Grim Judgment

by Jennifer Reinfried

  Mom shrugged. “Have a nice time?” Her eyes had a slight shine to them, and she raised an eyebrow.

  “Definitely. We’re going out again Saturday.”

  She smiled. “Good.”

  I gulped the last of my water and shuffled sideways, intent on getting to my bedroom and taking care of a certain urge. Shut up, I’m a dude. I can’t help it.

  “Don’t stay up too late,” I joked, then escaped, shutting my door, making sure more than once that it was locked before I jumped into bed and shut my eyes, thoughts of June’s soft lips at the forefront of my mind.

  —-

  So that was six and a half months ago. Now, in the middle of November, I was waiting for June to show up so we could go see my mother for an early Thanksgiving. I was dressed and ready to go, but June was running late, so I plopped down on my couch to read.

  I loved living on my own. I had furnished the place after I robbed another ATM two weeks after moving in, as I quickly grew sick of having nothing more than my bed, a small round table with only one chair from my mom’s basement, a thrift store couch, and a stack of paper plates. I’d hopped into Eric one day, spent a few hours with him, and got the passcode for a new machine. That night, I was rich again.

  June and I had been going out since our date at the Chinese restaurant, although I endured six weeks of her teasing me mercilessly, kissing me, brushing against me, and basically driving me wild before we’d finally slept together. She had come over one night after we’d been out at a bar. We hadn’t been drunk, only tipsy, but couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. We quickly shed our clothes in my living room, and had sex right on my new couch, unable to even make it to my bed. The thrill of it, the new connection with her, and the fact that I’d been yearning for that to happen for weeks, all encouraged my body in ways it had never had been, and within a half hour, we did it again, this time on the floor of my bedroom.

  Afterward, we had finally crawled under the sheets, settling ourselves into my mattress, and stayed up in each other's arms for a good half hour before finally passing out. After that, June and I had frequently spent our nights together, sometimes at her place, but mostly at mine. It was a long, perfect summer of lazy days that stretched on forever, full of intermittent ATM robberies, new experiences, and fantastic sex. I was so, so happy.

  A knock on my door startled me out of the land of Dune. I dog-eared the page I was on, dropped the book on my coffee table, and opened the front door to reveal June, soft black hair shining in the light of the hallway, a smile on her face. Before I could speak, she stepped inside and pulled me into a deep kiss, stirring up physical reactions in me that I couldn’t ignore.

  “Let’s fuck quick,” she breathed, and kissed me again.

  I laughed as the front door fell shut behind her. “We’re already late.” Of course, I didn’t resist her lustful advances.

  “Maybe she’s still at the store,” June said as she pushed me against the arm of the couch.

  We stumbled our way to my bed, clothes half off before we even got there, and spent a passionate thirty-five minutes tangled together before finally falling on our backs on the mattress.

  “Jesus,” she said. “Bruce, that was good.”

  I grinned and put an arm behind my head.

  “Hey, I’ve been thinking,” June said after a few minutes, still short of breath.

  I rolled onto my side and gazed at her, taking in her hair, her light green eyes, her lips that were always a shade between red and pink. I didn’t say anything, just stared at her beauty until she spoke again.

  “We should move in together.”

  I blinked. “Really?”

  “Well, yeah. Why not? I’m always here, anyway. We obviously have feelings for each other, so it kind of makes sense.”

  “True. Yeah, that’s all true.” I smiled at her, then leaned in and kissed her.

  “Is that a yes, then?”

  “Well, yeah. Of course. When?”

  She shrugged, and some of the hair on her shoulders trickled onto the bed. “My lease renews in February, but I could just end it at that point and move my stuff here.”

  “I think that’s a fantastic plan.”

  She smiled and my heart swelled. We kissed and, although it was obvious we both preferred to stay in the warm bed the rest of the day, slid out from underneath the covers and dressed.

  “Are you sure your mom didn’t want us to bring anything?” June asked as she pulled her pants on and buttoned them.

  “Yep. She said she was getting everything this morning at the store, and not to worry.”

  “I mean, should we at least get a bottle of wine? I feel bad showing up empty handed.”

  “When my mom says not to worry, I don’t worry.”

  We finished dressing and hurried out the door. A cold wind had picked up while June and I had been inside, and I pulled the neck of my overcoat tight around my throat as we hurried to my car. Oh yeah, I bought a car, too. It wasn’t that nice - a used silver Buick Regal - because I figured I’d have way too much explaining to do if I had anything that had cost me more than a few hundred dollars, and I was already lying to my mother about having a part time job on the other side of town to cover up how I afforded rent and food. Even though it wasn’t the nicest, I was still overly proud of it.

  Anyway, we hopped into my impressive chariot and drove to my mother’s house. On the way, we passed a grocery store and, after a minute of disagreement, pulled in to pick up a bottle of red wine. When we finally arrived at my mother’s, we were almost two and a half hours late. I pulled up along the curb and stepped out, hearing the passenger door shut as June exited the car. I opened the back, nabbed the bottle of wine that had rolled around on the floor, then joined her on the sidewalk. My mother’s car, even older than my used one, was parked in its usual spot in the driveway. The neighborhood was quiet and our footsteps crunched as we walked hand in hand.

  There was a small note taped to the door and I frowned. “Crap. She must still be out.”

  I fumbled in my pocket for my keys and slid metal inside of metal when I heard June’s voice.

  “Bruce.” I heard worry in it, and glanced over my shoulder. She was staring at the note, which I had ignored. I looked up and my blood chilled colder than the November air.

  Bruce,

  I wasn’t able to get to the store this morning after all. Not sure when you’ll get here, but I wanted to let you know that I can’t do another holiday. I just want to sleep. I’m so tired all the time.

  I went out and looked at your father’s garden plots this morning. They were both dusted in frost. It shone in the sun, but didn’t melt. I feel like that’s the best way to describe how I’ve been feeling since he died: covered in a layer of something so cold, it keeps any warmth I’ve ever felt trapped inside.

  You’ve been so good to me. I know you stayed at home because of me, but I realized that you didn’t deserve to be living with your mom instead of being out on your own, experiencing as much life as possible. Although your presence kept me in the moment, kept me sane, I knew nothing was going to fix me. I want you to live life to the fullest, to love June or anyone else with the entirety of your soul, but promise me one thing. Promise me that if - when - something awful happens and you lose someone you love, you stay strong, stronger than me. Don’t you dare let it affect you the way it has affected me. Take your loss and let it guide you, strengthen you. Learn from it and move on with them in your heart, but do not let it weigh you down until you can’t stand up straight, or get out of bed, or find the will to live.

  None of this is your fault. You were the best son I could have ever asked for. I just couldn’t be strong anymore.

  I love you,

  Mom

  I was in the house in a flash, note crumpled in my left fist, yelling at June to stay on the porch.

  “Mom?” Silence. “Mom? Mom?” She wasn’t in the living room, so I charged past the kitchen and down the hallway to her room, which w
as empty. My heart raced, my breath came out in gasps, and I could feel my body numb itself with the adrenaline that was rushing through it. I kept yelling for her, my voice getting louder and more high pitched. She wasn’t in my empty room. She wasn’t in the bathroom.

  I stood on the tile staring at the empty white tub for a long, quiet moment. I had been terrified of finding her hanging from a door jamb or stuffed in the tub with a toaster or something, but the house was empty. Maybe she left? Ran off somewhere remote? Then why is her car still here? I looked down at the note clutched in my hand. I still held the bottle of wine in the other, and I gently set it on the counter next to the sink before realizing I hadn’t checked everywhere.

  I hurried out of the bathroom and ran down the steps to the basement, overcoat fluttering behind me. I forced myself to take the final steps cautiously until my fingers felt the lightswitch and I flipped it on.

  Her body was over by the washer and dryer, laying on a bright blue plastic tarp. My heart and stomach both dropped out of my torso at the sight of my mother, eyes unseeing and still, surrounded by a large, asymmetrical puddle of dark red blood. I fell to my knees, hard, barely feeling the pain. Our basement floor was flat, but by the laundry it steeped sharply where a large drain sat. Mom had cut long, jagged slices up both arms with a serrated knife and positioned herself so the blood would go down the drain should it spill off of the tarp, which it had. I crawled forward, tears already forming in my eyes, when a pressure inside of me began to grow. It started in my stomach, quickly rose through my chest, and burst out of me in a guttural, wild scream of agony and despair. My vision blurred and my world tilted sharply, and then I was gone.

  —-

  At the sight of my mother on the floor, my conscious mind fled like a frightened rabbit. I spent a long time hopping from person to person, animal to animal. For a good while, I nearly forgot about what I’d seen, what I’d felt, but it was always there, no matter how much it faded while I ate meals as other people, spent time with families I’d never met before, chased sticks and hunted mice and flew above Colorado Springs. I was in the mind of a large raven who was eyeing up a squirrel when a voice cut through my consciousness.

  “Bruce.”

  The raven’s gaze shifted and it dove, taking me along for the ride, then all of a sudden I was staring at the white ceiling of a hospital through bleary eyes. I groaned and closed them again, shutting out the real world, the pain that was flooding back to me.

  “Oh, my God, Bruce.” June was standing over me in seconds.

  “Go away,” I rasped. My throat was dry, and it killed me to talk.

  “You don’t mean that.” She picked up my hand, and I looked at her.

  “No. I don’t.” I started to cry.

  June sat on the edge of my hospital bed, and I curled up against her on my side, head in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and let me bawl into her stomach, saying nothing but a “Shhhhh,” here and there.

  Exhaustion began to slow my tears. June took the opportunity to tell me I’d been in a coma for four days, that she’d been by my side ever since, that the doctors couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t wake up. None of what she said fazed me. I sat up, head pounding, and looked around. I ignored the flowers and the cards wishing me well and instead trained my eyes on a copy of 2001: A Space Odyssey that rested open, pages face down, on a nearby chair. She’d been reading to me when I woke up. The love I felt for her in that split second was overwhelming, and I pulled her close. She was up against me, head on my chest, with me crying all over again, when a nurse came in, face startled when she saw I was awake.

  Chapter Eleven

  NOW

  2016

  Jaxon shot a look at Shawn, who looked almost comical in a parka one size too small for him as they trudged through ankle deep snow. “How can you be so confident we aren’t walking into some kind of trap?” he asked.

  His brother shrugged. “I’m not. But it’s not like we have another option right now.” Shawn’s clear voice cut through the crisp, winter air as they trudged forward.

  “Stay in hiding and take out Vance employees comes to mind.”

  Shawn stopped and turned his face to him. “Dude, I get that you want revenge. I do, too. But we need help from these people you told me about, especially if they can give me my sight back. It took us days to get here, and I’m not about to turn back now.”

  “I know, I know.”

  “We have no clue where Vance is. Who’s to say he can’t use his wealth and power to find us, especially once we go out in public again?”

  “We’ve gone over this. I know.”

  “Then why’d you ask?” Shawn grinned.

  “Because I’m scared,” Jaxon replied in a small voice. His heart was aflutter and there was a slow, sour churning in his stomach.

  “Don’t be.” Shawn’s goofy smile disappeared and was replaced by a comforting expression. “You’ve got my back, and I’ve got yours. If someone tries to hurt you, I’ll give my life to stop them.” The seriousness of his words weighed over them. “You’re my best friend, Jax. The only one I can trust. Besides.” The smile returned. “You’re pretty unstoppable when you’re angry.”

  Jaxon grimaced in slight irritation. “Don’t.”

  “Jax angry! Jax rage!”

  He groaned, but couldn’t suppress a chuckle as Shawn mimicked something along the lines of a Godzilla creature and stomped his booted feet around in the snow. Tufts of it flung out in all directions, and Jaxon bent over as he laughed, the sounds echoing through the evergreens that surrounded them. Shawn raised his arms, his fingers curled into claws, and he continued his rampage on the hill.

  “You make Jax angry,” Shawn yelled. “Jax annihilate!”

  “Dude, no, stop.” He could barely breathe as he struggled to regain his composure.

  Shawn lowered his gloved hands, a grin plastered on his face. His cheeks and nose were pink from the cold, and his distant eyes bright. He started forward to continue their trek, then stopped. “Uh, which way is it? I turned myself around.”

  Still chuckling, Jaxon reached out and turned his brother ninety degrees to his right, then clapped him on the back. “Onward, steed!”

  “That’s all I am to you. Am I at least a majestic horse?” Shawn started forward once again.

  “Nah. You look pretty haggard. Most people actually confuse you with a donkey if they don’t look close enough.”

  “Ass.”

  “Exactly. I’ve given up trying to correct everyone.”

  Shawn let out a burst of laughter and Jaxon grinned. Despite the horror they went through, Shawn’s near death experience and temporary paralysis, and the unknown forces that awaited them in the Colorado woods they now trekked through, he couldn’t help but feel that his brother was right: they had nothing to fear, because they themselves were to be feared. He let that thought float in the forefront of his mind as a small house came into view in the distance.

  “I think we’re here.”

  “What’s it like?”

  “I don’t see anyone around.” Jaxon’s eyes flicked this way and that, trying to determine if anyone was hiding in the trees. The lightness he’d begun to feel at Shawn’s words and antics was bogged down again as they slowed their steps. He reached out and put a guiding hand on his brother’s elbow, dipping his consciousness into the deep pool of his telekinesis. Together they cautiously approached the building.

  White grimy siding covered the exterior of the house. Its few windows sported dark green shutters and the trim seemed to have fallen off in places. It looked abandoned, save for the multitude of different shaped tracks in the freshly fallen snow. The two approached and stepped carefully up a single, tall, worn step that gave a loud creak as it accepted their weight. They moved up onto a small porch, and came to rest in front of an emerald colored door. Jaxon stared at it, unsure if he wanted to even touch it, much less knock. Minutes ticked by as he contemplated his next move, hand still gripping Shawn
’s elbow.

  “So...?” His brother’s voice startled him, and Jax cleared his throat then raised his left hand to announce their presence.

  The door swung open before he could rap on its surface, and Shawn stared out at them from inside the house.

  “Holy fuck.” Jaxon stumbled back a step and nearly fell.

  “What? What?” Shawn, too, began to back up.

  “Whoa, hey, it’s okay.” The other Shawn raised his hands. “Stop him.” He pointed at Shawn, and Jaxon grabbed his brother before he toppled backward off of the porch.

  “What the hell, Jax? What’s going on?” Shawn demanded, his eyes wild, hands in front of him.

  Jaxon couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing. He blinked and attempted to slow his breathing.

  “I’m sorry.” The man in the doorway lowered his arms. “I got excited. I should have waited.” He scratched the side of his head with one hand, a half-smile on his lips, just like Shawn always did when apologetic.

  “Jaxon!” He could hear slight panic in Shawn’s voice.

  “It’s fine dude, I...I just...scared myself.” He peered at his brother’s double, who looked a few years younger, even with his short hair, cut nearly as close as Jaxon’s. “I didn’t realize you had a twin.”

  “What? What? I don’t have a twin.” The look on Shawn’s face would have been hilarious under different circumstances.

  The other Shawn laughed. “Technically, you do.”

  “Yeah,” Jaxon agreed, wide eyes still on the double. “I’m looking right at him.”

  “The fuck?” Shawn lowered his hands and stared forward. “I’m so confused,” he mumbled.

  “I’m Lucas.” The man in the doorway extended a hand. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  —-

  Grant poured his employer a cup of scalding hot coffee. Handing it to the Russian, he said, “I understand what you’re getting at, sir, but she’s disappeared off the face of the planet.” He paused. “Or Jaxon found her.”

  Vance took a sip of his drink, grimaced, then poured a splash of whiskey into the mug. He tasted it once more, then settled back in his chair, troubled eyes forward and distant.