The Royal Shifters Complete Series Boxed Set

by Alice Wilde

  I’ve always known my heart would be my downfall, so I’d kept it hidden and cold, free from feeling and attachment. But it seems that led me into a far greater trap. I have no foothold when it comes to others. No reason to care, to protect, to fight. It’s made me vulnerable in exactly the way Damien needs, full of hate and distrust, indifference to those around me except for my own benefit. At least, that’s what I thought.

  Seeing Annalise through Damien’s eyes, feeling his complete lack of empathy, his desire for pain and torment, was like seeing myself through the eyes of someone else. Not that I ever wished Annalise any harm, but I had felt that same way toward others in my past. A complete disregard for the lives and feelings of those around me, as long as it benefited me.

  I don’t know if this realization is what opened me up to be willing to help her, but something did. As soon as I knew I had relinquished part of myself to Annalise, Damien was no longer able to control me in my entirety. I could feel my body responding and I knew that at least I’d done something. I’d failed at protecting myself, but I hadn’t failed entirely in protecting her.

  I hate myself for opening my heart to her, but there was nothing I could do. There was no other choice.

  Do I hate her for it? There’s nothing redeeming about what happened. There’s no good in me. I almost let Damien destroy her instead of accepting that I care for her. I almost let Damien take her because I wanted to have her. Annalise should hate me for what happened…No, she has to hate me.

  Nine

  Annalise

  We must have set sail while I was still asleep. I wake to the rocking of the ship. I tie my bodice together as best I can with some of the longer bits of torn lace and manage to stumble my way out onto the deck, although not without banging my hip against the captain’s table in the process.

  “There you are, lass,” Roan calls down from the rigging above.

  We’re definitely moving, but I don’t know how they’re managing to handle a ship this size on their own.

  “What’s happening?” I ask as Roan makes his way down to me.

  “We decided there was no use sitting around, whether or not Ero decides to help,” Roan says. “Li and I cracked open several of the crates and barrels below and found enough water and rations to last us quite some time.”

  “How is that even possible?” I ask. “I doubt anyone would willingly leave good food and water lying around unused.”

  “Your guess is as good as mine,” Li says from somewhere behind me.

  I turn to see him standing beside the ship’s wheel, looking very much the part of captain.

  “And…Ero?”

  It is harder to say his name than I had anticipated, and it’s starting to worry me.

  “He’s still below deck. He hasn’t quite come out of whatever state he was in,” Roan says nonchalantly.

  Part of me wants to go check on him, but the vast majority of me never wants to be alone with him ever again. I don’t want to blame Ero for what happened, but neither Roan nor Li have ever let Damien get that far, and it bothers me that Ero did.

  “Have you had a chance to talk with him?” I ask.

  “No, not yet,” Li answers. “I’ve done the best I can, but there are some things even I can’t force to heal.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s likely he experienced mental trauma, not unlike yourself,” Li answers.

  I scoff at the words. Not that I don’t believe it was hard for him, but that it was at all likened to my own experience.

  “I’m not justifying what was done,” Li says in response to my reaction. “I’m merely stating that relative to what he’s been through, he’s going to be changed from the experience as well. We just don’t know how, yet.”

  “How far do we have to travel?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “From what little I know of this part of the world, I’d say anywhere from a few days to a week,” Li says.

  “Dinna fash, lass,” Roan says with a small smile. “We won’t be trapped out here for long, and no barrels this time.”

  We don’t seem to get very far for the first two days. Li tends to Ero, but he doesn’t do much more than eat and sleep.

  Thankfully, there are a fair number of maps and charts to help us navigate the ocean in the captain’s quarters. I knew nothing of this, but Roan and Li seem to be able to manage it between themselves, at least to the best of their abilities. Not that it didn’t cost us a day of travel already from a slight miscalculation in direction.

  “We should be sailing close to this area by now,” Roan says, pointing to the map.

  I watch from my place on the bed as Li frowns. “Then we shouldn’t be more than a day from land.”

  “We’re going to need Ero,” says Roan. “We’ve made it this far without his help, but neither of us knows exactly where we’re going.”

  “You’re right. We’ll speak with him in the morning. I’ll do my best to set us on course for the time being and wake you when it’s your turn to guide the ship.”

  Li studies the map for a moment longer before leaving Roan and myself alone in the captain’s quarters.

  “May I stay with you tonight, lass?”

  I feel guilty as soon as he asks. I haven’t let any of them stay with me for very long on their own since Ero attacked me, not even Roan. It isn’t that I blame any of them, but I want to be alone. I have no desire to be around men right now, even if those men are my companions. It’s as if a part of me has been trapped inside an emotionless fortress and I don’t want to let anyone in…not yet.

  Looking down at my hands, I try to think of a way to answer him that won’t sound hurtful.

  Roan cups my chin in his hand and raises my face to look at him.

  “You can always be honest with me,” Roan says. “I may not understand, but I’ll do my best to try.”

  “Thank you,” I say softly, a twinge of pain stinging my heart. “I just have to be alone right now.”

  “As you wish,” Roan says, his thumb caressing my cheek for a lingering moment before he leaves.

  As soon as he’s gone, I wish he’d stayed.

  Li and Roan must have managed to speak with Ero at some point during the night. My heart drops into my stomach at the sight of him on deck, working diligently.

  “Damn fools,” Ero growls to himself, tugging hard on one of the ropes for the sails until he’s satisfied with it and then knotting the rope tightly in place. Sweat glistens on his brow and bare torso, and I find I have to avert my eyes almost immediately.

  Li is behind the wheel of the ship, holding it fast while Roan is nowhere to be seen. I walk up the steps to stand by Li.

  “Good morning,” he says.

  I smile and look out at the never-ending expanse of ocean surrounding us.

  “How far off are we?”

  “If all goes well, we should reach land sometime later today.”

  The sun glints off Ero’s chest, and I can’t stop myself from looking toward him.

  “And what about him?” I ask, not wanting to say his name.

  “Ero?” Li asks, his eyes flitting to me briefly. “He was finally able to tell us a little more about what happened. You should talk to him. When you’re ready.”

  My mouth goes dry at the thought, but I know he’s right. We have to stand firm together, and I don’t know how we’ll manage to do that if I can’t even look at, let alone speak to, Ero.

  “Perhaps later,” I say. “Where’s Roan?”

  “I think he’s below deck, preparing something for us to eat.”

  Descending from the hull, I make my way toward the entrance to the deck below, but before I reach it, a voice stops me in my tracks.

  “Annalise?”

  It’s Ero, but he hasn’t come close enough to be within reach of me. I don’t say anything and keep my eyes trained on the floor.

  “Annalise, I need you to know that I’d never do something like that to you. Not of my own volition.”
<
br />   I know this is true, but all I feel is anger. Every time I look at him, all I can see is Damien…and remember what happened. My jaw clenches to keep me from saying something I might regret and, instead, I simply nod and descend below deck.

  “Roan?” I call.

  “Over here, lass!”

  Roan is in the process of putting together a small meal of salted meats, dried biscuits, and pickled vegetables. I miss fresh fruit and the variety of foods I used to eat, but this is hardly the time to complain.

  “Hungry?”

  “Yes, although I can’t say any of this looks particularly appetizing,” I say with a small smile.

  “I’ll have to disagree with you there,” Roan says as he leans back, admiring his handiwork. “This is perhaps the best meal I’ve ever made on my own.”

  I laugh, realizing how true this probably is.

  “Perhaps I’m not the best to judge,” I say, catching my breath. “I don’t think I’ve prepared a single meal in my entire life.”

  “We’ll have to change that then,” Roan says, pulling me to his side and handing me some of the dried biscuits. “Place them wherever your heart desires.”

  I shake my head at him but do as he says, carefully laying out the biscuits on each of the plates.

  “There. Now you’ve helped prepare a meal,” Roan says softly, turning me to face him.

  “I don’t think I’d go quite so far as to say that,” I say, my face flushing.

  “But I would,” Roan says, watching me for a moment before leaning down to kiss me. Instead of balking at his touch, I welcome it. Melting into the tenderness of the moment. This…this is what being with someone is supposed to feel like. No terror, no fear, only us against the world. I have to try to remember this feeling.

  “Should we take the food upstairs?” I ask breathlessly as he pulls away from me.

  “I couldn’t care less about the food right now,” Roan says, searching my face for a sign.

  “Neither could I.”

  Roan smiles at me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before picking me up and carrying me to one of the nearby hammocks. Everything about this moment with him is perfect.

  “Ahh!” I squeal as Roan and I try and fail to find our balance in one of the hammocks, toppling out of it and onto the floor.

  “I guess those things weren’t really made for two,” Roan groans.

  “Or it’s a sign that we should be doing something more useful with our time,” I say.

  “I don’t know what could be more useful than spending time with you.”

  I smile at the thought but know our moment here has passed.

  “We need to eat, and so do the others.”

  “Okay, wife, you win. Let’s take the brutes some food.”

  Roan and I gather the food and head back out into the open air.

  Something about that small moment with Roan breaks the ice that had been growing in my heart over the past couple of days. It is as if I have been reminded what life could be like. Why I am fighting so hard to take back my kingdom and save my people. It also reminds me that these three shifters are my people, and I can choose to let Damien destroy them and come between us, or I can choose to fight for them.

  For us.

  For Ero.

  Ten

  Ero

  Seeing how afraid Annalise feels around me cuts me to the core. It reminds me of the way my mother looked at my father the day he killed my family, and the way I’d looked at him as he slit his own throat. It was precisely the reason why I swore never to love or be loved. There was too much risk involved with attachment. And yet, I’d somehow still managed to impart fear to Annalise.

  I’d become her greatest nightmare and one of her only chances for freedom all rolled into one.

  “Ero?”

  Annalise’s voice startles me. I hadn’t expected to hear my name fall from her lips for a long time, if ever again. I turn slowly to face her, but she’s not looking directly at me.

  “Yes?”

  “I think we need to talk.”

  I nod, and then answer in agreement when I realize she wouldn’t have noticed the action.

  “After breakfast, then?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  She holds out a plate of food toward me, and I take it gratefully before she turns and walks back to where Roan is waiting for her, seated on the steps leading up to the hull. I eat my meal slowly, thinking carefully over what I should say to her, or what she may want to say to me.

  A sudden thought pops into my mind. What if she wants me to leave? She can barely stand the sight of me, so the request wouldn’t come as a surprise.

  I contemplate what my course of action should be whether or not she does. I want to help her, and more than anything, I want to destroy Damien for his part in all of this. Never again do I want someone else to have so much control over me. But I don’t know how that will be possible considering how little control I seem to have over myself.

  All I can do is try to keep Annalise as distant from me as possible and hope it will keep her safe. I pick at the food left on my plate, my appetite gone, waiting for her to approach me once again. The minutes feel like hours, but I watch out of the corner of my eye as Roan gives Annalise an encouraging hug and then takes her plate. I toss my own to the side and stand as she draws closer to me.

  “Where do you want to talk?”

  “Here, in the open.”

  I nod in understanding and follow her toward the bow of the ship. I lean against some of the riggings while she takes a seat on top of a crate. We stay there together in silence for a long moment before Annalise finally opens her mouth to speak.

  “I need to understand what happened,” she says. “I know that Damien was trying to use you, but I don’t know how he managed to get as far as he did. I don’t know why you didn’t fight harder.”

  “I did fight,” I say, my tone coming out more defensive than I had intended it to be. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

  Her eyes flash angrily at me, and I immediately realize that what I said isn’t true, but I can’t bring myself to correct the mistake.

  “I know very well what it’s like to be under his thumb,” she says in a rigid voice, “but I’ve never tried to take advantage of anyone against their will.”

  “Neither have I,” I growl. “You know what Damien is capable of. I would never take you, and never against your will.”

  Something about her expression bothers me, but I’m not sure why, or what I’ve said to cause it.

  “Is…is that why you…” She trails off.

  “Why what?”

  “You…Damien,” Annalise says correcting herself, “wasn’t able to finish what he started?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Your body wasn’t aroused when Damien tried to take me…and he wasn’t able to change that.”

  I clear my throat uncomfortably as I try to decide how much I should tell her.

  “You’re not going to like what you hear,” I say. “It was too late when I realized Damien had taken hold, but there was something very different about this experience. I, uh, I was still conscious inside my mind and body, but there was nothing I could do about it. I had no control over any of it.”

  “So, you saw everything?”

  “Saw, heard, felt…”

  Annalise’s face flushes red as she realizes what this means.

  “I have to admit that at first, at least physically, I wanted you. He could have taken you in those moments.”

  Annalise looks up at me for a second, but I can’t read the expression on her face.

  “You have to understand, I’m a man, and whether or not I want something, my body may respond differently,” I say defensively. “Besides, it didn’t last long enough for Damien to have his way with you. Thank your gods that my body knows well enough by now that I take no woman by force.”

  “So, it was you?” Annalise asks, her eyes lighting up.

  �
�What was me?” I ask nervously.

  “There was a brief moment where I thought I saw your eyes instead of Damien’s, and it made me wonder.”

  “It’s possible. I only really remember a brief moment of satisfaction when I found my body responding to what I wanted instead of what he wanted.”

  Annalise lets out a sigh deeper than any I’d ever heard from her and I realize she’s crying.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, don’t you see?”

  I look at her in bewilderment. This is far from how I expected our conversation to go, and I’m not even sure what’s happening anymore.

  “It means that I can trust you again and that this was merely another of Damien’s ploys to turn us against one another for his own benefit.”

  “I doubt he thought that far ahead,” I say carefully. “He’d have used Roan or Li in the same way if he could. But I think there’s a connection between Damien and myself that makes it easier for him to control me. But I don’t know what that connection is. Not yet.”

  Annalise looks thoughtfully at me for a long moment.

  “Perhaps it’s because you don’t share a bond with any of us,” she says. “Perhaps…perhaps his magic is stronger with those who have nothing to hold onto.”

  “I have plenty of things to hold onto,” I snap. “Not everyone has to be fawning over the same woman to have a reason to live.” I immediately regret my words but tighten my jaw to keep from saying anything more.

  “Really? Then where are we headed to right now and why?”

  “Scandinavia.”

  “But why?”

  “I don’t know!”

  It’s the first time I’ve admitted it. I don’t know how I’m going to get help, or who I’m going to ask. I may have been my father’s heir, but that was years ago, before everything fell apart…and I haven’t been back since. My people may not remember me, and even if they do, they probably will not accept me. Or worse, they may view me as an outsider. They are sure to have chosen a new leader by now, and it is highly unlikely that whoever that is will relinquish his place without a challenge.