Golden Chances

by Rebecca Hagan Lee

  Faith didn’t look at Reese when she answered. She couldn’t meet his eyes. “I’ll be twenty-five in five days.”

  “What?” Reese burst out.

  “I said, pipe down.” Kevin reminded him. He poked and prodded a few minutes longer, then tucked the sheets back around Faith.

  “Well?” Reese demanded, when Kevin finished the examination.

  “She’s pregnant.” Kevin confirmed. “About three months along, give or take a couple of weeks.”

  Reese relaxed in his chair. “That’s it?”

  Kevin focused his sharp gaze on Reese. “No, that’s not it.” His voice was as sharp as the look in his eyes. “She’s tired, she’s not sleeping or eating well enough, she’s suffering morning sickness, her legs and ankles are swollen, she’s a tiny bit older than most first-time mothers.” He softened his gaze as he looked at his patient, “She’s also bleeding and she has no business riding around on a horse or dancing around the room trussed up in a damned, whalebone cage!”

  “Bleeding?” Reese echoed, alarm darkening his eyes.

  “Just a bit. Probably nothing to be alarmed about, but more than I’d like in any case. We’ll keep you in bed a while and use the time to fatten you up a bit,” he told Faith.

  “How long?” Faith fastened her gray gaze on the doctor’s face.

  “Until I’m sure this baby’s going to stay anchored. He’s a bit young to be making an appearance this soon.” Kevin frowned at the rapid whitening of her face.

  “Are you saying my baby’s in danger?” Faith’s eyes seemed much too large for her face.

  “I’m saying he could be in danger,” he corrected, “Keeping you off your feet for a week or two is a precaution. You follow my instructions and we’ll deliver ourselves a healthy baby. Understand?”

  He looked first at Reese, then back at Faith.

  “We understand.” Faith answered for both of them.

  “Good. Now, you get some rest. I’m going back downstairs to the party. I’ll check on you tomorrow.” He motioned to Reese.

  Reese nodded, then bent down and pressed a kiss to Faith’s lips. “I’ll be back up in a little while,” he promised before following Kevin out of the bedroom.

  “How is she really?” Reese asked as soon as they stepped out into the hall. “Is the bleeding serious?”

  “Probably not,” Kevin answered, “But I would rather not take chances. That means she’s to stay in bed. I don’t want her on her feet until the danger is past. And Reese,” The doctor’s sharp blue gaze bore into Reese, “If you can’t keep your hands off her at night, then for her sake, and the baby’s, stay out of her bed.”

  Reese nodded, his expression grim.

  Kevin smiled at Reese.

  “It doesn’t have to be for the duration of the pregnancy, just until I know the baby is going to stay put.”

  “If it means keeping Faith and the baby safe, I’ll do it, Doc,” Reese told him, “But I don’t have to enjoy it.”

  “No,” Kevin agreed, “I didn’t say you had to enjoy it.” He clapped Reese on the shoulder. “Let’s go down and rejoin the party. We must let your guests know Mrs. Jordan is fine.” Kevin started down the hallway, but Reese hesitated, looking back over his shoulder.

  “Let her rest awhile, Reese. You can look in on her later.”

  Reese turned, then reluctantly followed Kevin down the stairs.

  * * *

  The last of the local guests had departed and the remaining guests had been assigned rooms for the night before Reese was able to return to the master bedroom. He tiptoed up the stairs, and after stopping to check on Joy, he moved down the hall to the door of the room he shared with Faith.

  She turned to look at him as he opened the door.

  “I thought you’d be asleep.” Reese said, walking to the bed. He could see her red-rimmed eyes and knew she’d been crying.

  “I waited up for you.” Faith said. “How was the party?”

  “It disintegrated into a political gathering after you left.” He sat down on the bed.

  “I’m sorry.” Faith looked up at him, her gray eyes wide with concern.

  “Don’t be.” Reese brushed her forehead with a kiss. “I missed you.” The words slipped out. He hadn’t meant to say them.

  “I missed you, too. Very much.” Faith held out her arms to him.

  Reese leaned down, barely touching her lips with his. Faith held on, trying to deepen the kiss, wanting the reassurance only his touch could give.

  “No, Faith,” Reese pulled away from her, then eased off the bed.

  He couldn’t trust himself not to touch her, not to make love to her.

  And he couldn’t endanger her or the baby.

  “Where are you going?” Faith was alarmed.

  “Back downstairs.” he lied, “I have some paperwork to do. Try to rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Reese, please stay with me. I’m frightened.” she confessed.

  He could see it in her eyes. Reese knew she was frightened. He knew she needed reassurance. He wanted to give it, but he couldn’t.

  He was too afraid he would lose control. Too afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop at holding her. Afraid she wouldn’t let him stop.

  But she was too precious. The life she carried, too precious to risk.

  “I have to go back downstairs.” His voice was brusque, husky, but he offered no explanation.

  She blinked back tears. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry.”

  “I told you before, there’s no need to apologize. Is there anything I can get for you? Anything you need?”

  I need you to hold me. I need you! She wanted to scream the words at him, make him understand, but she said nothing. She simply shook her head.

  He lingered for a moment in the doorway. “Then I guess, I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Faith didn’t reply. She turned away.

  Reese closed the door. He could hear her sobbing into her pillow, calling for someone. The sound tore at his heart. Her words were muffled, he couldn’t make out the name, but he knew who she needed. He went down to his study and wrote out a telegram.

  He would ride into Cheyenne first thing in the morning.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Reese rode out at dawn, headed for Cheyenne. After spending a miserable night on the leather sofa in his study, he had chosen to skip the family breakfast. There would be plenty of time for questions later. First, he had to send for help. Faith needed someone with her and until Reese was certain he could trust himself, he couldn’t be that someone. He nudged his horse into a canter, determined to set a new time record for the trip into town.

  Reese was waiting for the clerk when the telegraph office opened at half-past eight. He wrote out the telegram, then handed it to the clerk along with several coins.

  “I want you to notify me as soon as you get a reply. I’ll be across the street having breakfast.” Reese touched the brim of his hat, then exited the telegraph office.

  * * *

  Doctor Kevin McMurphy tied his black medical bag to the back of his saddle, mounted up, and trotted his Arabian mare briskly out of Cheyenne. He was headed on his daily rounds. There were several patients he had promised to check on this morning, a child with a sprained ankle a mile outside town, the gunshot wound on the Jackson spread, and Faith Jordan at the Trail T. He kicked his mare into a faster gait. If he made good time, he could make it to the Trail T in time for a late breakfast.

  “Good morning,” Kevin said as he opened the door to Faith’s bedroom. “Sarah said you were awake. May I come in?” He sounded very cheerful, his voice very Irish.

  Faith sat up, propping herself against the pillows. “Yes, please.”

  The doctor walked to the bed and studied her face. The dark circles under her eyes were very pronounced, her nose was red, and those big gray eyes red-rimmed and swollen. “Spent the night crying, didn’t you?”

  Faith nodded.

  He flipped back
the covers and gave her a quick, but thorough examination. “The swelling in your ankles is down. Very good.” He studied his patient. “You stayed off your feet.” He smiled down at her.

  She smiled back.

  Kevin froze. Faith’s smile stunned him. He looked past the woman on the bed, seeing the face he’d dreamed about for so many years. She had smiled at him like that—a small, tremulous smile that had knocked the breath right out of him. He shook his head. There was a resemblance in the eyes, the clear gray color of them, the slope of the nose, her mouth. But his love had been blessed with glorious, auburn hair and a sprinkling of freckles. He remembered her so vividly. A sixteen-year-old beauty. Mother of God, but it frightened him to think how much he still loved her after all these years!

  “Doctor?” Faith’s eyes were puzzled. “Is something wrong?”

  He shook his head again. Faith could see the sprinkle of silver in his black hair. “No, lass,” His eyes creased at the corners as he pulled his mouth into a sad smile. “You reminded me of someone. Someone I knew a long time ago.”

  “In Ireland?” Faith blurted out her thoughts.

  “No, in America. I met her just after I arrived. I was thinking you resemble her.”

  “I’m flattered you think so,” Faith said softly.

  Kevin looked down at the woman on the bed. She was twenty-five and married to one of his closest friends. He was forty-eight and acting like an old fool. He knew it, but couldn’t help it. There was something about Faith Jordan that made him think about love again. He pushed aside the thoughts, then cleared his throat. “That’s enough Irish melancholy for today.”

  “How did you meet Reese?” Faith asked.

  So, that was the way the wind blew, Kevin thought. Served an old fool right for having thoughts he shouldn’t have. This young woman was in love with her husband.

  Kevin sat down on the edge of the bed. “I met Reese during the war. I patched him up a couple of times, and David, too, once. The last time was at Gettysburg when he took a saber cut across the hip. Nasty business. It took him several months to recover. We became friends and talked quite a bit. I brought him books, art supplies, that sort of thing. After the war, we kept in touch. I was in Washington for a while, then briefly in Petersburg. I ran into Reese in Washington. Cheyenne needed a doctor. He asked me to come out here.”

  Faith studied the doctor as he spoke. He was a mystery. There was something about him. Something she couldn’t put her finger on. Her brain nagged at her. He reminded her of someone. The phrase, ‘black Irish’ crept into her mind each time she saw him. She wasn’t attracted to him, though he was a handsome man, but she couldn’t deny her inexplicable curiosity.

  “My home was in Richmond.” Faith volunteered. “I met Reese in Washington. I was there…visiting. And here I am.”

  “About to have a baby.” Kevin was all doctor once again. “If you continue to follow orders, I think we’ll be able to keep him safe.” He stood up, gathering his black bag. “I’ll check back again later,” he promised, before closing the door behind him.

  * * *

  Faith was left alone. She slept. She read a book Mary brought her. She even practiced her Cherokee, but she was bored. Accustomed to being busy, the enforced idleness was a trial. Faith felt herself becoming short-tempered, irritable.

  “Faith?”

  She opened her eyes. Joy stood in the doorway clutching her slate and primer. “Miss Sarah said I could come see you.”

  Faith smiled and patted the place beside her in the bed.

  Joy scrambled up. “I missed you, Faith.”

  “I’ve missed you, too, sprite.” Reese’s pet name for Joy slipped out.

  “Are you sick?” Joy’s large gray eyes were worried. Frown lines wrinkled her forehead.

  Faith pulled her closer and hugged her. “Not really. I’m just a little tired.” She took a deep breath, searching for the right words. “You see, Joy, in a few months I’m going to have a baby. I have to stay in bed for a while. And rest.”

  “Before you have a baby?”

  “Uh huh.” Faith nodded.

  “Will you have a little girl baby?”

  “I don’t know,” Faith confided. “I’d like that, but Reese wants a little boy.”

  “Weese is having a baby, too?” Joy was confused, upset at the prospect of being displaced.

  “It will be my baby and Reese’s.”

  “Will I still be your little girl?”

  A sheen of tears sparkled in Faith’s eyes. “You’ll always be my little girl.”

  “Weese’s too?” Joy asked.

  “Of course.” Faith nodded. “Reese will always love you.”

  “Will he love your baby as much as me?”

  Faith smoothed the wisps of blond hair off Joy’s forehead, then traced the worry lines with her fingertip. “Yes, he will.” She looked at Joy. “Reese will love the baby just as much as he loves you, but that doesn’t mean he’ll love you any less. Do you understand that, sweetie. He’ll love both of you.”

  “Will he buy the baby a pony like Brutus?”

  “No.” Faith had to hide her smile at Joy’s noticeable relief. “I promise you Reese won’t buy the baby a pony for a long time. And it won’t ever be a pony like Brutus.”

  “Cross your heart?”

  Faith traced her fingers over her heart.

  “Good.” Joy beamed up at her sister, her confidence in Reese’s affection fully restored. She pulled her slate onto her lap. “You want me to draw you a picture?”

  “That would be nice.”

  “Okay.” Joy bent her head over her task.

  “What will you draw for me?” Faith asked.

  “A picture of Brutus.”

  Faith smiled. What else?

  Joy stayed most of the afternoon. The doctor visited again. Even Charlie and Duncan stood awkwardly at her bedside, attempting conversation, but there was no sign of Reese.

  Faith’s worst fears were realized. She had hoped she could make him need her, but she’d failed. He didn’t need her. Didn’t love her. Faith tried to halt the flow of tears. They were tears of self-pity, but she couldn’t seem to stop them. She curled herself into a ball and cried herself to sleep. When she opened her eyes once again, it was dark outside and Reese was sitting in the chair next to the bed. Faith blinked twice to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

  “Reese!”

  Reese gritted his teeth against the breathless sound of his name on her lips. He had heard her say his name that way many times when she cried out her pleasure—her satisfaction. His body responded as always to the sound and the image. She moved closer to him, but he didn’t kiss her.

  Instead, he told her abruptly, “I’ve brought you something to keep your mind off having to stay in bed.” He picked up a brown paper package.

  What Faith really wanted was his kiss, but her spirit brightened at the sight of a gift. He had been thinking about her.

  “They’re for the baby. I hope you like them.”

  Her mood plummeted. Her reply was polite, mechanical. “I’m sure I will. Thank you.”

  He unwrapped the package and placed the contents on her lap. Inside the paper were pieces of fabric in various shapes and colors, most of the patterns in cotton flannel.

  “I had the dressmaker cut them out for you. I thought you would might like to sew a few things for the baby.” He held up one half of a gown. “I brought your sewing basket and all the things the dressmaker said you’d need,” he finished awkwardly.

  He had wanted to do something for her no one else had thought to do. While the others brought her books, newspapers, and homework to review, he had thought of the baby. Faith enjoyed sewing. She was always mending his shirts and reattaching his buttons. Now, she could sew for someone besides him and Joy. She could make things for the baby.

  “Thank you. They’ll keep me very busy.” Faith’s eyes were dull, her voice soft.

  “Faith, are you all right?” His chocolate b
rown eyes were full of concern, but Faith couldn’t tell if it was for her or the baby. “I thought you liked sewing. I thought you’d like staying busy.”

  “Oh, I do,” she replied absently, “and this way, you won’t have to pay anyone else to make clothes for your child. It’s very economical.”

  He flinched at her words. He hadn’t meant his gift to sound like he was attempting to save money. “Are you sure you feel all right?”

  “I’m fine. The doctor came twice today.”

  “I know. I spoke to Kevin.”

  “Then you know I’m much better.” Faith told him.

  Reese nodded. “That’s what the doctor said.” But he wasn’t so sure he agreed with him. Reese didn’t think she was any better.

  “Will you be here tonight?” The question sounded casual, but Reese knew it was not. The deliberate lack of emotion in Faith’s voice told him how important the question was.

  “I’m afraid not.” Reese didn’t elaborate.

  “More paperwork?”

  “Something like that.”

  “I see,” she replied, drawing the covers up around her as if to shield herself from his view. “Then I guess there’s nothing more to say.”

  Reese sat there looking at her, stunned by her dismissal. She was acting angry—hurt. Surely, she understood the sacrifice he was making by staying away from her. Surely, Kevin had explained the risks. “Faith, I…”

  She looked at him coldly. “Goodnight, Reese.” she said. “Pleasant dreams.”

  He got up from his chair and stalked out the door.

  * * *

  Four days later, the morning of Faith’s twenty-fifth birthday dawned clear and cool with visible signs of warming. It was a welcome sight for the men of the Trail T. They stumbled into the main house for breakfast after three days of rounding up cattle on the open range in numbing cold and fresh snowfall.

  A freak winter storm had dumped several inches of white powder snow on the ranch. The cows were dropping their calves, and the newborns were in danger of freezing to death. All able-bodied men were working long hours to round up the cattle and rescue the calves.

  Reese hadn’t seen Faith during that time. He’d bunked with the hands in a shack on the range. This was his first morning home. He sank into a chair and gratefully wrapped his hands around a cup of Sarah’s strong, hot coffee. Most of the herd was safely bedded down inside the holding pens.