After the Loving

by Carole Mortimer

  Raff drew in a harsh breath, his hand dropping back to his side. ‘What do you mean, it’s over?’ he rasped abruptly.

  Bryna sighed. ‘We’ve both known it for weeks, Raff, so why fool ourselves any longer?’

  He stood up forcefully, grey eyes blazing. ‘When did you decide this?’ he demanded.

  She shrugged, sitting up against the pillows. ‘I’ve realised for some time——’

  ‘I meant, when did you decide to visit your parents?’ he ground out.

  ‘I telephoned them yesterday afternoon and made the arrangements——’

  ‘So you knew when we met to go out last night?’ he accused.

  She blinked. ‘Yes. But——’

  ‘Then what was last night all about?’ His voice rose angrily.

  Bryna swallowed hard. ‘Goodbye?’

  ‘Good——?’ His face darkened thunderously as he grabbed hold of her arms and pulled her up to him so that her face was only inches away from him. ‘Look at me and tell me you don’t want me any more,’ he ordered harshly.

  For the sake of her pride she had to do it; she knew she would never be able to face their child if she allowed their relationship to deteriorate to the stage where they were no longer equal but she was just someone Raff came to when he wanted a willing woman in his arms.

  She met his gaze steadily. ‘I no longer want you,’ she lied.

  ‘Damn you!’ he grated forcefully, releasing her so suddenly she fell back on the pillows, watching numbly as he pulled on his clothes. ‘Damn you,’ he said again before slamming out of the apartment.

  With a shuddering sob Bryna’s body began to heave in racking waves of agony.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ‘ARE you sure, darling?’ her mother choked through her tears of happiness. ‘The doctors seemed so sure——’

  ‘Mine is just as sure I’m pregnant,’ Bryna told her laughingly. Her parents’ reaction to her news, the one she had expected from them, had been pure joy! At last she had been able to tell someone, and the happiness of sharing her child with them was all she had thought it would be.

  ‘It’s just so incredible!’ Her father hugged her, tears in his own deep blue eyes. He was tall and muscular, with hair that was grey now but that had once been the same colour as Bryna’s.

  ‘I know,’ she laughed again. ‘Yesterday I was still too shocked by the news to be able to take it in myself, but before I left this morning I called my doctor and asked him if he could be absolutely certain I was pregnant. I mean, he knows my medical history as well as I do! But he’s almost certain the doctors told you there was always the possibility I could conceive, even if that possibility was a remote one.’ She looked at them questioningly.

  Her mother frowned thoughtfully. ‘They seemed pretty convinced you wouldn’t——’

  ‘Well, he also said that they know more nowadays than they did then, and that perhaps they really did believe I couldn’t conceive. But they were wrong,’ she told them happily. ‘Because my doctor also told me I should start thinking of names!’

  ‘Oh, darling!’ Her mother was crying in earnest now, small and dark, with a plump figure Bryna’s father had always maintained was cuddly!

  Bryna had only arrived half an hour earlier, but she had been too excited to contain her news until after they had all eaten. She came home to see her parents regularly in the home she had known all her life. Her father owned and ran a ski-school in this lovely part of north-east Scotland.

  ‘No more tears,’ she instructed briskly, her face glowing. ‘Let’s have dinner before it spoils.’

  ‘We should have some wine to celebrate,’ her father decided, hesitating suddenly. ‘Can you drink wine?’ he asked curiously.

  ‘One glass occasionally,’ she nodded, smiling. ‘And I think this is definitely an “occasion"!’

  By the time they were halfway through the meal her father was discussing which schools her unborn child should attend! Bryna just smiled at him indulgently, knowing how much he was enjoying himself in his role of grandfather.

  ‘Really, James,’ her mother admonished lightly. ‘That will be for Bryna and Mr Gallagher to decide.’

  A shadow darkened Bryna’s eyes to purple. ‘Raff and I are no longer together,’ she announced flatly.

  She had told her parents all about Raff and the part he played in her life after their first week together, never having kept secrets from them, and knowing they respected the fact that she was old enough to make her own decisions—and her own mistakes, if need be.

  Her father frowned. ‘I’m not old-fashioned enough to believe, or imply, that the two of you should get married because you’re pregnant, but surely he’ll want to take some interest in his own child?’

  ‘It’s my child, Dad——’

  ‘You haven’t told him,’ he reproved gently. ‘Isn’t that a little selfish, lass?’

  She blushed. ‘He already has two children, why should he want mine?’

  ‘Because——’

  ‘Now, James, this isn’t the night for an argument,’ her mother cut in determinedly. ‘I’m sure Bryna knows what she’s doing.’

  ‘But, Mary——’

  ‘Not tonight, James!’ her mother bit out, her brown eyes flashing warningly. She might be small and cuddly, but when the occasion warranted it she had a fiery temper that even her husband was in awe of!

  Bryna gave a rueful smile, as her father, almost twice her mother’s size, subsided into silence.

  She hadn’t meant to cause any friction between her parents, but she didn’t want to talk of Raff this weekend, not when she had managed to avoid thinking of him since setting out for Scotland this morning.

  It was a pleasant evening for all of them, making plans, laughingly suggesting the most outrageous names they could think of. A boy’s name was already decided in her mind—Rafferty James, after its father and grandfather, but a girl’s name was a little harder to decide upon. Maybe because she was already convinced she carried Raff’s son.

  Once she was alone in the single bed in the room that had remained hers, even though she had left so long ago, it was impossible to banish Raff from her mind any longer, and she allowed the tears of desolation to fall unheeded down her heated cheeks.

  Was he with Rosemary, or someone like her, tonight, having put from his mind and his life the woman who had dared to end their affair?

  God, how she would love his child, she vowed protectively.

  Home to her would always be Scotland, Bryna realised the next day as she trudged through the thick snow with her father to the ski-lodge, greeting several of the ski-instructors by name as they entered the building, most of them having been with her father for years.

  She had skied almost from the time she could walk, and she longed now to join the skiers on the white slopes. But she wouldn’t selfishly risk her child no matter how she ached for the freedom being on skis gave her, having a feeling very much like flying when the skis moved beneath her and the wind whipped through her hair. Almost like making love to Raff. Almost …

  ‘I hope you aren’t even thinking about it,’ rasped a coldly harsh voice from behind her.

  Bryna turned so suddenly the ground tipped on its axis and the image of Raff moved in and out of her focus until there was only darkness.

  When she returned to consciousness she found she was lying on the leather couch in her father’s office.

  Only her stricken gaze moved, her breath catching in a pained gasp as she saw the man standing with his back to the room as he stared out of the window at the mountains. He was dressed more casually than she had ever seen him before, in a thick black sweater and fitted denims, and yet she would know that thick dark hair anywhere, the powerful width of his shoulders, tapered waist, and strong thighs.

  Raff really was here, and not a figment of her tormented imagination after all!

  She moved to sit up, and the movement attracted Raff’s attention; his narrowed grey eyes levelled on her. Bryna determinedly w
ithstood that censorious gaze. ‘My father?’ she prompted abruptly.

  Raff’s mouth twisted. ‘He had to organise some ski-instructors,’ he dismissed. ‘Once we’d established that you’d merely fainted he seemed quite happy to leave you in my care.’

  No doubt her father saw this as the ideal opportunity for her to tell Raff about their baby! But she wasn’t going to take it. ‘You introduced yourselves?’ She swung her legs to the floor, sitting up properly against the back of the sofa.

  Raff turned to her fully, his hands thrust into his denims’ pockets. ‘It’s the usual practice when one man finds another man holding his unconscious daughter in his arms!’ he scorned.

  A blush darkened her cheeks. ‘What are you doing here?’ she snapped, still feeling slightly lightheaded.

  ‘I’ve thought over what you said yesterday,’ he told her. ‘And I’ve decided I don’t want to accept that it’s over between the two of us.’

  Bryna frowned warily at the silky softness of his tone. ‘I told you, I don’t want you any more.’

  ‘So you did,’ he nodded. ‘But I believe our child will want me,’ he added harshly.

  Bryna paled. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ She stood up agitatedly. ‘What child?’

  His eyes were steely. ‘The one you’re carrying. My child.’

  She regained enough control to be able to give a scornful laugh, although his announcement had badly shaken her. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about——’

  ‘I called your doctor, Bryna,’ Raff interrupted softly. ‘He confirmed my suspicions.’

  ‘I don’t believe you,’ she shook her head. ‘A doctor doesn’t break a patient’s confidence, no matter what the provocation.’

  ‘And I’m sure yours wouldn’t have done so this time if he hadn’t thought I was already aware of the fact that I’m going to be a father again,’ Raff ground out. ‘I telephoned him and asked him if he thought your pregnancy was going well; he was only too happy to assure me it was,’ he added hardly.

  Bryna breathed hard in her agitation. ‘What on earth made you call him and ask him such a question in the first place?’

  His eyes narrowed. ‘You seem to have forgotten that I’ve been a father twice before, that I know the signs.’

  ‘What signs?’ she challenged.

  He shrugged. ‘Your extreme tiredness, a sudden aversion to the smell of fish. The fact that——’

  ‘Why didn’t you ask me?’ A deep blush darkened her cheeks. ‘Why call my doctor?’

  ‘I just did ask you,’ he rasped. ‘You know the answer I got!’ he scowled. ‘I waited for you to tell me, Bryna, but instead you came up here!’

  ‘Why on earth would you be interested in any pregnancy of mine?’ Her agitation deepened.

  Raff’s eyes narrowed. ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  Her head went back in challenge. ‘Maybe this baby isn’t yours!’ She didn’t care that she was admitting her pregnancy by asking the question; it was useless continuing to deny it when her doctor had already assured him of its existence. It hadn’t even occured to her that because Raff had been through two pregnancies with his wife he would know and recognise her own symptoms!

  He relaxed slightly. ‘I know that it is, Bryna,’ he told her quietly.

  She gave a pained frown, swallowing hard. ‘What do you intend doing about it?’

  ‘What do you intend doing about it?’ he returned, silkily soft.

  ‘Me?’ She gave him a startled look, anger darkening her expression as his meaning became clear. ‘How dare you think that I——’

  ‘Bryna!’ Her father burst into the room, looking her over anxiously. ‘Thank God you’re all right!’

  She gave him a reassuring smile as she squeezed his arm, controlling her burning anger towards Raff with effort. ‘I’m fine,’ she assured him.

  ‘She’s just been working too hard,’ Raff cut in smoothly, his brows arching slightly as her father gave him a questioning look. ‘I’ll take her for a walk out in the fresh air.’

  ‘Bryna?’

  ‘Maybe that would be a good idea, Dad.’ She gave him a bright smile, her heart skipping a beat as Raff helped her on with her thick anorak before taking his own leather jacket off the back of her father’s chair. ‘It’s a little warm in here,’ she excused lightly.

  ‘I’ll drive her back to the house afterwards.’ Raff’s tone dared either of them to dispute his right to do that.

  Bryna gave her father’s arm another squeeze as he looked at her uncertainly. ‘I’ll see you lunchtime.’

  ‘He knows, doesn’t he,’ Raff stated as they walked at the foot of the panoramic mountains, dozens of skiers already on the slopes.

  She gave him a brief glance before again watching her footing. ‘They both do,’ she nodded.

  His eyes were steely. ‘And yet your mother was polite enough to me when I called at the house, and your father didn’t seem too concerned either. I’d want to kill any man who got Kate pregnant when they weren’t married!’

  ‘My parents love me too,’ she defended resentfully. ‘They just know I’m mature enough to handle this on my own.’

  ‘You haven’t told me how you feel about “this” yet,’ Raff prompted drily. ‘Although it’s obvious from your reaction earlier, and the fact that you’ve told your parents, that you don’t intend having an abortion.’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ she snapped. ‘Look, Raff, why should I tell you anything?’ She stopped to glare at him. ‘I meant what I said yesterday; it’s over between us.’

  His hands moved to tightly grip her arms. ‘Our child doesn’t think so.’

  ‘Raff, you already have two children, you don’t need mine,’ she reasoned warily.

  ‘Do you want this child?’ He shook her none too gently, his expression fierce.

  ‘Yes!’ she shouted at him, tears glistening in her darkened eyes.

  ‘Well, so do I,’ he told her softly.

  ‘But why?’ She wrenched away from him. ‘You can have children with any woman, whereas I——’

  ‘Yes?’ he prompted harshly as she broke off abruptly.

  She breathed deeply to calm herself. ‘This baby is mine——’

  ‘Ours,’ he corrected abruptly. ‘A sister or a brother for Kate and Paul.’

  She had never thought of it from quite that angle before; she had imagined her child looking like the attractive pair, but never thought that her child would have them as a sister and brother.

  But as she did realise it she also recognised that either of them was old enough to be the parent of her baby. Raff couldn’t want another baby around him at this stage in his life, just as Kate and Paul wouldn’t; he just didn’t like to be thwarted.

  ‘That changes nothing,’ she dismissed. ‘And I wouldn’t stop either of them seeing the baby if they wanted to.’

  ‘And what about me?’ snapped Raff. ‘When would I get to see my child—once a month, two weeks in the summer, and alternate Christmases if I’m lucky?’ His disgust with that arrangement was obvious!

  ‘Our lawyers could work something out——’

  ‘They won’t “work anything out” because no matter what other plans you may have made you’re going to marry me!’

  Raff could be arrogant, domineering, even downright unreasonable, but Bryna had never seen him actually lose his temper enough to shout before; his anger was usually cold and controlled. But he was shouting now, and Bryna flinched in surprise. ‘Do you really want to start another marriage with a child born only six months after the wedding day?’ she reasoned gently.

  On one of the warm summer evenings they had spent together in her bed Raff had told her that the reason he and Josey had married so young was because Josey was already pregnant with Paul at the time. They were in love, had taken risks, and they had paid for it with a teenage marriage that could have succeeded despite that, and yet somehow hadn’t. She was sure Raff couldn’t want a repeat of that.

  His mouth twisted. �
�It seems I’m destined to get my wives that way,’ he derided. ‘God, Bryna, there’s no comparison!’ he dismissed impatiently. ‘I’m thirty-nine now, not eighteen. And you are hardly a child either!’

  She shook her head slowly. ‘I don’t want to marry you.’

  ‘Because you no longer want me physically?’ His eyes were narrowed to steely slits.

  She looked at him unflinchingly. ‘That’s right.’

  A nerve pulsed in his cheek. ‘That’s easily settled; I won’t touch you in a physical way again.’

  Bryna looked at him as if he had gone insane right before her eyes, but she could tell by his set expression that he meant every word he said. ‘Easily settled’? Could he really stand there and decide in that calm way that he no longer desired her either? It seemed that he could. And wasn’t it what she had suspected in their relationship the last month or so? But for the sake of their child he was determined to marry her, no matter what he had to do to get her to agree. And much as her parents loved her and would want to help her, could any of them defy one of the richest men in England, possibly the world? Where could she go that he wouldn’t find her!

  ‘I can’t give you an answer now, Raff,’ she told him tremulously. ‘I need time to think.’

  He looked pointedly at the flatness of her stomach that would soon swell with his child. ‘Time is something we don’t have too much of,’ he rasped.

  Her eyes flashed. ‘A few days isn’t going to make that much difference!’

  ‘All right,’ he gave an abrupt inclination of his head. ‘You have a few days.’

  And after that he would make the decision for her, he seemed to be telling her without actually saying the words!

  Bryna, of all people, knew how charming Raff could be when he chose to be, and over lunch with her parents he wanted to be very much, talking freely about their life together in London, answering questions about Kate and Paul.

  She knew her parents respected the fact that it was her decision what the future held for her and her unborn child, but as Raff solicitously saw to her every need during the meal she could see them both shooting her questioning looks as to why she had decided she and Raff were ‘no longer together’; it was obvious from Raff’s behaviour that it hadn’t been his decision to end things! And her parents knew that she loved him, that she would never have become his lover if she hadn’t been in love with him from the first.