Bitter Sweet

by Lennell Davis

  “It doesn’t bother you that she is using you?”

  “She isn’t using me.”

  “She is, keeping you so close but never intending to go that extra mile and love you, as you love her.”

  “You, as well as I, know that we cannot choose who we love, or how we love, or even know why we love. I love Vanessa and have loved her since I first saw her at Masteria. But you have to remember,” I caught June off guard, crossing the distance between us and pulling her sword from her sheath. I held it loose in my hand and placed it to her throat. She disarmed me, twisting my wrist so hard that it popped. She kicked my legs from me, holding me to the ground, her sword reclaimed in her hand at my neck. “We are predators. The love I hold for you has been tried and proven, yet still if I were to raise a blade to you, you have to force all your natural instincts to obey and not kill me.” She let me up. “With Vanessa being human, every fiber of her being is telling her my love is a trap to draw her in and kill her, the only difference is now she knows what I am. So she will do all she can to stay away whether she wants to or not. I’m tearing her up inside. But I cannot stop myself; she is not the villain here, I am. So do not think too harshly of her.”

  “Alik…”

  “Don’t worry about your big brother, June. What’s sixty-seventy years to my millenia.”

  “I understand…” she said and I turned to leave. “Can I meet her then, formally that is? Last time I was standing over her with a sword, telling you to kill her.”

  “Of course, in a less troubling time.” She smiled, and I left her as I headed to my car.

  I put on the brave face for June, not showing that Vanessa’s call bothered me, but my first thought was that I would kill whoever touched her. Taking the slower drive to get there gave me the time I needed to relax and remember who I wanted to be.

  Vanessa Stanton

  Chapter 24.0

  I sat on my bed with my arms wrapped around my knees. I was trying to figure out how I would explain this. But I told myself this was stupid because Alik was no more than a friend. However, our relationship sort of transcended the word friendship. We had kissed three times, and they were more than just simple kisses on the cheek; they were something wonderful, passionate, and more loving than anything I had ever felt. Then thinking about those kisses made me remember the feeling that moved down my spine and how my heart stopped for a single moment when Alik’s lips were on mine. There was so much more in those kisses between Alik and me than there ever would be between Phil and me. “Why was I being so stupid?” I yelled out loud into my pillow. Then the conversation we had right before I left popped up.

  ‘It’s not like that, but I can’t guarantee my feelings for you.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Is there no reason for my doubts?’… ‘I don’t want to start this if it’s just…’

  All of a sudden, I felt a pair of cool arms around me and I

  looked over to see those golden eyes that made me calm down and relax.

  “Do you ever just knock?”

  "You made it sound so urgent; I didn’t want to waste time?" he said quietly.

  "Well... I have a boyfriend." I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, but it did, and all he did was look at me puzzled, the silence drawn out and painful. "Say something," I urged.

  "What do you want me to say?"

  "I don’t know. If I knew, I wouldn’t have asked," I said angrily.

  "Well, is he a nice guy?"

  "Yes, he's very kind."

  "Was that all?"

  "What do you mean ‘was that all’?" It was annoying how he was taking this so lightly.

  "Do you want me to go on a rampage and find the guy and kill him? I’m guessing this intrusion on your scent is his." I enjoyed the slight annoyance in his voice.

  "You know my scent?"

  "Of course, a light vanilla follows you wherever you go..."

  "Oh." I found that sweet for some reason. "But no rampage please, and yes, I guess it is.”

  "Do you want me to be angry?"

  "No."

  "Well, you’re not giving me a bunch of options here." He seemed a little frustrated.

  "Life isn’t fair."

  "Well, I’m dead."

  "Ha ha."

  "Look, you can date other people. You’re human so you need to be with other humans. I’m vampire; how far our relationship has gone up to this point goes against everything. Don’t think that you have to tell me everything the moment it happens."

  "So..."

  "So, can I meet him then?"

  "You want to?"

  "Of course I want to meet the guy who could get to you."

  "I repeat ha ha. Like you haven’t gotten to me already."

  "Well?"

  "Stay with me tonight?”

  “Of course.”

  “I will call him tomorrow; we can all have ‘lunch’."

  "Really?" he said with a grin.

  "No, we will have lunch; you can watch and talk with him only," I corrected as I hit him, but also smiling for the first time.

  "You take the fun out of everything," he pouted dramatically, and then smiled.

  I fell asleep in his arms, feeling better than I had in a long time. I had convinced myself that I was creating a life that existed outside of Alik, but that only felt like a dream now. I must be one of those people who live for the moment only and never considered what my actions will do to others; I’m a selfish person. The thing is, I didn’t even consider how I would react myself.

  I woke up the next morning with a blanket between Alik and me. That small distance between us hurt more than anything had ever

  hurt before. His eyes weren’t as bright as they had been last night. Last night had a greater effect on him than he let on and the night with me only gave him time to realize it. I proved how selfish I was to myself by making him stay with me like this. He simply smiled at me as I went to take a shower. The time apart gave me time to clear my head. We still hadn’t spoken as I was getting dressed, nor had he said a word as we were leaving the room. I took out my phone as we slowly walked the campus, Alik admiring the surroundings silently. It was eleven by now and I decided to dial Phil’s number.

  "Phil, it’s Nessa."

  "What’s up?"

  "My brother stopped by unexpectedly and he wants to meet you; is that okay?"

  "Your brother? Oh yeah, of course. Campus dining hall in twenty minutes work for you?"

  "We will be there."

  “Oh, one thing.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Should I be scared?”

  “You have no idea,” I said, and my tone wasn’t playful. I ended the call.

  Alik was watching me now; the thoughtful look he had was now replaced with a grin. It was the first happy look on his face all morning.

  “So, I’m your brother now, eh,” he said, raising one eyebrow comically.

  “Well, what else do you expect to be? Should I have said some random guy I want you to meet is here?” His grin made me smile as well, but I still wasn’t ready for what was about to happen. We got to the dining hall and before we went in, I stopped him. "Behave."

  “Why do you always say that to me? Don’t I always?" he

  sighed.

  “It’s just…”

  “Just what, that I’m a monster? You’re thinking I might lapse in my human ways in there?”

  “No, you’re not a monster,” I said defiantly, looking him in the eyes. “This just feels like I’m putting Phil in crosshairs.”

  “You are, and I’m making no promises,” he grinned and kept walking, but it wasn’t a happy grin.

  Inside, Phil was sitting at a table with a glass of water in his hand. I walked up behind him and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Alik just grinned. Phil turned around and saw Alik and stood up.

  "Nice to meet you, I’m Phil," he said to Alik while holding out his hand, which was slightly shaking, and when Alik shook it, Phil winced.


  "Likewise. I’m Alik. I’d like to say I’ve heard all about you, but Vanessa hasn’t told me anything."

  "Really?" Phil asked as he looked at me.

  "I didn’t really have time to say anything. Last night wasn’t my best and you being here this morning caught me off guard," I said defensively.

  “Whose fault is it that you forgot I’d be here today, and this is kind of big news. My little sister has a new boyfriend,” he said accusingly. This felt like retribution, but it didn’t hurt somehow. That, I disliked.

  "Well, what would you like to know?"

  "How about we start with your major?"

  "Architecture with a Linguistic minor. I met Vanessa on a project in our studio class."

  "Classic. Meet the hot guy in class on a project, and then

  never let go."

  Phil laughed. "I wouldn’t know about hot, but yeah now that you mention it." He put an arm around me and relaxed. I noticed Alik tense in the slightest.

  "You like cars?"

  "Yeah." Alik’s expression changed. "I take it that you’re a car fan. What do you have?"

  "Aston Martin DB9"

  "You’re kidding,” Phil said, sitting up.

  "So you know your cars at least; what do you have?"

  “Eclipse GSX, a ‘99.”

  “Modifications?”

  “Bigger turbo, stiffer suspension, anti-roll, sway bars, and some cosmetics. I will probably never be done with it.”

  “Did you do that all by yourself?”

  “Of course.”

  “Yeah, we will get along well,” grinned Alik.” Any sports?”

  "Does an Xbox 360 count?"

  "Very much so. You on live?"

  "I’m planning a large Modern Warfare 3 match for this afternoon actually. I’m one man down; a friend pulled out. You want in?"

  "I wasn’t expecting a new boyfriend when I got here. A battle for our digital lives would be a good way for us to get to know each other a little more."

  “Sweet.”

  I didn’t know what just happened. I sat there and heard words, but they didn’t make any sense. Fifteen minutes later, Alik and Phil walked off toward his dorm while talking about boost pressure as I walked toward my dorm alone. How did it end up with Phil going off alone with Alik? I got to my room and Sam was at her laptop with four books opened to various pages and a strange wire model on the screen. She looked over her shoulder with a pencil in her teeth, her glasses askew, and her hair a little frazzled, it made her look cute.

  “No contacts today?”

  “Josh likes the nerdy girl look. When did Alik get here? Where is he?" she mumbled, turning back to her computer and continued to type away.

  "With Phil," I said, sitting down on my bed and I guess her mouth dropped open because I heard the pencil hit the desk.

  "Are you expecting to ever see Phil alive again?" she asked, spinning around, trying very hard not to laugh.

  "What do you mean?"

  "You know how Alik feels about you. I always got the sense that if Alik wanted to get rid of someone, he could and no one would know."

  "He said he would behave."

  "Still."

  "Phil will be fine; they are going to play something called Call of Duty."

  "Really? That’s just like two guys. What did you pass him off as?" she asked, spinning back around to type again.

  “Brother.”

  “So unbelievable. You wouldn’t need to call your brother to tell him you have a boyfriend,” she pointed out, sounding disappointed.

  "I was in crunch time, sorry I didn’t think of anything better."

  "I suppose random guy wouldn’t have worked out, so you did your best." Times like this I was so happy Sam was my bestfriend.

  "What are you working on anyway? You look a mess," I asked, adding the end as a small payback all the same.

  "An explosion model for a water pump; I’m trying to enhance it."

  "You haven’t slept, have you? And I bet that’s due tomorrow."

  "In 8 hours, actually.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “I will be done in less than two; I’m just doing a few simulations.”

  "You really need to lay off the frat parties," I told her, laying back and closing my eyes. I tried to listen to everything in the room to crowd out everything else in my head. Sam's heartbeat was slow and steady; it was a nice thing to focus on, but it was harder to keep track of it when it’s that normal. I had been used to the stronger senses and had forgotten about them. Over the past few days, I’ve put myself through so much that I didn’t notice them at all, but now it feels as if they were slipping away. I’m losing Alik in so many ways, I thought, and I didn’t want that. I wanted him close to me, but I can’t make him a lover. It made me so mad that I was making this as complicated as it was. Why couldn’t I just love him?

  "Want to talk about it?" Sam asked, spinning back around in her chair.

  "No," I sighed. "Maybe I could use a walk."

  "Take the Aston; the keys are on your nightstand."

  "I don’t drive like that and besides, Alik loves that car."

  "He loves nothing more than you. He left you the keys. Go try it and tell me it doesn’t help."

  I looked over at the keys sitting on the nightstand and took them even against my will. I grabbed a jacket as I headed out; I was trying to hold onto him anyway I could right now, and his car was a start. I went outside and saw the shiny car; its grill was grinning at me. I opened the door and got into the driver’s seat and started it up. The

  hum of the engine was something I could focus on much easier than Sam’s heartbeat as its vibration was running through the car. It clouded out the stressful parts of my thoughts as I backed out gently and headed toward Cayuga Lake.

  In the past, whenever I got in a car, I was always focused on something else. I never took the time to listen to the engine’s hum. I stepped on the accelerator and closed my eyes for a brief moment. There was no one around for miles and I could feel where the road was leading without seeing it, just by what I felt from the steering wheel. When I opened my eyes, I was going one hundred mph. I eased the car back down and pulled over. I got out and looked out over the completely placid lake. I couldn’t hear the ants in the grass, and the birds were faint. The last of whatever Alik's blood had done to me left the moment I stepped out of that car. I picked up a rock and flicked it out over the water and watched it skip once and then sink. I watched the ripples spread out over the lake; I tried to listen to the sound they made as they spread out and for a moment, I thought I could hear it all again: the ants in the grass behind me, the birds in the trees, and even the fish in the water all sounded so clear to me, but it was clearly all in my head. I sat there for I don’t know how long, just flicking rocks into the water, as the tears grew longer I got better. Then I got one that made eight skips before slipping under the water.

  "That was pretty good," whispered Alik, making me jump. I was so intent on trying to hear the water that everything else had left me in a silent void. I wiped my tears away.

  "How did you find me?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but didn’t do very well.

  "I could find you anywhere in the world."

  "Vampires," I sighed

  "What’s wrong with vampire?" he asked, sitting next to me.

  "Nothing, I love vampires." New tears began streaming out.

  "I think I’m rubbing off on you."

  "How so?" I rubbed my eyes.

  "You’re driving expensive cars fast, you’re skipping rocks across the water to listen to the ripples..." Another tear slipped from my eye when I looked at him. "The virus died out, didn’t it," he asked.

  "Just now, yeah."

  "I thought... you were listening to the water so intently; I had been here for a while, but you never noticed."

  "I’m back to my fuzzy un-hearing human self," I said and another tear slipped from my eye.

  "I never knew anyone else who has even tried, but in short you do
all of my stress relievers."

  "I guess I missed out right at the end." I smiled.

  “I like Phil; I think he would be good for you," he said, changing the subject.