Saints & Suspects

by Jordan McCollum

  Dallas collected his newspaper and his bucket and started back up his stairs. Grace reached for the keys in the ignition.

  But Ed tapped her arm, and she turned in time to see Dallas land on the steps, his bathrobe flying as wide as his splayed limbs. He slowly rolled onto one side. Even from here, they could hear the scream.

  Grace tried not to gloat. “That’s the glorious sound of a position openin’ up.”

  “‘A terrible beauty is born.’” As much celebration as she’d hope for from him.

  The young men chorus got the tricky passages right, and the soloists nailed their parts. Zach’s excitement at the performance lasted through the rest of the meeting, bolstered by Elder Wood’s excellent talk. Together with running into Nate O’Shaughnessy, his Sunday morning was the best part of his weekend.

  Nate grabbed him after the closing prayer. “What’re you doing in Chicago?”

  “Transferred here for work. You?”

  “Work, too. Heard from Petersen lately?”

  “Not since his wedding, the loser.”

  They laughed and joined the crowd trudging down the chapel aisle.

  “Still can’t believe I’d run into you here.” Nate gave a soft whistle.

  “Small world.”

  “I know.” They reached the end of the pews, and Nate lowered his voice. “What made you come back to church?”

  Zach pulled back. “What?”

  “I mean, we never saw you in DC. What made you come back?”

  He blinked in silence for a second. Nate thought he’d been less active? “I traveled for work a lot, and then I moved to a different ward.”

  “Oh.” Nate processed that a second. “Hey, you should meet my girlfriend.” He craned his neck over the churchgoers gathering coats and umbrellas in the foyer. He found her to the left, and checked to make sure Zach followed.

  He saw her a second before Nate reached her — long enough to desperately hope she wasn’t the one. Nate slipped his arm around Molly’s shoulders. A vise grip slid around Zach’s chest.

  “Molly, you won’t believe this,” Nate said. “This is Zach Saint. We’re friends from DC — my roommate was his mission buddy.”

  Molly studied her shoes.

  “So he served in Ireland.” Nate turned to Zach. “She’s from Ireland.”

  Zach gave a half-smile, half-grimace.

  “We’ve got to hang out — who knows, maybe Petersen’s around, too. Then you three could talk about Ireland. Isn’t it great to meet someone who loves it like you do?”

  “We’ve met before,” Molly clipped off.

  Yes, wonderful. She could spill their whole personal life in front of a thousand strangers. Might as well pry open his ribs and yank out his heart too.

  Nate did a double take, grabbing Zach’s shoulder too. “Really?”

  She looked at Zach, and he braced himself for the blow. Hearing reality from her was even worse than living it.

  “He’s Lucy’s brother,” Molly said at last.

  “No way! Lucy’s a Saint? Guess I didn’t even know her last name.”

  “Yeah.” Zach tried to focus on the sweet relief and not the bitter disappointment of this whole moment. At least she wouldn’t drag the past out for everybody here.

  But that was all he was to her. Her friend’s brother. No matter what he thought he saw in the bakery.

  “What a small world,” Nate marveled.

  “Yeah, it is when you’re Mormon.” Zach glanced around for an escape. Finding out the woman he loved was dating someone else and that someone else was an old friend was enough torture for one weekend. “I gotta go. We’ll catch up later.”

  “Cool, man.” Nate let go of Molly to slap Zach on the back. “Good to see you.”

  “Yeah.” He didn’t even force himself to return the sentiment before walking away.

  Two minutes ago, this meeting was the highlight of his weekend. Now, Sunday fit right in with the theme of the last three days: pain, suffering and humiliation.

  Apart from complimenting Nate’s talk, Molly didn’t say much on the drive to her place.

  She knew Nate had attended business school in DC, and she knew Zachary had lived there. Had she just been in denial that they might have known one another?

  No. Until two weeks ago, she thought Zachary still lived in DC. And she’d been careful never mention Zachary by name or that she’d dated Lucy’s brother — who liked to hear about their predecessor?

  Molly shook her head. Common backgrounds or not, she should’ve seen this coming.

  Nate was too excited to take notice of her silence. Fortunately, he was oblivious enough not to marvel aloud at his chance meeting with Zachary.

  They reached her flat, and Molly steeled herself, a soldier preparing for battle. Time for the hard part.

  She unlocked the door and stepped into her flat, but Nate stopped in the doorway.

  “I need to run home and grab something. Back in a bit, okay?”

  “Grand.” Or the opposite.

  Nate kissed her on the forehead, and Molly shut the door.

  Did she really need the extra time to second-guess this decision? She cared about Nate — of course she did. She couldn’t hurt him like this, dumping him out of the blue.

  No. She had to break up with him. It wasn’t fair to stay in this relationship when she felt this way about . . . about a man who’d trampled on her heart six months ago.

  She gathered her courage again. Zachary or no, she had to do this now.

  By the time Nate returned in a sweatshirt and jeans, Molly had run her thoughts in circles until she was dizzy.

  “I brought your present from Hawaii,” Nate announced as soon as she let him in.

  “Oh?”

  He produced a small, white box. A ring box.

  Her heart shuddered to a stop. She’d seen more than enough of those lately, but she hadn’t expected this from him. Not after the way he’d looked at her Thursday.

  Nate opened the box to reveal a ring made of beautiful gold flowers, bordered with black enamel. “It’s a Hawaiian heirloom.”

  Not an engagement ring? Molly couldn’t hide her relief. “My goodness, thank you.”

  He pulled the ring from the box and held it out, obviously expecting her to let him slide it on her finger. Instead, she took the ring. It was lovely, but she couldn’t make herself wear his ring, not with what she had to do.

  Cold dread seeped into her chest.

  “Did you get the cheesecake I sent last night?” Nate asked

  “I did.” As soon as she got home from the scare with Grace and Lucy. The perfect thing to recover from the rest of the weekend.

  Until she remembered making a cheesecake with Zachary on one of his visits, and the outcome, disastrous and sweet. She’d dropped it on the floor in front of a church group. Zachary had not only comforted her in front of everyone without making it awkward, but he’d convinced everyone to eat the dessert despite the incident.

  Molly focused on Nate. “Would you like a slice?” Maybe the rich dessert would soften the blow.

  He kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks, babe.” He walked back to the living room and flopped on her sofa.

  “I should be thankin’ you.” She set the ring on the counter and pulled the cheesecake from the fridge.

  “I don’t have long, though,” Nate called from the living area. “I have to be at the airport in an hour. California this week.”

  No pressure to get this breakup right, then. Best to hurry with the cheesecake. Molly set it on the table and served a slice onto a plate.

  “Molly,” Nate began after a moment, “I think we need to talk.”

  This might be her best opening. “We do.” She grabbed a fork and brought it all over to Nate on her sofa — where he sat with a stack of wedding magazines.

  Her wedding magazines, ones Grace had bought for her. Hadn’t she put those away?

  “Where did you find those?”

  Nate pointed to the end t
able and tossed the magazines underneath again. He accepted the plate of cheesecake and set it on the coffee table. He stood and took her hands.

  He gazed into her eyes with genuine, pure affection. “I love you, Molly.”

  Before she could respond or even muster a stricken expression, her mobile rang. Molly took the excuse to pull away from Nate and retrieve her mobile from her handbag, which she’d conveniently left by the door.

  It was Lucy. “Hello?”

  “Could you come over?” Her voice trembled — was she fighting tears?

  Couldn’t have anything to do with Grace, could it? Molly glanced at Nate. “I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

  Lucy hung up before Molly could say goodbye.

  “What’s the matter?” Nate asked.

  “I don’t know. Lucy was upset, though.”

  Nate gave her a cross between a smile and a sympathetic frown. “Guess you should go be with her, then.”

  “I should.” Molly gave Nate his slice of cheesecake, ushering him out.

  She hoped she wasn’t just taking any excuse not to break up with him right then. But there was no time to worry over that. Lucy needed her.

  When Lucy answered the door, she was exactly as Zach had feared — her whole face red and puffy from crying. She sniffled and let him in. “I didn’t mean for you to come over.”

  “Of course I came. Misery loves company. I would’ve brought ice cream or something, but I figured you had some.”

  “Yeah.” Lucy closed the door and leaned against it.

  Zach held out his arms to her. She complied, burying her face in his chest. “Want to tell me what happened?” he asked after a moment.

  She shrugged and pulled back. “Same argument we’ve been postponing for months. A year. That actually made it worse.”

  “Usually does. Why don’t you sit down? I’ll scoop.”

  Lucy sank into the couch, tugging one of their grandmother’s plaid afghans around her. “It shouldn’t be this hard, you know? Intellectually, I’ve always known it’d come to this. I mean, I guess I shouldn’t have let it get serious. I just . . . couldn’t help it.”

  He headed to the kitchen. Good thing she didn’t expect him to fix this. He had no clue how to even start.

  Zach got the ice cream from the freezer. “You couldn’t control it.”

  “I guess. Didn’t a prophet say you could fall in love with the wrong person?”

  “More like you could fall in love with someone you shouldn’t marry.”

  “Same thing.” Lucy sighed. “A bird may love a fish, but where would they live?”

  Okay, now she protested too much. Zach glanced back between scoops — she was wiping away more tears. Did he dare point out she was trying to guilt herself into feeling better?

  “But I still loved him,” she murmured.

  “I know.” He finished scooping the ice cream and put the carton away before bringing Lucy her bowl.

  Zach joined her on the couch. Lucy stared at the ice cream for a long time before she took a bite. “My whole life, I thought I was smarter than this. I mean, I know you marry who you date, and when I went out with guys who weren’t Mormon before, I knew it would never go anywhere.”

  Zach nodded sympathetically.

  “But when I went out with LDS guys, especially after I moved here, I knew it’d never go anywhere, either. My dates with Mormon guys were ridiculous compared to my dates with Paul.” She laughed with a touch of bitterness.

  “Don’t you think there was a reason for you to date Paul? You wouldn’t have done it if you ever felt like you shouldn’t, right?”

  Lucy pondered for a long moment. “Sometimes I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t want to listen.”

  “But you did listen. You made a hard choice.”

  She took two slow bites of her ice cream. “I should’ve known better. I put myself between a rock and a hard place.”

  “No, Peter’s the rock,” Zach joked. “Paul was —”

  Lucy cut him off with a jab to his shoulder — but she did manage a small smile before sinking back into her sadness. “I’ll never find someone like him again, you know? If I made a list of what I wanted in a husband, he would’ve checked off every box but one — and I’ve lost it.”

  “And you’ll always know what you’re missing.” Zach cut himself off, but the memories still surfaced. He knew exactly how she felt: he’d been in the same place after he’d broken up with Molly, for the same reason: he loved her, but they couldn’t get married.

  On some level, he’d never left that place. How could he have thought two weeks of a pretend engagement could change everything?

  Zach turned back to his sister, physically and mentally. “Do you believe God has a plan for your life?”

  “Of course.” Lucy nailed him with a duh glare and popped a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

  “And as far as you remember, He never said, ‘Stop dating Paul,’ right?”

  She nodded.

  “Then maybe it was what Heavenly Father wanted. An experience He needs you to have.”

  Lucy rubbed her bleary eyes. “Are you fixing the problem?”

  “No.”

  “Good, because that solution sucked.”

  A knock at the door made them both look up.

  “Think he changed his mind?” Zach stood. “And how hard do you want me to hit him?”

  Lucy sniffled. “Don’t break anything.”

  He grabbed the doorknob. “Have it your way.”

  It shouldn’t have been that big of a surprise, but Molly nearly dropped the cheesecake — again — when Zachary opened the door to Lucy’s flat.

  Molly rebalanced the cheesecake and caught her breath. She had to tell Zachary how she felt — but she hadn’t broken up with Nate. Lucy had apparently broken up with Paul. Was Zachary’s timing always this awful?

  He stared at her, his expression completely blank, for several seconds. At last, he reached out and took the cheesecake box from her. Mechanically, he let her in and shut the door.

  Right. She was here to support Lucy. Molly turned to her. “Are you all right?” she asked gently.

  Lucy fought back tears for a moment, and Zachary took her empty bowl into the kitchen. “Paul and I,” she choked out.

  Molly took the seat next to her friend on the sofa. “How did it happen?”

  “He said it was time to stop fighting with one another, and I said we were really fighting what we knew was coming. So —” She paused with emotion a moment. “ — it’s over.”

  Lucy was again overcome, and Molly hugged her. “I’m so sorry.”

  Zachary returned with a slice of cheesecake on a plate.

  “I brought that for Lucy,” Molly informed him. And to have one less reason to feel guilty.

  “What kind of a monster do you think I am?” Zachary gave the plate to his sister, who scrubbed at her tears with one hand and accepted the plate from him with the other. “Molly brought you a cheesecake. Probably isn’t floor flavored this time.”

  Molly hoped he’d drop the subject of their cheesecake misadventures and retreat back to the kitchen.

  He only did one. “Paul was right, you know.”

  Lucy sighed and picked up her fork. Zachary dropped onto the couch on Lucy’s other side. “I know how much this sucks,” he said. “But we can’t control other people’s choices.”

  “Duh,” Lucy croaked through her tears and her cheesecake.

  “I’m just saying it’s not your fault that things didn’t work out. That your paths took you different directions.”

  Molly gawked at him, but Zachary wasn’t looking at his sister — he was looking at Molly.

  Her stomach soured and her heartbeat slowed. He was talking about them and their “different directions.”

  Two minutes ago, she’d almost considered confessing her feelings. Obviously her feelings didn’t matter.

  Finally, he broke their gaze and focused on Lucy. “Maybe you can do grad sch
ool at BYU.”

  Lucy elbowed Zachary, then finished her cheesecake. He carried her plate back to the kitchen.

  How could he drag their relationship into this, when they should be there for Lucy? Molly patted Lucy’s arm before following Zachary. Although Lucy’s kitchen opened into her living room, the distance afforded them a thin veil of privacy.

  “Want another piece, Luce?” Zachary shouted back to his sister.

  “Sure.” She sighed. “If I eat myself sick, I’ll forget about Paul.”

  He was laying another slice onto her plate when Molly reached him. She stood shoulder-to-shoulder with him and leaned in — and didn’t dare meet his eyes in such close quarters.

  “You should be leavin’,” she said under her breath.

  “I’m her brother —”

  “And you’re not helpin’.” Molly stepped back to a safe distance. She focused all her determination on him. Zachary met her gaze with equal steel, ready to continue the silent argument, but his jaw hardened, and he shoved the plate into Molly’s hands.

  Zachary returned to the living room and sat by Lucy again. “I get the feeling ‘girl time’ will help you more than me.”

  “Thanks for trying.”

  Zachary hugged his sister. “You did the right thing. It’ll be okay. One day.”

  “Really?”

  “So they keep telling me.” He shrugged and got up from the sofa. “See you later.”

  Lucy waved before he left. Molly finally crossed the room and brought Lucy her second slice of cheesecake.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” Lucy said.

  “You wanted another piece.”

  “I mean you didn’t have to tell him to leave. I’m depressed, not deaf.”

  Of course she’d done that for Lucy. Not because she couldn’t look at him after that slap in the face. Molly turned back to the kitchen and got herself a piece of cheesecake.

  She returned to the sofa and poked at her dessert. “He wasn’t bein’ very supportive.”

  “I think that was him trying.”

  Sure, and fixed on her while he spoke. Molly stared at her cheesecake in silence.