Fielding Her SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 1)

by Crystal Perkins

  “No. Not at all.”

  “I have to say this, Ainsley. I’m sorry, but could he be playing you? I know you haven’t broken cover, but could he just be using you to try and prove that he doesn’t want to be traded while he sabotages the team?”

  “I don’t know, Reina. It all feels so real. But I’ve never had a boyfriend before, so I could’ve missed things because I don’t know what to expect.”

  “I hope it’s real. I do. But we have to look at everything.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m here. I’m not keeping anything from you.”

  “We know that, dear. You wouldn’t protect him if he was guilty. It’s not in your nature. You also wouldn’t lie to us. You wouldn’t be here if we didn’t trust you. It’s Zack Taylor that we’re not sure of. If he is just using you, I’ll unleash the girls on him. But I hope you’re right, and he loves you like you obviously love him.”

  “I do love him, Jane. I’m so sorry. I didn’t expect this.”

  “You can’t control love. And you should never be sorry about it. I meant what I said, though. If this young man is playing with your emotions, he’ll be very sorry.”

  “Yes, he will. We wouldn’t even have to order it. The girls would take care of him on their own. I’d take care of him.” Reina’s eyes flash, and I know she means it.

  “I appreciate all of you looking out for me. If he meant what he said about just needing space, I’ll give it to him. I won’t initiate contact, if that’s okay.”

  “Of course. You need to protect yourself, and we need to see what he’s up to.”

  I check in with my tech team. They’re all on track and keeping things running while I’m undercover. Once I’m done, I head home. I stop at the gate to tell them not to let Zack in without calling me. It’s time to start protecting myself.

  * * *

  Zack

  Two days without Ainsley has made me crazy, yet it also helped me think clearly. The fact that she didn’t reach out to me is making me realize that I shouldn’t make life decisions based entirely on someone else. I’m not ready to look into a trade again yet because with the exception of Donaldson, I really like the guys on the team. And Jack and Lindsey Rivers are great to work for. Even without Ainsley, this may be the place for me.

  She’s on the field when I walk out for practice. She’s talking with the coaches, and while they greet me, she ignores me. I try to catch her eye a few more times over the next few hours, but she won’t look at me. Fuck it. I’m not going to continue to look like an idiot and chase after her.

  When practice is over, I head to the stands to greet the fans. I’m back to the old Zack Taylor, kissing cheeks and signing tits. I don’t grab any, but I do let the women grab me. I’ll admit that it doesn’t feel right, but I play along. Until I look over and see tears running down Ainsley’s face as she runs for the tunnel.

  I extricate myself from the fans and go after her. She’s almost to the outside doors when I catch her and grab her arm. She spins towards me and punches me in the jaw. I jerk back from the impact. Damn, she knows how to throw a punch.

  “What the fuck was that for?”

  “Seriously? You claim you love me and then you go out there acting like you used to.”

  “You claim you love me, and yet you didn’t call me at all these last two days. I was almost killed and you don’t seem to care.”

  “You told me you wanted to be alone. You sent me away. I was giving you the space you wanted.”

  “I just had things to think about. I didn’t mean that I wanted to be away from you for two days.”

  “You should’ve called me, then. Not let those women climb all over you and grab your ass. So much for being owned, huh?”

  “I’m trying to figure this out, just like you are.”

  “Yeah, well, at least I know enough not to be kissing other men or letting them put their hands on me.”

  Just the thought of those things makes me want to kill someone. And cry. Shit! I’ve screwed up. Again. But this time is really bad. I told her I love her and then acted like it was a lie. We should’ve called each other, yeah. We’re both wrong there. But I went too far today.

  “I’m sorry. You didn’t call, and then you wouldn’t even look at me. I was hurt. I thought you didn’t really care. But I know that’s no excuse for what just happened out there.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  “How can I make it up to you?”

  “I don’t know, Zack.”

  “Can I buy you lunch?”

  “No.”

  Fuck. This is bad. We always have lunch together after practice. “Can I sit at the same table with you while you buy your own lunch?”

  She sighs before answering. “Yes. I’ll be at Blueberry Hill.”

  “I’ll go shower and see you there.”

  I rush through my shower and get dressed quickly, leaving my hair completely untouched. It’s not my looks that I’m going to need to convince Ainsley to give me another chance. She’s not that girl. I need to show her that she matters. I have an idea, and I hope it works.

  I drive to the restaurant as fast as I can without getting pulled over. When I walk in, I see her seated at a booth. I want to slide in next to her like I usually do, but I know I have to earn that right again. Or not. She looks upset that I didn’t sit with her.

  The waitress comes over and takes my order, then I tell Ainsley how I feel. “I wanted to sit next to you, but I didn’t think you’d want me to. I thought I had to prove myself again.”

  “I don’t want you to ‘prove yourself’ Zack. I just want you to be the man I think you are. The one who cares about me. I need to know that the things you said to me were real, and you weren’t just playing me to get me to sleep with you.”

  She looks down, and I feel like an even bigger ass. I did this. I made her doubt me. Doubt us. I reach over the table and tilt her chin back up.

  “I love you, Ainsley. I have never said that to another woman other than my sister. I don’t take those words lightly. I hate that I’ve made you doubt me. I’ve never lied to you. I acted like an ass today, and I’m afraid that I’ll probably be stupid again. I’m terrified and sometimes that makes me do idiotic things. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “Why did you send me away on the track?”

  “Honestly?” I don’t want to keep fighting with her, but I guess we need to get this all out now.

  “Well, I don’t want you to lie.”

  “Dex said some things to me, and then with what happened in the locker room…well, I just wanted to think about some things.”

  “Things like me?”

  “Yes. I’m giving up everything I thought I wanted in order to stay here in Las Vegas.”

  “You’re changing your mind?”

  “No. But I can’t help but wonder about how committed you are to me. I mean, I said I’d stay for you and you said you wouldn’t go for me.”

  “I-I can’t leave, Zack.”

  “Because you have friends here. I have a sister in the place I want to go. Why is there no room for compromise on your part?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “I’m baring my soul to you. Why can’t you do the same? I thought you were different because you didn’t want the star, but I think you’re worse. You want everything from me, but won’t give me anything in return.”

  “I’m giving you me. That’s not enough?”

  “If it was the whole you, it would be. But you’re only offering me a part of yourself. I’m not sure if I can deal with only having that little bit. I thought it would be enough, but sitting here across from you, I realize that although I’m an asshole, I deserve everything from the woman I love. Believe it or not, you’re the one who showed me that.”

  “You do deserve everything.”

  “But you won’t give it to me, will you?”

  “I can’t, Zack. I love you so much. Please let that be enough.”

  “I don’t know. I need to think a
bout this. About us. This isn’t the end. I promise you that. I just need a little more time to think. Can you give me that?”

  “Yes. I do love you.”

  “I know. I love you, too. I’ll call you soon, okay?”

  She nods, and I take out my wallet and throw down some money on the table. Then I slide out of the booth and walk out of the diner. I mean what I said. Things aren’t over with her. I love her too much for that. But I do need time to come to terms with everything.

  * * *

  Ainsley

  I let Zack walk away four days ago, and I’ve barely made it out of bed since. I couldn’t tell him everything, so there was no reason to try and stop him. He was right. He deserves everything from me. I can’t give it to him, so I should step aside. I can’t though. I love him too much.

  I went to the game today because I needed to do my job. I called in sick to the team the last few days, while the girls took turns sitting with me. But I owe it to everyone to see this mission through.

  It was torture, Zack wouldn’t look at me. He also ignored me in the locker room. I know he’s going to ignore me tonight at the party, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to hide. Gary and Maggie Griffin are hosting a party to celebrate the end of the pre-season, and I’m going to do what I can to make Zack notice me.

  Stella found me a killer dress. It’s a black halter dress made of chiffon. It’s backless and the front drops into a deep V. The chiffon pieces fall in different lengths, covering almost everything. On the sides, there’s only one layer of fabric to my hip. I’ve got on strappy heels and my hair and makeup are flawless. If he really doesn’t want me, I’ll back off. But I’m not going down without a fight.

  I walk into the backyard and smile as I see my friends. Faith planned the menu, so she’s playing the part of the attentive caterer. Audrey and Isabelle are Maggie’s girls, so they always attend Griffin functions, while Jade and Darcy are just mingling. Jane and Reina are here of course, as is Matt. My smile fades as I see Zack.

  He’s flanked by the women who always gravitate to him at these parties, only this time he’s not pushing them away. He’s laughing and flirting with them. He said we weren’t over, but it looks like he’s moved on already. I should’ve known that he didn’t mean it. He just said that to stop me from causing a scene.

  My steps falter, and I would’ve fallen if Zane didn’t grab my arm. His mom, Helen, is one of the Society leaders. “Thanks.”

  “He’s an ass.”

  “I love him.”

  “He’s still an ass.”

  “I couldn’t tell him the truth about why I won’t leave Las Vegas.”

  “You’ve only known him a month. He should be fine with you telling him a little at a time. Would he have been your one? The man you told?”

  “Yes.”

  “Like I said, ass. Any guy would be lucky to have any part of you, Ainsley. And you deserve better than that.”

  I look over and Zack’s smirking at me as the women rub his arms, kiss his cheeks, and whisper in his ear. I flip him off and grab Aiden as he walks by, swinging around to kiss him. He is one of Matt’s ex-military friends, who also works for Corrigan & Co. I catch him off guard, but he plays along.

  “Thanks,” I whisper to him as I pull away from him.

  “If looks could kill, I’d be dead.”

  “He started it with those women.”

  “I’m hotter than them, though.”

  “True. You are a little too pretty to have been in the military.”

  “Looks can be deceiving, Little Mouse. I may not look as scary as Matt, but I’m just as deadly.”

  “I never doubted that.”

  He kisses me once more on the cheek and then steps away. “I’m going to run along now, since I’m not in the mood for a fight tonight.”

  I don’t understand what he means until I smell Zack behind me. The perfume on him can’t fully disguise the scent that is uniquely his. I don’t turn around. I won’t blink first.

  “What was that, Ains?”

  “It was a kiss. I think you’re familiar with the concept.”

  “You just kiss random guys now? I thought—I mean, I told you…”

  I hear the barely controlled anger in his voice. And the hurt. He can fuck off, though. He has no right to act like he was wronged. He was baiting me with those women. I just struck back harder.

  “You just made it very clear that it’s none of your business.”

  “The fuck it’s not my business. You are mine.”

  I turn then. “No, Zack, I’m not. If I was yours, you would’ve kissed me after your touchdown today, and we would’ve walked in here together. I wanted to be yours more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. But you don’t really want me. If you did, you’d take what I can give you, knowing that I’ll tell you all my secrets when I can. And you wouldn’t have thrown those women in my face. You said we weren’t over, and I’ve held onto hope the last few days while I cried myself to sleep every night. But you just made sure I knew that there isn’t hope for us. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some mingling to do.”

  “It was nothing. They’re nothing to me. I wasn’t going to do anything with them.”

  “Have you noticed how often you say those words to me? It’s gotten old, fast. And just for the record, Aiden’s not ‘nothing’ to me.”

  I walk away before he can respond. I manage to smile as I walk through the crowd. It isn’t until I’m safely in one of the guest rooms that I let myself fall apart. The door opens, and Audrey rushes in. She grabs me in her arms and holds me tight.

  “We’ll kill the bastard. They’ll never find all the pieces of him when we’re done.”

  “No. I don’t want him hurt. At least not physically.”

  “He’s not getting away with doing this to you.”

  “I just want to forget him. Forget how it felt to have him hold me, kiss me, and…oh God. Why? Why did I fall in love, Audrey? I know better. I know I’m not good enough.”

  “Not good enough? Chica, you are better than most people I’ve met in my life. As for falling in love, it’s not something you can help.”

  “How have you done it? You’ve been doing missions for almost ten years.”

  “I just haven’t found the ‘one’ I guess. I’ve dated lots of guys. And I even thought I was in love once. Not with a mission guy, it was someone I went to school with. But it didn’t work out, and I haven’t been ‘wowed’ by anyone since. I won’t settle for anything less than real love.”

  “I thought this was real.”

  “I know. We’re all here for you.”

  “Thanks. I’m going to wash up, and then I need to go back out there. I can’t let him win.”

  “That’s my girl. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

  * * *

  Zack

  It’s a couple of hours later, and I’m drowning my sorrows at one of the bars. Alone. I shouldn’t have flirted with those chicks, or let them put their mouths on me. I knew it before I did it. I knew it when I was doing it. And I damn well knew it when Ainsley kissed that guy. Who apparently ‘means something to her.’ Going all caveman on her after the fact was just the icing on the cake. Because that was the right course of action after flirting with other women to try and make her jealous enough to spill her secrets. At least she didn’t include her tongue in that kiss. There has to be a silver lining somewhere in all of this.

  “You played a good game, Taylor.”

  I turn to see Scott Griffin standing next to me. He’s a tech genius and, from what I hear, a pretty cool guy. He’s covered in tats and has a couple of piercings, but the sneer that’s currently on his face makes him look even more bad-ass. Why is he sneering at me after giving me a compliment?

  “Thanks.”

  “Too bad the game you’re playing with Ainsley is majorly fucked up. We could’ve been friends, but now you’ve fallen firmly into enemy territory.”

  “What does my relationship with her h
ave to do with you?”

  “Ainsley and I have been friends since college. She’s like a sister to me.”

  “Oh, I see. You’re one of the guys who didn’t notice her in college.”

  “News flash—we all noticed her. We just knew we weren’t good enough for her so we made sure to become good friends instead. You should’ve known you weren’t good enough either, before you chose to fuck with her. Because now you’ve acquired some enemies I can guarantee you don’t want. I’d wish you luck, but since I’m going to enjoy destroying you, I don’t think that would be very polite of me.”

  “You’re threatening me?”

  “No. I’m just giving you the only warning you’re going to get. I’d sleep with one eye open if I were you.”

  “That’s enough, Scott.”

  “He’s not getting away with this, Ainsley.”

  “I can handle him on my own. Go be with your beautiful wife and baby.”

  She hugs him and kisses his cheek. He walks away, but not without glaring at me. I turn to Ainsley and see that she’s been crying. My heart sinks even further.

  “I’ll do my best to get my friends to leave you alone. They’re very protective of me.”

  “I’ve noticed. I have to admit that having a tech genius threaten to destroy me is more than a little scary. It trumps anything that could happen on the field. That I can handle. I don’t know what to do against Scott Griffin.”

  “If he doesn’t listen to me, I’ll undo anything he does to you.”

  “You can do that?”

  “Yes. I can.”

  “Why aren’t you working for him? Or some other company?”

  “I love football.”

  I know that’s not the whole answer. I have a decision to make. Do I keep pushing her and demanding that she tell me more? Or do I take what I can get with her, which is honestly more than I ever thought I’d have with anyone? I’m not always an idiot, so I’ll opt for option number two.

  “Is there any chance that I could still have the part of you you’re willing to give to me?”

  “I can’t keep going through this, Zack. There are things I may never be able to tell you. I need to know you can accept that. And not run off to other women. Even if you’re only doing it to hurt me. Because I don’t want to keep being hurt.”