Lady Justice and the Vet

by Robert Thornhill

  The age difference between Earl and Jessica was perfect for their costume combo; Earl was Hugh Hefner and Jessica was a playboy bunny. I just hoped that Earl was wearing his tidy-whities under the loose robe.

  Willie came as a pimp, complete with the rakish hat and gaudy feather. I wondered if he was revisiting his youth. I had heard that as a young dude he had managed a stable of ladies, but I had never pushed the subject.

  Morty was decked out as a riverboat gambler and Mary was a dance hall queen. Jerry came as Pee Wee Herman, complete with the tight suit and bow tie. When Mary passed by, he whispered to me,

  “What a face, what a figure; two more legs and she’d look like Trigger!”

  “Thought you’d get a kick out of that, Roy.”

  Mary wheeled and punched him in the arm. “I heard that, you little pervert!”

  The venue was tailor-made for Jerry to regale us with his portfolio of Halloween jokes.

  “Do you know why you should wear rubber gloves when you goose a ghost?”

  “No, Jerry. Tell me.”

  “Because you could get ‘sheet’ on your finger.”

  That the normally stoic Professor came as Albert Einstein came as no surprise. His levity was definitely more scholarly. “What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!”

  Ox came as Paul Bunyan, toting a big plastic axe and Judy was Cat Woman.

  Earl and Morty had hired a catering company and long tables were filled with every imaginable delicacy.

  Ox had discovered one of his favorite treats, little cocktail weenies smothered in barbeque sauce. He had planted himself firmly by the crock pot containing the weenies and was soon on his third helping. Poor Judy was standing at his side with a wet towel dabbing the sauce that dribbled onto his plaid flannel shirt.

  Archie Langston was Ironside, the wheelchair bound detective. Ben Singleton opted to come in his military fatigues and Tracy was a nurse.

  Maggie and I were just heading to the food table when we were approached by Morty and Mary.

  “Walt, have you given any thought to my offer to buy the Three Trails?”

  Actually, I had been thinking about it a lot and I had to admit that I had mixed feelings. One part of me was ready to say, ‘good riddance,’ but another part of me hated to part with something that had been so much of my life for more than twenty years.

  “Yes I have. Even though I own the building, selling it would affect a lot of people. I wouldn’t do it without hearing from someone who is very dear to me. Mary?”

  When Morty had first proposed the sale, I thought I detected some hesitancy on Mary’s part. I certainly wouldn’t sell it without her blessing.

  Morty turned to Mary. “Well?”

  “I been thinking a lot about it too. I’ve lived there for over twenty years. I know I get all pissed off when old man Feeney stops up the toilet and guys move off leaving a roomful of trash, but it’s my home and it’s comfortable --- like an old shoe. And what about Mr. Feeney and Mr. Barnes and all the others? They live there because that’s all they can afford. If the place gets turned into market rent apartments, where would they go? Besides, I like being the boss! Where else could I go where I can order twenty men around with a bat and get away with it? It’s old, it’s ugly, but it’s my home. I want to stay. I hope you’re not mad at me, Morty. I want to stay friends.”

  Morty gave her a big smile. “Hey, I was just doing it for you because I think you’re something special. If you’re happy there, then so am I, and I definitely want to remain friends --- with benefits, of course.”

  Mary blushed.

  “Well, that’s settled,” I said, relieved. “About that ‘friends with benefits’ thing, Morty, how’s that working out for you?”

  “That’s none of your business, Mr. Walt,” Mary said with a twinkle in her eye. “As you can see, I ain’t killed him yet!”

  After we had stuffed ourselves to the gill, Morty and Earl called us all together.

  “We have an announcement,” Earl said. “At the picnic, Judy told us about the St Michael’s Veterans Campus that’s being planned by the VA Hospital. We’ve done some checking into it and --- well --- we think it’s a very worthwhile project. We’ve made arrangements to donate twenty million so they can complete the project. Groundbreaking is scheduled on Veteran’s Day, November 11th. Its first phase, the affordable housing units, should be completed by May of next year.”

  Applauds and cheers all around.

  “That’s not all,” Morty chimed in. “We want Ben and Archie to be there as our special guests.”

  Both of them were embarrassed. “I --- I don’t know what to say,” Ben stammered.

  “Then just say ‘yes,’” Earl replied. “Okay, now that we’re fed, how about we go get the crap scared out of us. Who wants to go first?”

  “Me!” Jerry cried, doing the Pee Wee Herman hop.

  “Then go for it! If you come out alive, the rest of us will give it a try.”

  We chatted and ate more dessert while we waited for Jerry to return with tales of horror. Fifteen minutes later, he was back, laughing and panting.

  “That was a blast! One room had a good-looking gal named Medusa and she had a real live 350 pound python! There was a five-story slide where you ended up in the arms of the devil. Each room was scarier than the last --- especially the final one --- the one with the dead body. It was so real. It gave me the goose bumps.”

  I saw the confused looks on Earl and Morty’s faces.

  “They must have added something new,” Earl said. “We went through the place when we booked it. There was no room with a dead body.”

  Suddenly, I was concerned. “Jerry, can to take us to that last room?”

  “Sure.”

  We entered the room and flipped on the light switch. Sure enough, there was a body, but it wasn’t a dummy --- it was real.

  “That’s one of the performers,” Morty said. “I remember seeing him when we took our tour.”

  “Why would someone kill a kid in a spook house?” Dad asked. “That’s crazy!”

  Then it hit me.

  “It’s me! The terrorists missed their first chance to take me out so they’re giving it another try. Somewhere in the bowels of this place is a guy waiting to finish the job.”

  Jerry had just been standing quietly looking at the body. Suddenly it dawned on him that he had probably passed within inches of a cold-blooded killer who had let him pass unharmed because he was waiting for me.

  Once that registered, the blood left his face and he fainted, dead away. He fell in a heap and --- well --- Pee Wee, peed.

  “So what now?” Dad asked.

  I thought for a moment. “Morty, go find the guy in charge of this place and bring him here.”

  Morty took off a returned a few minutes later with the manager.

  The guy took one at the body and cringed. “That’s definitely NOT part of the show!”

  We explained the best we could what was going on.

  “How many exits are there?” I asked.

  “Two rear emergency exits and the front door where you entered.”

  “Do you have a way to contact your employees?”

  “Yes, each is equipped with a mike in case someone freaks out and needs help.”

  “Good. Here’s what I want you to do. Contact them all and have them exit the building through the front entrance. Archie and Dad will go with you. Make sure that only employees you know leave the building. Ox, you and Judy take the two back emergency exits in case our guy tries to slip away. Willie, you stay here and make sure everyone is safe. Maggie, you call 911 and have them send backup.”

  “And just what are you going to do?” Maggie asked. “Dangle yourself as bait?”

  “Nothing as dramatic as that. Ben and I will go through the building room by room until we locate him. We can keep our eyes on him until help arrives. His plan could have worked as long as he had the element of surprise
, but that’s gone. Now the hunter becomes the hunted.”

  We split up to our various assignments.

  Ben and I crept into the dark passageway that led to the various rooms where a half hour earlier harmless monsters lurked to scare the bejesus out of us. Only one monster remained and he was far from harmless.

  The stillness was almost stifling. It was so quiet you could probably hear a mouse fart. One by one we peeked into the rooms wondering if the next one harbored the terrorist bent on taking my life.

  We entered the Edgar Allen Poe room. It was full of massive furniture from that period. I was a few steps ahead of Ben. We both heard a ‘rustle’ from the far side of the room. Instinctively, Ben shoved me to the floor and made a head-long dive behind a sofa just as the room exploded with the rapid fire of an automatic pistol.

  I scampered behind a heavy wooden sideboard and peeked out. Another volley splintered wood above my head. Ben did the same and stuffing flew from the perforations in the sofa.

  “You okay?” I whispered.

  “I --- I think so. He’s really got us pinned.”

  Then I had a thought. I was still wearing my ten-gallon Roy Rogers cowboy hat. It was Roy that had inspired me to use my cop hat when Ox and I were pinned down. Why not use the real thing?

  I took it off and slid it across the floor to Ben.

  “Find something to hold the hat and raise it to where the shooter can see it. When the hat draws his fire, I can get off a couple of shots.”

  Ben nodded and found an old broom leaning against the wall.

  I drew my pistol, cocked it and nodded to Ben.

  Slowly he raised my hat from behind the sofa.

  Immediately, the hat exploded. I jumped up and fired two rounds at the muzzle flash that had obliterated my hat.

  We heard an ‘AHHHH’, a clunk, and the sound of footsteps fading away.

  I ran to where the shooter had been concealed. Blood spots and the automatic pistol were on the floor.

  I followed the sound of the footsteps and it led me to the Jungle Room. I peered cautiously inside and saw the perp crossing a footbridge high above the artificial jungle. The images of elephants and other jungle creatures played across a screen. He was nearly halfway across when another figure appeared at the far end of the bridge.

  The perp, clutching a shoulder dripping blood, looked both ways. I was standing on one end, my pistol drawn, and Ox was at the other pounding an axe on his open palm.

  I saw the look of resignation cross his face.

  “I have failed the brotherhood,” he muttered. Then, without hesitation, he hurled himself off of the bridge into the jungle tree tops below.

  The silence was broken by the sound of sirens converging on the haunted house.

  Ox and I made our way back to where our friends had gathered.

  Maggie threw her arms around me. “We heard the gunfire. I was so afraid.”

  “I’m fine. Ben saved my skin again.”

  I looked around. “Where is Ben?”

  “We haven’t seen him since he left with you,” Earl said.

  I saw the look on Tracy’s face. “Oh no!”

  “He was fine the last time I saw him,” I tried to assure her. “I’m sure he wasn’t hit.”

  “It’s not that. Take me to him.”

  Everyone followed me along the path we had taken to the Poe room.

  Ben was there, huddled on the floor right where I had left him. His knees were drawn up to his chest and he was shaking uncontrollably.

  Tracy knelt at his side and drew him to her. “It’s okay I’m here. You’ll be all right.”

  Archie was beside me in his wheelchair. “It’s the house-to-house.”

  He saw the confusion on my face.

  “In Afghanistan,” he said, and I could see him reliving the painful memories. “Our job was to go house to house --- just like the two of you were doing --- looking for Taliban. We knew that every door we opened could be our last. Some were empty, some were filled with frightened peasants huddled together, but we knew that any one of them could have held a trip-wire or an IED or a sniper. It was like playing Russian roulette. It was just more than some guys could handle.”

  His remark brought back memories of the horrific scenes in the movie, Apocalypse Now, where the Viet Cong forced captured American soldiers to play the deadly game.

  “I’m --- I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “You had no way of knowing. It is what it is.”

  It was with mixed feelings that I walked away from the haunted house.

  I was happy to still be alive and pleased that we had taken out another terrorist, but a young man had lost his life needlessly and as I watched Ben leave, still clinging to Tracy, my heart ached.

  For all of us but Ben, the trip to The Edge of Hell was fun and games, and the monsters were just college kids in costumes.

  Ben was living in his own private hell where the monsters were real.

  CHAPTER 15

  “Hamed is dead?” Curtis asked in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

  “I watched them take his body,” Muhammed replied. “The old man has beaten us again.”

  Curtis thought for a moment. “Forget the old man. We’ve lost two good men trying to take out one very lucky old codger. We need to focus on the bigger picture. In fact, we can use Hamed’s death to further our objective. He won’t have died in vain.”

  “But how?”

  “Remember when I told you that we would use a diversion, a decoy, to draw the authorities away from our actual goal?”

  “Yes, I remember. You’ve thought of a plan?”

  “Indeed I have. Fortune has smiled on us. There are two events scheduled on Veteran’s Day, November 11th. The largest will be at the WW I Liberty Memorial Mall. It will be a salute to the veterans of all the armed conflicts. Hundreds of vets will be there plus the dignitaries who couldn’t get their photo ops because the American Royal Parade was cancelled.”

  “Is that where we will attack?”

  “No, my brother. That will be our decoy. Our true objective will be the groundbreaking ceremony for a new veteran’s complex by the VA Hospital. The Secretary of Defense will be there to turn over the first shovel full of dirt. It will be the last thing that he does.”

  “So how do we lead the authorities to our decoy?”

  “Remember when they found your fingerprints in the old buildings on Grand?”

  He nodded.

  “As soon as they learned your identity, they found your apartment and searched it. I’m confident that as soon as they identify Hamed they will do the same. I will plant photos and schematics of the Liberty Memorial complex in Hamed’s apartment. They will undoubtedly search the grounds thoroughly and find the rifles and grenades that you will plant on the grounds. They will be lying in wait for us there while we are taking care of business at the VA Hospital.”

  “Brilliant!”

  “Let’s get busy. We have a lot of work to do.”

  Ox and I were in the captain’s office with Mark Davenport.

  “We’ve identified the guy that took the header off the footbridge,” Mark said. “His name is Hamed Karzai. He’s a known associate of Farzad Wahidi and Muhammad Navid.”

  “Speaking of Karzai,” Ox asked, “what became of him? Did you ever get him to crack?”

  Mark glanced at the captain. “No we didn’t --- not here anyway.”

  “So where is he?”

  “He’s been taken off our hands. He’s not our problem anymore.”

  I could tell by Mark’s expression that he didn’t want to pursue the subject further. Karzai could be anywhere. I had learned from past experience that the powers granted to agents under the Patriot Act allowed them to pretty much do whatever they wanted to suspected terrorists.

  “Back to the matter at hand,” the captain said. “We’ve got an address on the guy. You two were responsible for the collar so we thought you might want to be there when we toss the place.”
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  I looked at Ox and he nodded.

  “Sure, we’d love to tag along.”

  Karzi’s apartment was on Walnut just a few blocks from the one Muhammad Navid had occupied.

  This building, like so many in Midtown, was an old three story that had been converted to apartments. According to public records, the owner of the building, Myrtle Glover, lived in the ground floor apartment.

  Not knowing whether Karzai lived alone or possibly had a gun-toting roommate, Mark had opted on the side of caution.

  His men had deployed around the building and he was about to breech the front door when an elderly woman opened the door and stepped onto the porch.

  She was plump, maybe 5’2”. Her grey hair was tied up into a bun. She was wearing an apron and wiping a white substance from her hands onto a tea-towel.

  At first, she was shocked to see her front lawn full of men in helmets and flak jackets, but then her shock turned to excitement.

  “Oh, my! Are you people here to make a movie?”

  “No, Ma’am,” Mark replied. “Are you Myrtle Glover?”

  You could see the disappointment in her face. “Yes, I am.” Then she broke into a smile. “I’ve been baking cookies,” she said, holding up her flour-covered hands. “The first batch just came out of the oven. Would you gentlemen like to try one while they’re warm? They’re chocolate chip!”

  Ox leaned over and whispered, “I would. Chocolate chip is my favorite.”

  “No, Ma’am,” Mark replied. “I understand that you rent an apartment to a Hamad Karzai?”

  “Oh, yes! Hamed is such a good boy. He takes out my trash and brings me the morning paper. He even changes light bulbs for me --- the high ones that I can’t reach.”

  “When was the last time you saw Hamed?”

  She thought for a minute. “Yesterday morning. He helped me carry in my groceries and then he left. Come to think of it --- I haven’t seen him since. I hope he’s okay.”

  “We’d like to see his apartment, Ms. Glover.”

  “Why? Is something wrong? Has Hamed been hurt?”

  “I’m afraid so, Ma’am. I’m sorry. Do you have a key?”