Mother by Design

by Susan Mallery

  “Then tell me what else is wrong,” he said gently.

  “Nothing.” She shook her head. “It’s stupid, really.”

  “Stupid is one of my favorite things.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut. “I used to be really together and normal. Lately I feel fragile, like I could snap in two.”

  “Don’t you think that some of that has to do with the hormones?”

  “Sure. And carrying the baby. Everything in my body feels weird, but in a good way.”

  “I’m not sure what good weird is.”

  She managed a smile. “It’s a chick thing.” She sniffed again. “Anyway, I’m just going through some stuff.”

  “Like?”

  She stared at him. Her green eyes darkened with pain. “I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and that’s what I keep thinking is going to happen. I’ve been dating since I was sixteen. What’s wrong with me that I can’t find someone? There were guys I really liked but who weren’t crazy about me, there were guys who wanted to get married who I didn’t love enough. There was Michael. Talk about a disaster.”

  “His being a jerk isn’t your responsibility.”

  “But why couldn’t I see the truth? The man was married. I should have known to question him more closely and figure out that his business trips were about a lot more than business.”

  Jake didn’t like the sound of that. “You’re sorry it’s over,” he said, trying not to sound bitter.

  “What?” Her eyes widened. “No. Not for a second. I would have been miserable and he never would have changed his ways. Not that his not cheating would have made him less of a rat. This isn’t about Michael, it’s about me. About the fact that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. When my child is grown and gone, I’ll be forced to take in cats. Do you know how many cats would fit in my new house?”

  “More than I’d want around.”

  “Exactly. And eventually the county will come take me away and there I’ll be on the news. One of those crazy old cat ladies. And the animal rescue people will give my cats to more sensible people who know only to have one or two pets. And I’ll die all alone.”

  Tears poured down her cheeks. Jake knew she was really in pain, but he had to fight to keep from smiling. The picture she’d painted was so far from reality. Pregnancy sure wasn’t easy.

  “Maybe an herbal supplement,” he began before recognizing the pit he’d just dug for himself.

  Lily socked him in the arm. “Don’t you dare go there. I’m not crazy and this isn’t just about being pregnant.”

  “I know. Sorry. But you’re getting all upset about nothing. You’re not going to die alone.”

  She looked at him. “You’re right, I won’t. Not if we get married.”

  Chapter 4

  Jake was sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. “What?”

  “Aren’t you worried about the same thing?” she asked. “Don’t you think about being alone forever?”

  He didn’t have an answer for that. His problems were more immediate—like how to tell Lily about his feelings for her and make her believe they were real and not about circumstances or pity. And if that didn’t work, then how to get over loving her and move on. Only now she was talking as if she didn’t want him to move on.

  “It’s not a bad idea,” she said defensively. “We get along great. We’ve been friends for years and we rarely get on each other’s nerves.” She touched her stomach. “You love kids. We could have more.”

  Nothing made sense—except Lily looked serious and there was a pleading in her eyes he couldn’t resist.

  He loved her. Maybe he had for years, even though he’d only figured it out a few months ago. If he married her, he could take care of her. Keep her safe while openly loving her and the baby.

  As decisions went, it wasn’t a tough one.

  “I’ll marry you,” he told her.

  “Really?”

  “Name the date.”

  Lily burst out laughing and threw herself into his arms. “How about Saturday? We’re both off work.”

  “Fine by me.”

  “You’re humming,” Allison said as Lily checked the supply cabinet.

  Lily glanced up from her clipboard and did her best to keep from grinning. It was Friday morning and in about twenty-four hours, she was getting married!

  The news still hadn’t sunk in, which was okay. She could get floaty just on the possibility.

  “I hum all the time,” she told her co-worker.

  “Yeah, but not like this. It’s a happy hum.”

  Lily laughed. “Instead of the funeral dirges I usually entertain you with?”

  “No. It’s just…” Allison, tall, slender and painfully beautiful, shrugged. “You’ve been extra cheerful all week. Is it the baby?”

  It was really Jake, but Lily didn’t want to say that. Her soon-to-be marriage was still a secret.

  “I’m just a cheerful kind of girl.”

  “Uh-huh.” Allison didn’t look convinced. “Those are some powerful hormones coursing through your body. I may have to get me some.”

  Allison was all of twenty-three and had the dating attention span of a goldfish.

  “You might want to wait a little while,” Lily told her with a grin. “Enjoy life, grow up a little more, find the right guy.”

  “So when I’m old like you I should have a baby?” Allison asked cheekily.

  Lily threw a wrapped package of tissue at her. “Exactly.”

  “I’ll make a note of that. I mean, my being old is so far in the future, I’ll probably forget.”

  Lily tried not to smile, but she couldn’t help it. “Here, kid. You take care of the inventory and I’ll take little Aaron down to X-ray. It’s about that time.”

  “Sure thing. I was raised to respect my elders.”

  Lily chuckled as she headed for Aaron’s room. “Okay, big guy,” she said when she entered. “Want to take a first class ride in an elevator?”

  The eight year old looked up from his Game Boy. He was pale, bald, but still full of fire. “Hey, Lily. Do I have to?”

  “Is anything here an option? I think not. But here’s the thing. This one won’t hurt. Isn’t that cool? And by the time we’re done, lunch will be here and I have it on good authority that there’s some ice cream on the menu, so hey. What’s not to like?”

  Aaron put down his video game. “I’m ready. Can we go real fast?”

  “We can go at light speed. Of course my big stomach will probably bump some poor patient and send her spiraling down the hall.”

  Aaron laughed. “Okay. Not light speed.”

  “You’re the boss.”

  She moved close to the bed to unhook his IVs. He wrapped both his arms around her and she hugged him back. She loved these kids—they were one of the reasons she’d wanted a baby of her own so much. Maybe now that she was marrying Jake she could think about having more children in the future.

  Saturday morning Lily found herself waiting outside the judge’s private chambers. The past four days had zipped by in a whirlwind of activity. There had been a dress to find—not easy considering she was six months along and working full time—a small reception to arrange and the decision to tell people or not.

  Under normal circumstances, Lily would have happily spread the news. Only she’d already planned one big wedding that year and it had ended in disaster. This time she thought it was probably smarter to keep things quiet until she was sure they were going to work out.

  In addition to being sensible, she was also dealing with some fairly serious guilt. Excitement and guilt were a unique combination.

  “You don’t have to do this,” she said as she stood next to Jake in the hallway. “You can’t really want to marry me. I was freaking out about the whole alone thing.”

  Jake—tall and handsome in a dark suit—took her hands in his. “Lily, I want to marry you.”

  There was something in his voice…something rich and amazing that made h
er insides quiver and her heart thunder in her chest.

  “For real?”

  He nodded. “In fact, I’ve been looking for a way to—”

  The chamber doors opened and a clerk stepped out. “She’s ready for you,” the young man said.

  Lily was torn between hearing what Jake had to say and getting on with the ceremony. She released one of Jake’s hands and picked up the small bouquet of white roses she’d brought with her.

  “Ready?” he asked.

  She nodded. “You’re not feeling to need the bolt, are you?”

  He brought her free hand to his mouth and brushed her knuckles with his lips. “I’m not going anywhere, Lily. You’ve always been able to count on me. Nothing about that is going to change.”

  His words made her feel all warm inside. Warm and safe—two feelings that had been missing from her life for a long time.

  As they walked into the judge’s private chambers, she promised herself that she would do her best to make their marriage work. She wasn’t sure why Jake had agreed to her proposal, but the second he’d said yes, she’d felt happy. Maybe they didn’t have a wild, passionate love to see them through, but sometimes wild passion wasn’t enough. She and Jake had friendship and a commitment to each other. They’d weathered storms in the past. They understood the nuances of their individual personalities. She could see herself getting old with Jake. If that was the definition of their friendship, then she knew it was more than enough to see them through.

  The ceremony passed quickly and quietly. There was no large congregation, no music. Just a few words in a brightly lit room. When the judge asked about a ring, Jake pulled out a slim gold band inlaid with square-cut diamonds. Lily stared at it. While the ring itself wasn’t a surprise—she’d given him her ring size—the expensive and beautiful band was.

  “We said just plain gold,” she whispered.

  He smiled. “You said a plain gold band,” he reminded her. “I wanted to get you something more special.”

  Tears burned in her eyes. She blinked them away, afraid that he wouldn’t understand that she was crying because he was so incredible and not because she was sad.

  She pulled out the diamond-cut band she’d purchased for him and slid it on his finger. As they held hands and faced the judge, Lily’s heart swelled with an emotion she couldn’t define. Wanting filled her—a need for the man standing next to her. She wanted to hold him and be held. To touch him. She wanted to lie in the dark and talk about their future.

  She wanted their marriage to be real.

  “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The judge smiled. “You may kiss the bride.”

  Jake turned toward her and rested one hand on her shoulder. He kissed her lightly. A gentle kiss that left Lily wanting more.

  Tonight, she promised herself. Somehow she would convince Jake to see past her swollen belly and seal the promises made this morning. She would explain that she’d meant her vows, that she wanted their marriage to be real. No matter what it took, she would convince him that this was forever.

  But first there was the issue of his family.

  “Are you sure no one is upset?” she asked as they walked toward her car. “I’ve been waiting all week for your mom to call and yell at me for making you marry me.”

  “You didn’t make me,” he reminded her as he held open the passenger door. “I wanted to do this. Besides, my mother adores you.”

  Lily knew that things could change very quickly, especially when there was a sudden and unexpected wedding.

  “Are you sure she’s not mad?”

  “I promise.” He closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. “Her exact words were that it was about time and thank God I’d picked you.”

  “You didn’t pick me,” she reminded him. “I asked you.”

  He stared at her. The corners of his mouth turned up and something dark, mysterious and very appealing flickered in his eyes.

  “Make no mistake, Lily. You were my first and only choice.”

  Happiness bubbled inside her until she thought she might float. Her baby chose that moment to wake up and start his or her morning exercise program.

  “We have approval from this front, too,” she said as she put her hand on her stomach.

  Jake started the car. “We’re married now. I don’t want you to worry about anything. No matter what, I’ll be here for you. I promise.”

  She knew exactly what his promises meant. Jake would change the tide if it was necessary to keep his word.

  “Thank you. I want you to think the same about me.”

  “I do.”

  She sighed in contentment. I do. Two very simple words that changed everything.

  “Are you sure you don’t hate me?” Lily asked anxiously.

  Nadia Stone cupped her face and smiled. “I have one thing to say to you. What took you so long? You and Jake have been friends for years. I always thought—where there’s so much friendship, there must be love.”

  Lily stiffened slightly. Love? She hadn’t taken things so far in her mind. Did she love Jake? Was it possible he loved her?

  Before she could try to figure it out, Nadia continued.

  “People change. They see things differently. For you and my son, this is your time. So be happy. You have always been a part of this family because of your heart. So now you’re one of us by marriage. The bonds grow deeper. This is good, right?”

  Lily smiled. “It’s wonderful.”

  Nadia released her and waved at the groaning buffet that filled her dining room.

  “Now we eat.” She clapped her hands to get the rest of the family’s attention. “Get food. All of you. We eat and then we toast the happy couple.”

  The entire family spilled into the room. Lily had been more than a little nervous when she and Jake had arrived, but so far everyone had made them feel welcome.

  Catherine came up and hugged Lily. “You look like you’re still in shock.”

  “I am. Plus I know this was a big thing to spring on the family.”

  Jake’s sister shook her head. “We’ve been waiting for it forever. You two have been playing at being friends for a long time while the rest of us have been waiting for one of you to notice the sparks. Thank goodness you came around at last.”

  Lily blinked at her. Sparks? She and Jake had sparks?

  “Plus now we get to be sisters for real,” Catherine said before stepping out of line and chasing after one of her kids. “Danny, you get back here, young man.”

  Teresa, Jake’s youngest sister, moved up next to Lily.

  “I made sure we had a bottle of sparkling cider for the toast,” she said quietly. “Plus I have an extra bottle of champagne for you to save until after the baby is born. Then you’ll have two things to celebrate.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but I wanted to. We’re all so grateful that Jake married you. Some of the women he’s brought around…” She shook her head. “It was frightening.”

  One by one the members of the family welcomed Lily. Her sense of belonging grew until it practically spilled over.

  “Having a good time?” Jake asked as he joined her at a picnic table.

  “The best. Everyone is being terrific.”

  “They love you.”

  “And I love them.”

  “Good.” He touched her cheek. “Are you going to tell Rachel and Jenna?”

  At the mention of her friends, some of Lily’s happiness faded. “I want to. It’s just I don’t know what they’re going to say.”

  “Won’t they be happy for you?”

  “Sure.” At least she thought they would be. A year ago she wouldn’t have even considered the question. The three of them had been friends forever, sharing each other’s happiness and sorrows. But then a year ago she would never have thought they would see their friendship unravel.

  As always, Jake could read her mind. “So call Rachel. Tell her you miss her. Don’t you think she’s
missing you, too?”

  “I hope so.”

  “I know so.”

  Lily stared into the dark eyes of the man she’d married. He had been more than her rock—he was her conscience, her voice of reason, truly her better half.

  They were married. Really married.

  “Thank you for today,” she said.

  “My pleasure.”

  Was it? She had big plans for tonight and pleasure was definitely involved. If only she could convince Jake that pregnant and sexy could be the same thing.

  After the party began to wind down, Jake walked Lily back to his place. His wedding band felt unfamiliar on his hand, but right. He’d wanted her for a long time and now she was his. So what was he going to do with her?

  He’d been asking himself that question ever since she’d suggested they get married and he’d agreed, and he still didn’t have an answer.

  Telling her the truth was the most obvious response. But he wasn’t sure what words to say or if she would believe him. He didn’t want her to think that he was saying what she expected to hear. Should he have told her before the wedding?

  He shook his head. Getting married should have made things simpler, but instead his relationship with Lily was as complicated as ever.

  “My house is going to be ready by the end of next week,” she said as they walked up the driveway toward the back door. “We haven’t talked about how we’re going to handle having two residences.”

  “I figured we’d move into your place.”

  She stepped into the kitchen. “Are you sure? I thought you liked your house.”

  “I do.” He followed her and pulled the back door shut behind him. “But this place is small. With the baby coming, a larger home makes more sense.”

  She paused in the kitchen and looked at him.

  She’d worn her hair up for the wedding. A few tendrils had escaped and hung down in seductive curls. Tiny roses and baby’s breath decorated the up-swept style, their creamy color matching her pearl earrings.

  Her sleeveless dress fit her breasts, then hung down to just below her knees. The soft fabric draped over her belly in gentle folds. She was beautiful, elegant and sexy. He’d barely been able to avoid staring at the exposed cleavage during the wedding ceremony. More than once he’d caught himself wanting to move in close and cup those curves. He’d imagined tight nipples straining to escape, his mouth teasing them, her breath catching as he—