All of Me

by Bell, Heatherly

  “Frank,” Jeff said in a warning tone.

  “Well, Doc, you’re here every time I come and you don’t see a problem with that?”

  Jeff didn’t reply, his quicker pace being the only indication that he’d heard anything at all. They both walked through the double doors, leaving Ivey standing alone, wondering if Jeff wanted her number and why she should care.

  *****

  “Italy?” Ivey couldn’t believe her ears. Aunt Lucy’s cast had been off for four days, and she had already made plans to leave the country.

  “I have to do something to celebrate the end of being cooped up for six weeks.” Now that she was mobile again, Aunt Lucy used the energy to pack her bags. “And Antonio has rented us a villa in the Italian countryside.”

  “But we were going to start having fun. I was hoping you’d stay.” Ivey fought to keep the desperation out of her voice, but the last thing she wanted was to live in this extravagant condo alone.

  “It’s time for me to move on. The leg slowed me down for too long. Anyway, you stay here and get that job you wanted. The women’s center has been a long time coming, and I know you’d be great for the job.” Aunt Lucy laid her minx coat gently in the suitcase. She tossed her last pair of Jimmy Choos into a suitcase dedicated only to shoes and then threw sweaters into another one.

  “What if I forget about the job? I could spend every day with you. Would you stay then?” Okay that was desperation talking. Ivey wasn’t going to give up the job and stay home and have one long slumber party.

  “Oh honey, you don’t have to do that. I’m still hoping you’ll come to your senses and get back with your ex.”

  Oh, sigh. Would Aunt Lucy ever give up? “That’s not going to happen.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, and stop looking at me like that. I didn’t come back here for him. I came home because you said you needed me.”

  “And I thank you for that. But you might want to ask yourself why you want to stay—you could get a job anywhere else. Maybe you did want to come back, and I gave you the perfect excuse.”

  No, she wasn’t staying for him. In fact, he was the hardest part of staying here, since every time she looked at him she hurt a little bit. “We never did see that movie—the one with your favorite actor—umm, what’s his name?” Ivey couldn’t even remember now, as panic set in.

  “I’ll wait till it’s on DVD.” Aunt Lucy waved her hand. “You’ll be fine. You can stay here. It’s not far from the hospital, so it’s convenient if you ever wind up getting that job. I’ve still got my money on you. You can do this.”

  The last suitcase packed, Aunt Lucy marched to the kitchen where she used the phone to call for a taxi.

  “Do you really have to leave tonight?” Ivey would have liked at least a day to get used to the idea.

  “I’ve been cooped up in here for too long.”

  “You didn’t even spend any time in the town itself. There are beautiful vineyards right here and people come from all over the world come to see them.”

  “You don’t have to tell me. I lived most of my life in this little town. I talked Ben Cartwright into buying this condo so I could visit. They say you should never forget where you came from.”

  Aunt Lucy pulled out her compact and outlined her lips in fire-engine red. Presumably so that people would see her lips a mile away. Then she put her hands on both of Ivey’s shoulders, the most affection she’d demonstrated in weeks. “I’m not like you and your mom, honey.”

  There it was again. The troubling subject of her mother. She hated it when Aunt Lucy brought her up or compared them. “I’m not like her either.”

  “Nonsense. You’re so much like your mother. Oh, I miss her. She never wanted to leave the town where she met and fell in love with your father. Something about putting down roots. I could never figure her out either.” Aunt Lucy shook her head and dug in her purse again.

  But Beth Lancaster had made a habit of ruining people and relationships, and Ivey had gone behind fixing what she could. Making excuses for mom, cleaning up the chaos. Protecting Beth from the nasty rumors.

  Unlike Mom, Ivey couldn’t even drink a sip of alcohol without being inebriated, but that didn’t seem to matter. When she looked in the mirror she still saw Beth Lancaster’s dark hair and blue eyes gazing back.

  The phone rang and Lucy picked it up. “Could you come up and help me with my bags?” She hung up and turned to Ivey. “Don’t look so sad, dear. You have my cell phone number, and you can call me any time. And stay here as long as you like.”

  “But this place is too big for me.”

  “Then find someone to share it with. I know who that someone should be.” Aunt Lucy squeezed her hand and then opened the door for the driver, waving him towards the bedroom.

  “Stop. Why do you keep bringing him up?” Couldn’t Lucy see how much it hurt? Did she have to spell it out for her aunt?

  “Ask yourself why I would want to come back to this god-forsaken town to recuperate when I could be anywhere in the world?”

  “I thought it was because this is our home town. You grew up here, so did mom. So did I. We have good memories here.”

  “Honey, I wanted to bring you back the minute I heard your old beau was back in town and the hospital would be building a new women’s center.”

  “You asked me to move in so you could play matchmaker?” And she’d imagined it was for her great nursing skills.

  “Every two months someone in this town asks me for money. But when they came to me for a donation to the women’s center, you better believe I gave them a sizeable one. Enough to call myself a benefactor. Doesn’t that have a nice ring to it?”

  “You—you did this? You’re the one who wanted Jeff on the subcommittee?”

  “Why not? You two needed a little push, is all. More like a big fat shove.”

  Ivey had left a fledging practice as a home-birth midwife. She’d left a decent apartment and friends so she could rearrange her life to take care of Aunt Lucy. Because she’d asked.

  “I can’t believe you did this! Undo it right now. Call and tell them you changed your mind.” Ivey handed Lucy the phone.

  “I will do no such thing. I don’t mind telling you, you were one silly girl to let Jeff go. By now you’d be married with two or three little ones. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

  And Jeff would have dropped out of medical school. He would have married her out of obligation, not love. Maybe they’d be happy, and maybe they’d be miserable.

  “You can’t do this to me.”

  “I can, and I did. You can thank me later.” Aunt Lucy patted Ivey’s back.

  The driver stuck his head in the door. “All ready, ma’am.”

  “When will you be back?” Ivey managed to squeak out.

  “I’m not sure. It could be months if all goes well. I’ll be in touch. And I’m going to buy you a new car. No arguing. That old SUV is about to give out on you. Pick out what you want and I’ll pay for it. Walk me outside?”

  Ivey walked Lucy to the curb and watched the taxi cab become a smudge of yellow in the distance. She swallowed the lump in her throat and the memory that came back. Leaving seemed to be a pattern with Aunt Lucy.

  In Los Angeles, Lucy had found a little cottage for Ivey to rent. Not that she had ever spent much time there with Ivey. After Lucy had made sure Ivey had enough money to stay for the remainder of her pregnancy, she’d murmured a few choice phrases about Gloria Steinem and the sacrifices women had made so that Ivey wouldn’t have to hide a natural event and then taken off on her next adventure.

  But Ivey wasn’t hiding because she was ashamed. Not exactly.

  She would take care of their baby, and within three years, once Jeff was done with medical school, she’d let him know. Then he could decide for himself if he wanted a relationship with their child. He’d probably be a little bit mad, Ivey figured, but in the end he’d see her sacrifice was noble. He’d see she’d done it for him. So th
at he could keep going forward without interruption. So that if they wound up together, it would be for the right reasons.

  But it hadn’t quite worked out. There was no point in rehashing the past now, bringing up old wounds and mistakes to examine them under the harsh bright light of today.

  No point at all.

  Chapter 5

  By the evening after Aunt Lucy had gone, Brooke had already invited Ivey to a wine-tasting event. Brooke ran Serrano’s, one of the more popular wineries in town, and recently she’d been so busy with their booth at the Grape and Wine Festival that she suggested Ivey join her at the winery so they could hang out. Ivey didn’t drink, but Brooke Miller was her best friend and a person didn’t grow up in Napa Valley without learning how to swish and spit. Wine tasting events and the annual festival were as much a part of the landscape of Starlight Hill as the river that ran through town.

  Ivey, for her part, wondered why Brooke hadn’t thought it important to let her know that Jeff was back in Starlight Hill. A little heads-up might have been nice. Not that Ivey would have let his being back in town keep her away from helping Aunt Lucy. That would have given him too much power.

  However, his being in town was one matter and working with him on a subcommittee another. Her teeth hurt thinking about it. The last person she wanted to discuss pregnancy matters with. It didn’t help that his eyes seemed to glaze over every time they talked about high risk versus low risk. Unless maybe he was as exhausted as he claimed.

  His supposed exhaustion hadn’t stopped him from checking her out. Yeah, she’d noticed. Several times she’d glanced up from her notes to find him staring. Never even bothered to hide it. And she was done walking in front of him. She could literally feel his eyes like lasers trained on her assets.

  No, she wouldn’t go there again, to a relationship that failed because Jeff didn’t have time for one. And he still wouldn’t, not with his resident’s schedule. She’d bet a lifetime’s supply of chocolate on that fact. Besides, he liked to plan everything and Ivey loved surprises. Adventures. Flying by the seat of her pants. Living life without regrets.

  Brooke was behind the wine bar, wearing long dangly turquoise earrings, and a colorful bracelet in the shape of a snake hugged her bicep. Back in their high-school days, Brooke had worn her naturally blonde hair dyed black to match her mood, but now she was back to her blonde bombshell look.

  “Hey, I’m here.” Ivey sidled up to the bar. “And I’m not tasting.”

  “No kidding.” Brooke of all people understood Ivey’s aversion to alcohol. It wasn’t that she judged others, but ever since Mom’s accident, Ivey didn’t drink on principle. Which made living in Starlight Hill ironic.

  “Hey, Eric, I’m taking a break. And don’t give me that look. I’m not even supposed to be pouring.” Brooke waved an arm in a young man’s direction.

  “I thought you ran this place,” Ivey said, following Brooke, who carried one glass of wine with her.

  “I do. Which means I have to pour when we have an event and we’re short staffed. Like today. We’re bringing in a new line of Cabernets that have a woodsy, nutty—you don’t want to hear about this, and I want to hear about the job at the hospital. Did you get it?” She sat at a table and Ivey joined her.

  “No. But here’s the good news. I’ve been put on a subcommittee with a resident.” Ivey explained the details.

  “Well that sounds promising.”

  “Maybe. Except that Jeff is the resident.”

  Brooke froze. “Uh-oh.”

  “I’ll say. I didn’t even know he was back in town.”

  Brooke might have picked up on the accusatory tone in Ivey’s voice. “Hey, sorry if I forgot to mention it. Life gets busy, ya know? Besides, I’m sick of you acting like you should be wearing a scarlet letter.”

  “I’m doing no such thing!”

  “The hell you aren’t. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

  “I know that.” It wasn’t shame that had kept her away but more like a seismic change of plans.

  “Think you can work with him on this subcommittee?”

  “So far he’s actually been kind of nice.” As long as she didn’t count the midwives-as-clowns comment. “Even admitted that he broke up with me.”

  “The break.” Brooke held up two fingers like air quotes.

  “I’m going to make sure that we don’t talk about anything too personal. He’s already asked about Joe, only he calls him John to annoy me.”

  “It’s almost like maybe he thinks imaginary Joe isn’t real. Crazy.” Brooke rolled her eyes.

  Something pinged deep in Ivey’s belly. “He’s on to me? You think?”

  Brooke shook her head. “I don’t know if he would give it much thought.”

  “Don’t look now, but your dislike of Jeff is starting to show.”

  “Oh yeah? Well I wasn’t trying to hide it.” Brooke had loyalty down to a science, but then again she’d resented the fact that Ivey and Jeff had been a couple all through high school when Brooke had remained single. Not through lack of options, which was a mystery Ivey still hadn’t cracked.

  “I’m afraid I’ll break down and tell him everything. It’ll come flowing out of me.”

  “After all this time? No, forget it. You need to stem that flow and keep your mouth shut tight.” Brooke touched her lips on the word tight. “That’s your business.”

  “Aunt Lucy doesn’t think so. She still thinks he has a right to know.”

  “Lucy isn’t exactly the authority of all things relationship-wise. Which husband is she on now? I lost track.”

  She had a point. Aunt Lucy had been through four husbands, three of them since winning the lottery. Husband number four was under house arrest in New York, awaiting trial. What did she know about long-term relationships? “But she has a point. Doesn’t she?”

  “Maybe she had a point five years ago. You should have told him. You were way too honorable for your own good. He should have stepped up.”

  “He would have,” Ivey said and then wondered why she was defending her ex. They’d had plans, and they didn’t include a baby. He didn’t want to get married until he was done with medical school. Having a baby would have sent him over the edge. Besides, had everyone forgotten he’d broken up with her? He didn’t want her then, and she sure didn’t want him to come back to her out of duty.

  “As usual you made it easy for him. Like you do with everyone. Think about it. You didn’t tell Jeff because he’d drop out of school, you left your job in LA to take care of your aunt, and now I’d bet my Harley that someone else talked you into being on this subcommittee. Who is it this time?”

  Brooke had kindly left out all the times she’d covered for Mom. I’m sorry, Mrs. Monroe, my mom can’t come to the phone right now. She’s got the flu.

  “All right, so what? I try to help people. I’m a nurse. What do you want from me?”

  “I want you to bandage a cut or deliver a baby but stop trying to fix everybody and everything. For once, will you do what you want?”

  “It’s not that easy. When I look at him—I don’t know, he reminds me of what I lost. I can’t help it.”

  Brooke squeezed Ivey’s hand. “But what do you want?”

  “I want to stay. And I want this job.” Saying it out loud confirmed it, and for once maybe she’d stay, even if it was going to make things more difficult for her, for Jeff, and the rest of the blue-versus-pink-divided town. Too bad.

  “Good for you. Then take it. Fight for it.” Brooke pounded the table with her fist.

  Ivey startled. “Right.”

  A hard-looking man with his jaw dialed to crush strode up next to Brooke and put a hand on her shoulder. “I need to talk to you. Now.”

  “I’ll be right back,” Brooke said as she rose, then called out to her coworker: “Eric, I’m taking a break.”

  “Hey, how long are you going to be gone? You have to get me some help,” Eric shouted from behind the bar.

  “Ivey
, do you mind? All you have to do is pour and look pretty. You can do it.”

  Great. She knew almost nothing about wine. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I’ll be right back,” Brooke said as she led Ivey behind the table. “Eric, here’s your help. Be nice.”

  Eric, who didn’t even look old enough to drink, glanced at her sideways. “So. Who are you?”

  “Ivey. Can’t that man wait to talk to Brooke?”

  He lifted a shoulder. “I doubt it. He’s the boss.”

  That explained it. Ivey had never seen Brooke rush to please a man like that. She was probably working on a promotion. “Help me out here. What should I do?”

  “Push the Cabernet, and you’ll be fine.” Eric handed her an opened bottle.

  For the next twenty minutes offering Cabernet seemed to be enough as Ivey poured and smiled.

  She recognized some of the locals, but most of the people here would be tourists. The wine train made a regular stop here, and it was that time of the year.

  “My heavens, Ivey, is that you?”

  Ivey turned to see Wynonna Pusini, the high-school cafeteria lady. Most everyone in town referred to Mrs. Pusini as the town’s spinster. Aunt Lucy said every town had one. It wasn’t fair, but the label seemed to fit. Mrs. Pusini was a spitfire Greek-Italian woman who didn’t put up with anyone’s shit, and that was the main reason, she’d once explained to Ivey, that she had no husband.

  Ivey stood up straighter and poured a glass of the red. “Hi, Mrs. Pusini.”

  She had to be retired by now, and she wasn’t alone. There was a gentleman with her, balding with a slight paunch, his arm protectively around Mrs. Pusini’s waist. Well, well, good for her.

  “This is my husband, Al.” She introduced Al, who took his arm off her for only a second to shake hands with Ivey. “I got married last year. Can you believe it?”

  “Finally someone had the good sense to catch you.”

  “That would be me.” Al nodded.

  “What about you? Are you and Jeff back together? Please say you are. You wouldn’t believe it, but I finally believe in happy endings.” She held out her glass again.