Back in the Rain

by Elen Chase

  "Of course, you're not kids anymore," said Dad, passing me an old framed picture he took from what I called “his family shelf.” It was a picture of An, Dan and me from when we were eleven, the day we were starting middle school. It was from the time Dan stopped being his patient. "But you will always be our kids, there's no helping it," he said then, patting my shoulder.

  "Dad, this..." seeing that picture felt incredibly nostalgic. Moreover, I understood there was no way I would find a file about Dan in that room. My dad loved all his little patients, but Dan was different: he belonged with us, on the family shelf.

  "Drew, can you tell me another word for home?"

  "Eh? House?"

  "Wrong."

  "I don't follow."

  "Think about it when you have some free time," he said, smiling. "And now go, I can see from how often you're looking at your watchpad that you’re dead worried."

  I hadn't realized it myself. I had been checking my watchpad every five seconds. Dan never replied to my message, and it was probably a mistake to leave him alone. I went to say goodbye to Mum, and Dad saw me off at the front door.

  "Dad, sorry I wasn't of much help."

  "It's alright. I had no intention of throwing away anything in the first place, I just wanted to be with my son for a while," he said, winking. I smiled back at him and returned to Downtown in a hurry.

  Chapter 21

  The day Dan left for Downtown, seven years before, I went to see him off at the station. From the day he had told me he would go away, I kept repeating to him and to myself that nothing would change, but I was scared to lose him like I had never been before. I couldn't fill the void in my heart after An's death, and being apart from him was too much to bear. I rehearsed different ways of asking him to stay a million times in my head; I knew I had to do it before our parents arrived.

  I took his hand in mine and muttered, "Dan, please..."

  "Drew, please." We spoke at the same time, but he finished his sentence first. "Don't ask me to stay," he said. "If you do I won't go, even if I have to. And I can't afford that, for just about every reason." Those blue eyes that took my breath away for seven years were full of tears again. I felt powerless and little, and it made me angry.

  "Shit!" I said through clenched teeth, and pulled him toward me to hug him one more time.

  "… People are watching."

  "I don't care," I said, holding him stronger and trying to convince myself I had to let him go eventually.

  "Drew, there's one thing I want you to know," he told me in a whisper, grabbing my shirt. "You are..."

  The train whistle ruined the moment, preventing him from telling me. I was about to ask him to say it anyway, when my parents and his mum joined us in front of the train coach. I hated his mother for taking him away from me, and I was always nervous when she was around, so I didn't feel like hearing what he had to say in front of her.

  "Tell me the next time we meet," I told him, forcing myself to release our hug. He sadly smiled at me and got on the train. My instinct was telling me to scream and run away from there, to let out even just a little the torment I was feeling, but the thought of causing trouble for my parents kept me quiet.

  When I arrived back home, I realized for the first time how unnecessarily big it was. That day the most obscure period of my life started. After a few weeks of really keeping in touch, slowly Dan stopped talking to me. Soon no messages or calls arrived from him, even though I tried to contact him every single day. Thoughts in my head repeated in a loop that my life was over. I was scared of doing anything and afraid to get hurt. I finally quit soccer, I stopped seeing the other friends I had, and I didn't even try to find new ones in high school. Every day I found something different to be afraid of, and this activity kept me busy enough. One day it was my eyes, then my heart, then my back, then my ears, then my brain. It would take me five minutes to wash my hands, I never went out without wearing a mask, and I couldn't go out to eat because I didn't trust the hygienic conditions of any place. I had no way out; as soon as I was told I wasn't sick by a doctor, I had to go see another one for a different problem. Hypochondria, paranoia and fear of abandonment filled my days for months. My parents were desperate. Dad tried to help me in any way; he would talk to me for hours, trying to explain to me how I was trapping myself in a tunnel of obsession. A part of me, the rationality I still had left, could understand it, but my body wouldn't react.

  Until one morning, when I was suddenly hit in the head by a foul ball and ended up in the school infirmary.

  It was the day I met Shallie.

  ◆◆◆

  "I can't believe it," I said when I got home and found Dan on the couch eating ice cream, his bangs tied in a small ponytail on top of his head. "I was worried sick for you, and you're here acting like a kid on summer vacation."

  "Are your parents alright?" he asked me.

  "Yeah, they asked about you." Since he had stopped being my father’s patient, Dan had been calling my parents “Uncle Rick” and “Aunt Emily”, and I couldn’t help noticing how now he always referred to them as “your parents”. I wondered if he was doing it on purpose.

  "I'll have to thank them next time. What about the maid?"

  "Colten was an insane piece of shit. She said he was torturing animals in a locked room in his house. As for the rest of it, she didn't even seem to know he died. And I didn't tell her."

  "You did well."

  "But she gave me the names of the head housemaid and butler of the house. They seem to have been working there for a very long time, so I'm sure they know more."

  "If that's the case it will be harder to get close to them. And more dangerous."

  "I know. Dan… " I wished I could tell him that I wanted him to stay out of all that, and that I would continue investigating on my own, but the truth was that I needed him, both practically and emotionally. "I'm sorry I brought you into this, but I need you… I want us to think of something together, when you start feeling better. I don't want any of us to be in danger for nothing." He smiled at me, and I sat next to him. "Why didn't you reply to my message?" I asked him.

  "I woke up late; I thought it wouldn’t matter if I replied at that point."

  "Next time do it even if it's late. I was waiting for it."

  "Okay, sorry."

  "Dad scolded me because you're paying for my expenses here in Downtown. He told me to get a part time job."

  "I don't want you to get any job. I have tons of money, and it might be dangerous for you. It's not that you're gonna stay here forever after all."

  "...right." When it was all over, was I supposed to go back to Uptown? And what about him? I tried not to think about it for the time being.

  "Are you alright? It must be hard for you; the sect, the altar, all of this..." he said, a worried look on his face.

  "Honestly, it makes me feel sick every single time I think about it. A part of me is tempted to run away and forget everything. But I can't do this to Shallie. Whatever I am feeling, it will never be worse than what she went through. I have to do it for her."

  Dan's watchpad rang. "It's Jim," he said. I got closer to him to hear the conversation better.

  "Jim," answered Dan.

  "Hey Dan, it's been a while. Everything alright?" What now, small talk? I thought. I still didn't know why, but I couldn’t stand that guy.

  "Yeah, any news on your end?" Dan asked him.

  "Ha-ha, straight to the point as usual. Yes, that's why I'm calling you."

  "Good, where are we meeting?"

  "It's a day off; you can come to my place in a couple of hours."

  "Alright. See you later."

  Dan hung up and seemed to be thinking deeply. So, Jim had news on the poison. I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon, but I was happy another piece of the puzzle was about to fall in place.

  "Dan," I said, "do you really trust him? ‘Cause I can’t bring myself to."

  "I do. As long as you're not a hindrance to his busin
ess, he's not dangerous. And he owes me big time, don't worry."

  "Alright," I said, but I did not intend to let my guard down.

  Jim's house was in one of those districts at the boundary between Uptown and Downtown, like Chloe's apartment, only in a way richer zone. It was at the top of a tall building and was extremely luxurious. I couldn't expect less from a leader in the drug business. Inside the elevator, I couldn't help thinking of what could be the fastest way out of that place. Jumping out of the windows was suddenly appealing. On his floor, we followed a corridor to the door of the apartment which he had left open. Before we could reach it, a well-dressed little girl came running toward us, calling Dan's name.

  "Marta!" he said, and took her in his arms. "How you’ve grown, you're a little lady now."

  "I'm starting middle school in September!" she said proudly.

  "Hey, you're here at last, we were waiting for you," said Jim at the door, a glass of whiskey in his hand. He was excessively elegant to be in his own house, and his hair was pinker than the last time I saw him. What a show-off. We went in and I was introduced to Marta, Jim's little sister whom he had mentioned during our conversation at the club. She looked somewhat cute, a little spoiled maybe, but she wasn't a bad girl. Additionally, she seemed to be very fond of Dan.

  "Marta, why don't you go put your middle school uniform on while we talk with your brother?" asked Dan, patting her head, as we sat on the living room sofas with Jim. "I'm looking forward to see it." She blushed and ran to her room to try on the uniform.

  "Lady Killer," I whispered to him and he elbowed me in the ribs. "Ouch!"

  "So, Jim," said Dan, ignoring me, "what is the news?"

  "For starters, this poison that can kill leaving no traces has a name. It's called ‘Dipsa,’ from the name of a legendary snake, so poisonous that you would die before realizing you were bitten. The guy who makes the Dipsa, Eric Cruise, used to work for a pharmaceutical company. Like the story behind the name of the poison suggests, he's a freak with a fetish for poisonous snakes, and five years ago he was fired after suggesting and attempting to use poison on terminal patients. After that, he was put under surveillance as a dangerous subject, and later on he closed himself up in his laboratory and began to sell poison to get rid of pigeons, strays and so on. This all lasted until winter, when he got an offer for a very big job: to make something strong enough to kill a person without leaving any trace. For him it was the dream of a lifetime. He made what he was asked and took the money."

  "Who bought it?" I asked.

  "A soldier, short and with a tattoo on his neck. That's all he knows."

  A soldier. I immediately thought of the man who almost found us at the villa.

  "How do you know that's all he knows?" I asked.

  "Trust me, I had two of my men have a chat with him."

  "Where is he now?" asked Dan.

  "That's a very good question. First, let me tell you the most interesting thing about this guy: I didn't find him, he came to me."

  "What do you mean?" I said.

  "His commissioners are looking for him. And there could only be one reason."

  "Shut him up once and for all," said Dan, serious.

  "Exactly. He came to me asking for protection."

  "To give you what in exchange?" asked Dan.

  "Work for me, apparently."

  "And?" I said.

  "I have no interest in poison; he's of no use for me. And I have no intention of making dangerous enemies."

  "Where is he now?" asked Dan again.

  "Locked up in a tiny, tiny room in the basement of the richest casino of Downtown. Soundproof."

  "What are you gonna do with him?" I asked.

  "He’s of no use for me. The smartest move would be to kill him and leave him in plain sight somewhere in Downtown, so that he's easily found and nobody could connect him to me or my men."

  "But?" I said.

  "But I thought that somebody else would want the honor of taking care of him," he said looking straight in Dan's eyes. "I know that you're good at cleaning up garbage… and I see it in your eyes, you're looking forward to it, am I right?" he asked him.

  "What the fuck are you talking about?" I said, punching the table. "We're not killing anybody!" I hadn't been so angry in a while. How did the conversation ever turn out that way? "That guy is the only one who can testify to who killed Shallie!" I screamed. "Of course he's a fucking piece of shit, but I'm gonna use him for good and let him rot in prison for the rest of his life! That's what he deserves!" Dan didn't say a word. I was expecting him to react the same way I did, but he didn't seem shocked at all by what Jim had told him. His silence and Jim's amused expression made me furious.

  "That being said," Jim added, "I was about to tell you that I'll keep the guy safe for a while if you ask me to."

  "Why would you do that?" I asked him, not trusting him one bit.

  "It's my debt to him," he said moving his head toward Dan, "but if it gets too dangerous for us I'll give him up to whoever the fuck is searching for him. Is that clear?"

  "Is there a risk that somebody knows he came to you?" asked Dan.

  "No, he swore under torture that nobody has a clue. And before coming to me he provided evidence that he left Rosedeer a month ago."

  "I guess leaving him with you is our only option then," commented Dan, avoiding my gaze.

  "I want to see him though," I added. "I have to talk to him and be sure he's the one we need."

  "Reasonable," said Jim. "I'll call you in a couple of days to go see him."

  "Can't we go now?" I asked.

  "I don't want too many people to come and go there. I want nothing that draws attention."

  "Who's looking after him?" said Dan.

  "Bill, and you know what that means."

  "What does that mean?" I asked. I had no idea who they were talking about.

  "Bill is my shadow, my right hand man. He takes care of our safety."

  Fishy. I didn't like the idea of depending on those people, but Dan trusted them. I really had no other choice.

  Soon Marta came back wearing her uniform, and Dan started talking to her. I wanted to get out of that place as soon as I could.

  Chapter 22

  I was counting the minutes to finally go away from that disgustingly rich apartment. Unfortunately, the girl seemed to enjoy Dan's company so much that she wouldn't let us go home. Sitting with Dan on the living room carpet, she kind of reminded me of An when she was her age. Only, compared to An she was more spoiled, less cute, a bit fatter and had a way weaker personality. So, nothing in common really.

  "Isn't she adorable?" Jim told me.

  "Yeah, sure," I said, "she likes Dan a lot." Way too much since they're keeping me waiting all this time just to talk.

  "Of course she does. She wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for him," said Jim, cleaning his glasses with a handkerchief.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I guess he didn't tell you. Well, as I was saying before, Bill is the one who takes care of our safety. In our business we have to be careful, because there are people we better not underestimate. I made a mistake once, and that time, only that one time, Bill failed to protect us. A very troublesome person kidnapped Marta, because of us. I was seriously ready to kill myself if they were to ask it as a condition to give her back. And guess what? Dan heard the situation and said ‘I'll bring her back.’ He came back four hours later with Marta and their demands to make a deal."

  "How did he do that?"

  "I have a theory, but it's just an idea, since neither he nor Bill confirmed it for me. The only thing I know for sure is that he negotiated directly with the boss. Of course, I was and still am curious about how it really went, but he didn't tell me, and, out of gratitude, I didn't ask. I’ll be indebted to him for the rest of my life."

  "You're a hypocrite." My thoughts simply ran out of my mouth. "You were so grateful nothing happened to your sister that you kept dealing drugs exactly like before.
Good move to keep her safe, you have my compliments."

  Jim stared at me with surprise, and then laughed hard, "Now I finally get you. I could tell, you know, what you were thinking about me," he said, calm. That attitude made me angrier than before.

  "You were just lucky. It could happen again, and what will you do then?" I said, disgusted.

  "I’ll save her myself. I'm sure I can, because my group and I became stronger for that only purpose."

  "You talk big, but you’re just too greedy to let go of your shitty business for your family."

  "Mr. Moralist took the floor. My shitty business is what keeps my family going. I sell things to people who want them. I pay people well who are ready to take the chance to work with me and if someone wants to leave, they're free to do so. We take and we give, and as long as nobody tries to fool the other, everything stays peaceful. If I fool someone I must be ready to handle their revenge, and if they fool me I'll make them pay. I hold the responsibility to defend the ones I love. And that's how the world goes, Drew. Aren't you doing the same? You are so disgusted by me, but you need me. I don't blame you, you know; that's what human beings are. We are all greedily pursuing our goals by dealing and using others, so that in the end we can grab more and more by suffering the minimum damage possible. Accept that now, and you will have way less problems in your life. Do like he does," he said, moving his eyes on Dan.

  "He's not like you," I said, seriously offended. Still, was he right? Why didn't he say anything when Jim asked us if we wanted to kill that guy?

  "You shouldn't idealize people so much."

  "That's none of your business!" I shouted so loud that Marta and Dan turned around. I couldn't stay there a second more. "I'm leaving," I said, and I made my way out. I could hear Jim's laughter coming from the living room. I most definitely hated him.