“Sounds good to me. How powerful will I be,” said Manikin puffing out his chest.
“You will be as powerful as…”
“More powerful than a locomotive,” said Manikin eagerly.
“Sure.”
“Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound?”
“Yes, but don’t try it.” Palpitate leaned in closer and dropped his voice. “The point is Manikin, to get ultimate power, you must go beyond the bounds of Jetti constraints, to learn the full power of the farce. I can help you with that.”
“Power,” said Manikin, a gleam in his eyes. “Power to move objects?”
“Yes.”
“To get rich?”
“More than you can ever imagine.”
“I will have every action figure ever made.” Manikin licked his lips. “Power to hypnotize and control minds.”
Palpitate smiled an evil smile. “Yes, Manikin.”
“Power to make a Queen fall in love with me?”
“If that is your wish.”
“Yes, yes. It is my wish,” said Manikin, thinking of Queen Paddy Alldolla.
Now I have him, thought Palpitate. Soon, very soon, my evil empire will arise.
Book 2 Chapter 15 Glee Club
“Kidnapped!” yelled Queen Paddy after reading the urgent message from the Senate. “Obegone, Senator Palpitate has been kidnapped.”
“I just got word from the Jetti council,” said Obegone who was tightening the belt holding his light sword. Obegone knocked on Manikin’s door. A sleepy Manikin Stywalker emerged from his room. “We are to depart immediately, and rescue Palpitate from the ship where Jetti intelligence has pinpointed the kidnappers. Manikin, to the space port!”
Jetti Master Obegone and apprentice Manikin quickly boarded a sleek star cruiser. “Senators are secretly given a security device that they can activate when they are in danger,” said Obegone as he piloted the Jetti cruiser. “Palpitate activated his when he was kidnapped. Palpitate’s homing signal is coming from the observation deck of that ship.” Obegone nodded towards a large spaceship they were approaching. “We will board and follow the signal to him.”
“We get to fight?” said Manikin eagerly.
“Yes, Manikin, we may be forced to fight.”
“Forced to fight? Heck, I’ve been waiting to fight!”
“Do not be too eager to embrace violence, my apprentice.”
“Embrace women instead?”
“No, Jetti are celibate.”
“What do I get to embrace?”
“Jetti philosophy.”
“Hmmph,” said Manikin. Jetti philosophy would not keep him warm in bed like a woman would, or let him scream blood curdling screams while waving a light sword like a fight would.
They boarded the ship holding Senator Palpitate, rode the elevator to the top floor, and exited onto the observation deck.
“Manikin, you have come to save me!” cried Palpitate. He tried to move towards Manikin, but his hands were manacled to a chair.
“Yes, Senator, I, a hero, am here to save you.” Manikin strode boldly forward, then looked from side to side. “No one here to fight?”
A gaunt man in a black cloak stepped out of the shadows. “I would not want you to be disappointed, young Jetti. I will fight you.”
“Count Dracula, I should have known,” said Obegone.
“Yes, you should have known. I left a trail of chocolaty goodness behind me.”
“Huh?” said Manikin.
“Count Dracula is also known as Count Chocolate. He makes his money selling sickeningly sweet cereal to children.”
“Oh, come now Obegone. Every child deserves a treat,” said the Count.
“Forgive me if I’m wrong,” said Obegone, “but 90 tablespoons of sugar for breakfast are a bit much.”
“When do we get to fight?” said Manikin. “If I defeat Count Chocolate, do I win a lifetime supply of cereal?”
“I’m not paying your dental bills,” grumbled Obegone.
“Excuse me, but you are here to rescue me, right?” said Palpitate, fidgeting on his chair and rattling his chains.
“Yes,” said Obegone.
“Well get on with it!”
Obegone fired up his light sword and rushed the Count. Count Chocolate threw globs of chocolate at Obegone’s eyes.
“Owww, my eyes,” cried Obegone. With Oh blinded, the Count rolled chocolate cereal balls under Obegone’s feet, which slipped out from under him. Obegone’s head hit the floor and he went out like a light.
“Defeat the Count, Manikin. You are the chosen one. No one can stand against you.” Palpitate’s eyes flashed with glee.
“Yes, Senator, you speak the truth. Today you will witness my triumph.” Manikin ran at the Count, who rolled more balls of cereal across the floor. Manikin slide on them, and rammed the Count at high speed. The Count slammed into a wall, then landed face down on the floor.
“Kill him!” yelled Palpitate.
“But master,” said the Count lifting his head up to look at Palpitate. “I serve you.”
“Silence! Kill him, Manikin, and you will be my apprentice. I will give you such power, we will rule the universe.”
“Yes, my master,” said Manikin, a strange gleam in his eyes. He stood, raising his light sword, over the prone Count.
“Squeak!” said the Count, who shrunk into a chocolate colored bat, just as Manikin plunged his sword down. Manikin’s sword missed the small creature. The bat fluttered into the air, with Manikin chasing and swiping at it, missing each time. The bat flew to the high ceiling, out of range, and stuck out its tongue in Manikin’s direction.
“Take that!” Manikin threw his light sword at the bat, who danced out of the way. The sword clattered to the floor.
“Never mind. Cut me loose and get me to the escape ship,” said Palpitate, showing his manacled hands. Manikin grabbed his light sword and advanced on Palpitate. “Wait, wait.” said Palpitate, as images of Manikin trying to cut his manacles and missing ran through his head. “Give me your light sword and I’ll cut myself loose.”
“Yes, Master.” Manikin handed Palpitate the sword. Palpitate deftly sliced the locks on the manacles and they fell to the floor. Palpitate rose to his full height, where he stood looking down at Manikin.
“Don’t call me master in front of others. We will keep it a secret for now. I wouldn’t want Obegone getting jealous of me.”
“Yes, Master.”
“Leave him,” said Senator Palpitate, as Manikin reached towards the unconscious Obegone. Manikin started searching Obegone’s pockets for his wallet, but Obegone had anticipated this, and hid it too effectively.
“His fate will be the same as ours,” said Manikin, picking up Obegone. The only way he knew to keep Obegone’s wallet was to carry all of Obegone. They ran for the elevator, only to find it had stopped working.
“That’s okay, we can jump,” said Manikin.
Obegone awoke just as Manikin was running towards an open elevator shaft, with Obegone on his shoulders.
“I’ll save you, Master Obegone,” said Manikin as he neared the open elevator door.
“No, stop!” cried Obegone. It was too late. Manikin and Obegone plunged over the edge, leaving a stunned Senator Palpitate behind. As they fell, Obegone reached for his bat belt with the grappling hook. He tossed the hook over one of the metal beams holding the walls of the elevator shaft. The hook held. Obegone, grasping the rope, jerked to a halt. Manikin however, continued to fall, a surprised look on his face as Obegone was suddenly pulled off Manikin’s shoulders.
“Are you alright,” called Palpitate from the top of the shaft.
“Everything’s okay, I’m fine,” said Obegone.
“Everything’s okay? What about Manikin?” said Palpitate.
Manikin heard a scream as he fell, and realized it was from himself.
“General Gleevous, we have found the intruders,” said the droid trooper. Gleevous, part robot, part organic, ha
d on his MP3 player, and was dancing to Disco music. He didn’t hear the trooper.
“Boogie Nights, we are here to paaarty,” sang Gleevous, awkwardly shuffling his feet and gyrating his hips to the beat. As he spun, the droid came into view. Gleevous abruptly stopped, his metal face blushing red.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that.”
“General, we have found intruders in the elevator shaft.”
“Arrest them!” Gleevous turned away from the droid, turned back on his MP3 player, and began doing the hustle “Oooh, oooh, oooh, ooh. Do it!”
The droids hustled over to the bottom level of the elevator shaft, opened the elevator door, and stepped inside the shaft. They heard a scream and looked up in time to see Manikin hurtling at them. He smashed into the droids, who half cushioned his fall. Manikin bounced off them, into the hallway.
Meanwhile, Obegone and Palpitate had calmly rode another elevator down to the starship hanger floor. As the elevator doors opened, Manikin stepped into view.
“Ta-da, beat you down!” said Manikin.
“Big deal,” said Obegone. Next time, I’ll win, thought Obegone.
A droid spotted them in the hallway, and hit a security alert button. A blue force field encircled the Jettis and Palpitate.
“How did this happen, we’re smarter than this,” said Obegone.
“Since when,” said Palpitate.
The droid guards brought the Jettis and Palpitate before General Gleevous. He had his back to them.
“Saturday Night fever, we don’t have to show it,” Gleevous sang. Gleevous spun around in time to the music, and suddenly saw the prisoners. “I mean, night fever, give the prisoners night fever!”
“Yes, general,” said the droid. “How do we do that?” asked the guard droid to another droid. It shrugged its metal shoulders.
“Ha, ha, it will be you who will have night fever,” cackled Manikin. He head butted a nearby guard, who held the Jetti’s light swords. The light swords flew out of the guard’s hands. Obegone caught them, and flung one light sword to Manikin.
“Be careful, Manikin, don’t puncture the window,” said Obegone. They leapt forward, sweeping the laser swords through everything in their path, including the life support system. The air cut off.
“I’ll fix it, said Manikin. He hit a button on a black console, and the lights went out. Gleevous ran for the door. Manikin, in the semi-darkness, saw the glint of metal as Gleevous rushed past. Manikin swung widely with the laser, punching a hole in the Plexiglas window. A sickening wailing sound started as the air rushed out the hole. Manikin joined the wailing.
“It’s not my fault, Gleevous did it!”
“Who me?” said Gleevous, stopping dead in his tracks rather than escaping. “Manikin did it!”
“Did not,” said Manikin.
“Did too!” said Gleevous.
“I don’t care who did it,” cried Obegone in a strangled voice as the air was decreasing. “Just fix it.”
“How? I don’t have anything to stuff in the hole,” said Manikin.
“I’ll stuff the hole.” Obegone, used the farce to lift Manikin up, de-pants him, and shove Manikin’s naked behind against the window, sealing the hole.
“Oh, I can breathe again,” said Palpitate. “It’s lucky you can use the farce, Obegone.”
“Luck, schmuck! It comes from hard work and practice,” said Obegone, and because in Jetti school, I used the force regularly to de-pants my classmates. Obegone chuckled to himself.
Chapter 16 Pity the Fool
The space army arrived to back up the Jetti in their rescue of Palpitate. Gleevous had used the distraction of de-pantsing Manikin to escape in a shuttlecraft.
Using bubble gum and duct tape, a space army engineer covered the hole in the window. It held long enough for the army to take over the spaceship.
After Palpitate was safely returned to his quarters, the Jetti returned to their rooms shared with the very pregnant Paddy.
“Master Obegone, I have not appreciated you enough. I’ve been arrogant,” said Manikin.
“Ah, come here and give me a hug,” said Obegone. They embraced. Manikin began feeling around for Obegone’s wallet. Finding it, he grabbed Obegone’s wallet, slipped it into his own pocket, and ended the hug.
“I will retire now,” said Manikin with a smirk. He hurried to his room and pulled out the wallet. It was full of monopoly money. Manikin sighed.
Outside Manikin’s room, Obegone stood and chuckled to himself.
Manikin lay down in his bed to read comic books and fell asleep. He tossed and turned and had nightmares about chocolate bats throwing cereal at him then de-pantsing him. When he awoke, he looked for Obegone and found him asleep on the sofa. Obegone had a remote control in his hand and the TV was playing “The Universe’s Got Talent” show. An alien was singing “Amazing Grace” and accompanying itself by blowing notes through a horn growing on top of its head.
Manikin decided not to wake Obegone, as Obegone was grumpy when woken up. He might try to de-pants him again. Manikin looked for Paddy but saw a note on the computer that she was out shopping.
Manikin went to the Jetti temple to practice bashing hover targets with his light sword. Yodama sat on a green cushion in the corner of the temple.
“Greetings young Jetti. Have you come for instruction?” said Yodama waving a three fingered hand.
“Yes,” said Manikin firing up his light sword. “Where’s a hover target?”
“You must fight with the right mindset, young Jetti. Your mind must be clear of emotions.”
“Master Yodama, what if a Jetti has nightmares?”
“About a loved one?”
“Yes,” said Manikin, figuring if he was dreaming about himself, it counted as dreaming about a loved one.
“You need to let go of attachments,” said Yodama. A junior assistant Jetti walked by, and Yodama turned to him. “Did my stock shares get sold? I don’t want to ride this market down like a drunk at a rodeo riding a bucking bronco.” He turned back to Manikin. “Grieve not for loss of loved ones. They have joined the universal farce, and you get to inherit their stuff.”
“Good point,” said Manikin.
“Remember the Jetti are selfless. They only care about others.” Yodama turned to the assistant. “Bring me some of that rare Denobian caviar, and make it snappy! Wait, I’ll go get it myself. If I wait for you, I’ll be old and gray-green by the time you get back.” Yodama hopped off his cushion and left the temple with his assistant.
“He’s already old and gray-green,” mumbled Manikin to himself. He found a hover droid target and activated it. As Manikin was swatting at the target, Palpitate entered the Jetti temple.
Palpitate stood and admired Manikin’s style. “The farce is powerful in you. With my guidance, you will become the greatest Dark Jetti ever known,” said Palpitate.
“Yes,” said Manikin the gears turning slowly in his head. “I defeated the chocolate bat. I am powerful. He will not scare me again--not even in nightmares. Obegone will never de-pants me again!”
“You are fulfilling your destiny, Manikin. Become my apprentice, learn to use the dark humor of the farce, and I will become the Emperor.” said Palpitate. “Kneel before me.”
“I will do whatever you ask,” Manikin kneeled before Palpitate.
“Good, that’s all an oppressive dictator ever wants,” laughed Palpitate. “Rise. From hence forth, you will be known as Dark Cater.”
On the way to the gourmet grocery store, Yodama met Paddy.
“Greetings Queen Paddy,” said Yodama. He patted her pregnant stomach--it was at his head height. “You are ready to burst with new life.”
“It could be any time now,” said Paddy, beaming.
Suddenly, Yodama groaned, as he felt a disturbance in the farce.
“What is it,” said Paddy.
“Manikin has gone over to the dark humor of the farce. He now serves Senator Palpitate.”
“Oh, no!” sai
d Paddy, her eyes wide. “How terrible!”
“Poor, Palpitate, he sure will have his hands full with Manikin,” said Yodama.
“So true,” said Paddy shaking her head. “Palpitate won’t stand a chance.”
“I almost feel sorry for Palpitate,” said Yodama. Then his eyes glazed over. “I see a vision of the future.”
Using his Jetti powers, Yodama saw what the future held for the evil senator. Sometime in the future, Palpitate would beg Obegone.
“Obegone, I can’t get Manikin to do anything right,” cried Palpitate wringing his hands. “How did you put up with him all this time?”
“I don’t know myself. It’s a miracle I didn’t send him on a slow boat to the frozen planet of Antarctica,” said Obegone.
“Take him back as an apprentice.”
Obegone vigorously shook his head.
“Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll pay you money, lots and lots of money.”
Obegone shook his head even more vigorously. “No way, you took him, you keep him.”
“Power, I’ll give you all the power the galaxy has to hold!”
“No power could make up for putting up with Manikin. You’re stuck with him now!”
“Curses!” Palpitate shook his fist towards the sky.
Chapter 17 Evil Spawn
Not realizing what gut wrenching fate would befall him if he took on Manikin as an apprentice, Palpitate continued to instruct Manikin.
“Manikin, you must finish the next generation of Jetti, or else they will rise against us,” said Palpitate. “Go to the Jetti school, and eliminate the Jetti younglings.”
“It shall be done, Master.” Manikin turned on his light saber and saluted by holding the saber in front of his face, as he had seen troops do with metal sabers.
“No!” yelled Palpitate. He used the farce to knock the light saber out of Manikin’s hand, a split second before Manikin would’ve cut off the tip of his nose.
Manikin skittered after the saber, while Palpitate shook his head.
“Why didn’t I go into insurance sales, like my father wanted me to?”
Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek Page 10
