Manikin picked up his light saber. Using his hand instead of his saber, he saluted Palpitate.
Manikin trooped boldly into the school gym, where Jetti children exercised. Six of them were moving through the 24 moves of Jetti grace and balance, moving arms and legs in slow motion, waving hands like clouds.
“This should be so easy,” cackled Manikin. He powered on his light saber, and stood with his feet wide apart. “Now, you’ll get a real workout,” he called to the children. “Let’s see how well you learned your lessons. Now, who will be the first to die?”
Several of the children squealed and ran to hide behind a stack of gym mats. With his light saber, Manikin cut through the mats like they were butter.
“Ha, ha, ha, nowhere to hide!” A child darted forward and kicked Manikin hard in the shin. “Ow, that hurt!” Manikin dropped his light saber and grabbed his shin as the Jetti child grinned. The child grabbed the light saber.
“Give me that!” Manikin hoped forward on one leg.
“No!” The Jetti child stuck their tongue out.
“Give me that or else I’ll…”
The Jedi child fired up the light saber and cut across the top of Manikin’s head. “You needed a haircut!”
Manikin ran his hand over the singed ends of his hair. It made a crackling sound. “Hey, I paid $3 for my haircut as the local space mall, and you’ve ruined it. I’ll use the farce on you, you demented brat.” Manikin reached his hand forward, making choking movements with his fingers.
The Jetti child shoved gum in the buttons of the light saber, threw it at Manikin, smacking him square in the forehead. Manikin spun around and collapsed to the metal floor.
“I hate kids, I’ll never have kids…”
Across the city, a pregnant Paddy was looking at a hover cribs.
“This one can hear the baby’s cry, and will hover over to mother,” said the salesclerk. He demonstrated by putting a robot baby into the hover crib, pressing the “cry” button. The crib rose into the air and moved closer to Paddy.
“Why over to the mother, and not the father?” asked Paddy.
The salesclerk coughed. “Well, we find the father’s are less involved in these things like changing diapers.”
“The father is currently away, but I’m sure my Jetti friend Obegone will be like a protective father and help with the child care.”
“Better get the hover crib with the robot diaper changer.” The salesclerk pointed to a row of hover cribs with robots. The robots had arms and clown heads. They attached to the headboards of the cribs.
Paddy imagined Obegone using the farce to change diapers. She envisioned Obegone picking up the baby with farce telekinesis. The baby would be upside down, and Obegone would end up diapering its head. “I’ll pay extra for the diaper changing crib,” she said pulling out her space credit card.
To keep a close eye on Manikin since he had gone over to the dark side, Obegone and Paddy kept him as a roommate. They never really thought of him as much of a positive person to start with anyway, and good roommates were hard to find. Manikin didn’t act much differently except for a new buzz cut hairstyle, and bruises on his shins. If he went near the Jetti temple, Jetti children tended to throw spitballs at him.
Edward was right, vampire fetuses do mature quickly. The twins, Luck and Lela were born only a week later.
“What a cute baby,” said Manikin bending over Luck’s crib. “Kootchie, kootchie, koo!” He tickled one baby. It turned and bit him. “Ouch! Sharp teeth.” The baby wouldn’t let go of Manikin’s finger. He tugged and leaned backwards.
“Let go of him, dear,” said Paddy to the baby. The baby opened its mouth, and Manikin tumbled backwards.
“Whoa! The farce is strong in this one.” Manikin shook his hand to return circulation to his finger. “They take after daddy!” Manikin’s chest swelled with pride. “But they sure are pale,” Manikin held his arm next to the baby’s arm. Manikin was several shades darker. “They must take after your family.”
“Time for your supper,” said Paddy putting a bottle filled with blood red liquid into the baby’s mouth. Obegone looked questioningly at Paddy. Paddy smiled back.
“Yep, just like their father,” said Paddy thinking of sweet vampire Edward.
Paddy’s twins grew rapidly. In a few weeks, they were the size of five year old children, and still growing rapidly.
“I’ve been all over the galaxy, and I’ve never seen such fast growing children,” said Obegone. “They’ll be adults in a month or two at this rate.”
Paddy was now feeding them solid food, with an occasional animal blood smoothie. Being half human and half vampire gave them the ability to derive nourishment from a variety of foods.
Little Lela toddled over to Obegone, giving him a brownie from her plate.
“Hmm, I was thinking I wanted her brownie. Lela seems empathic at times,” said Obegone.
“I’ve noticed it too,” said Paddy. “She looks into my eyes and I feel I can almost see into her mind, and she see into my mind.”
“A talent derived from their father?”
“No doubt. Becoming a vampire can enhance psychic skills. Edward could read minds and must have passed on the talent to Lela.” Paddy beamed at Lela. Lela was building a complex city out of bricks.
“She didn’t get it from Manikin. He never listens.” Obegone sighed.
“Tell me about it,” said Paddy after giving Luck a second helping of blood smoothie. “No matter how many times I tell Manikin he’s not the father, he insists he is.”
“Jettis are celibate,” said Obegone.
“You never had a girlfriend?”
“Well there was that alien roulette place where I met Jabya the Hot.” Obegone rubbed the back of his neck. “Those alien aphrodisiacs are strong. I never did call her back, but that would violate Jetti celibacy rules anyway.”
“You never were one for strict adherence to rules, Obegone,” said Paddy nodding at him. “If you get a shot at happiness with the right person, go for it.”
Obegone blushed. “I’m going to check on Manikin’s practice.”
“You are still training him? But I thought Palpitate was his master now.”
“I’m trying to turn Manikin back to the good side of the farce. If it doesn’t work soon, I’m giving up.”
Manikin had destroyed yet another wall during laser sword practice. Manikin tried to deny it, but Obegone caught Manikin standing over a smoking hole in the wall and holding his light sword. Obegone decided to take more drastic measures.
“We usually don’t do this, because we want the apprentice to learn through their mistakes, but when they just make mistakes without learning….”
“You give up and we all just go play video games?” said Manikin eagerly.
“No. Follow me.”
Obegone took Manikin into a room with two chairs, a computer and two metal bowls looking like colanders with wires connecting them.
“What is this device?” asked Manikin.
“It’s an accelerated learning device. The teacher places this bowl on their head, and the student places the second bowl on their head. Information can be transferred from one mind to another person’s mind. The computer inputs information directly into the brain,” said Obegone.
“I don’t have to read a lot of textbooks?”
“No, you learn without reading or homework. Not that you did any of that anyway. Put this on your head,” said Obegone handing one of the colanders to Manikin. “I’m going to teach you.”
Manikin placed the colander on his head, and Obegone put the other colander on his own head. Obegone typed into the computer for a few moments, then turned to Manikin.
“Now you will feel my thoughts, my knowledge, and skills enter your head.” Obegone pushed a button, and wrinkled his forehead in deep concentration. “Do you feel it?”
Manikin felt nothing. He shrugged.
“No sudden burst of insight?” said Obegone.
“I realize I don’t like liver,” said Manikin cheerfully, hoping that was the insight Obegone wanted.
“No, like understanding the energy of the farce, or how to sword play better.”
Manikin pulled out his light saber, turned it on and tapped the floor, turning a spot into molten metal.
“Put that away before you short circuit the computer.” Obegone sighed, and took the colander off his head. “You have a mind like a sieve.”
“Thanks, Master,” said Manikin proudly.
“This isn’t working. I’m going to watch Jetti Fashion Police,” said Obegone walking out the door. Little Luck stood outside.
“Hey,” said Manikin an idea striking him. “Come in here. I’m going to teach you.” Manikin took the colander off his own head and placed it on Luck’s head. Then he placed Obegone’s colander on his head and punched the activate button. The computer posed a query: send surface thoughts, deep thoughts, or entire personality?
“Entire personality sounds good,” said Manikin. He chose that option, and hit send.
In another room, Paddy suddenly sat bolt upright, as a premonition of doom hit her. She rushed out of the room, towards where Manikin and Luck were, only to arrive too late. Luck’s face had taken on the dazed expression Manikin perpetually wore.
Paddy snatched the thought transference helmet off Luck’s head. “Manikin, get out!” yelled Paddy. “I don’t ever want to see you again!”
“What’s wrong?”
“You’ve imprinted your personality on Luck. He’ll never be the same again.”
“It’s good--like father, like son.”
“Now, he’ll never be like his father,” cried Paddy, grabbing Luck’s hand and pulling him away. “He is such a kind, intelligent man.”
“Thanks, Paddy,” said Manikin.
“I don’t mean you.”
Chapter 18 Deceit
“Obegone, we need to talk,” said Paddy entering Obegone’s room.
“What is it, Paddy?” Obegone set down his Sitar Hero game. He was playing the Ravi Shankar at Woodstock module.
“Manikin used the learning device to imprint his whole personality on Luck. I can’t reverse the process.”
“Oh, no!” Obegone patted Paddy’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“Manikin is a hazard to Luck and Lela. We need to hide them from Manikin, at least until they are fully grown. As children, they are too vulnerable to his influence.”
Obegone stood up, and paced in front of the window. “We need to take them to a safer place. It’s too easy for Manikin to locate Luck and Lela if we keep them together. We need to separate them. I’ll take Luck to Tattooing.”
“I’ll flee to the planet Aldaran with Lela,” said Paddy. “I have a noble friend there that wants to raise a daughter. She doesn’t have her own daughter yet.”
“Paddy,” said Obegone sending a serious look to her. “Manikin is obsessed with you. He will seek you throughout the galaxy. I’m afraid, with Senator Palpitate’s help, he will find you.”
“Then I will have to fake my death,” said Lela. “That is the only way he will stop searching for me.”
Obegone rubbed his chin, and pondered. “I’m afraid that is the only way for you to escape his clutches.”
Lela nodded. “I hope someday I will be able to reunite with Edward, their father, but he is on the run from the Vulcanturi.”
“Their vampire genes have enhanced their growth,” said Obegone. “Luck and Lela are growing at a rapid pace. They will be adults within months. We will not have to keep them hidden forever. We must soon part.” Obegone kneeled before Paddy. “You will always be a Queen to me. Good luck your Grace.”
“And to you as well, noble Jetti Knight.”
Chapter 19 The Hot Flows of Cheddar
Palpitate met with Manikin secretly in the capital city.
“In order to further our plans, we must get Yodama out of the way. He is very strong in the farce. His powers will hinder our rise to power,” said Palpitate.
“How will we do this, my master?” asked Manikin.
“I will lure Yodama to the Planet Nabiscko with a distress signal. There in the cheddar mines, I will put an end to his interference. The Jetti Temple will send Obegone along with Yodama to assist him. You will prevent Obegone from protecting Yodama.”
Manikin bowed. “It will be as you say, Master.”
“Yes,” said Palpitate eyeing Manikin’s new black attire. “You are coming along nicely.”
The Jetti temple received a distress call from Planet Nabiscko. A dark Jetti had closed off a tunnel entrance, trapping miners, and was continuing to destroy a crucial mining operation. Yodama, Obegone and Manikin were dispatched to dispatch the villain. Paddy came along as she and Obegone thought this was the perfect opportunity to fake her death.
Obegone landed the spaceship gently next to a large Nabiscko mining building.
“I told Jaja Dinks we were coming. A native guide could work to our advantage,” said Paddy as they exited the ship.
“What is this place?” asked Manikin looking at the large mining complex.
“This is where the elves prepare the hot cheddar cheese to go with Keepler nachos,” said Jaja Dinks, who stood next to the mining building. “The miners are still trapped. The Dark Jetti has been hiding, destroying things, and then hiding again. Each time we tried to rescue the miners, he would stop our efforts. He is a danger to our population.”
Yodama nodded to Jaja. “Time is short. Separate we will, to rescue the trapped miners, and find the Dark Jetti,” said Yodama. “Jaja will lead me to the miners. I will lift the collapsed rock with my Jetti powers. Obegone and Manikin will search for the Dark Jetti. Paddy will stay with the ship. If you see the Dark Jetti, do not fight him. I will fight him.”
Jaja lead Yodama deep into the mine, downward, where the Keepler elves dug into the cheddar cheese vein. Jaja stopped next to a pile of rubble.
“The miners are on the other side of this,” said Jaja.
Yodama closed his eyes to focus his energy. After drawing in a deep breath, he opened his eyes, and raised his hand slowly. The rubble followed Yodama’s hand, moving up and to the side.
“We’re free!” cried a dusty elf miner who stumbled out of the formerly sealed tunnel. Many more miners followed. Jaja rushed forward to hug the miners and check them for injuries. She gave them ginger cookies to warm their spirits.
“Now is the time to find the Dark Jetti,” said Yodama.
“No need to look further, I have found you,” said Palpitate. He stood hooded in a dark robe. His features were hidden in shadow.
“You save me time, Dark one,” said Yodama. “I will end this here.”
“Your arrogance blinds you, Master Yodama. Now feel the full power of the dark side.” Dark Jetti Palpitate raised his hands to send a bolt of blue lightening towards Yodama. A few sparks issued from his fingers, far from Yodama.
“Nya, nya, missed me you have.” Yodama lifted his robe and mooned Palpitate with his green rear end.
“You shall pay for this insolence!” yelled Palpitate. He reached for a squirt gun filled with ice cold water and shot it at Yodama’s tush.
“Whoa! That’s personal,” yelled Yodama.
“I have waited a long time for this moment,” cackled Palpitate.
“Faith you misplaced in the dark side of the farce,” said Yodama.
“Can’t you speak in complete sentences? Some great master. Not a master of words.” Palpitate threw the squirt gun at Yodama’s head. Yodama leapt out of the way and ricocheted off a control panel. A warning bell went off, and hot cheddar began to flood the lower levels.
“Whoops,” said Yodama.
“Fool, you’ve released the melted cheddar flow,” said Palpitate. “It’s flooding the area.”
“Why in the world do you have a button like that on the control panel?” said Yodama.
“We meant to change that someday,” said Jaja. “We were too busy making cookie
s to fix it.”
“Just great,” said Palpitate. He grabbed Yodama and rolled him like a bowling ball into the tunnel. Before Yodama could get up, Palpitate pushed a giant cheese wheel in the way. Then he ran for the exit.
Obegone and Manikin searched the lower regions by the cheddar mines overflow pond. When Obegone and Manikin were alone, Manikin smiled evilly. He lit up his light sword.
“I have learned new things, Master Obegone.” Manikin said “Master” sarcastically.
“Read more comic books?” Obegone continued to search, and did not even look at Manikin.
“The dark side of the Farce is more powerful than the light side. Palpitate has shown me that.”
A bubbling noise started as the hot cheddar tubes were overflowing into the area.
“Stop this madness, Manikin. Palpitate is evil. You can’t follow him,” said Obegone.
“Palpitate said you would be jealous.”
“I’m not jealous Manikin. I’m trying to help you.”
“Help yourself, old man,” cried Manikin, charging Obegone. Obegone sidestepped and tripped Manikin, who fell into a pond of molten cheese.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” screamed Manikin. “It feels like hot lava, burning me to a crisp.”
“It’s only melted cheese,” said Obegone.
“Help me out.” Manikin held out his hand.
“I thought you were the most powerful Jetti in the universe, and you can’t get out of cheese?”
“It’s sticky. Cut the cheese and get me out.”
“Fine, I’ll cut the cheese, but it’ll smell.” Obegone grabbed Manikin’s orange glob covered hand and pulled him slowly out of the warm cheese muck. He pulled harder and harder, until the sticky goo let go of Manikin with a loud slurping noise.
Obegone licked his cheddar-covered fingers and wished he had nachos. He looked down at exhausted and cheese covered Manikin.
“You were the chosen one,” said Obegone. “You were supposed to bring balance to the farce.”
“Really, me?” said Manikin.
“Yes, you,” said Obegone.
Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek Page 11
