Tara: Catch Me if I Fall

by Meredith Costain

  Contents

  Cover

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Copyright

  CHAPTER 1

  Dust flies up from the driveway as Dad’s trusty farm ute winds its way through the paddocks, bringing me home. I step out of the cabin, my mind a blank. When Mum tries to hug me, I stumble past her into the house.

  All I want to do is climb into bed and sleep forever. I kick off my shoes, then wince as a spasm of pain ricochets across my back. I’m finally settled, a tower of pillows guarding my spine, when my phone rings. I check the caller display, then flick the phone to silent. Sometimes there’s nothing left to say. All you want is to be left alone.

  Mum’s at the door with a sandwich and the portable phone.

  ‘Hold on, Kat,’ she tells the caller, her voice falsely bright. ‘I’ll put her on.’

  She looks at me, her eyes hopeful. I shake my head. After what she’s done to me, why would I want to talk to Kat?

  Mum sighs. ‘Sorry, sweetheart,’ she fibs into the phone. ‘She’s sleeping right now. Can I have her call you back?’

  Day after day my voicemail fills up with messages. Sammy, telling me I’ve made it through to the Nationals of the Prix de Fonteyn, the dance competition we’re all desperate to win. Ethan, promising me he’s there for me if I need him. Abigail, letting me know she placed higher than me in the Prix preliminaries.

  I ignore them all.

  There’s only one person I want to hear from, and so far he’s been silent.

  I’m lying in bed reading, our latest rescue joey tucked under one arm, when I hear Mum and Dad arguing outside my door.

  ‘Leave her,’ Mum’s saying. ‘She’ll go in her own time.’

  ‘It’s been six weeks,’ Dad fires back. ‘Our daughter is not going to hide in that bed any longer.’

  ‘Up!’ Dad commands me, storming into my room.

  ‘You’re getting dressed,’ he continues, ignoring my buts, ‘and then I’m driving you to school.’

  I stare out of the window as the brown paddocks slide past.

  ‘All right, compromise,’ Dad finally relents. ‘No school today, but tomorrow we find out what the doctor has to say.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter if it’s healed or not,’ I wince. ‘I’m out of the Academy.’

  Dad sighs. ‘Having a healthy back is something that affects the rest of your life. It matters.’

  We reach the gate and Dad whacks the ute into neutral. He clears his throat, then looks at me pointedly. Annoyed, I climb out, slamming the door behind me. I unlock the gate and stand clear so Dad can drive through.

  ‘I have to check the fence line up on the ridge,’ he tells me, his hand on the wheel. ‘You can meet me up there or you can walk home.’

  ‘I can’t walk that far,’ I protest. ‘I’m injured! Dad!’

  But Dad’s not listening. The ute speeds off, leaving me stranded in a cloud of dust.

  Fifteen minutes later I join him at the top of the ridge, my body aching and sweaty from the uphill climb.

  ‘Feel better?’ Dad asks.

  I pull a face. ‘Not really.’

  ‘The doctor said it was good for you to move around.’

  Dad pauses for a moment, then, his face softening, points out the view across the valley.

  ‘Remember when you were little and you would wait up here for hours so you could see that first star?’

  I nod, a lump forming in my throat.

  ‘You always wanted to make that wish.’

  It’s too much. Before I can stop myself, I break into sobs.

  Dad’s right there beside me. ‘Oh, princess,’ he whispers. ‘It is going to get better.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I blurt, blinking back tears as Dad pulls me into a hug. ‘I just … I just don’t know what to wish for anymore.’

  I’m lying on the couch in the hospital waiting room, waiting for my scan results, when Ben walks in, a phone glued to his ear. He’s juggling a pile of posters and a silver cardboard tube.

  ‘Tara!’ Ben gasps, as the silver tube lands on top of me. ‘What are you doing here?’

  I shrug. ‘Back stuff.’

  ‘So it’s actually broken?’ He sounds surprised. ‘That’s what Grace has been saying but there are so many rumours.’

  Awesome, not.

  ‘What are you doing here?’

  Ben holds up a colourful poster. The words ‘Space Rescue Mission Spectacular’ jump out at me in block letters. He pins it to the noticeboard.

  ‘Does anyone know you’re in Sydney?’

  I sit up, stretching out my spine. ‘I haven’t been feeling very socially connected.’

  ‘I’m diagnosing that you could do with a distraction,’ he says, handing me another poster. ‘Believe me, it’s going to help.’

  He leads me into the hospital recreation hall, where a bunch of kids are decorating the stage with silver stars and planets.

  ‘Every few months the ward rats put on a show,’ Ben explains.

  ‘I didn’t know you volunteered,’ I say, surprised, but also pleased. This is a side to Ben I haven’t seen before.

  ‘I’m quite saintly,’ Ben says, smiling modestly. ‘Come and meet the director of the show.’

  I follow him over to the stage, where a young girl’s firing off instructions.

  ‘Maddie, meet Tara. Star of the National Academy of Dance.’

  ‘Former student,’ I correct him.

  Maddie sizes me up. ‘Can she do a no-handed cartwheel?’

  ‘I don’t dance anymore,’ I tell her quietly. ‘I’m injured.’

  Maddie shoots me a look. ‘I have leukaemia. Want to know who wins?’

  Ouch.

  Ben steps in to rescue me. ‘Tara can help with your solo, Maddie. Make it more professional.’

  Maddie tosses her head. ‘Fine. Cripple can stay.’ Then she drags Ben away to sort out a problem with the glitter gun.

  My phone rings. ‘Kat’, the display reads. I flick the call to voicemail, still not ready to talk to her. Maybe I can help Ben with the show instead.

  For the first time in weeks I forget about my injury as I demonstrate dance steps to Maddie. Her pinched face breaks out in a smile as I ‘swim’ across the stage in slow motion. This is fun.

  Ten minutes later I’m sitting beside Ben, helping to construct props for the show. ‘So Maddie,’ I begin to ask him, almost too scared to hear the answer. ‘How sick is she?’

  ‘I think she’s having a good day,’ Ben says, watching Maddie boss around her actors.

  ‘But the doctors,’ I push. ‘Do they know if she’s going to get better?’

  ‘Maddie’s been in and out of chemo since she was four,’ Ben tells me, his voice tight. ‘You can stop asking that question. Just focus on what you can control.’

  His words hit home. I look down at the costume I’m sewing, unsure what to say next.

  ‘So why didn’t you fight getting expelled?’ Ben asks me finally.

  ‘I broke the rules,’ I explain quietly. ‘I saw a doctor outside the Academy.’

  ‘But that day in coaching with Saskia, when she pushed you,’ Ben probes. ‘Was that how you got injured?’

  ‘I was being arrogant,’ I sigh. ‘I said she could go higher, so …’

  Ben’s face lights up. ‘Yeah, but then when we told her to stop, she didn’t!’

  ‘Look, I need to get back,’ I tell him, suddenly uncom
fortable with the way the conversation’s heading. ‘Will you wish Maddie luck for me?’

  Ben grabs my arm. ‘You’re not watching? Curtain’s up in T minus one hour.’

  ‘I have my appointment,’ I remind him.

  Ben frowns, puzzled. ‘I thought that was later?’

  ‘Look,’ I say, a lump forming in my throat as I watch the kids twirling around in their planet costumes. ‘I realise what I’m going through is nothing compared to this. But I don’t want to watch dancing right now. Imagine if you were never going to do it again?’

  ‘You could,’ Ben points out. ‘If you say your back is better, you could go to Miss Raine and ask for your place back.’

  I bite my lip.

  ‘Why won’t you?’ Ben pushes. ‘Because of Kat and Christian?’

  Is he joking? How do I explain this?

  ‘Look, I don’t want to hope I’m okay and find out I’m not. That probably sounds dramatic to you but everything I ever counted on was either not what I thought it was, or taken away. How are you supposed to come back from that?’

  Ben holds my gaze. ‘You just have to. Because if you waste too much time blaming the world, the world wins.’

  It sounds like he’s talking from experience. But how could he be? Ben’s never broken his back, or spent six weeks lying around in bed, waiting for it to recover. I head back to the waiting room. Before I reach it, Kat rings again.

  This time I answer.

  ‘What?’ I say, weariness flooding my body. ‘What do you want to say to me, Kat?’

  Kat sounds surprised I’ve even picked up. ‘I think I need an estimate of how long you’re going to hate me. Because if there’s a goal I can work towards that.’

  I miss you, I want to say. But I can’t. Not yet.

  ‘I don’t know.’

  Kat’s voice is anguished. ‘I am so unbelievably sorry …’

  ‘I know,’ I tell her, then hang up. There’s nothing more to say right now.

  Anne of Green Gables is one of my favourite books but I can’t get into it. I check the clock. Six minutes to four. If I hurry I’ll be able to catch Maddie before the curtain goes up on her show.

  I push my way through props and excited kids till I find her.

  ‘Maddie!’ I exclaim. ‘You look exactly like an astronaut!’

  Maddie smiles, obviously nervous. ‘My friends Sasha and Scarlett are coming to watch. I haven’t seen them since I got sick again.’

  I take my place in the audience next to one of the ward nurses, holding my breath as Ben explodes onto the stage with a group of kids in silver suits and tap shoes. They’re amazing. Ben’s amazing.

  ‘He’s a beautiful boy, isn’t he?’ the nurse beside me whispers.

  ‘He’s one of a kind,’ I agree.

  ‘I don’t play favourites,’ she continues as the dancers continue to tap up a storm, ‘but he was my very first long-term patient. Every year he still sends me flowers on my birthday.’

  I stare up at Ben, shaking my head as everything suddenly falls into place: Ben, the show, the kids from the cancer ward. There’s a lot more to him than I ever knew.

  As I watch Maddie and her team rescue a space dog and deliver him safely back to Earth, I realise something about myself. When I was Maddie’s age, I had a fight with my parents. I was so angry I ran away from home to teach them a lesson. I stayed on top of the hill for hours, hoping they’d come to find me.

  I was so sure I was in the right, but I’d never felt more lonely. Eventually I swallowed my pride, climbed back down the ridge and became part of the world again. I didn’t need anyone to rescue me, I realised. I could rescue myself.

  My phone vibrates. Kat again? But it’s Christian’s name that flashes onto the screen. Christian, who I’ve been silently willing to call me all these weeks.

  I put the phone back in my pocket. Christian can wait. There are more important things going on up on the stage. When the show finishes – and if I get the all clear from the specialist about my fracture – I’m going to ask Ben if he’ll help plead my case at the Academy.

  I want back in.

  CHAPTER 2

  Dad and I take up our positions opposite a stony-faced Miss Raine. The battle lines are drawn. There’s no going back now.

  ‘The doctors have all said the fractures were caused by force,’ Dad says, calm but firm, ‘and that they were recent.’

  ‘Ben was there,’ I add. ‘He saw Saskia stretch me and refuse to stop when I asked her to.’

  Miss Raine’s eyes flick between us. ‘This is a very serious accusation.’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ Dad agrees. ‘And we want her gone.’

  ‘Dad, no!’ I cry. ‘All I want is to come back to the Academy.’

  Dad shakes his head. ‘That’s not an option while she’s still teaching here.’ He turns back to Miss Raine. ‘I’m hoping the school will do what’s right but I am meeting a solicitor later today.’

  Shell-shocked, Miss Raine nods, then ushers us outside. Something like this could ruin the Academy, and she knows it. I follow Dad down the corridor, torn. I don’t want to get Saskia sacked, but I don’t want her to compromise my future here either.

  ‘If we sue the Academy, how long will that take?’ I ask him.

  Dad sighs, his face drawn. ‘I don’t know, princess. A while.’

  ‘And it will be expensive, won’t it?’ I niggle. ‘I just want this to be over.’

  We turn a corner and run smack bang into Kat.

  Her eyes light up. ‘You’re here!’

  I nod stiffly. Noticing the tension between us, Dad retreats with a line about us needing to catch up.

  Kat and I stand there for a few moments, studying the floor.

  ‘How’s your back?’ Kat asks eventually.

  ‘Still sore. The bone knit so it’s healing.’

  ‘That’s fantastic!’ Kat gushes. ‘So does this mean –’

  Suddenly, Grace appears, cutting Kat off mid-sentence.

  ‘Tara! I have been wilting in this place without you.’

  She pauses, picking up on the stilted vibe hanging between me and Kat.

  ‘Ew, awkwardness,’ she whispers, steering me away down the corridor. ‘You don’t need that.’

  We’re back in Miss Raine’s office. Only this time, Saskia is here, too.

  Miss Raine shuffles some papers, then smiles winningly at us.

  ‘I have good news. The Board has agreed to allow Tara back into the Academy, conditional on a good behaviour period.’

  Dad swallows, then points to Saskia. ‘What about her?’

  ‘Saskia has denied that she did anything wrong,’ Miss Raine tells him. ‘And I don’t have any evidence that she did.’

  Dad’s eyebrows shoot up. ‘She broke my daughter’s back! How much evidence –’

  ‘Mr Webster, I know this is a difficult situation. I’m trying to find a solution here.’

  Dad refuses to be shut down. ‘You’re trying to protect the Academy’s backside, and a negligent, inexperienced teacher.’

  ‘Dad!’ I warn him. I smile tentatively, anxious to defuse things.

  ‘I would love to come back to the Academy, provided Saskia apologises for what she did to me.’

  ‘I did nothing to you, Tara,’ Saskia snaps, her eyes cold.

  ‘Saskia,’ Miss Raine warns her.

  ‘No,’ Saskia replies, her voice defiant. ‘I can’t just sit here and take this. It’s ridiculous. This is just the next chapter in her personal grudge against me.’

  ‘I’m the one with the grudge?’ I gasp.

  ‘There is nothing I did in any class that I didn’t face when I was a student,’ Saskia protests. ‘Tara is just too weak to –’

  ‘That’s enough, Saskia,’ Miss Raine snaps, making everyone jump.

  ‘Then I can’t accept,’ I say quietly. ‘If Saskia gets away with this, it means the Academy thinks what she did was okay. And it wasn’t.’

  ‘This is everything you’ve worked for Ta
ra,’ Miss Raine pleads.

  I shake my head. ‘It could happen to someone else.’

  After the meeting, I arrange with Dad to stay the night with Grace. I want the chance to say goodbye to my friends, properly this time.

  Everyone’s still in class, so I sneak down the corridor to my old room. Everything’s still the same – the chintzy bedspreads, the smell, Abigail’s ridiculously neat decoration scheme. The only thing missing is me. And then I see it. A word scratched into the wooden end of the bed: Tara.

  Proof that I’ve been here. And maybe, a sign that one day I’ll be back.

  For good.

  The next morning I’m picking four-leaf clovers on Observatory Hill when Ethan turns up.

  ‘Lost another bracelet?’ he jokes.

  I grin sheepishly, remembering the last time we were here. It seems so long ago.

  ‘Sammy told me about your new choreography job,’ I say, passing him a clover. ‘I’m really happy for you.’

  ‘Thanks. It’s only fringe theatre but Kat demands it be celebrated like I’ve conquered Broadway.’

  I flinch as he says Kat’s name.

  Ethan’s voice softens. ‘You know she’d never deliberately hurt you, don’t you?’

  I’m not sure what I know right now, or how I’m going to fix things. I study Ethan’s face, searching for answers.

  ‘How did you forgive me? I mean, I knew I hurt you, but I didn’t get it. Not properly.’

  Ethan considers my question. ‘It took a while,’ he admits. ‘But if I didn’t forgive you then I wouldn’t be getting to talk to you right now.’ He smiles at me. ‘Kind of makes it worth it.’

  I grin back, tears welling in my eyes. Why are goodbyes always so hard?

  Ethan’s phone beeps – apparently the celebrations are about to begin. He asks me to join him, but I shake my head. It’s not something I’m ready for right now.

  ‘You don’t need this place,’ Ethan whispers, wrapping me in a farewell hug. ‘You’ll be a star wherever.’