by Lyn Gardner
Georgia looked at the clock on her phone. “We’d better go,” she said to Katie, “or we’ll be late for our audition…” She trailed off and glanced anxiously at Olivia as if she might have upset her.
Olivia leaned over the table and put her hand over her friend’s. “Georgie, don’t mind me, really. I don’t want you to feel you have to walk on eggshells all of the time. Just because I didn’t get Juliet doesn’t mean that you and Katie can’t talk about your auditions. I’m rooting for you both, all of the way.” She heard her own voice sounding so sane and sensible, but the truth was that she couldn’t bear their sympathy. She didn’t deserve it. She wondered what they’d say if she told them she’d deliberately thrown Juliet away. Would they understand? Or would they think she had been a total idiot?
“How are the auditions going, anyway?” she asked.
Georgia and Katie laughed. “They’re getting weirder,” said Katie. “Last time, we had to eat a family meal with the actors playing our mum and dad and then entertain ourselves like you would on any night at home after school.”
“And still with no script?” asked Tom.
“Yes,” said Georgia. “We just make up what we say. Lara, the director, just keeps on telling us not to act, but to be, and not to try to make anyone laugh.”
“It’s always hard to start with,” said Katie, “but after a while it’s quite good fun. You just forget and behave normally. Georgie and I played Monopoly last time and it was so competitive we entirely forgot we were in an audition and ended up having a terrific row when she landed on Park Lane and owed me zillions of pounds that she didn’t have.”
“Today we’re going to the zoo,” said Georgia. “I’m quite looking forward to it.”
“And when will you know whether you’ve got it?” asked Aeysha.
Katie shrugged. “Who knows? But I reckon we must be quite close. Something Lara said makes me think it might be between us and another pair of girls. I think they’re real sisters, though, so we’re not holding our breath.”
“No, we’re not,” said Georgia. “And if we don’t get it, something else will come up. At least Eel and Emmy are still in the running to be two of the Matildas.”
She and Katie stood up to go. “We’d better go too,” said Tom. “Jack will be waiting for us, Liv. See you later, Aeysha.”
They all started to gather their bags and things, then wandered off leaving Aeysha sitting at the table all on her own. She watched them go and felt a sudden pang.
Chapter Twelve
Tom cycled along the wire with Olivia standing on his shoulders. He didn’t wobble once. Olivia felt ten feet tall. She loved this! It reminded her of how much she adored the high-wire, and how much she would miss it if she ever gave it up. Not that giving it up was an option. It was in her blood. She looked at Jack’s face, ablaze with pleasure and admiration.
“That’s brilliant!” he said. “I’m so proud of you both. Anyone would think that you were born into the circus, Tom.”
“Wish I had been,” said Tom mournfully. “It would have been far more glamorous then a terraced house off Caledonian Road.” He looked pensive. “It’s not just the glamour. I wish I’d started the high-wire when I could barely walk, like Liv. I’d be so much better by now.”
“But you’ve made amazing progress, Tom,” said Jack. “So you shouldn’t worry on that score. You could have a career on the high-wire if you wanted it.”
Tom looked chuffed. “Do you really think so?” he asked.
Jack nodded. “No doubt about it. Pablo thinks so too,” he said. “But I imagine, like most people at the Swan, you’re probably rather keener on letting the world see your Hamlet, and you’ll be heading for RADA not Circus Space.”
“You really can go to circus school?” asked Tom. Jack nodded, and Tom’s eyes gleamed. “How cool is that!”
“Maybe you could do both,” said Olivia casually. “Maybe you don’t have to choose between acting and circus.”
“Tricky,” said Jack. “But not impossible if you want both enough.” He glanced at his daughter. He wished he knew what she really wanted. Trying to fathom Olivia out was like peering into a pool that was a brilliant aquamarine on the surface but many different, darker colours underneath. She had been like that even as a tiny child. He wondered if things would have been different if Toni had lived. She’d had the knack of drawing Olivia out, just as she’d had with him, making him acknowledge his feelings, however painful they were. Eel was easy. Most things eventually rose to the surface with Eel. But it was as though Olivia had an inner life that nobody ever saw, except perhaps when she was acting. Alicia once said that it was this emotional hinterland that made her so mesmerising on stage.
Jack just wished he knew what was going on in her head. He was worried that she was secretly distraught at her failure to get Juliet, but she clammed up like an oyster when he tried to probe further. He thought maybe a woman – a mother – would be better able to reach Olivia.
He was intensely worried that Olivia’s reluctance to confide in him was because she had picked up on his ambivalent feelings about her auditioning for Juliet. Of course he wanted her to do whatever would make her happy. He just hadn’t bargained for Olivia turning into an actress like her mother. But if that was the direction in which she wanted to go, he knew that he would have to set her free.
For the moment, though, he was thrilled that she had rekindled her enthusiasm for the high-wire, and he was certain that a summer of gigs all over Europe together would do the rest. Who knew, maybe after her failure to secure Juliet, she would forget this acting business altogether.
Chapter Thirteen
Olivia and Eel came down the zip wire together and landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom.
“That was such fun!” said Eel breathlessly.
“Until you squashed me,” said Olivia, rubbing her bruised hip.
“Excuse me, I think it was you who squashed me,” said Eel indignantly. “If you’d landed any harder you’d have broken my leg and been responsible for tragically cutting short the career of the most gifted ballerina the world has ever known.”
Olivia snorted and started tickling Eel until her little sister cried for mercy.
It was turning into an idyllic fourteenth birthday party. It was the first really warm day of the year, and Alicia had suggested that they have Olivia’s birthday tea by the river at the back of the Swan. Jack and Pablo had fixed up the zip wire while everyone lazed on picnic rugs and stuffed themselves with sandwiches and crisps. And there was still the birthday cake and presents to come.
Georgia and Katie beckoned Olivia and Eel over to them. “We need you both,” shouted Katie.
“It’s research,” said Georgia as Olivia and Eel flopped on to the rug, positioning themselves where they could watch Tom and Aeysha waiting to come down the zip wire. “You have to help us. We need you to tell us what it’s really like to be sisters.”
“It’s awful, really,” said Eel with exaggerated mournfulness. “You don’t know what I have to put up with. Livy’s moody. Pig-headed. She thinks all my best ideas are complete rubbish, and she just doesn’t get ballet at all. She always makes me eat all the prawn cocktail-flavoured crisps in the multi-pack even though I don’t like them much either. How cruel is that? She’s the heavy cross I have to bear.”
Olivia swiped her affectionately. “Shut it, you scheming little big-headed show-off. My life was perfect before you were born and ruined everything.”
“Come on, be serious,” said Katie. “Being sisters is not the same as being friends, is it?”
“Of course not,” said Olivia. “I much prefer spending time with you two and Aeysha. I like you much more than I like Eel, who is often a complete toad but…” She looked enquiringly at Georgia. “Georgie, I know she’s only a baby, but how do you feel about Rosie, your half-sister?”
“I love her,” said Georgia simply. “I loved her the moment I saw her. I’d never seen anything so small and perfect.
I took her little hand and she curled this tiny little finger round my finger, and from that moment I was lost.”
“Exactly,” said Olivia. “But I bet sometimes when you stay at your dad’s you find her crying irritating, and I bet you sometimes feel jealous of all the attention she gets?”
Georgia nodded. “Yes, it’s as if the world revolves around Rosie. Sometimes I want to say to my dad, ‘I’m here too. Don’t forget me.’”
“Well,” said Olivia, “then you know exactly what being an older sister is like.”
“Ah,” said Eel. “It’s much worse being a younger sister. You always feel that you can never catch up. Your big sister has already done everything that you want to do. You can only ever be second best. When I was little, I couldn’t wait to get up on the high-wire and be like Livy. And when I did, I just didn’t have the knack of it like she did. It was obvious I’d never be as good. So I just stopped doing it. I knew I’d never be able to compete with her.”
Olivia stared at Eel. “You’ve never told me that before. I thought you just weren’t interested in the high-wire. I think Dad did too.”
Eel grinned and clutched her heart melodramatically. “My heart was broken, and neither of them noticed. Typical.” She paused. “Actually, it wasn’t broken at all, just slightly chipped like an old teacup. I always knew that there must be something I could be better at than Livy, and it turned out to be dancing.” She smiled wickedly. “Although of course that’s not hard. Even a one-legged giraffe would be better than Livy at ballet.”
Olivia thumped Eel good-naturedly on the shoulder, and Eel thumped her back.
“You’re so rude to each other,” said Katie.
“We are. But the point is that if anyone else, even you and Georgia, talked about Eel the way I talk about her or called her the things I call her, I’d be on your case in an instant.”
“Yep,” said Eel. “Livy’s always shouting at me and telling me off for things I do. I can recall several death threats. But she’s allowed because I know that if it really ever came to it she’d be on my side. Like I would be on her side. I know she’ll always stand up for me.”
“Even if you’d done something really terrible?” asked Georgia.
“Maybe not if I turned into a mass murderer,” said Eel. “Even Livy might draw the line there.”
Olivia looked thoughtful. “I’ll always be there for her, because she’s my sister. It’s like she’s part of me. There are times when I feel as if I hate her, but it’s like hating a bit of myself. I’d be lost without her. If anything ever happened to Eel, I’d die.”
“You can’t die just yet, Liv,” said Aeysha, as she and Tom sat down beside them. “You haven’t had your birthday cake and I’ve seen it. It’s totally sick.”
At that moment Alicia appeared with a triple-decker chocolate cake and put it down on the table that had been set up under the trees. She began to light the candles and Jack started rounding everyone up.
Olivia stared at the dancing flames as the final strains of “Happy Birthday” died away. It was her moment to make a wish. Just a week ago she’d have wished that she’d get the part of Juliet. But that was behind her now. There was no going back, and there was the summer to look forward to, when she’d be spending lots of time with Tom and her dad. She was about to wish for some really good dates for their act, when she was struck by the glowing faces of those around her. Maybe, she thought, she should wish that Eel would get Matilda, that Aeysha would love her new life at her new school, that her dad would stop being so lonely, and that Katie and Georgia would get their movie. But then she shut her eyes tight and made the simplest wish of all: she just wished that they would all be happy. Every last one of them, including herself.
After the cake was cut and eaten, there was a small pile of presents to be opened. Jack had got Olivia a book she’d always wanted about women in circus and tickets to a new show from a raved-about Australian circus company at the Barbican. Alicia had bought her a copy of Hamlet and got it autographed by five of the best Hamlets of the last decade. Katie, Georgia and Aeysha had clubbed together to buy her a sweatshirt that she’d seen online and liked, and Eel gave her an iPod with the soundtrack to Matilda already on it. As soon as Olivia got the wrapping off, Eel promptly asked to borrow it.
Tom hung back a little from the others and watched Olivia unwrap her presents. He had given her his gift earlier, when they’d finished their high-wire practice. He had tracked down a photograph of the two of them doing Romeo and Juliet on the high-wire at the London Palladium, and then he’d had it framed. Olivia had been ecstatic.
“Oh, Tom, it’s fantastic!” she’d said. “I love it to bits. Thank you so much.” Then she’d kissed him delightedly on the cheek. Although it had only been a peck, Tom could still feel the tingle of her lips on his skin. He had another carefully chosen present for her too: a small bunch of lily of the valley. It had taken hours of searching on the Internet to track down a shop that stocked them. Then he had had to get up early to travel across London to buy them, and they hadn’t come cheap. But Tom knew that lily of the valley had been Olivia’s mum’s favourite flower, and he knew how much Olivia loved them too. He held the bunch in his hand behind his back, and was about to step forward and offer them to her when someone shouted Olivia’s name.
Everyone turned to see Kasha strolling down the path, bearing the biggest bunch of flowers any of them had ever seen. It looked as if he had bought the entire contents of a florist shop such was the riot of colours and blooms that tumbled luxuriantly over each other.
“Happy birthday!” cried Kasha, pushing the flowers into Olivia’s arms and swinging her around so fast that Olivia screeched with laughter. He planted a big kiss on her cheek.
“Kasha!” Olivia gasped. “What are you doing here?” She hadn’t seen him since the day of her final audition, and when he had texted her his commiserations about not getting Juliet, she had simply texted back: “It was written in the stars.” She knew from his subsequent silence that he had no inkling about what she had done for him and Abbie, and that was the way she wanted it to stay.
“I couldn’t let your birthday pass without seeing you,” said Kasha. “Do you love your flowers? They’re fabulous, aren’t they?”
Olivia smiled. Kasha’s enthusiasm was like that of a small boy. Even though he was four years older than her, he often felt so much younger.
“I adore them,” said Olivia. “They’re enormous.” Everyone gathered round and admired the magnificence of the bouquet. Tom took the moment to slip away. He felt crushed. His little bunch of flowers felt insignificant next to Kasha’s extravagant offering. He just couldn’t compete with a boy who was plastered all over the walls of so many girls’ bedrooms. Even his little sister had a shrine to Kasha Kasparian over her bed. For a moment he felt like simply throwing his flowers away, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It would be such a childish thing to do. Besides it would feel like throwing away all his hopes.
Just then Alicia asked him to help her take some of the plates and presents back inside. Olivia’s bedroom door was wide open and Alicia asked Tom to put the copy of Hamlet on Olivia’s bed. Tom did as he had been asked and then hesitated. He had the fragile bunch of flowers in a small box in his backpack, their stems wrapped in a twist of tinfoil and moistened cotton wool. Quickly he took the lily of the valley out of the box and put them on Olivia’s pillow.
When Olivia found them later, she was puzzled when none of her family knew how they’d got there. She put the flowers in a glass of water, enjoying their shy scent and the self-effacing way they drooped their heads. Olivia loved their simple green and white far more than the extravagance of Kasha’s blooms. She touched one of the tiny, exquisite, bell-like flowers and thought that whoever had given them to her must know her very well. It was the perfect gift.
Chapter Fourteen
Kasha stood on the steps of the rehearsal rooms as Cassie Usher told him all about her plans for her wedding. Kasha wa
sn’t really listening. The day’s rehearsal had just finished, and out of the corner of his eye he was watching Abbie get into Tyler’s car. He could see her reluctance in her body language. Her cousin insisted on dropping Abbie off each morning and picking her up at the end of the day. Abbie said he’d have sat in on rehearsals all day if he could.
Kasha had told Abbie to ignore Tyler and go home any way she liked, but Abbie didn’t want to antagonise him and thought he’d just back off eventually. She didn’t even want to tell her dad, who wasn’t well again and who needed Tyler’s help with the business, which was inexplicably losing money. “Whatever you say about him, he’s a hard worker,” she’d told Kasha. “He pores over the books until late into the night. Dad says he thinks he sleeps at the office.”
Kasha disconsolately watched Tyler’s car roar away. A long, lonely evening stretched ahead of him. He could go and see Jazz, or some of his other friends, but the only person he really wanted to be with was Abbie. Even though they spent almost every day together, she still seemed as far away as ever. He walked over to the little bench under the open kitchen window. It was bathed in warm sunshine and he lay down on it to think. Abbie wanted him to join her in Spain after Christmas, when she started filming Joan of Arc, but he already had a tour of the US lined up. It was so frustrating; it felt as if they were doomed to be forever apart.
He heard the goodbye shouts from the rest of the cast as they left, and then somebody started moving around in the kitchen, clearing up. He guessed it was Tish, who’d been complaining about the disgusting state of the kitchen and threatening to ban them all from using it if they didn’t clear up after themselves. Kasha heard the kitchen door open and Jon’s voice say something that he couldn’t catch because Tish had put the kettle on. There was the sound of a spoon clinking against cups, and water being poured.
