Love, Always

by Yessi Smith

  Copyright © 2014 Yessi Smith

  Published by Yessi Smith

  All Rights Reserved

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author.

  The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrighted materials.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, establishments, organizations, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously to give a sense of authenticity. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover Design - Mayhem Cover Creations

  Formatting - Mayhem Cover Creations

  Literary Editor - KMS Freelance Editing

  This book is dedicated to my children.

  Dustin and Chase, I love you. Always.

  PROLOGUE

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  EPILOGUE

  EXCERPT FROM SOMETHING SWEET

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR YESSI SMITH

  Adam, six years old

  Mom’s belly is growing bigger and bigger, that’s how I know she’s really giving me a little brother and not just joking. It’s pretty cool to know there’s a baby growing inside her. Her stomach’s so big now it looks like it’s gonna explode. Dad says it’s from all the chocolate and pizza she eats. Mom hits him when he says that – not hard or anything and she tells him it’s his fault.

  I don’t know how it’s his fault, but I can’t wait for mom to explode so I can see Tommy. I’m gonna be a good big brother, but Mom gets to change Tommy’s diaper. She also said she’d burp him after I feed him so he doesn’t puke all over me. Mom’s pretty cool like that.

  So’s Dad. He takes good care of us and promises he’ll still play video games with me after Tommy’s born. Maybe Tommy will like video games too. He should, since he’s a boy and all.

  We had to go to the gas station to pick up some chocolate for Mom. She says Tommy wants it, but I think she wants it and is just blaming him since we can’t hear him talk yet. I like going to the store at the gas station with Dad, ‘cuz we’re doing man stuff for our girl. Mom’s really only his girl, but I like it when he puts me in charge of taking care of her too.

  I toss a bag of gummies at Dad and he shakes his head at me, but I already know he’s gonna buy them. He’ll even take a few for himself.

  I run to the front of the store with Dad walking slowly behind me, but stop when I see a man pointing a gun at the guy who works at the store. I start walking backwards quietly, but trip over a box on the floor, making all sorts of noise on my way down. I can feel my eyes open wider when the man with the gun sees me and I close my eyes, hoping I’ll become invisible so he sees through me.

  My eyes open even though I don’t want them to when I feel the man grab me by my shirt. I look behind me when he lifts me up and I yell for my dad who finally sees me and what is happening to me. I know I’ll be okay when I see him run towards me like a superhero on a special important mission, but I can’t hear anything over the sound of my heart beating in my ears.

  I crash into an aisle full of potato chips when Dad tackles us to the ground. The pain in my stomach and head is so bad I start to cry. My cries become stronger when I realize my pants are wet and that I accidentally peed myself. Mom’s gonna be so mad.

  The tears turn into screams when I hear the gun explode. I don’t want to look, but my eyes look anyway. The screaming and crying all stop when I see the red blood coming out of my Dad’s stomach. I crawl to him when I see the man with the gun disappear through the front door and I rest my head on Dad’s shoulder. I close my eyes so I don’t have to look at Dad’s unblinking eyes and fall asleep with sirens sounding in the distance, knowing this is all a bad dream.

  Because in real life the hero doesn’t die. Good always wins.

  “I’m pregnant. Hey, so I’m pregnant. Guess what? I’m pregnant! Yay, right?”

  I laugh at my reflection in the mirror, but it is a humorless laugh, because, well, I’m pregnant. Nineteen and pregnant. Yep, that’s me. At least I waited ‘til I was out of high school. Brownie points for that, right?

  My dark brown eyes laugh back at me, mocking me and the societal statistics I have proven right.

  Hispanic: yep.

  High school dropout: eh, I got a GED.

  In love: sure am.

  Absent parents: that’s me.

  Teenage pregnancy out of wedlock: nailed it.

  Next stop, MTV’s reality show so I can make my parents really proud.

  Well, not quite my next stop. First I have to tell my boyfriend. My rock star boyfriend, but for real though. His band, Wasted Circle, are very close to stardom. They’ve been signed by a pretty big label, and after months of listening to their songs on the radio and playing smaller venues, they have their first big show today. They’re not even an opening act, but the main event. Or one of many main events at Ft Lauderdale Beach’s music festival.

  I can’t wait to see Josh amongst the fans they’ve accumulated locally. They know him and the lead singer, Adam, by sight. They know the words to their songs better than Adam does. And by them, I mean women. Crazy female fans that shove their tits in my boys’ faces, wanting their best assets to be signed. The life of a rock star, I laugh.

  Figures I’d go and fall in love with a man destined for greatness. His light hazel eyes that change slightly in color with his moods only enhances his marketability. His dark dreadlocks and tattooed arms and chest increase his sexuality to the female world, giving him an otherworldly exotic appearance that makes me wonder why he’s attracted to homely little me. But he’s not just attracted to me. Nope, he’s in love too. The tattoo on his chest of the infinity symbol with my name as the center only proves it.

  I go back to the mirror and continue to practice my words, but in all honesty, it’s such a waste. Subtleties and hidden messages are lost on me. I prefer bluntness over sugarcoating, because in the end the message needs to be relayed, so why prolong it?

  I braid my thick dark hair to one side, hoping to tame it when the humidity that is South Florida threatens to tease and frizz it out. Josh calls my frizz my Jesus look, but I think I resemble a cocker spaniel far more than Jesus. Dressed with an over the shoulder top that reveals my bikini and black frayed shorts, I t
ell the mirror once again that I’m pregnant, and the reality of it starts to settle in. I’m pregnant. I live in my parent’s house. I don’t have a job, and while I’m smart, I don’t have much of an education. The dad of my baby is getting ready to go on tour. I’m gonna have a stomach. Oh crap, I’m gonna have a pronounced belly. And my tits will sag.

  After slipping on my sandals, I turn away from the mirror without wishing myself good luck.

  After battling traffic and security guards who thought I was a groupie, I finally find Josh with a hotdog in one hand and a beer in the other. Hotdog and beer for breakfast; now that’s where the nutrients from the most important meal of the day come from. His face breaks into the smile that he reserves only for me when he sees me, and my heart settles back into a normal rhythm. We’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna be parents, and all-nighters will take on a whole new meaning, but we’ll make it through. Because we love each other. It doesn’t matter that we’re young. Love is ageless.

  Josh leans down to kiss the corner of my mouth on the dimple that drew him to me from the beginning. Who knew a hole on my face would bring me love? Thank the heavens to the angels who kissed my face, or took a tiny bat to it. Either way, dimples are great.

  “Hey, love.” Josh drops his breakfast and puts his arms around my waist, caressing my skin with his thumb as he kisses me again. Our tongues unite for just a second before he pulls away, but it is enough; an affirmation to the female population that he is mine. I taste the hotdog from his kiss and almost gag, but smile through the nausea that is currently reminding me I have a pretty big secret to spill.

  “So, I have something to tell you.”

  “Have you eaten?” he asks, ignoring me completely in his constant attempt to feed me. Apparently he wants more to hold than my size two frame. Lucky for him he’ll be getting more than he knows in a few months. I nod my head and he signals for a cheeseburger from Adam who is grilling behind us.

  A cheeseburger. I should be surprised, but it’s hard to do so after two years with this foolish boy whose passport claims he is twenty-one years old. I oblige him and take a bite of the burger as we sit down on the floor across from each other.

  “So?” he asks me.

  So. No sugarcoating, remember? “I’m pregnant.” How’s that for sticking a dagger in a man’s heart? I should probably rip it out just as quickly. “You’re gonna be a daddy,” I emphasize with a secret smile he can’t see.

  His eyes widen seconds before his lips meet mine. “I swear on my unborn child, if you’re lying to me, I will—” He stops mid-sentence and furrows his eyebrows together. “You’re not lying, are you?”

  I shake my head and laugh at him. “No, I swear on all our unborn children, I’m telling you the truth. We’re gonna have a baby.”

  “You said children, Dee.” Worried, he puts his hand on my stomach. “How many do you have in there?”

  “Just one, you idiot.” I slap his hand away playfully. “It better just be one. But later we can have more.”

  “Lots more!” he exclaims before grabbing my waist and sitting me on his lap. “Things are finally happening, Dee,” he whispers into my ear and his breath hot and humid against my skin, sends prickles down my spine. I’m gonna have a baby with this man. We’re gonna be a family. “Come on tour with me.”

  It’s not really a question or a demand, but a plea for us to be together, to stay together. Like I’d say no.

  I shift my body so that I am cradling my legs around his waist and nod once before I give him a quick peck on the lips.

  “Yes? That’s a yes?”

  “Of course that’s a yes! I don’t wanna be without you.”

  “I have one more question, and this better be a yes, too.”

  I narrow my eyes at him as he grins at me, and mentally prepare for whatever ridiculousness comes out of his mouth.

  “Marry me,” he tells me confidently, but his eyes give away the uncertainty he’s feeling. Marry him. Make us official. We’ll be a real family, with a signed contract professing our undying love to prove it. “You’re killin’ me here, Dee. Say yes.”

  I squeeze my legs tighter around his waist and whisper in his ear the same words he once said to me that saved me from myself. “I love you, Josh.”

  “Love you too,” he repeats before jumping to his feet with me still clinging on to him. He twirls me around and I laugh, drunk on the euphoria that is my life. “I’m getting married!” he shouts at no one in particular, but loud enough for the world to hear. “My bride is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and together we’re gonna raise the most perfect little baby,” he whispers his declaration loud enough that only he and I can hear it, and that’s enough because we are all that matter in my world.

  Adam, sweet sturdy Adam with his light brown hair and natural highlights that I like to tease him about, slaps Josh on the back. Josh sets me down so their bromance can go one step further with a congratulatory hug. I don’t know why he’s congratulating Josh, because I’m the real winner here. Adam’s light green eyes stay on me for a moment before he hugs and spins me around until I feel dizzy. Dizzy from my happiness, all the spinning, or the pregnancy, it doesn’t matter.

  Life is hard, but sometimes it proves just how worthwhile it is to simply breathe so you can experience the joy that comes with the hardships. After Adam releases me, I fold myself back into Josh’s arms and open my heart up to his love and our child and the life of greatness we are destined for.

  “I want to take care of you,” Josh whispers in my ear as his arms hold me against his chest. “I want to take care of our baby. I swear on everything holy, I’ll take care of both of you.” His serious tone makes me sad, but I smile at him anyway and press my lips to his neck as I breathe him in.

  “You don’t have to swear by anything, babe. I already know.”

  Josh holds me back for a second so he can see my face, and I know what he is thinking. He doesn’t want us to be broken. His child, our child, will be loved like we were never loved. Our child will be nurtured like we were never nurtured. I guess that’s the bond that connects us; we’re both broken souls trying to repair one another. Who knew our salvation would come in the form of a tiny being created by both of us?

  “Of course you do.” With his eyes closed, he rests his head on my forehead and sighs.

  “You two are pathetic,” Adam says from behind Josh, snapping his towel at Josh’s ankle before taking off in the other direction.

  Josh quickly kisses my forehead before taking off in a sprint after his best friend. I turn away laughing when I see Josh wrestle Adam to the ground. Those two are worse than children. I place my hand on my stomach and rub it slowly, wondering how it’ll feel once the baby is big enough to move around. The concept itself, is exciting yet scary. Josh and Adam run around me, using me as a shield from one another as their banter draws an interested crowd around them. At least I have my boys to keep my fear at bay.

  After lunch, with another cheeseburger a la Adam, the band takes the stage, so I join the growing crowd of eager fans. I make my way to the front and spot Josh taking his place behind the drums. Shirt off, sunglasses on, cap backwards – he looks edible. The girls next to me agree and apparently want to try things with him I’ve never thought about. I’ll have to surprise him tonight, you know, to spice things up a bit.

  I tune the girls out and watch Josh who has found me in the crowd. He smiles at me before returning his attention to the drums. Adam joins him on stage and the screams from the crowd are so loud I can hardly hear him speaking into the mic.

  They’ve made it. During their high school years they were a garage band who won Battle of the Bands and that gained them some popularity, but this is different. They aren’t just popular locally, but full blown famous.

  I jump and sing with the crowd but keep my eyes on Josh. My eyes only leave his when Adam’s bass guitar is brought out for his solo. This will be big. Huge. The girls will cream their pants at the sight and sound of hi
m.

  He hits a few chords and addresses the crowd by me. Their reaction is instantaneous. They shout his name and push forward to get closer to him. Because who doesn’t want to be close to greatness? And they are great, all of them are. He winks at me, which sends the girls further into their fury, and they push harder towards him until I am almost against the stage. Not wanting to be trampled, I shove my way away from them and their pursuit of Adam.

  By the time I reach the outer edge of the crowd, I am pissed. I’ve been shoved, stepped on and cussed at.

  Once I am safely away from the chaos, I turn back towards the stage just in time to see the front of the stage fall. Putting my hand to my lips and hearing my own heartbeat in my ears, I search for Adam and Josh. Please, God, let them be okay. My heart settles a little when I see Adam being pulled off the stage by security, but not Josh. Damnit, he must not have seen me leave and thinks I’m still down there.

  I climb on a boulder beside me and shout his name as I wave my hands in the air in hopes that he’ll see me and know I’m safe. But he never looks in my direction. He runs towards the fallen part of the stage, looking frantically for me. I shout his name again, but I’m too far away and he can’t hear me. I jump off the boulder and fight against the crowd trying to get away from the stage so I can make my way to him.

  But I’m too late. I watch it happen in slow motion as if I am living someone else’s life when the rest of the stage collapses and Josh disappears. With fear coursing through my veins, I call out his name and push my way through the crowd in vain. I can barely get a step forward with all the bodies slamming against me as they run in the opposite direction of my heart.

  Hours, minutes, an incalculable amount of time passes between the stage collapsing and Adam finally finding me. I’m so relieved when he puts his arms around me, but instead of helping me get to Josh, he sends me away.

  “Take her out of here,” he tells the security guards surrounding us.

  I shake them off of me, determined to help, but one of the men picks me up and carts me away. I thrash around in his arms, kicking and scratching, but he doesn’t let me go. Instead, I am deposited in the tour bus Wasted Circle is to travel in. One security guard keeps a watchful eye over me while the other watches the door.