The Summer We Changed (Relentless Book 1)

by Barbara C. Doyle

  She’d constantly get on my case about staying in the room so much instead of going out. She would criticize everything I ate at every meal we had together. It drove me insane to the point the stress got me sick.

  After almost two months, I opted to move from the suite we shared with four other girls, to a single in a different building. I thought we could still be friends, especially now that we had our own space.

  But we couldn’t.

  I thought she hated me before, but leaving fueled the fire that was already out of control.

  Soon, the rumors started. Things that weren’t true at all, and things that were greatly exaggerated. The guys I hung out with as friends became the guys I’d sleep with any chance I could get.

  To her, I was the campus slut.

  The small college soon thought so, too.

  That was when the guys started showing up. It was like I was being hunted by predators who thought I was easy prey. Defenseless. Vulnerable.

  I ignored them nine times out of ten. The comments they’d call after me. The wolf whistles. The catcalls. I could avoid all those things. Especially when Will was around.

  But at the end of fall semester, I was tired of it all. Still sick from stress, from constantly fighting the backlash of a choice I thought was a good one. I went back to my dorm after a late film class I had. I thought I locked the door.

  I didn’t.

  I thought I had enough energy to fight.

  I didn’t.

  The wolves had found me. At least, one wolf had.

  And Will … he stopped it once he heard me crying. I only remember bits and pieces from the night, refrained memory as far as I’m concerned, but I remember enough.

  The way the wolf’s paws were on me, peeling back layers of clothes that would reveal too much flesh.

  The way his brown eyes were set on me like I was his newest meal.

  The way he would move, even when I tried fighting him off.

  A tear slips down my face, suddenly overwhelmed from the memory. I turn so my back is to his front. His hand lets go of mine, and I miss his warmth. But I need to focus. To tell him why … why I wasn’t right after that.

  Why I couldn’t go after what I wanted.

  “You saw how I was after that,” I murmur, sniffing back tears. “I wasn’t ready to let anybody close to me again. But you … you were always there. Everywhere. The back of my mind. The voice in my head. It was always you, even when it shouldn’t have been.”

  There’s a pause of silence.

  “You don’t have to tell me that,” he finally says, his arm going around my waist, but stills. “Is this okay?”

  I nod. “Yes.”

  More than okay. More than he knew.

  He moves closer. “I told you before, Tessa. Nothing about what happened that night is your fault. Anything that led to him making that choice was his alone. All his.” He finds my fingers and threads them with his. “And I wasn’t going to push you on anything, even when I wanted to. Because it was always you, too, Tess. Even … even when it shouldn’t have been. When I was with Sheri. When you went through that assault.

  “It was always you who consumed me. That’s why I hate Ian so much. He got a part of you that I didn’t. And the night I pulled that asshole off you when I saw him undressing you despite what you told him, it made me murderous. Jesus, Tess, you have no idea how much I want to make this better for you—make the pain go away.”

  I squeeze my eyes closed. “That’s just the thing, Will. Nobody can do that but me. And I think I’ll always have some sort of pain from the experience, but I don’t have to let it consume me. I meant what I said earlier. I don’t want to be broken anymore. When my phone went off earlier, it was from an old dating app that I tried using. I got matched with a guy who looked just like … like him. And I thought it was him until I got a closer look … really looked at him.”

  He curses.

  I shake my head. “It wasn’t though. I know that for sure. It was just my brain trying to give me a panic attack—trick me. And that’s when I knew that it needed to stop. I needed to make it stop, because I don’t deserve that. None of it.”

  “You don’t,” he agrees. “Nobody does. You know what you do deserve? To be happy, Tess. To get everything you want in life. Everybody. Anybody.”

  I sniff back tears. “I didn’t think I deserved you.”

  His entire body stiffens, and his arm tightens around me. I shiver when his lips brush my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “Never say that, Tessa. Like I said before, you deserve anything and everything. Never forget that.”

  There’s a beat of silence.

  “Can I give you your birthday present now? I think … I think it’s the perfect time to.”

  I feel him shift, his arm letting go of me.

  “You want to sing me a song?” I whisper, sitting up and watching him get his guitar from where he put it on my bookshelf when we got here.

  He sits back down on the bed, smiling at me. “I want to do a lot of things, Tess. But this makes the most sense right now.”

  My heart beats a little faster in my chest as I absorb that, wondering what other things he wants to do.

  But instead of asking, I let him play me a song.

  He rests his guitar on his lap, and looks at me with a sheepish smile. “It may not be any good, but it comes from the heart. And I mean every word, Tess. Know that.”

  I nod, and he starts playing. It’s the same song he played at Marty’s, and I can’t help but feel blown away over the fact that it’s still as powerful as I remember, feeding my soul the very thing it needs to start mending.

  When the storm is waging,

  Deep in her heart

  When the fear is raging,

  And the damage scars

  When the days turn to nights,

  And she cries in her sleep

  When her smiles are tight,

  Yet she still takes a leap

  That’s the girl I know,

  That pain will always show, yeah

  She tries to stay okay,

  But it’ll never change

  That’s the fight I see,

  When her eyes are always beaming,

  She fights against the world,

  But there is no stronger girl.

  When the fire’s dimming,

  And her love is low,

  Her eyes are swimming,

  In the afterglow

  When she thinks she’s losing,

  But her mind is strong

  She is always choosing,

  Just to prove them wrong.

  That’s the girl I know,

  That pain will always show, yeah

  She tries to stay okay,

  But it’ll never change

  That’s the fight I see,

  When her eyes are always beaming,

  She fights against the world,

  But there is no stronger girl.

  That’s all I need to hear.

  My heart comes alive in my chest with every word, soaking up everything it ever wanted. From the person it always wanted.

  Tears are in my eyes for a completely different reason, even minutes after the song ends and the guitar is back on the shelf. “That was beautiful, Will.” My voice cracks. “You think that? That I’m strong enough?”

  “There was never a doubt in my mind.”

  “I thought I wasn’t willing to be with anybody because of that night. I thought … I thought I was broken. Damaged. Untouchable. But that wasn’t it. Not all of it, anyway. I was never completely broken or damaged. I just hadn’t found the person I wanted to touch me—to heal me. To save me. That’s … that’s you, Will. Always has been.”

  The weight on my shoulders lifts as the truth floats around us.

  I’m able to breathe again. There’s no hardness to it. No struggle. Because Will knows the truth, and that’s what matters.

  It was always you. Even when it shouldn’t have been.

  We’re l
aying back down, and I can feel his heart thunder in his chest, and I know mine sounds identical. His arm tightens around my waist, heat blasting my entire body as he pulls me into him. I suck in a breath when the warmth of his tickles my throat, his nose nestling against my sensitive skin.

  Holy crap on a cracker.

  My body freezes when his lips graze the warm skin of my neck, moving upward. Not in fear. In something raw. Wanting.

  Always wanting.

  I close my eyes, absorbing the moment because I don’t know if or when it will end.

  When he nips my neck, I gasp. “Will?”

  My voice is throaty and low and full of something I’ve never had before. Desire. I’ve felt lust plenty of times, but nothing I ever worked toward getting.

  “I need to know if this is okay,” he tells me, his voice pleading, but firm. He wants to know that I want this.

  Wants to know that he can have this.

  Share this.

  Heal me.

  I gather the courage to turn and face him, his muscled arm still hooked around my torso.

  Now we’re face-to-face, our eyes reflecting dark pools of something we’ve been skirting around for forever.

  One hand goes to my face, cupping my cheek.

  “Please,” I whisper. “I want this.”

  “Tess ...” His voice is no more than a whisper.

  Before I can even respond, his lips are on mine. A cross between gentle and wanting. Firm and controlling, yet soft and consuming.

  I somehow manage to move closer to him so our entire fronts are pressed together. Snaking my arms around his neck, I deepen the kiss. He groans, his tongue sweeping my bottom lip wanting entry.

  I give it to him. And when our tongues meet, heat explodes throughout my whole body. Fireworks erupt, my hold on him tightens, and I arch my hips into his.

  And that’s when he takes over.

  The arm he used to hook around my waist lifts me up as we shift until he’s on his back and I’m straddling him. All of him. My legs are on either side of his hips, and I’m practically sitting on something that is definitely not his cell phone.

  His hands grip my hips, fingertips digging into the soft flesh. It doesn’t hurt. If anything, it fuels a fire inside of me.

  We stare at each other, breaths uneven. Ragged.

  Slowly, his hands raise the oversized nightshirt I’m wearing. It feels like an eternity before it’s off my hips so my bottom half is revealed.

  Will eyes my underwear. Honestly, I don’t even remember what kind I’m wearing. I hope they’re not embarrassing, but I’m too afraid to look.

  His voice is a strangled, throaty tone. “Your underwear …” His lips tip up into an amused grin, but the lust is still there in his eyes. “You’re wearing Superman underwear.”

  I look down at the blue and red pattern, feeling my face flush. Of course I couldn’t have worn something cute and lacy.

  Will’s hands travel toward them, one finger dipping past the elastic band. I suck in a breath, feeling his finger dangerously close to an area it’s never been before.

  He chuckles, but it’s not his normal light-hearted one. This one is deeper. “What would Batman think?”

  I want to laugh at that, but my heart is pumping so fast in my chest I’m afraid it’ll propel out of me. And the fact that I’m sitting on a very excited, very evident, part of Will is distracting as hell.

  “I-I don’t care what Batman thinks right now.” I put my hands flat on his chest, staring into his eyes, trying to figure out if this is real or not.

  Will’s finger pulls down part of my underwear and leans forward, planting a kiss right at the panty line. I’m still where I’m sitting, heart racing, heat swarming, and my mind is thinking a million things at once.

  All of them dirty.

  “Will … I need …” I don’t even know what I need. I want to say air, like I’m suffocating, but in the best way possible. Can you suffocate in a good way though?

  But I’m drowning in the possibility of either of our next moves, and suddenly my fear of drowning is wiped clean. Because if I’m drowning in Will, it’s suddenly okay. Every fear I’ve had seems to vanish, because Will is holding me and gazing at me like I’m the only salvation left on Earth. It’s unnerving.

  Consuming.

  “What do you need?” he whispers, one hand sweeping a piece of hair behind my ear.

  I don’t really hear myself say it, but I feel it with every fiber of my being. I feel the truth in those three little words. Everything I’ve been terrified of since the incident in the dorms freshman year disappear, because Will’s here and I’m here, and the moment is too much to ignore.

  “I need you.”

  Growling, he presses me into him, his hips thrusting up so he’s fully pressed to the most sensitive part of me. We meet halfway, our lips crushing against each other in a way that’s aggressive but gentle at the same time.

  My hands gather fistfuls of his shirt, trying to pull him as close to me as possible. His tongue dances with mine, and I can taste the minty toothpaste he used just moments before crawling into bed.

  Into my bed.

  I don’t let my brain try to analyze the fact that my best friend is currently giving me the best kiss I’ve had in my life. Instead, I shut off my brain and let my body take over.

  My hands travel up to his hair, knotting in the messy strands. I moan when he arches his hips up again, his erection pressing into me. I’m completely lost in him, in the feeling of him under me, of the way he’s reacting to me.

  “Will,” I say in a breathy tone, pulling away.

  I don’t think I can ever get sick of saying his name.

  He trails kisses from my lips to my chin, his lips going down my jaw and neck. He nips at my throat, and I tilt my head back to give him more access. When he murmurs my name in the sexiest voice I’ve ever heard, it makes me lose my mind completely.

  I gather his shirt in my hands again, pulling it up. He pulls away to help me take it off, throwing it on the floor somewhere. I can’t help but scope the hard muscle planes of his chest, knowing he earned his muscles working on the farm for so long. Trailing my hands over him, I trace the way his pecs and abs dip, and he closes his eyes and moans when my hands are at the waistband of his boxers.

  He doesn’t let me go any farther before he takes the bottom of my nightshirt and slides it up my body. It’s a lot quicker than before, desperate. He throws my shirt wherever his landed, and then stares at me with heated eyes, taking in my practically naked body.

  I’m wearing a boring blue bra, one that matches the same royal blue of my underwear. At least it’s a push-up one, one that makes my boobs look good.

  And based on how his lips are parted as he takes me in, he thinks they look good, too.

  I wiggle on his lap, his eyes rolling in the back of his head. I don’t know how, but I feel him get harder underneath me.

  It turns me on knowing I’m doing that to him.

  “Please, Will,” I plead, my hands going back down to the waistband of his pants. “Please touch me?”

  He sits up, pressing a kiss against my lips. “God, you don’t ever have to ask me twice.”

  His kiss gets rougher, greedier, hungrier. He bites my bottom lip, pulling it away as he repositions us. My arms go around his neck, tugging him closer to me. When he rocks into me, I can’t stop the low mewl that slips out of my mouth.

  I’m pretty sure he growls at that, and before I know it, I’m on my back with him hovering above me. His hands are extended out, holding him up, placed on either side of my head. I can’t help but notice the way his muscles are bulging as he keeps his weight just above me. His mouth is ravaging mine, his tongue twisting and flicking and licking me.

  He pulls away, leaving me breathless.

  Slowly, he lowers himself down so we’re pressed together. Feeling his warm skin against mine gives me goose bumps, and my breathing hitches. I can feel him through his boxers, pressing against me
in a way that drives me absolutely crazy. He rests his forehead against mine, his eyes dark and full of as much yearning as mine.

  “If you want to stop, now would be the time to tell me,” he says quietly, trailing kisses down my cheek. His lips run down the line of my jaw, down my throat, and his nose nestles the nape of my neck.

  My hands move down his back, settling on the spot just above his jeans. My fingernails dig in as he nips the sensitive spot of my neck, causing me to suck in a breath.

  “I don’t want to stop,” I find myself saying.

  “You’re sure?” he whispers, voice throaty. “I won’t blame you if you want to, Tess.”

  He pulls away enough to look at me. We lock eyes as I bring my lips to his, giving him a chaste kiss.

  “I’m positive. I need you to make me forget, to make me feel something I haven’t in a long time. Maybe even ever. I need this, Will.”

  And that’s all it takes before he helps me slide his boxers off his lean legs. His hands run back up my body, his fingers finding the hook of my bra and undoing it. Slowly, what’s left of my clothes are on the floor, and our skin is on fire, and our breathing is heavy and ragged.

  The way he gazes at me fills my chest, like there was a hole in my heart I didn’t know about until his look fills it in.

  When he kisses me, I feel wanted.

  When he touches me, I feel desired.

  When he whispers my name, I feel loved.

  I’m in love with my best friend.

  It isn’t a realization, but an admission.

  I’ve always loved Will. Always wanted him to be around. Always wanted his approval. Now it’s just cemented—set in stone with our names carved in it.

  And every touch he gives me, every kiss he plants on my body, and every way he moves over me, in me, makes my heart his forever.

  The way he says my name when he can’t control himself anymore completely ends me. There’s a slight burn as a reminder of my years of inexperience every time he moves out of me and back in, but it’s a burn that I want to feel more often. A fire I want to feed.

  We erupt at the same time, white flashes of light taking over my vision. My body arches one last time, then goes limp with exhaustion in the best way possible as he slides off me.