The Complete Spellbinder Bay Cozy Mystery Boxset

by Sam Short

  Chapter 14

  “Millie? Millie? Wake up,” said the small voice next to her ear.

  “Reuben?” said Millie, blinking to clear her vision. “What time is it? How long have I been asleep? Is it morning? What time is it?”

  The cockatiel hopped from the pillow, onto Millie’s chest, and stared her in the eye. “You’ve only been asleep for twenty minutes. It’s only nine o’clock at night. Judith said I should leave you to sleep when her father told her the news, but I disagreed. I told her you would want to know what was happening, too, after all, they’re parked on your land.”

  “What are you talking about, Reuben?” said Millie, wiping a tear stain from the glass which protected the photograph of her mother.

  “Sergeant Spencer had an email,” said Reuben. “From the FBI. He’s going to confront Mister Anon right away. I told him and Judith to wait for you. I told them you’d like to know what was happening.”

  “You’re right, Reuben,” said Millie, propping herself up on an elbow. “I would like to know what’s happening.”

  “Well, let’s get going,” said Reuben. “Sergeant Spencer is chomping at the bit. He can’t wait to knock on the campervan door and confront Mister Anon.”

  Millie rubbed her eyes and sat up. The envelope containing the letter from her mother lay on the mattress beneath her, and she picked it up, straightening a crease from it, and sighing as her fingertips brushed the damp spot on the corner which her tears had made. “I’m sorry about what happened at dinner,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. I feel foolish. George must hate me.”

  “I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, but I know what came over you,” said Reuben. “It’s that letter in your hand, Millie. I saw the way you acted earlier tonight, when Sergeant Spencer spoke to you about George. You looked at him in a way I’ve never seen you look at anyone before. You looked at him like a child would look at their parent. You soaked up every word he spoke to you.”

  Millie placed the letter on her bedside table, and swung her legs off the bed. “Don’t be silly, Reuben,” she said. “I didn’t look at him like that, and if I did, it sounds a bit creepy. He must think I’m weird.”

  “He didn’t notice. It wasn’t that obvious,” said Reuben. “I noticed because it’s my duty as your familiar to make sure you’re okay, Millie, and right now… I don’t think you are. And in my opinion, it’s all down to that letter. That letter holds the key to who you are, Millie. It contains your mother’s last words to you, and it contains the identity of the man who is your father. It’s affecting you. And not in a good way. Henry and I are the only other people, and I use that term loosely, who know about the letter. You don’t really have anybody to talk to about it. No wonder you went off at George.”

  Letting out a long breath, Millie shook her head. “You’re not my psychologist, okay, Reuben! I know why I went off at George, as you so eloquently put it!”

  “Then, why did you?” said Reuben.

  “Because he… because I,” stammered Millie. “Because he made me mad, Reuben. Okay!”

  “Because you think he’s interested in another woman, and not you?” said Reuben. “Or because you hoped that you’d get the chance to tell him how you felt about him, and that would lead to you having somebody in your life who you could share your most personal emotions with. Somebody to cuddle, perhaps? I heard what you whispered when you spoke out loud to your mother, Millie. My hearing is better than a dog’s, and when I heard what you said, I felt sad. That letter holds the answers to a lot of your problems, Millie. And it’s also the cause of your problems.”

  Millie gritted her teeth. Grabbing the envelope, she took a corner between finger and thumb, and began to rip it along the upper seam. “Then I’ll open it, if that will make you happy, Reuben!”

  Reuben threw himself airborne and flew at Millie’s hand. Pinching the envelope in his beak, he dragged it from her grasp and flew to the top of the wardrobe, where he landed, and gazed down at his witch. “No,” he said. “That’s not what I think the answer is. I think I have a better solution, but you’ll need to trust me. Will you trust me, Millie?”

  Confusion and anger threatening to spill over into words, aimed at Reuben, which she didn’t mean, Millie took three deep breaths. She looked up at the cockatiel. “I trust you, Reuben. I know you want what’s best for me.”

  “Then go with Sergeant Spencer and Judith to speak to Mister Anon. It will help you get yourself grounded again. When you’ve done that, come down to the coven cavern. There’s something I want to show you,” said Reuben.

  “The spell you began telling me about this morning?” said Millie, with a frown.

  Reuben nodded. “Yes, the spell.”

  “Tell me now,” said Millie. “What spell is it, Reuben. What does it do?”

  “You need to calm down a little first,” said Reuben. “Please go with Sergeant Spencer and Judith. They’re waiting for you. When you come back inside, you’ll be calmer. Then we can talk, okay?”

  Millie looked up at the bird, exasperation beginning to bore a hole in her sanity. She gave him a nod. “Okay,” she said, leaving the bedroom and making her way through the cottage, frowning as she passed the archway which divided the kitchen from the living room. Judith had tidied away the remnants of dinner, but the shame Millie felt about how she’d behaved in front of her guests still lingered in the air.

  She headed outside into the cool night air, where Sergeant Spencer and Judith stood leaning against the police car, speaking in hushed tones. When Judith saw Millie approaching, she stepped towards her, pulling her into the shadows alongside the cottage. “Are you okay?” she said, her voice low. “I was worried about you. Reuben was, too.”

  Millie nodded. “I’m sorry,” she said. “It was very childish of me. I feel better after a rest. I’m so sorry I ruined your meal. George and Reuben’s, too.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about Reuben,” said Judith. “He tucked into the cheesecake after you’d gone to bed, and as for George — I think he deserved it. He’s been flirting with you since you moved to this town. If he is involved with that blonde woman, then he should have been honest with you before now. He’s been leading you along.”

  Millie glanced towards Sergeant Spencer. “Does your dad know what happened?”

  Placing a comforting hand on Millie’s arm, Judith shook her head. “No. He asked why George had left early, and I told him he had to be somewhere else. He didn’t really take much notice. He was too busy watching ASSHAT in their campervan. They’re playing Monopoly at the moment, and Dad can’t wait to confront them with the information he got from the FBI. He says they’ll be gone by tomorrow morning, and they won’t be bothering us again, after he’s spoken to them.”

  “What information does he have about them?” said Millie.

  “I’m not sure,” said Judith, walking towards her father. “Why don’t we go and find out?”

  Sergeant Spencer grinned as the girls approached. He put his hat on his head, and took his phone from his pocket. “Ready to learn the truth about Mister Anon, girls?” he said, gravel crunching under his boots as he stomped towards the campervan. With the two witches close behind him, the policeman paused at the campervan door, raised a fist and hammered on the thin metal. “Let me in,” he shouted. “I want to speak to you about something, Mister Anon.”

  “What is it?” came the reply. “Have you come to tell me that you’ve finished your painfully slow forensic sweep of the sand dunes, and I’m now welcome to begin my investigation into the skeleton of the extra-terrestrial creature which awaits my expert scrutiny?”

  “Not quite!” yelled Sergeant Spencer. “I’m here to ask you about some very interesting information I have about you.”

  Silence. Then the stomping of feet inside the vehicle. The door opened with a click, light flooding from the narrow doorway, and the smell of coffee following it. “Oh, you’ve brought your little fan club, I see, Sergeant Spencer,” said Mister Anon, p
eering at Millie and Judith. “What is it I can help you three fine people with?”

  “You can let us in for a start,” said Sergeant Spencer, stepping up into the van, brushing away Mister Anon’s feeble attempt at blocking the entrance. “I’ve got a few things I’d like to speak with you about.”

  Mister Anon stood in the centre of the narrow aisle, the driver’s cab to his left, and the small seating and sleeping area to his right, where Mister Incognito sat at a table with a monopoly board in front of him. “What sort of things?” he said.

  “We could begin with deciding what we should call one another. I’m fine with you calling me Sergeant Spencer, but what should I call you? Should I call you Mister Anon?” said the policeman, glancing at his phone. “Or should I call you by your real name, Graham Spalding?”

  Mister Incognito leapt to his feet, banging his head on a built-in overhead cupboard. “You shouldn’t call him by his real name! It’s against the rules of the Alien Search Syndicate and —”

  “It’s okay. Sit down,” said Mister Anon, placing a hand on his companion’s shoulder. He removed his cap, tossed it aside and sat down next to Mister Incognito, pushing a pile of monopoly money aside. “I assume it’s not just my name you have?” he asked.

  Sergeant Spencer smiled. “No, Graham. It’s not just your name I have. The email I received from the FBI is an eyeopener, to say the least.”

  “The FBI?” said Graham Spalding. “You have been busy, Sergeant Spencer.”

  “You’ve got a colourful history across the pond, haven’t you?” said the sergeant. “And you’ve made quite an impact in our own country, too. I’ve never seen so many restraining orders filed against one person.”

  “Restraining orders?” said Millie.

  “Used as political weapons against me!” said Graham. “The people on that list of yours are using those orders to keep their true identities a secret. Those people are the dangerous people, not me — as the FBI and NASA have falsely implied!”

  Judith frowned. “NASA?” she said.

  “Oh yes,” said Sergeant Spencer. “Graham was sacked from his job as an electrical engineer at NASA last year.”

  “I didn’t like Florida anyway. It was too hot,” said Graham. “And the people at NASA didn’t take their jobs seriously. They’re too focused on outer space, when they should be concentrating on the dangers lurking on our own planet!”

  “Why were you sacked from NASA?” asked Millie.

  “Shall I tell her, or will you?” said Sergeant Spencer.

  Graham sighed. “I was sacked because of a silly misunderstanding,” he said.

  “You tried to rip an astrophysicist’s face off, Graham!” said Sergeant Spencer. “He was forced to take four weeks off from work, and he’s not sure that he’ll ever be able to regrow his beard. The medical report said you’d torn off two inches of flesh along with the goatee. How can you call that a silly misunderstanding?”

  “I misunderstood the evidence I’d collated on him,” said Graham. “I’d had my doubts about him from the day I’d infiltrated NASA. There was something about his eyes, and the way he walked. He looked uncomfortable in his own skin. Like it was a costume. I had to act. I followed him home from work on a few occasions, and on one Friday afternoon, I followed him to a shop specialising in exotic pets. Reptiles, mostly. When I saw what he’d bought — a box of frozen mice, I knew I had my man banged to rights! I thought I did, anyway. It turns out I was wrong on that occasion.”

  “Wrong about what?” asked Judith.

  “Wrong in my assumption that he was one of the extraterrestrial Lizard Illuminati, of course!” said Graham. “He’d ticked so many boxes, too. The mice were the final piece of the puzzle. How was I to know he kept snakes? How was I to know the mice were food intended for his pets, and not for him? Like I said — a silly misunderstanding.”

  “You thought he was a lizard?” said Millie. “Really?”

  “They’re amongst us!” snapped Graham, bringing his fist down on the table, making Mister Incognito jump. “They walk amongst us, but nobody takes the threat they pose seriously. And I won’t rest until I’ve proved their existence to the world!”

  “He wasn’t the only person you accused of being a lizard person, was he, Graham?” said Sergeant Spencer. “I have a list of almost one hundred people you’ve accused, and those are just the ones who took out restraining orders against you. Who knows how many other people you’ve confronted with claims that they’re aliens masquerading as humans.”

  “A hundred people?” said Judith. “That sounds serious.”

  “The problem of the Lizard Illuminati is serious!” said Graham. “The work I’m doing is serious! The lizard race must be exposed to humanity! I’m trying to save the human race! That is serious!”

  Sergeant Spencer stared at the email displayed on his phone. “And that’s what you thought you were doing when you harassed and stalked all those innocent people? Including seventy members of the public and several celebrities, such as Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, William Shatner, Gordon Ramsay —”

  “I’m still unsure about Chef Ramsay,” said Graham. “That face of his looks very malleable. I’m certain it’s a mask. I’m waiting to see if I’ve been accepted as a contestant on the next season of Hell’s Kitchen. I want to be close to him. He’ll slip up eventually. That temper of his will be the cause of his downfall. The lizard inside will make itself known during one of his outbursts. You wait and see!”

  Sergeant Spencer continued reading from his phone, firing a stern glance at Graham. “The list doesn’t end with Gordon. There’s Lee Majors, Clint Eastwood, Dolly Parton, Chris de Burgh, David Blaine, Carol Thatcher and you were almost charged for assaulting Dame Edna Everage.”

  “I thought I’d finally caught one when her wig came off in my hand,” said Graham, gazing at the table. “I had no idea. It was very good makeup. Luckily, Barry Humphries has his suspicions about the Chuckle Brothers being lizard people. He told the police he didn’t want to press charges, and told me to keep up the good work.”

  “It says here that even David Icke has a restraining order out against you, Graham,” said Sergeant Spencer. “If your search for lizard people is annoying David Icke, then I think it’s high time you re-evaluated your life and your beliefs.”

  Graham Spalding smiled. “I won’t need to keep looking for lizard people when I get that skeleton out of the dunes,” he said. “That skeleton is my ticket to fame and recognition. I’m transporting it to America where I’ll reveal it to the world!” He glanced at Millie. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anybody where I found it. I’m a man of my word. Spellbinder Bay will be safe from intrusion by the press. Your quaint little town will carry on as normal, and I’ll be the first man to have discovered the remains of an actual alien!”

  “You’re taking it to America?” said Sergeant Spencer. “I don’t think so. It says in this email that you’re banned from America, Brazil, Uzbekistan and Vatican City.”

  “They’ll let me into America when I tell NASA I have an alien skeleton,” said Graham. “I’ll be forgiven for all the errors I made in my search for the Lizard Illuminati. They’ll understand that the people with facial wounds and PTSD were collateral damage.”

  “What about Mister Incognito?” said Millie. “How does he fit into all of this?”

  Mister Incognito leaned forward and peered at Millie over the rims of his glasses. “That’s very convenient,” he murmured. “Very congenial, indeed.”

  “Never mind, Mister Incognito,” said Graham. “It is a difficult word.”

  “So, who is he, Graham?” said Judith. “He doesn’t seem…. all there, if you ask me.”

  “He was a brilliant scientist, until a year ago,” said Graham, opening the can of cola which Mister Incognito was struggling with. He poked a straw in the opening and handed it to his companion. “He had an accident while performing an experiment. His name is Peter Simmons, he was —”

  “Not my real
name!” said Mister Incognito, cola bubbling from his mouth. “You’re not supposed to say it!”

  “That doesn’t matter anymore, Peter,” said Graham. “It’s okay, now.”

  “Oh,” said Peter, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. “So I can take my glasses off, now? It’s hard to see inside the van with sunglasses on.”

  “Yes,” said Graham. “You can take them off. Our identities are no longer a secret.”

  “You said he had an accident while performing an experiment?” said Millie. “What sort of experiment?”

  “Peter was trying to prove that other dimensions existed,” said Graham. “He was certain that our dimension is just one of thousands. Millions, even. He believed that creatures from the other dimensions sometimes slipped through from their world, into our reality. Whereas I was looking for aliens from outer space, Peter Simmons was focused on proving that creatures from other dimensions inhabited our world.”

  “That’s mad,” said Judith, raising an eyebrow at Millie. “Other dimensions! I’ve heard it all, now!”

  “Whether I believed him or not,” said Graham. “He was a great ally to me. He had access to the Large Hadron Collider, near Geneva. Everybody wants access to that!”

  “That’s where they search for new particles and types of matter, isn’t it?” said Millie. “I’ve read about it. There was a concern that they might accidentally open a black-hole and destroy the planet.”

  “That was a concern to some people, but I hoped it would happen,” said Graham. “I have a theory that aliens travel across the vast distances of space using black-holes, and not worm-holes, as portrayed by science fiction. I hoped Peter Simmons could help me prove I was correct.”