liz is absolutely right – there would be a huge amount of press interest in a fourteen-year-old playing Juliet on the West End stage. That’s great for the production, but can Olivia cope with that level of scrutiny? The question is whether she is sufficiently mature to hold it all together and deliver night after night under intense pressure.”
“I have no doubt she’s ready,” said Jon, and there was a steely tone in his voice.
“OK,” said Howard Franks. “I’m glad you are so confident, Jon, but let’s put her under pressure. We get Abbie down here and let her audition, and we get both of them to play some scenes opposite Kasha. We’ll see what happens. Juliet is Olivia’s to lose, after all.”
He looked into Olivia’s face. “Are you game, Olivia? If you can handle this, the first night, the critics and all the attention should be a doddle.”
Jon opened his mouth to protest, but Olivia raised a hand to stop him. Her heart was thumping madly. She knew this was her make-or-break moment. If she said no she would be proving that she was vulnerable under pressure, but if she said yes she knew that she was going to have to give the performance of her life opposite Kasha. Abbie had loads of experience and more than three years on her. Abbie was always going to be the safe bet. But she wanted Juliet so much, and she knew that she was in with a fighting chance. She felt that most people in the room would be willing her to pull it off. And she could do it! She knew that she could. Maybe Kasha had been right and it was her destiny to play Juliet. She nodded. Howard Franks smiled, pleased at her decision.
“I believe in you, Livy,” said Jon. “I’ll get Abbie down here immediately. Tish, go and keep Kasha out of the way. I don’t want him knowing what’s going on. Let’s get this show on the road.”
Chapter Ten
“Give me my Romeo: and, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he shall make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night, And pay no worship to the garish sun.”
Olivia continued to the end of the speech and then fell silent. She was giddy with emotion. She tried to collect herself. She wondered whether she had let feeling run away with her and had badly neglected her technique. She hardly dared to look up in case she saw disappointment in their faces. But when she lifted her eyes, she knew that she hadn’t disgraced herself; in fact, she saw something new in their eyes, something akin to amazement.
Olivia clenched her fists. Abbie had already performed the same speech, but Olivia knew from the reaction she’d just received that she was still in the running, perhaps she had even inched ahead a little. It was so strange being up against Abbie, who had been so kind to her when she’d first come to the Swan. It was hard going head to head with someone she liked so much.
But that was how it was, and she just had to forget who it was she was up against. All that was left for the two of them to do was perform the balcony scene with Kasha. Olivia knew it would be a real test. She and Kasha had already performed the scene together, so there would be no element of surprise when he turned and saw her on the balcony. But he would be truly astonished when he saw Abbie, and genuinely delighted too. Kasha and Abbie were in love. They both knew how it felt. Olivia could only imagine what it would be like to feel so intensely that she was prepared to risk everything for a boy she had only just met. It was going to be really difficult to be able to match Abbie in the scene.
Jon’s voice suddenly broke into her thoughts. “Thanks, Livy. Can you wait in the kitchen, please?”
Olivia walked out of the room and into the kitchen that if anything seemed grimier than ever. There were several more cartons of gone-off milk, and spilled coffee was smeared all over one of the surfaces. She walked to the tap and began to wash a glass so she could have a drink of water. She heard a tapping on the window and whirled round to see Kasha’s face peering in at her. She went over and opened the window.
“What’s going on, Livy?” he asked urgently. “I’ve just seen Abbie. What’s she doing here? I’ve tried texting her but she’s not replying.”
Olivia shook her head. “I can’t tell you,” she said.
Kasha’s eyes were huge. “She’s up for Juliet, isn’t she? Something’s happened with the movie. It must have done if she’s here.”
“I can’t say, Kash,” said Olivia helplessly. “You’ll know soon enough.”
He saw her strained face. “Oh, Livy, I’m sorry, this must be awful for you. I was pretty certain that today was just a formality, but if Abbie’s here everything must have changed.”
Olivia swallowed hard and nodded. Kasha put his head in his hands. “And I’m going to have to go out there and act opposite both of you; the girl who has been such an amazing friend to me, even when I haven’t deserved a friend, and the girl who I love, knowing that only one of them can get the role.” He sighed. “If only this had happened weeks ago – Abbie would have got the role and we could be spending every day together!”
Kasha saw Olivia’s stricken face. “Oh, I’m sorry, Livy. I’m putting you in an impossible position. I’d better just go.” He turned to leave and then swung back. “I promise you, Livy. I’m going to act my very best when I do the scene with both of you. I cross my heart that I won’t do anything to favour Abbie over you. You really deserve your chance.”
With that he disappeared. But Olivia stayed as if fro
zen, standing at the open window. She suddenly felt very sick. She hadn’t been thinking about all the implications. If she won the role of Juliet, she would be denying Kasha and Abbie the one chance they had to be together, away from the scrutiny of their families. Could she do that to her friends? For them there was so much more at stake than just a leading part in a play.
Olivia’s heart was racing. She leaned out of the window and gulped in the cool air. She’d never wanted anything as much as she wanted Juliet. She moved back to the seat and sat there, statue-like, as she tried to contain her conflicting thoughts and work out what she should do.
Olivia stood on the balcony. Just as he had done at the very first audition, Kasha entered the room walking backwards and turned and saw her. Olivia sensed that Kasha was really keyed up, but he was putting his fretful restlessness to good use in performance. This time, Romeo had a coiled tension to him, and showed a real sense of confusion as if he were genuinely astonished by love. Olivia found it easy to play off Kasha’s nervy energy, digging deep into her own complex feelings to portray a young girl on the verge of making a momentous decision that would change the course of her life. She was Juliet. She tingled all over as if somebody had scraped off an entire layer of her skin.
Romeo spoke, responding to Juliet’s fears about the risk he was taking to see her.
“With love’s light wings did I o’er-perch these walls;
For stony limits cannot hold love out, And what love can do that dares love attempt;
Therefore thy kinsmen are no stop to me.”
Olivia stared at him, white-faced. It felt as if time had stood still. In an instant she recalled the threat left on the window of Kasha’s car, the despair in his voice when he talked about being kept apart from Abbie by family loyalties, and the grateful thanks they had given her after the invitation to Jack’s party had won them some snatched precious moments together. She knew what she must do, what she had to do.
She spoke:
“If they do see thee they will murder thee.”
She said it with such intensity that Jon leaned forward, suddenly aware that something had shifted in her performance.
Kasha opened his mouth to speak, but Olivia gave a little cry and took a step backwards away from the balcony. “I can’t do it. I just can’t do it,” she shouted, and she sounded like a scared child, not like Juliet. Then she turned, scrambled down the ladder and ran for the door of the room.
“Livy! Livy! Come back!” shouted Kasha, but Olivia was gone.
A buzz rose in the room.
“Well,” said Howard Franks. “At least we found out what we needed to. She can’t handle the pressure. Better to know now than on press night.”
“But what a shame!” cried Liz. “There was far more chemistry between her and Kasha than there was with him and Abbie. Both Abbie and Kasha seemed totally inhibited.”
“I agree on both counts,” said Howard Franks. “But we can’t risk a flaky Juliet. Olivia has made our decision for us.” He glanced at Jon, who was sitting very still with a puzzled frown on his face. “We said that the role was Olivia’s to lose, and I’m afraid she’s just lost it. Don’t you agree, Jon?”
Jon nodded. Then he stood up and walked out of the room without saying anything.
Jon found Olivia in the kitchen. She was standing looking out of the window. She turned slowly as he entered. She wasn’t crying, but her back was so stiff it looked as if you could snap her in two, and her eyes were dark pools of misery. She couldn’t meet his gaze.
“I blew it, didn’t I?” she said.
Jon nodded. “But you don’t need me to tell you that. You know you did, and in the most deliberate and calculated fashion too. I saw, Livy. I saw what you did. You may be able to fool the others, but you can’t fool me. You purposefully threw it away.”
“You can’t be certain,” Olivia whispered, and she felt ashamed that she had disappointed him when he had publicly put so much faith in her. Her mind raced forward to how disappointed her gran would be too. She suddenly felt shell-shocked by the enormity of what she had done. “I’m sorry I let you down.”
“I don’t understand, Livy,” said Jon, shaking his head. “I don’t understand why you did it. I thought that you were desperate to play Juliet?”
“I was,” whispered Olivia.
“Then why? Why did you throw it all away? You only had to get to the end of the scene and the role would have been yours.”
Olivia shook her head. “Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be; maybe I was never supposed to play Juliet,” she said quietly. “I’ve got to go. I’m so sorry.” Olivia knew she was going to cry and that once she started she might not be able to stop. She had to get away before that happened. She couldn’t bear it if Jon saw her like that, saw how much Juliet had really meant to her and how much it had cost her to give up the role to Abbie.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” asked Jon. “If you wait I could take you back to the Swan.”
“Thanks, Jon, but there’s no need. Tom’ll be waiting for me.” She suddenly had an urgent need to be out of the rehearsal rooms and with Tom instead. An image of his open, freckled face slipped into her head and she almost smiled despite her misery. She picked up her bag and, as she did so, her copy of Romeo and Juliet fell on to the floor. When she picked it up, if was almost as if it burned her.
“I guess I won’t be needing this again,” she said with a small choked laugh, and she handed the book to him. “I really am very sorry, Jon.”
The director looked at her. “Me too,” he said.
Olivia left the room, walked towards the entrance hall and pulled the heavy door open. Jon stared after her. He knew that Olivia hadn’t collapsed under the pressure of the occasion. For some unfathomable reason, she had gifted the role to Abbie.
Olivia walked down the steps of the rehearsal room. Tom was sitting on the bottom step, reading a book. He looked up when he heard her and, seeing her pinched, white face, he leaped to his feet. Olivia fell into his arms and only then did she allow herself to cry.
After a few minutes of just holding Olivia while she sobbed, Tom gently steered her around the side of the rehearsal studios to the bench beneath the kitchen window where they could be away from prying eyes.
“I didn’t get it,” sobbed Olivia. “I didn’t get it.” Saying the words out loud made it real. She hadn’t realised how much it would hurt. Tom didn’t demand that she tell him what happened, he didn’t murmur soothing words, he didn’t tell her that there would be other shows and other roles. He just whispered her name over and over, stroked her hair and held her so tight that despite her desolation it felt oddly like coming home.
Tom stared over Olivia’s shoulder as she wept. He hated to see her in so much pain, but he was shocked by how relieved he’d felt when he’d realised that she wouldn’t be rehearsing day after day with Kasha. He hugged her tighter, ashamed of his selfish reaction when he knew how much playing Juliet meant to his friend.
Chapter Eleven
Olivia carried her tray over to the table where Georgia, Katie and Aeysha were sitting eating their lunch. Tom followed, keeping close behind her like an unobtrusive shadow. He had been like a comforting shield ever since the day of her final Juliet audition, quietly protective but not overly solicitous or behaving as if Olivia was recovering from some terrible tragedy. Because, as Olivia had said to Eel the day after the audition, not getting the part was disappointing, but nobody had actually died.
That wasn’t exactly how she’d felt when she’d arrived back at the Swan with Tom directly after the audition though. With Olivia’s permission, Tom had texted the news to Jack and Alicia, who were waiting for them to get back. Jack held Olivia as she burst into tears all over again, and Alicia was full of sympathy and stroked her hand and told her she had done well to get so far.
But Olivia had seen the shadow of disappointment in her gran’s eyes. She knew that Alicia had wanted her to play Juliet as much as she had wanted to play
the role herself. She’d seen Alicia struggle not to show her disappointment and again realised that, in trying to help Kasha and Abbie, she had hurt her beloved gran. It made her feel uncomfortable and ashamed.
Now, as Olivia moved through the dining hall, she felt as if everybody was looking at her. They all knew that she hadn’t got Juliet. Pictures of Kasha and Abbie staring soulfully into each other’s eyes were all over the newspapers and Internet, heading up excited articles about what hot property they both were. There was talk of Hollywood interest in Kasha, and Abbie had done a big interview for the Guardian that had then been picked up by the tabloids.
Eel helpfully pointed out to Olivia that she would loathe all the attention, being photographed by the paparazzi everywhere she went, and Olivia could only agree. She hated the whole idea of it.
Aside from her friends, who had all been supportive without demanding to know the grisly details, a few Swans had murmured their commiserations but most just didn’t mention it. Swan pupils were up for parts in shows and movies all the time and they weren’t always successful. Disappointment was a daily fact of stage-school life, and the children knew not to make a big song and dance about it. There was always another role in the offing, and they knew that maybe next time they’d be lucky.
Olivia wasn’t sure there would be a next time for her though. You probably only got one shot at Juliet. And anyway, she wasn’t even sure if she would bother with acting again. Maybe not getting Juliet was a sign that she should stick with the high-wire and trapeze. She decided not to think about it for a while and tuned into her friends’ conversation. Aeysha had spent the day before at her new school, meeting her future classmates and teachers. She was enthusing about the science laboratories, to the horror of her friends.
“You mean, you’re actually looking forward to doing chemistry rather than tap and jazz?” asked Katie. Aeysha nodded, and Katie had looked so utterly appalled that Tom had caught Olivia’s eye and given her a conspiratorial wink. Olivia had managed a smile back. She thought that Aeysha was being really brave to leave the Swan and her friends behind and carve her own path. She thought back to her first, awful day at the Swan and shuddered.
